Other Character Email Jaro/astromund

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Contents

Summary

The trio receives an email from Trogador, and a suprise visitor appears.

Cast: Jaro, Grundy, Chorch, Trogador, *** ******

Length: 214 lines

Transcript

{We begin in the Apartment. As usual. Seriously, are you like, two or something?}

JARO: Where is everyone? Someone come in and worship my coolness.

{Grundy runs in.}

GRUNDY: Have no fear, Jaro! I will worship you!

JARO: Eh, okay. At least you...have arms to bow with.

{Chorch enters, stage left.}

CHORCH: Not now, Jaro. It's 2:34, our presise Email Checking time.

JARO: Are you sure? We checked email last week!

CHORCH: It's a brand new year, a whole new crop of emails!

JARO: Wait! We've been doing this email show for a year, and we've only got thirty-some odd emails! What's wrong with us!?

CHORCH: Well, we're robots programmed with Laziness.exe, so we're made to avoid work.

JARO: And you?

CHORCH: Dunno. Possible programming error by Stlunko?

JARO: Stlunko makes mistakes--

CHORCH: Email now, questions later.

{The screen scrolls to the left, where Grundy is still bowing to Jaro.}

GRUNDY: Can I {gasp} stop {wheeze} now?!

JARO: Whatever.

{Grundy colapses, but then instantly gets up, fully refreshed.}

CHORCH: I...I'm not even going to ask.

{Fade to the computer. Jaro types in "Jaromaniaz13@aol.com.}

JARO: Email raps are for sooth.

Camp

Hey Jaro!
It's me, Trogador, your old buddy!
Anyways, you've been seeming stressed out
so why don't you go camping? There's a nice
place in the Dark an' Creep Woods called
Camp Do Not Sleep! It's great or so I have
heard! So, you comin' or what?

Trogador

JARO: Aw, why didn't we get this email earlier? This would have made a great Halloween special!

CHORCH: {gives Jaro The Eye}

JARO: Oh, right. Well, Trogador... Who's Trogador again?

{A Popup of Trogador appears on the Lappit.}

LAPPIT: Back in Present Day, Trogdor was still alive, due to his Immortality. But that was just a figure of speech. While Trogdor did have an extended life span, and was impurvious to most attacks, he was still mortal. Back in 2003, Trogdor was in his dying days. Scientists were trying to clone Trogdor, and they succeded, in a sense. Trogdor's colors were changed (although it was rumored this wasn't a mistake) and he was much smaller. They added the 'A' to his name, standing for "Adaptation". They also feared that his power was too much for the modern world to handle, so they sealed him away underground, like a ninja.

{The popup closes.}

JARO: Oh, I knew that.

GRUNDY: So, how would Trogador send us an email if he's underground?

CHORCH: That is a bit odd. Maybe someone's helping him...

{pause}

JARO: Well...{typing} Well, Trogador, we'd just like to alert you that we aren't allowed to go to camps after that little "incedint" last year.

GRUNDY: You should have told me that we're not supposed to smother other people with poisin ivy leaves!

JARO: Well, I've wasted another chunk of my life. Grundy, you can start bow--

{Suddenly, a huge crash appears on the left-most wall.}

JARO: WHAT THE CRAP!?

{When the dust clears, Trogador is standing there.}

CHORCH: Oh crud-cakes! It's Trogador!

TROGADOR: Alright, dude, you get off here.

VOICE: Thanks, dude.

{A figure jumps off Trogador and lands in front of the trio. Trogador leaves. Cut to a close up of Jaro.}

JARO: Oh, crap! It's YOOU! {Bum, bum, BUUUUUM!}

{Cut to the figure, who is none other than...Stlicklyman.}

STICKLYMAN: Hello, minions.

CHORCH: Please don't cut off our heads and feed them to dogs!

STICKLYMAN: What? No no no, that's not why I'm here at all.

JARO: Keep on your toes, guys. This is how he lures his victims in.

{Grundy stands on his toes, and falls over.}

GRUNDY: Ow, my nosie!

STICKLYMAN: If you could just let me talk civilized with you for a minute. You guys are my last resort!

CHORCH: What?

STICKLYMAN: Wait, hold on. This thing is very uncomfortable.

JARO: Huh?

{Sticklyman stands there blankly.}

GRUNDY: Master?

