Other Character Email Jaro/stone
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
Transcript
JARO: Whoa. How long has it been? A week, two? Oh well. Here comes the Email Man!!!
subject:stoneI found this neat stone shaped
like you. Do you have any idea what
it might be? There's $5,000 in it for
you if you can figure it out. Come
to the Tee-Ees-Ees-Gee universe to
tell me. Thanks!
-TotalSpaceshipGuy3
JARO: Wow! A stone shaped like me! Those ungreatful slobs are finally learning their place!
GRUNDY: We should go check it out.
CHORCH: Lappit, set destination to: Tee-Ees-Ees-Gee Universe.
LAPPIT: Coordinates set. Transporting…
{A huge light fills the room, and the trio disappears. Cut to the Tee-Ees-Ees-Gee universe. It’s very similar to planet K, but almost everything is a space ship. The trio appear in front of a huge spaceship castle.}
JARO: This must be the place.
{They walk inside. Inside, there is a guy at a computer with a spaceship on his shirt.}
JARO: Uh, hello, are you TotalSpaceShipGuy3?
TSSG: Yes, yes I am.
JARO: Well, we minions are here to see the rock you told us about.
GRUNDY: And take your money!
JARO: SHUSH!
TSSG: Ah! Right this way!
{He leads the trio down a long hallway.}
TSSG: It landed in my backyard some odd weeks ago. I sent my top officials to study it, but we cannot find out anything.
JARO: Let me take a look at it.
{Jaro opens a large door. He peeks in, and walks in. In the middle of the room is a stone, shapped exactly like Jaro. Same size, features, but it’s made of stone. Jaro examines it.}
JARO: Hmm. Well, it’s definatly a stone.
TSSG: Excellent. Can you deduce anything else?
JARO: Well, judging by the texture, it was obvoiusly crafted in the middle of the 3rd century, by Picasa!
TSSG: You have solved the mystery of the stone! You get…the stone!
JARO: WHAT? What about the money?
TSSG: I don’t have any money!
GRUNDY: What about that huge pile of money behind you?
TSSG: That’s not money! That’s…candy! But it’s Super Bubble, so you wouldn’t want any.
CHORCH: Well, what can we do with a huge stone?
TSSG: It could make an excellent paperweight, or a doorstop!
JARO: Well, we do have doors that need to be stopped..
{Cut to Americas Most Wanted}
GUY: Tonight..live footage of Doors, that need to be stopped..
{Cut to a Door with arms and legs. Three Police officers are standing in front of him. He has a gun labeled “Fake Gun”.}
POLICE OFFICER: Just put the gun down son.
DOOR: DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO MAN! {Holds the gun to his head.} I’LL DO IT MAN!
{Cut to the Z-ship. Jaro is looking at the rock.}
JARO: What a rippoff. All we got is this dumb stone.
GRUNDY: Oh well. I’m sure we can steal something from Tampo tommorow.
JARO: Yeah. Let’s go to bed.
{The trio go there seprate ways. Close up on the stone. Cut to Grundys bedroom, where he is snuggled up under the covers. Every five seconds, a “spoing” sound is heard. The sound gets louder and louder until Grundy wakes up.}
GRUNDY: Wah?
{The door slowly opens. A figure flys in. Cut to the outside of the Z-Ship, where Grundys scream is heard.}
{It’s the next morning. Cut to Jaro’s room. He’s wearing the nightcap from Count X. He wakes up, takes off his hat and walks out the door. He starts bouncing down a hallway.}
JARO: Man, I slept grood last night! How about you, Grundy? Grundy?
{Jaro opens the door to Grundys room. Inside lays a stone, exactly in the shape of Grundy.}
JARO: AHHHHH!!!!!!
{Cut to the trio standing around Grundy, who is holding a sheet of lined paper.}
GRUNDY: And that’s where I got writers block.
JARO: So, let me get this straight…You, wrote a fan-fic, about your own life?
GRUNDY: Yep!
JARO: Well, as interesting as this is, I’m bored. I wish some cool, plot changing thing would happen.
{The Poopsmith runs in holding some wires.}
POOPSMITH: Hey guys! Look what I found in the basement!
CHORCH: Basement? We don’t have a basement.
POOPSMITH: You know, the bottom level!
JARO: {sigh} You…you mean the room with our guidance system?
POOPSMITH: Uh…maybe.
{The ship vibrates, tossing the trio into the wall.}
JARO: Yes! The plot is changing!
{Pan out to show the ship is heading towards the Earth.}
JARO: NO! The plot is changing!
GRUNDY: Worse yet, a Bonus Stage related plot! DO SOMETHING!
{Chorch presses a button on the wall labled: Origonal Plot Device. Suddenly, the ship transmorgrifies into a pirate ship, and lands safely on the water. It’s got all that Pirate crap, like a sail with a skull and crossbones.}
JARO: We’re saved! And…pirates?
CHORCH: It’s unexplored territory. We could become famous, the first email checkers to be pirates!
JARO: I guess… {He leans offscreen, and when he returns, he has an eyepatch and a red bandanna.} Aye, I’ve burried yer pot-o-gold, now off with ye, arr!
{Chorch appears with a hook for a hand, and a green parrot on his shoulder. Grundy comes up with two eyepatches.}
GRUNDY: I’m Blind-Beard the Pirate! Arr!
JARO: I’m Captain Dan!
CHORCH: I’m…
JARO: Say it…
CHORCH: I’m…Captain Hook…
GRUNDY: Arr!
JARO: {simultainiously} Arr!
CHORCH: {unenthusiasticly} Arr.
{Cut to the Lappit.}
Click here to email Jaro.
Easter Eggs
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Fun Facts
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