Other Character Email Jaro/popup

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Contents

Summary

Jaro, Jake and Grundy get addicted to popups.

Cast: Jake, Jaro, Grundy, Chorch, Buff Henchman, Psychiatrist Dan, A Coach (easter egg)

Lines: 227

Transcript

{Jaro is not in the room, nor is the rest of the original trio. After about ten seconds, Jake walks in.}

JAKE: Er, I can't seem to find the other guys. So, I guess I'm checking the email today?

{Jake types in a username and a password and Jaro's email list comes up.}

Subject:Email_list.exe

You have 1 new email(s)

  • Not Spam

JAKE: One email? Eh, bring it up, Lappit.

{The email is brought up on screen.}

Subject: Not Spam

Dear Jaro,
What would it be like if you and Chorch
switched...er...brain chip, processor,
whatever makes you...well...you!
That not Purple Dragon, Spyrox6.

{Jake reads through the ellipses and reads "That Not purple dragon" as "A Purple Dragon".}

JAKE: Well, Mister I-don't-plan-out-my-emails-before-I-send them, I'd just thought I'd let you know that Jaro and Chorch HAVE switched brain chips before! When the email show was back in single-didgets! Let's watch!

{Cut to a field. Jaro and Chorch are there.}

CHORCH: {Jaros voice.} So..hands...pfff. So different.

JARO: {Chorches voice.} I can't float. Why Not!? I command thy body to float! {Falls over.} Oh no. How do I get up? {Rolls down a hill.} AAAAAAaaaaahhhhhhhhhh...{Crash is heard.}

CHORCH: {Jaros voice.} Uh-oh. What do I do now?

{Cut to a pier, where Jaro's (Chorch) body is rolling down it.}

JARO: {Chorches voice} Oh crap. This is going to get a lot worse before it gets better.

{Cut back to the computer.}

JAKE: So, yeah. Maybe you should start checking your facts before you send stupid emails. Well, I guess that's it for this week. I'm going to play some Crazy Nut.

{Jake attempts to exit out of the email window, but when he clicks the "X" a new popup appears.}

JAKE: Ooh, what's this? {reads popup} "Do you think Emperor of the World is a good emperor? Vote and win a PSP!" Sounds legit to me.

{Jake clicks the popup, causing several new popups to appear.}

JAKE: Huh? {reading} "Shoot the duck to win a new house!" Hmm, these guys must really hate ducks. Okay!

{Jake clicks the duck, causing it to explode with a quack.}

JAKE: Yay! Where's my new house?

{Suddenly, the doors open and the trio comes in.}

JARO: Alright, we're back!

GRUNDY: And we bought kumquats!

JAKE: Sweet. Say, did you guys happen to notice a new house outside, or maybe a PSP on the porch?

JARO: Uh, no. Why would that stuff be there?

JAKE: Because this thing here said that if I clicked and voted, I would win cool stuff!

{Another one pops up.}

JARO: Woah! {reading} "Click here to win a new Plasma TV!" How could I refuse?

CHORCH: Wait a minute... Jaro, no!

{Jaro clicks on the popup, causing a large popup to appear in front of the computer. It reads "Play Solitaire and win BIG!"}

JARO: Holy crap! This is like, the ultimate popup!

CHORCH: Guys, stop clicking on these things. Don't you know what they do to the computer?

JARO: Chorch, I think your Soap Opera is on.

CHORCH: Woah! {zips away}

{Fade to a black screen reading "3 Minutes Later..." and then it fades back to Jaro and the popup.}

CHORCH: {floats up} It wasn't on. Liar.

JARO: Shh... I'm about to win!

{Jaro places the last card in the game. Suddenly, huge streams of cards slowly shoot out from the popup and a mechanical voice screams "You Won!"}

JARO: I won!

POPUP: Play again?

JARO: You bet!

CHORCH: Jaro...

{Chorch is smacked off screen by a stream of cards and the other three continue to play with the popups.}

{Fade to late at night. There are many discarded popups lying against the wall. They're still playing the games.}

JARO: Must...

JAKE: Win...

GRUNDY: Free...

ALL: Stuff..

CHORCH: {floats up} Guys, you need to give it a rest. These things are going to--

{A boxing glove flies out of the popup and knocks Chorch offscreen.}

CHORCH: Oof!

JARO: Funny...