{The Master's HEAD opens up, with a lot of steam. When it clears, it reveals...a small Astromund inside The Master's head.}

JARO: Oh, I get it! It's April Fools day, and this Astromund made a robot Sticklyman costume to fool us!

CHORCH: You had me going there for a second.

THE MASTER: You don't understand...I'm the Master.

GRUNDY: No, you're an Astromund. The Master is a powerfull 6 foot tall person who fights good and yells alot.

THE MASTER: {in The Master's voice} WILL YOU SHUT UP! THIS IS NOT A JOKE!!

{The trio stands there, awe-struck.}

JARO: The Master..has been an Astromund the whole time?

THE MASTER: Yes. He has.

CHORCH: What the crap is going on here?!

THE MASTER: Let me explain.

{Fade into some sort of assembly line. The Master voices over during this scene. A bunch of Astromunds are on a conveyorbelt, coming in from the left, being zapped by a laser, and then roll offscreen.}

THE MASTER: Many years ago, Nebulon's style was upset for unknown reasons. So, he took over a near-by Moon Minion factory to be his worshipers/army. The result were mindless drones he called "Astromunds". Now, when I was being programmed, for reasons unknown, the program activator somehow disrupted my code, making me the only Astromund with free will. {one Astromund jumps off the conveyorbelt and runs away} I couldn't survive in the real world as an Astromund, so I decided I would build myself a robot body resembling {fade to The Master building a Sticklyman body} that of the "Sticklyman" tribe.

THE MASTER: Now, even with my superior smarts and new body, I still needed a job. I was assigned rank of "Pudding Shovler", which wasn't half bad actually. {Cut to Sticklyman shoveling} But then, on that fateful April Fools day, I was attacked by Stinkoman. {Stinkoman comes in and the two begin to fight} I tried to tell Stinkoman that I was against fighting, but he paid no attention and beat me up, leaving me for dead. {Sticklyman falls to the ground and Stinkoman leaves}

THE MASTER: But I did not die. {Fade to Astromund working on his robot body.} I recovered from the fight and quit my job to work on my body. I had a new philosiphy: You can't trust anyone! {Fade to Sticklyman in front of a picture of Stinkoman. He punches it, leaving a hole in the wall. Fade to Sticklyman building Stlunko.}After working on my fighting skills, I began to build my first robot, Stlunko. I sent Stlunko out to find me eight other minions for me to use in my conquest against Stinkoman. You already know this part, so I'll skip ahead to a few weeks ago.

{Fade to The Master's Castle.}

THE MASTER: So, I had been checking my stocks in my central office, when I recieved word that there had been a disturbance in the Lava Zone. So, I angrily set out to take away some of Saargtsson's Merit Points (which, by the way, are useless in real life). When I got there, Saargtsson began to fight me, and because I had not seen this coming, I was overcome. When I woke up, Saargtsson had left. I have recently recieved word that my nine minions have rebeled against me, for some unknown reason, and some mysterious figure has taken over my castle.

{Fade back to the present.}

THE MASTER: And you guys are my last resort!

CHORCH: How are we your last resorts?

JARO: Back in the email "Sticklyman", you said you were related to the Poopsmith.

THE MASTER: I recently found out that that machine was made by some people who think I am the 20X6 Poopsmith. Some people have tooo much time on their hands.

CHORCH: Well, I guess you could stay with us until you get back on your feet.

THE MASTER: Thank you, minions.

GRUNDY: How about we call you "Master-mund"?

THE MASTER: ...no. My name is Jake.

JARO: Jake?

JAKE: Jake.

JARO: Well "Jake", I guess you could live with us.

JAKE: You're such a good friend. In return, when I get back in power, you guys will take Saargtssons place as Boss 4.

GRUNDY: How long will that take?

{Suddenly, a meteor comes from nowhere and crushes Jake's old "Sticklyman" body.}

JAKE: Oh, quite some time.

{Cut back to the Lappit, where the words "Click here to email Jaro" appear.}

Easter Eggs

  • When Jake/Master mentions that his fortress and forces were taken over by a mysterious figure, you can highlight the background to reveal the text "No, it's not Dark Greggo".

Fun Facts

  • Jaro's "Halloween Special" remark is a reference to how that email would have been used in a Halloween special.
  • "Sealed him underground like a ninja" is a reference to my comic, The Blue Ninja.
  • The Master being 20X6 Poopsmith is a reference to how some H*R fans think they are the same.
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