Other Character Email Jaro/new party

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Contents

Summary

Jaro gets the gang back together after the show breaks apart.

Cast: Jaro, A Manager, Grundy, Chorch, The Master, The Lappit, Party Goers, Tampo, Brody, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Pan Pan

Lines: 337

Transcript

Part One

{A slow bassline plays as the screen fades in to a house on the prairie. The clouds are chirping, the birds are smiling, and the grass is green as day. A small Jaro, who we will simply call "Jaro", falls out of the front door, razor stubble and stink lines all over.}

JARO: My God, what's the point of going on? I haven't had steady work in months. My wives left me, my children grew up and moved away, and my dog's buried out in the backyard. Dead, of course. I've got no one left.

{a piece of paper hits Jaro in the face, and he grabs it and reads it. It's an add for the new My Benj Email show. He crumples it up and throws it away.}

JARO: Bah! That used to be me. {sigh} I gotta find work.

{A second piece of paper blows into his face}

JARO:What the crap? {takes paper and reads it} A job at Burgerville?? Count me in!

{The screen cuts to a strange Burger Shop. Jaro is inside wearing an oversized hat and talking to an overly happy manager. They are walking around the shop.}

MANAGER: Now, I know what you may be thinking. That before today, your life had no meaning. You were scum, before you worked here, weren't you?

JARO: Argl--

MANAGER: It's okay. You're not alone. I too used to be meager and boring. I had no real life. But I've been working here for 20 years now, and I've NEVER felt better!

JARO: Have you ever had a girlfriend?

{The Manager gets really close to Jaro and has hypnotizing eyes}

MANAGER: BURGERTOWN ELIMINATES THE NEED FOR A FAMILY...{he begins to drool and the background turns blood red as Jaro backs away}

{Jaro walks behind the counter and mans the register.}

JARO: I guess I'll have to get used to the fact my life is over.. I'll never go back to my glory days when I was popular and people enjoyed my work. I'm doomed to join the hoards of fools in this pit of mediocrity. I--

Voice: Jaro??

{Jaro turns around and sees Grundy, wearing a similar hat and a matching uniform. Jaro has tears in his eyes.}

JARO: G-Grundy??

GRUNDY: JARO!

{Despite having no arms, the two uh, "hug".}

GRUNDY: What are you doing working in Burger Town??

JARO: Ever since the email show tanked almost a year ago, I haven't had work. I've had to do odd jobs just to make ends meet. Some of which, I'd rather not say...

GRUNDY: I shared an apartment with Chorch for a few months before he just went up and left. I hadn't seen him since.

JARO: Tell me, Grundy; What happened?

GRUNDY: What happened to what?

JARO: To us? The three of us were the best of pals! What brought us apart? What ruined the email show?

GRUNDY: I just don't know, man. Loss of interest, I guess.

JARO: But imagine! If we could get the old gang back together, we'd be on top! We could once again rule the Fanstuff world with an iron fist!

GRUNDY: I'm with you all the way, dude!

JARO: Great! {turns to the Manager}, sir, with all due respect: You can take this job and shove it!

{The restaurant falls into silence. Suddenly, all of the fluorescent lights shatter, the people turn into giant bees and the Manager turns into a terrible squid.}

MANAGER: LEAVE??? {grabs the two minions in his awful tentacles} NOBODY EVER LEAVES!! HAVEN't YOU EVER HEARD OF A TWO WEEKS NOTICE????

GRUNDY: Actually, although it may be custom, giving two weeks notice isn't actually required...

JARO: ...unless you have a contract stating otherwise, or live in a state that does not have the Employment At-Will Doctrine (most states do).

MANAGER: Oh, well in that case, have a nice life.

{The two leave the joint.}

JARO: So, whatever. Where does Chorch live now?

GRUNDY: I don't know for sure, but word on the street says he's gotten a really bad job.

JARO: What kind of job?

{Grundy whispers something into Jaro's ear, and his eyes widen.}

JARO: Oh, sweet Jesus on a tortilla.

{Cut to a shot of Chorch with a large pair of glasses, sitting at a computer. The other two are sitting behind him, and he types through the whole scene.}

JARO: You made a sprite comic????

CHORCH: I know, I know. But think about it. The webcomic is hosted on a website that's paid for by ads, and I can still generate revenue by selling cheesy merchandise with my characters on it.

JARO: I hate to ask, but how many fans do you have?

CHORCH: Six Million a day.

JARO: Oh, God. It's worse than I thought. He feels devotion.

