Other Character Email Jaro/scythe

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Contents

Summery

The trio obtains Count X's scythe and causes mischief.

Cast:Jaro, Grundy, Chorch, Poopsmith, Greggo, Poorbt, A Dinosaur, Count X

Lines:133

Transcript

{Fade to the trio at the Lappit. The Lappit displays the number 20 with fireworks and all that crap.}

LAPPIT: Congratulations Jaro. You have reached your twentieth email.

JARO: And even though Gunhaver has 82, and Tampo has 42, we still want to let them know that….WE’RE MOONING YOU! HIT IT LAPPIT!!

{The camera pans over to a window with the moon outside.}

JARO: {offscreen} HA HA HA! I bet you feel pretty embarresed now! But anyway,

{Pan back to the computer.}

JARO: Let’s get this train-wreck a rollin!

Yes, I survived.

I do not apoligize for throwing the party on your other ship.
I just need to ask you one thing:

Did I leave my scythe there?

It is a tool with unimaginable power.

My revenge will come soon.

Count X

JARO: Wow Count. You suck with a capital “Z”.

CHORCH: And to answer your question, no we have not seen your scythe. But-

{The Poopsmith runs in with a scythe.}

POOPSMITH: Look what I found!

CHORCH: Careful, you might put someone’s eye out. Anyway- WHAT?!

{Jaro jumps up, grabbing the scythe.}

JARO: Wow, Count X’s scythe.

GRUNDY: Think of all the cool stuff we could do with this.

{Fade to a fantasy by Jaro. It features a city in ruins and people/aliens/robots in chains. The trio is sitting in three giant golden chairs, and The Poopsmith is in a smaller one. A small Greggo is in front of them.}

JARO: {shouting} Where is my oil?!

GREGGO: There’s no more! You drank it all!

JARO: {one of eyes gets smaller than the other} ARE YOU MOCKING ME?! PERISH!!!!

{Random lasers fire, melting the Greggo. Cut back to the Z-ship.}

JARO: Well, we could return it to Count X and do a good deed, or we could use it to mess up time, possibly destroying existence, as we know it. {pause} I choose the later!

POOPSMITH: Do you even know how it works?

{Jaro turns the scythe sideways. A small paper shoots out of the base of the scythe, bounces off the wall, and hits Grundy right in the eye.}

GRUNDY: Ow!

JARO: Cool! {takes the paper and reads it} “To power Count X’s scythe of power, just shout the command and it will automatically obey.” Sounds easy enough. SCYTHE: Time travel to 5005!!!

{A bright light appears causing the trio and the Poopsmith to disappear.}

{Cut to the far future, 5005. It is a desolate wasteland with fire almost everywhere. The trio appears in a flash.}

CHORCH: We’re here!

GRUNDY: Look at the destruction. Whoever’s running this place isn’t doing a good job.

JARO: Look!

{Pan out to see 5 domes with eggs in them, implanted in the ground. Pan out to see 10,20, 40, 80, 160, 320, etc.}

GRUNDY: Look at these eggs! There’s at least fifty of them!

JARO: Where could they be coming from?

VOICE: {offscreen} Our master, of course…

{A Poorbt steps out of the shadows.}

JARO: Hey Poorbt! It’s been years since I’ve seen you! Actually, in my time it’s only been two months but, what’s going on!?

POORBT: It’s simple really. Our master Saargtsson found a wife, and they have laid thousands of eggs. Too make sure they hatch properly, they must be fed the purest lava straight from the center of the earth.

JARO: Isn’t that dangerous?

POORBT: Why?

CHORCH: If you take the earth’s core out, wouldn’t it implode on itself?

POORBT: If that happens, a warning alarm will go off.

{Suddenly, the planet starts shaking and a giant crack splits down the middle.}

GRUNDY: WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THE ALARM?

POORBT: WE DIDN’T GET THAT FAR!

JARO: Wait! SCYTHE: Fix problem!

{The scythe glows yellow, and a giant band-aid appears. It flies over the crack and covers it. The shaking stops.}

POORBT: Y-You have saved us all! You are our new leaders!

JARO: Sorry guys, but we still have a lot of time to screw up. SCYTHE: Travel to the first days of the dinos!

{A giant flash causes them to disappear again. The flash cuts through the band-aid and splits it in half. The planet drifts away in two pieces. Cut to the dawn of time. There are vast jungles and plants. The trio appears.}

JARO: Wow. The dawn of time. We’re seeing things that man has only dreamed of. Why are we here?

CHORCH: You should think of it as a chance to expand your horizon.

