Other Character Email Jaro/lunch
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
Summery
Jaro talks about why Grundy can't be good in public, and trouble starts again.
Cast: Jaro, Grundy, Chorch, Green Beard, Greggo, Poorbts, Frotzer, 2
Lines: 192
Transcript
{You know the drill.}
Subject:Lunch...Dear Jaro,
Have/Has you/Chorch ever brought Grundy out for lunch?
If so, how did it go? Any collapsed buildings?
Any broken windows? Any maiming? Please answer with elaboration!
Please answer with elaboration!
Shimmed...
{Jaro doesn't read the repeated "Please answer" line, and says the named as "Ditto Shimmed".}
JARO: {typing} Don't go all emo on me, Shimmy. Elipses are the universal sign of despair. You should replace that with maybe a Kirby, or a Butt Cheek Emoticon. Then no bodies would get the wrong idea. {clears screen and resumes typing} Now, we usually try to avoid anything that involves leaving the sanctity of the hovel we call home. That's why I have to wear several trench coats when I go out to buy things so the paparazi doesn't invade on me. But sometimes it's unavoidable, and I have to bring Grundy along.
{Cut to Jaro and Grundy in front of a building.}
JARO: Remember, no killing and destroying.
GRUNDY: Right!
{Cut to later in the day. The building is destroyed and the place is on fire.}
JARO: Darn it, Grundy.
{Cut to another scene with Jaro and Grundy.}
JARO: We all make mistakes, so I'm sure the other day was a learning experience for you.
GRUNDY: Of course.
{Cut to more destruction.}
GRUNDY: I learned how to destroy without leaving finger prints.
JARO: We're trying not to destroy.
{Cut to another side of town.}
JARO: Maybe I have a faulty sense of pattern recognition, but I believe you now have self control.
{Fade to destruction. Jaro looks dissapointed.}
GRUNDY: I got nothing.
{And again...}
JARO: Alright, I'm just going to the post office to buy a stamp--
{The entire city turns to rubble instantly.}
JARO: I'm getting the feeling you aren't even trying anymore.
GRUNDY: It's a disease.
{Cut back to the computer}
JARO: {typing} The wierd thing is that Grundy never seems to remember doing it when we come home.
CHORCH: I'd assume it was because of some sort of culture shock.
JARO: Either way, we just can't take Grundy to town any more.
{Fade to a large prison on a small island. The words "Weeks Earlier..." appear, and disappear after a few moments.}
{It cuts into one of the cells, where a shadowy figure sits on a bench.}
FIGURE: They thought they had destroyed all my technology... they think they confiscated it all... But they didn't get one thing.. {the figure reaches into his mouth and pulls out a small device. He whistles into it and then puts it back in his throat} It may only be temporary, but at least Grundy will cause some destruction...
{Cut to a small desert island. The camera pans down through a bushel of trees to show a crater, full of pieces of broken machienery. Soon, a huge explosion fills the screen, and when it clears, a small hole appears in the center of the crater. A small microchip flies out and lands in the sand. Soon, the pieces of metal and wiring begin to crawl towards the chip.}
{The pieces mold together in a creepy way, taking on the form of a misshapen Greggo. It's eyes light up and it begins to stir.}
GREGGO: Data log entry 463: All is going according to plan. Everyone is in blissful ignorance and even NachoMan does not know what is going on. As long as I have a small dimension bubble I created around me, I shall be completely undetectable. {begins walking} The minions are creating the machine as I am saying this, and and 2 will be contacted ASAP. If everything goes according to plan, I should be able to kill him once his job is done. I am unsure if I should contact my old oprative at the moment, but his software could be useful.
{Fade to some underground mine. A few Poorbts are hard at work on a large, unfinished machine. Greggo walks up.}
GREGGO: Status report!
POORBT: The machine is going smoothly. If all goes according to schedual, we should have it finished within a week or two.
GREGGO: Good, then I have all the time in the world to work out any nonexsistant bugs in my plan.
POORBT: With all do respect sir, isn't it a bit vain to always be so full of yo--
{A small laser shoots the Poorbt, leaving two smoldering legs in its place. Pan out to a stunned crowd around it and Greggo.}
GREGGO: My patience is not one to be messed around with. Now, we will all get back to work now, or some of you will bear a striking resemblence to Chuck over here.
'{The Poorbts worriedly return to work. A small Frotzer flies up to Greggo.}
FROTZER: Excuse me sir.
GREGGO: {sigh} Yes, Frotzer Assistant #3?
FROTZER: As one of your cheif advisors it is my duty to inform you that some of the workers are a bit... well.. not working to their full potential..
GREGGO: WHAT?!
FROTZER: Hey, hey! Don't shoot the messenger! I'm just saying we all feel a bit frightened by your constant anger. The workers can't do their best if their in constant fear of death!
GREGGO: I motivate them with the worlds greatest source of emotion: Death and despair.
FROTZER: But wouldn't it be better to let them be happy? They all despratley want to leave!
GREGGO: STOP!
{Immediatley, all workers cease construction.}
GREGGO: Does anyone here want to stop working?
{silence}
GREGGO: Because if anyone wants to stop, by all means, LEAVE.
{No response.}
GREGGO: Okay. Resume.
{The workers continue.}
GREGGO: Death and despair, my friend. Now, if you excuse me, I have a phone call to make. {walks off}
{Cut to a dank office, with a dim light shining over a desk with a computer and an old phone. Greggo dials a number and a picture appears on screen.}
DEEP VOICE: {distorted} Hello?
GREGGO: 2! It's Greggo.
2: I was wondering when you'd call.
GREGGO: If I'm correct, I'm calling about 3 minutes after you came back, am I correct?
2: I guess.
GREGGO: 2, why would you lie to me?
2: Look, let's not go into another stupid philisophical crapversation. I already got rid of the old man.
GREGGO: I assume you've sent him into about three hundered thousand years in the future?
2: It's like you know me.
GREGGO: It's already happened. When do you plan getting rid of the others?
2: Just as soon as you're ready to give me the money.
GREGGO: You'll get it after you've done your job.
2: Hey, why don't you--
GREGGO: {hangs up}
'{Cut to a stone room. A dark hand hangs up a phone. The camera pans up revealing The Poopsmith.}
POOPSMITH: Jerk.
'{Cut to the Lappit. It reads the words "Click here to email Jaro."}
Fun Facts
Maybe someday!
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