CHORCH: In this scene, the Author is talking to Red Mage, telling him to stop Megaman from eating all of Reds Ice Cream.

{Jaro attacks Chorch and holds him to the floor.}

JARO: IS REDS A BLUE PROTOMAN RECOLOR?? IS HE???

CHORCH: I, uh-- yes..

{Jaro repeatedly slaps Chorch.}

JARO: SNAP OUT OF IT. {slap} SNAP OUT OF IT. {slap}

CHORCH: Oh, my! Jaro... have I been making a sprite comic for six months straight?? {starts crying}

JARO: It's okay, now. It's okay. You have your life back.

CHORCH: I'm {wheeze} so {cough} SORRY {crying}.

JARO: Chorch, we're starting the email show again! You need to come with us!

CHORCH: Okay, just let me write a comic announcing the end of the ser-- {Jaro slaps him again, and the screen turns black.}

{The words "Part Two Yet To Come" appear.}


Part Two

{The scene begins in the ruins of the trio's first apartment. They search all over for any sort of trinket.}

JARO: {shouting}Has anyone found it yet??

GRUNDY: {distant} Nope!

CHORCH: Sorry, Jaro!

JARO: {sighs, then lifts up a cinder block} I don't think we'll find it.

CHORCH: We have to! That computer had all of our passwords and crap on it. We'll never get started without our emails.

JARO: I guess..

{Chorch moves some rubble.}

JARO: Don't you think we could just start over?

CHORCH: What do you mean?

JARO: We could just start the whole show over. New fanbase, new first email, new house.

GRUNDY: {distant} You just don't want to work!

JARO: I can't help it! I just hate to work!

{Jaro clears a bunch of dust and finds a large metallic block.}

JARO: Oh my God... guys, look!

{The other two come and see the artifact.}

GRUNDY: What is it?

JARO: Don't you remember? This is the thing we used to bring the Poopsmith to 20X6! We could bring him back! We could have our source of comic relief back!!

GRUNDY: And what am I, chopped Puddu???

JARO: Wait, I just thought of something... why the crap are we looking around our apartment?? We had a house, right?

CHORCH: And come to think of it, weren't we supposed to be protecting the Master in his astromund form?

{pause}

ALL: Oh crap!

{Cut to the house from Spies. The three walk up a pathway to the door and peer into the window. The Master is in his Astromund form and is guzzling Root Beer, sitting on a bean bag chair and watching Family Guy.}

ASTROMUND: {dazed} Ha ha ha... thats prety funy...lol

JARO: OMYGOD.

{Jaro crashes through the window, throws a bottle into the TV screen, and knocks The Master out of the way. The TV explodes and sparks fly everywhere.}

PETER: {voice slowly slowing down and garbling} Hey.. lois... that ... reminds me of the time IIIII WEEENNNNTTTT TTTOOOO MEEEXXXXICCOOO...

JARO: Master! Are you okay!

THE MASTER: gurgle

JARO: Oh, no! He's dead! {starts crying} Oh cruel fate! Why do you mock me!

{The Master wakes up.}

THE MASTER: Put me down, you wretch.

JARO: Master! You're alive!

GRUNDY: And suprisingly rude!

THE MASTER: Yeah, well that's what happens when I'm seperated from my suit for so long.

CHORCH: What do you mean, sir?

THE MASTER: Because us Astromunds have such low amounts of data storage, the only way for me to actually use free will is to store vast amounts of memory. The suit is what helps me store it all. Without it, I can only store basic morals and remember certain events, but things like personality can't be stored.

JARO: But things like long explainations and Saargtsson overthrowing you can?

THE MASTER: Exactly.

JARO: That's just convulted enough to work!

CHORCH: Master, we are very sorry to have neglected you for so long.

THE MASTER: Sorry is not good enough. You loose ten thousand meritpoints!

GRUNDY: But didn't you say those aren't wort--

{Jaro punches Grundy.}

JARO: {whispering} Shh! Memory problems!

CHORCH: Master, the point is we're back now! And we will do everything in our power to to put you back into your dictatorship!

THE MASTER: Aw, you guys...

GRUNDY: But we need to know something..

JARO: Have you seen our computer?

THE MASTER: What computer?

JARO: The Lappit 258?

THE MASTER: Oh, that. It's over in the corner somewhere. Don't tell me you guys are going to start that stupid email show again!

JARO: We have to! It's our duty!

THE MASTER: Everyone and their brother has an email show these days!

JARO:But they need us! To cancel out the extreme crap factor of todays entertainment!

