Other Character Email Jaro/party
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
CAST: Jaro, Chorch, Grundy, Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Guy, Man, Poorbts, Gokuls
SUMMARY: Jaro finally gets an email show! Then he goes to a party at Saargtsson's.
LINES: 100
TRANSCRIPT
{Jaro is standing in the middle of a field.}
JARO: Okay! This is it! Today I am confident that Stinkoman will not pass!!!
{Stinkoman runs up. He pauses for a second and then chooses to easily jump over Jaro. He continues his run.}
JARO: Rats. The sad thing is that that was the best excitement I've had in three years. I need something more in life. Something fun that you can sink your teeth into.
{Chorch and Grundy float/run up.}
GRUNDY: Yeah, we pretty much don't contribute a lot. All I do is run.
CHORCH: Uh-huh. All I can do is fly. WHAT'S FLYING GONNA DO?!
JARO: Well, we've got a bad situation here.
GRUNDY: What's that?
JARO: We either go out for some fun..
GRUNDY: Or?
JARO: We die of boredom.
GRUNDY: I kinda like the first one better.
JARO: Great! Lets do an email show!! All in favor say I! I!
GRUNDY: I!
CHORCH: Nay.
JARO: Nay?! I thought you wanted excitement!
CHORCH: But masters Tampo, Brody, and Stlunko would never allow it.
JARO: Then we'll have to make them... allow it.
{Cut to Tampo's Lunar Warehouse.}
TAMPO: So, you want an email show?
JARO: Yes. That's the 77th time I've told you.
TAMPO: I see. Hmm... denied.
JARO: What!? NOOOO!!!! WAAAAAA!!! {Starts "crying"}
TAMPO: Okay, okay! You guys can have an email show if we make a deal of some sorts. Stop getting oil on my carpet.
JARO: HOORAY!!!
TAMPO: Okay... you can have an email show if you hurt Stinkoman and ruin Harvax XVII's life on every Sunday.
JARO: I accept!!!
TAMPO: Great! Now Harvax will pay. Anyway. Here's the "Big Book of Everything" to help you on your email show. {A small book lands next to Jaro almost smashing him.}
JARO: Lets gooooooo!!
{Cut to the trio standing outside of a building.}
JARO: The book says that the key to a good email show is to have many a minion waiting at your hand and foot. Let's get some.
{They walk on in. The camera pans up to see a sign that says "Minion Warehouse". Cut to the inside where the guys are talking to a guy behind a desk.}
JARO: We're looking for good minions.
GUY: I recommend a couple of those plug guys.
JARO: Great! How much?
GUY: 500 dollars.
JARO: Uh... got anything cheaper... say... 5 dollars.
GUY: You're in luck. It's my clear out sale, so everything under 200 dollars is half-price! I recommend "My Benji"s.
JARO: Those egg-yolks?! No way!
GUY: Well okay, but the only other thing in your price range is this! {Holds up a cardboard box with "SOliD" printed on the side.}
JARO: Fine. We'll take the yolks. {Hands him some money.}
GUY: Here you go! {Hands over a box labelled "My Benji".}
{Swipe effect to see them standing at an apartment complex.}
JARO: {Whispering} Trust me. This will work.
{He bounces in and talks to a man.}
JARO: I'd like to rent out all your apartments.
MAN: Look pal, I don't know who you think you are, but I got two reasons you can't live here. Number one: People already live here.
JARO: You're just gonna have to tell them to leave.
MAN: And number 2: You don't have enough money!
{Jaro gives him a credit card.}
MAN: Okay Mr. Saargtsson! Thanks for your purchase!
JARO: Great. Get out of my house.
MAN: Yes sir! {Walks outside and explodes. Yodeling is heard.}
GRUNDY: Uh... okay. What was that?
CHORCH: It doesn't matter. Anyway, the book says that we need a computer.
JARO: I don't feel like wasting any more time. But I'm confident that after a good ol' swipe effect, we will have a computer. {Swipe effect. There is now a HUGE computer sitting next to them.} Wow! That usually doesn't work!
X-5: Hello new masters. I am the X-5 computer, a new age in doing stuff.
JARO: Lets check email!
Dear Jaro,
Parties at my house!
Be there or be square!
-Saargtsson's minions
JARO: WOW! They're having a party!!
GRUNDY: First we get an email show, and now this!
CHORCH: To the public teleporter!!
X-5: No need to.
JARO: What? How else would we get to the lava zone?
X-5: My interface has a built in teleporter. I will be transported with you for you to teleport home.
GRUNDY: Sweet! Take us to the lava zone!
{In a flash, the trio and their computer are gone. Cut to Saargtsson's base, where they, and some Poorbts and Gokuls are. Jaro and Chorch have party hats on while Grundy has a lampshade on his head.}
JARO: Thanks for throwing us a first email party.
POORBT: What? I didn't throw this party for you. We're celebrating cause' it's the first time Saargtsson's left in a year! Something about identity theft.
GRUNDY: Got any cake?
POORBT: Oh yeah. There's some on that table. {Gestures to a table which has a Gokul sitting on it.}
JARO: That looks like a Gokul.
POORBT: Jaro, thats a cake. Watch. {Jumps on the table and sticks a fork into the "cake". It really was a Gokul and it runs off in pain.} Oops. I guess it was a Gokul.
JARO: What about music? Got any good music?
POORBT: I got "The Best of Saargtsson Hissing". Wanna listen to that?
JARO: No thanks. I declare this party offically lame. Lets go.
POORBT: Wait! I got some games! Wanna play some "Scrabble"? Or a little Spin the Bottle? {Camera pans out to see Jaro and his friends have left.} Crap. Saargtsson was right. I should take a bath every now and then...
{Cut back to the X-5. Words on screen say "Click here to email Jaro".}
EASTER EGGS
- Click on the X-5's keyboard at the end to see a small short.
{Cut to the lava zone. Poorbt and Jaro are playing scrabble.}
JARO: SuperCom? Whats a SuperCom? Are you sure that's a word?
POORBT: Hey! You put down "Neb-1"! I don't even have a CLUE who that is!
{Tampo floats up.}
TAMPO: Stop referencing me!!
POORBT AND JARO: Sorry. {Cut back to X-5.}
FUN FACTS
- This is the first Jaro email to reference Tampo emails.
- Poorbt will reappear sometime in the future.
| Jaro Emails |
|---|
Party | Squids | Vacation | Time Travel? | Cooler Body | Business | Sued | Comic | Weapons | Fhqwhgads | Stranded | Bouncing | Questions | Sticklyman | Evil | Smell | Fired | Count X | Girlfriend | Scythe | Stone | Video Games | Pet | Five Emails | Pirate Virus | Distance | Evil V.2 | Makeover | Kidnapped | Pure Evil | Spies | Dween Venture | Astromund | Screw Up | Popup | Home Alone | Megah Fone | Lunch | Cop Out | New Party | Dead Again | Homeschool | Non Canon | Clones | Extra Late Christmas Special | Virus | Rebellion |