GRUNDY: You should think of it as a way to shut up.

POOPSMITH: Isn’t it a little risky? I mean, there’s dinosaurs here that are probably 100 times bigger than us. We-

JARO: Stop saying words. Now, let’s find some stuff that we can sell for profit. {looks at screen} Or, you can donate money to our cause! What is our cause? We’re trying to buy a go-cart of course! So act now, or we’ll come to your house and eat your left foot!

{The trio walks to a dinosaur egg.}

JARO: Ah, an egg. This will fetch a pretty penny on Ebay.

GRUNDY: And don’t forget! It’s… {a title screen comes on} Good Eats!

ANNOUNCER: {offscreen} Da na na na na na na Good Eats!

{Cut back to the trio.}

JARO: Now we just have to pick it up! Poopsmith, do your thing!

POOPSMITH: You got it! {turns around and starts shoveling a pile of whatsit}

JARO: Not that thing, the other thing!

POOPSMITH: Oh.

{He stops shoveling and tries to pick up the egg. He sweats, and puts it down.}

POOPSMITH: Hey, why do we need to pick it up? Why don’t we just teleport it to 20X6?

JARO: Good idea! I like the way you stink. SCYTHE: Teleport egg to 20X6!

SCYTHE: INTERFERENCE!

CHORCH: Huh? How can you interfere with demonic energy?

JARO: Beats me. Must be something big, and scary.

{The following message flashes:} 

NOTE!!!!!
If you do not know what is going to happen next, you are a very sad man.

{Zoom out to see a dinosaur staring at the trio.}

JARO: Wow. That was predictable. RUN!

POOPSMITH: Use the scythe!

{Jaro tries to shoot a beam of energy, but the dinosaur’s tail knocks the scythe to bits.}

GRUNDY: That can’t be good.

{The dinosaur chases after the frightened trio. The run around the same background for a while until they get cornered at a rock.}

JARO: This is it!

GRUNDY: We’re doomed!

POOPSMITH: AHHH!!!

{The dinosaur lunges at the trio. Then, it freezes, inches away.}

VOICE: {offscreen} Virtual Reality: OFF!

{The background disappears into pure, white space.}

JARO: What is this? What’s going on?

{Count X appears out of nowhere.}

COUNT X: You pass the test!

JARO: Test? What test?

COUNT X: Did you really think that I’d let you use my scythe? HA! I was just testing you to see how much damage you’d do.

CHORCH: Oh. Well, what are you going to do now?

COUNT X: I’m going to erase your memories, and send you back to your time! SCYTHE: Brainwash!

{A bright light fills the screen. When it clears, everything is like it was in the beginning of the email.}

LAPPIT: Congratulations Jaro. You have reached your twentieth email.

JARO: And even though Gunhaver has 82, and Tampo has 42, we still want to let them know that….WE’RE MOONING YOU! HIT IT LAPPIT!!

{The camera pans over to a window with the moon outside.}

JARO: {offscreen} HA HA HA! I bet you feel pretty embarrassed now! But anyway,

{Pan back to the computer.}

JARO: Let’s get this train-wreck a rollin!

What would it be like if
nothing was formatted correctly?

The 386

JARO: Well Compy, if nothing was formatted correctly, then everything would be screwed up. Like, baby’s growing out of…trees. And cars made of…cake. You know. {pause} Wow. That was lame. That was the worst 20th email ever.

GRUNDY: Weird. For some reason, I feel like we’ve had an awesome 20th email in a past life.

CHORCH: Yeah. Me too. {pause} Oh well. It probably doesn’t mean anything. Let’s go.

JARO: Yes, well. So, untill next time, send some emails, and I’ll let you live another day!

Click here to email Jaro.

Easter Eggs

  • Click on Jaro to see the twentieth email party.

Transcript

{Cut to the party room. Jaro is interviewing people as they walk by.}

JARO: Only people with presents may pass. {Poopsmith walks up} Woah buddy! Where do you think you're going?

POOPSMITH: I live here!

JARO: That's not an excuse! Arrest that man!

{A police man tackles Poopsmith. Poorbt walks up.}

POORBT: Hi Jaro. Happy Birthday. I got you some gunk I peeled off the bottom of my foot.

JARO: Ew. You may enter.

{Dark Greggo walks up.}

DARK GREGGO: Hey enemys. I got you a time bomb. Fill free to hold it. {holds up a time bomb}

JARO: Computer: Dispose of guest and unwanted present!

{A claw grabs Dark Greggo and his present and pulls them offscreen.}

Fun Facts

  • Good Eats is a popular show on Food Network.


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