{Jaro runs off into the corner and finds the Lappit. It's covered with dust and cobwebs.}

JARO: Wah! My computer! {dusts it off} Lappit! Do you still work? Is your battery charged?

LAPPIT: {beep} All systems are returning to normal functions. Hello Jaro.

JARO: Wah! You work!

GRUNDY: Wait.. If you're a sentient computer, what were you doing sitting in the corner for so long? Wouldn't you have gotten up and gone to look for us?

{Everyone looks at Grundy weird.}

GRUNDY: What?

LAPPIT: Uh, yes. Well, I had just assumed that you had abandoned me to get a new computer like so many email checkers before you. So, I've basically been running fun simulations while you were out.

GRUNDY: What sort of simulations do robots run?

{Jaro begins to daydream. The screen fades to him sleeping, and we see his dreams in a thought bubble.}

1


00

0001010101010


2!

{Jaro wakes up, frightened.}

JARO: OH MY GOD! {shivers under the blankets}

{Cut back to the reality.}

JARO: I've had my share of nightmares.

CHORCH: Lappit, bring up our inbox.

LAPPIT: With pleasure.

{Their inbox appears on the screen.}

Subject:Inbox

  • Time Travel
  • Good/Bad
  • English! Haha!
  • Wild Party
  • Paranormal

JARO: WHAT?? Only five emails?? It's been what.. 9 MONTHS???

CHORCH: Keep in mind that we weren't at the height of our popularity.

JARO: Well, yeah, but still! Only five emails!! That's lame! We don't even have any spam!

GRUNDY: I don't think we've ever had that many emails.

JARO: Tampo gets a lot of emails! Why can't we!

CHORCH: His emails follow a carefully written plot that isn't full of nonsense and short plot twists.

GRUNDY: He has good hy--

JARO: Shut up! We did this joke already! Let's just answer a friggen email.

Subject:wild party

Jaro,
You guys should throw a wild party. With cold ones and um.....hot....enemy....bosses? It'll be a hit! You'll be hit....bwahahahahah!!!
-Steven Sterrence88

{Jaro reads the email through without the pauses, and reads the whole thing in monotone.}

JARO: From, Steven 88 Sterrences. {clears screen and begins typing} A party, eh? Why does that sound awfully familiar..?

GRUNDY: Ooh! I know!

{Fade into a wild party. Grundy is drunk on root beer and Jaro is talking to him.}

GRUNDY: {drunk as a skunk} Hey, baby... Are your arms tired cuz you've been running through my mind all day! Screaming.

JARO: I'm uncomfortable.

{Cut back to the computer.}

JARO: No, no, no! Not that! I mean the first email! The

firstest email we've ever gotten!

CHORCH: You mean the sucky one at the Lava Zone? The sucky one that will forever haunt us for the rest of our lives? The party which will go down in history as the SUCKIEST DUMBIEST PARTY OF ALL TIME?? THAT ONE?????

{pause}

JARO: Uh, yeah, that one.

CHORCH: Oh, okay.

JARO: {typing} But I supose your right, Sterrences 1-88. It's about time we wen't back and made up for our severe lack of party in the past. I'm no so sure about the bosses though, considering they're not all that hot, and {the camera pans over to the window, showing the city being destroyed by Tampo and Brody.} how they're kinda busy being controlled by some mysterious figure and are a bit busy ruining the world right now.

GRUNDY: This really sucks.

JARO: We really should be doing something about this, but... we got a party to set up.

{Fade into the entire house errupting in party. Homestar's "Partying" is playing and people are dancing and having conversation. There's a multicolored discoball on the roof and there's a lot of comotion. It's dark outside and there's a light from the city being engulfed in flames. The Master is sitting at a table, slumped over, his hat leaning to the side. He sighs, and Jaro hops up.}

JARO: Master, what's wrong?

THE MASTER: Oh, I'm just depressed. All of my work, it's all being destroyed. I built this city. And it is being destroyed.

JARO: Weren't you going to destroy it anyway when your world domination plans went into effect?

THE MASTER: Not like this... Not like this. This city was the base of my operations. I built Challenge City, you know. I manipulated all the events that put my friends into the government positions. I've been controlling the laws.

JARO: What were your plans?

THE MASTER: I was going to build a utopia. After Stinkoman had defeated me twice, I understood that nobody should have to live in a world with such pain. Where you cannot walk down the street without having your wallet stolen. I was going to create a world without crime. And you understand, right?

JARO: What?