{Fade to daybreak. The three are still at it.}

CHORCH: Guys, I'm really serious. If you don't stop now, you'll--

{A popup appears in front of Chorch. It is rapidly flashing millions of colors.}

CHORCH: ARGLEBARGLEBARGLEBLBLBLBBBLBLBHUMBRATES! {collapses on the floor and has a seizure}

{Fade to much later in the day.}

CHORCH: Alright, guys. This is the last straw. I'm taking you to...

{Cut to a large building, where the three are standing.}

JARO: Popup rehab?!

GRUNDY: {dazed} I don't have a problem...custard mustard...

CHORCH: You can have all the custard you want once your course is done.

JAKE: {crazy} Never! I'll never do your reham!

{Jake attempts to escape, but a small device attached to his ankle shocks him and he crumples to the ground.}

CHORCH: I think you'll find that escape is impossible. Take them away!

{Two muscular henchmen appear and drag the three popup addicts into the building.}

JARO: I'll sue! You hear me?! SUEEEE!

CHORCH: {shouting} It's for your own good!

{Fade to the inside of the building. Jaro is sitting on a psychiatrist chair. A psychiatrist is sitting next to him.}

PSYCIATRIST: So, Jaro. What seems to be the problem?

JARO: There IS no problem! I'm perfectly fine! My stupid friend just makes me go here so he can have all my free stuff! He's a menace, you hear!?

PSYCIATRIST: Jaro, do you know what popups do?

JARO: They give you free stuff for no work! Like charity.

PSYCIATRIST: Don't you think that's a bit odd?

JARO: Well, I guess that is a bit strange...

PSYCIATRIST: Popups are made for only one reason: So people can take your credit card number and buy stuff for themselves!

{Suspense music.}

JARO: What?! No! That can't be true! Who would do such a thing?!

PSYCIATRIST: Some are made by people who want revenge.

JARO: Who would want revenge on me?! I'm a sensible person!

{Cut to Saargtsson's lair.}

SAARGTSSON: So, he thinks he can steal my credit card, does he? I'll teach him a lesson! {types some stuff on his computer.}

{Cut back to the Shrink's office.}

JARO: Well...

PSYCIATRIST: Jaro, you need one thing.

JARO: A popup blocker?

PSYCIATRIST: Well, yes. But what you really need is...

{Cut back to the apartment, where the camera is focused on Chorch.}

CHORCH: You did what?

{Zoom out to show that Jaro and Jake are standing around a big pile of books.}

JARO: I bought his new book. They really help!

CHORCH: And you bought five hundred because...?

JARO: He told me to stock up!

CHORCH: You know, this isn't really what I signed up for in these rehab classes..

JARO: Look, the point is that we've gotten rid of our popup addictions and everything's back to normal!

{Suddenly, one of the giant popups crashes through the wall, with a pair of long legs.}

POPUP: I know where I'm not wanted.

{The popup explodes, destroying itself and the big pile of books.}

CHORCH: Jaro...

JARO: No. I'm going to bed. {bounces offscreen}

{Cut to Jake at the Lappit.}

JAKE: {typing} So, you stupid dragon, it turns out that you stole our credit card number. Thanks a lot. I hope you have enough sense not to email us again. {stops typing} Where IS Grundy?

{The words "Click here to email Jaro" appear on the Lappit.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the pile of books to see the book up close. 
  How to not be addicted to (your problem here)!
    By Psychiatrist Dan

    How to cure all your stupid problems. BUY IN BULK!
  • At the end, click on Jake to see where Grundy is.

Easter Egg Transcript

{Cut to Grundy exercising on a bike. A coach is standing next to him.}

COACH: WORK THEM PECKS! GO GO GO!

GRUNDY: {exhausted} I thought this was to cure my popup addiction!

COACH: Did I say to talk?! Drop and give me fifty!

{Grundy drops and begins pushups.}

COACH: One, two, three, four, five--

{Cut back to the computer.}

Fun Facts

  • The clip that Jake shows is from email five, Cooler Body. The part with Jaro(Chorch) going into the pier was not in the original version.
  • Crazy Nut is in fact a game.
  • The popup asking Jake's opinion on the Emperor (20X6 KOT) is a reference to popups which ask people's opinions on George W. Bush.
  • No, it's not possible to get popups from an email.
  • The second popup is a reference to popups asking you to shoot animals/catch babies/beat up celebrities.
  • Solitare is a card game based on stacking cards.
  • The flashing popup is a reference to actual eye-obliterating popups.
  • Arglebargle is a fad started on the H*R Forum.
  • Humbrates is a word coined by Markie...I think..
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