Other Character Email Jaro/megah fone

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Contents

Summary

Jaro and Grundy form a band, and tensions rise between the two.

Cast: Jaro, Grundy, Strong Bad

Lines: 158

Transcript

{The email opens, as things usually do at the start of things. To close at the beginning of a show would be quite boorish and you probably wouldn't get many people for the second show. Jaro and Grundy are there, as is a table, a Lappit, a wooden floor and drywall.}

Subject:music

Dear Jaro-san,
What kinds of music do you listen to?Also,
do you play any instruments?
Stealthily,
That One Spanish Inquisition Guy

JARO: Whoa! I didn't expect this email to come! You totally caught me off my guards! You're lucky I don't have you strung up by your feet and dipped in... uh, grits.

GRUNDY: I like grits!

JARO: I assumed you would. Anyway, {typing} What kind of music do I listen to? Well, since my mind is like an open book, filled with information and colorful pictures, I'm open to all sorts of music genres, even the ones that don't exist, like.. Funk-Reggae-Punk-Classical, and those that divide into many sub-genres, like Metal-> Hard Metal-> Sludge-> Pop -> Gothic-> Grunge-> Metal. {clears screen and resumes typing} Me and Grundy even have are own band even! We call ourselves "Mega Fone", because it's a play on words, and it's Greek for "Soothing, yet hard and loud". I'm the lead guitarist, while Grundy plays drums and saxophone.

GRUNDY: The manliest of all wind instruments!

JARO: See, my friend's brother owns a record label company, and he can hook us up with a record deal! Ya know, as soon as we finish recording... {sinks slightly lower with each ellipse} ... and write some lyrics... and, learn to play the instruments.. {disappears under the desk}

{Cut to a garage, where Jaro is wearing a blonde wig, and is holding a red guitar shaped like a crescent moon, and has diamond tuners.}

JARO: This can't be that hard. I mean, it's just strings! And wood! What could be easier? {the stings break simultaneously and the neck snaps off} Ya know what? Screw this! I'll hire a session musician! I can write lyrics from home, like that guy from the Beach Boys!

{Cut to Jaro at a candle-lit desk, as he writes lyrics in cursive.}

JARO: {thinking}
Lurking in the shadows spies a hand made out of despair of the fallen ones around him
Why must there be despair to show the hand the way to more siblings and easy victims?

JARO: No, this won't work. I'm going to need a job that's important like lead guitarist, but not as ignored as Bass. Hmm...

{Scene transition to Jaro at a large keyboard.}

JARO: Ah, the keyboard! Truly, an instrument of kings! Along with being a great visionary, I can also contribute rhythm, with a funky electronic spin!

{Fade to a black screen reading "Several written songs and feuds later.... And fade to Grundy and Jaro in the garage.}

JARO: Once again, against the odds, and the evens, and my parents, I have let my vast amounts of genius design an album cover that is worthy of awards and deserves a place in all of our hearts. {Jaro pulls out a piece of parchment showing a multi-colored 3D orb with no text.} I call it Seven Triumphs! A masterful blend of Classical and hard grunge rock!

GRUNDY: I dunno. I was thinking in different views.

JARO: Explain!

GRUNDY: I was thinking along the lines of a tropical rainforest, right?

JARO: Go on.

GRUNDY: And in the corner, there'd be some creepy wooden bird head statue. And it will have a big beak and beady black eyes! And there'd be a little indention, like a puzzle piece! The bird head would represent that of human life, obscured by that, of nature, and to grow, it must destroy the obscure. It's like another piece of the puzzle! Cool, right?

JARO: I don't know what you think people like, but people love colorful orbs more than conceptual art.

GRUNDY: But it's got the meaning in there! It's got concept, thought provoking, and it can be looked at for a long time without getting boring!

JARO: But mine has an orb.

GRUNDY: Yes, but it doesn't represent anything. It's worthless and has nothing to do with the album's message. That you wrote.

JARO: Wouldn't be more thought provoking to use an album cover that has nothing to do with the album?

GRUNDY: If you're provoking the question "What was he thinking?".

JARO: I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree.

GRUNDY: What? How does that even apply to the situation at hand?

JARO: Alright, look. Will have a compromise. My cover will be on the front, and yours will be on the back.

GRUNDY: Okay.. I guess that could be okay...

JARO: Good. Now let's start working on that recording! Grundy! Fetch the recording equipment!

GRUNDY: I have an old tape recorder and baton that looks like a microphone.

JARO: Egad! This simply will not do!

GRUNDY: We could rent some space at a recording studio or something.

JARO: Then what kind of rebel band would we be?!

GRUNDY: One that records their songs.

JARO: That's it! You're on my "Shifty Lowlifes" list!

{Fade to another garage scene.}

JARO: Status?

GRUNDY: We've done most of the recording. All we need to do now is polish them up. We have some mixing equipment at the studio...

JARO: Grundy, that place costs $1,000 dollars per hour! I've already used up two loans!

GRUNDY: That's because you had to use Abbey Road!

JARO: Abbey Road is lucky!

GRUNDY: And across the ocean!

JARO: Do you want me to pull the plug on the whole thing!?!

GRUNDY: Then you'd be loosing money!

JARO: Alright. Let us calm down. I have a great marketing ploy.

GRUNDY: I'm listening...

{Cut to the TV in Strong Bad's basement. There is a commercial on TV, showing a rainforest. Opera music is playing, and it slowly fades into hard rock music. The camera goes deep into the forest to show the wooden bird head. The album cover appears.}

ANNOUNCER: Several Triumphs. The new Megah Fone album is in stores now. And for a limited time, only 500 will be made with a special collectable sticker.

{Cut to Strong Bad on the couch.}

STRONG BAD: Man, all these new fangled bands these days. I remember the days when all you needed for a concept album were the words "hair", "L.A." and any word spelled wrong. But the sticker seems nice.

{Cut back to Jaro at the Lappit.}

JARO: {typing} So in the end, we made a couple thousand dollars, although we lost about twice as much. But the fact that we made a large sum of money meant we had to make an extravagant purchase. So we bought an indoor swimming pool filled with diamond-encrusted jelly doughnuts. And a new guitar, for when we go on tour. But it won't be for a while, though. Grundy's working on his solo album, and you know how snooty people get when they work on solo albums, right? Anybody? Snooty? Solo? Jelly? {The words "Click here to email Jaro" appear under the text.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "tour" at the end to show the tour.

JARO: {on stage, with a blonde wig and triple neck guitar} Alright, my beauties!... Does anyone know how to play this thing? {all of the strings break simultaneously} Crap!

  • Click on "solo album" to show the cover of Grundy's solo album.

Fun Facts

  • Soon.


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