THE MASTER: The only way to achive peace, is through war. That was the reason for the 9 Bosses. If I could control the most powerfull mutants, I could control the world.

{The master looks out the window.}

THE MASTER: This was not in my plans. {sniffs}

{Jaro looks at The Master with a deep sadness.}

JARO: Master. I.. I'm sorry. You're absolutley right. We need your vision to make this right. I promise, that from this moment on, I will help you get back your city.

THE MASTER: Thank you Jaro. I--

{Suddenly, the power goes out. The music ceases and a girl screams. Nothing is visable.}

JARO: Calm down, everyone. I think we just blew a fuse. I promise we'll get the power back in time to play bobbing for apples.

{The house shakes with a large unseen explosion. Comotion is heard and more people are screaming.}

GRUNDY: {whispering} Jaro, what's going on?

JARO: I don't know, but we need to do something soon before the crowd leave--

{Suddenly, the roof to the house is ripped off revealing the night sky, and the smoldering city. Tampo is seen holding the roof with a long electrical beam from his cerebellum. His eyes are pure white.}

TAMPO: Where is "The Master"?

JARO: Tampo! What's going on??

TAMPO: Silence. {he shoots a second beam the blows Jaro offscreen with a small explosion. The people in the house run for cover, and Tampo is moving and destroying furniture with his lightning.} I will ask again. Where is the one you call "The Master".

{Cut to Grundy, Chorch, and The Master hiding behind a table. More stuff is being thrown around in the background.}

GRUNDY: Master! Shouldn't you go to him?

THE MASTER: No, you idiot! That's not my minion! He's being controlled by something. Just look!

{Grundy looks up from under the table, and a bolt of lightning almost hits him in the face.}

GRUNDY: ACK!

THE MASTER: Idiots!

CHORCH: Master, we need to find a way to get you out of here unseen!

THE MASTER: And then what? Keep hiding forever until he finally finds me? No! I'm going to fight this guy! I need to find who defied me!

{The Master jumps out from behind the table, and flys towards Tampo.}

GRUNDY: Master, NO!

CHORCH: His Sticklyman suit gave him judgement. He doesn't understand that without it, he'll be killed.

{The Master jumps on pieces of debris controlled by Tampo. The get's higher into the air, dodging three lightning bolts. He flies foward and kicks Tampo right in the eye.}

TAMPO: Ow. {Charges up.}

{Tampo sends a bolt towards The Master. He grabs him and restricts his arms. The music ceases.}

TAMPO: That hurt.

{Tampo slams The Master into one wall of the house, and then into another. The Master's visor is cracked, and there are many exposed circuits.}

VOICE: Hey, Brain-boy!

TAMPO: What the?

{Stinkoman jumps into the air and kicks Tampo right in his gooey brain. Tampo flies back and releases the Master.}

STINKOMAN: Leave those kids alone!

{Jaro appears from under a piece of drywall, and joins his pals. The Master arrives in Stinkoman's arms, badly damaged.}

STINKOMAN: That's it! I'm tired of this Gooey idiot taking all of my challenges!

JARO: Wait, don't you hate The Master.

STINKOMAN: I don't hate anyone! I just looove a good challenge.

JARO: Well, {looking at the Master} some people would say otherwise.

STINKOMAN: Right, well. I'm gonna go finish this guy off. Nobody takes my challenges! DOUBLE DEUCE!! {Stinkoman flies away, and fighting is heard and seen in the background.}

CHORCH: Jaro, we've gotta get the master out of here!

JARO: I agree. Where do we take him!

{Suddenly, the camera scrolls to the left, showing 1-Up and Pan Pan.}

1-UP: I know this may sound weird, but you need to come to Stinkoman HQ with us! Hurry!

{The whole group runs offscreen, just as an unconcious Tampo falls down to earth and crushes the house. Stinkoman flies back down and looks at the rubble.}

STINKOMAN: Hey, bouncy man! ... Uh, I think your house got broke! ... Where is everybody.

{The screen fades to an outside shot of Stinkoman HQ. Stinkoman runs into the door just as large metallic shields come down and cover the whole house. The screen fades to the inside of the house. 1-Up, Jaro, Grundy, Chorch, Stinkoman and unconcious Master are all sitting in a living room.}

STINKOMAN: The shields should be able to keep us safe. We shouldn't leave for anything unless it's to get grocery deliveries.

1-UP: What if we run out of pudding? WHAT IF

STINKOMAN: 1-Up, floors 32-46 are nothing but pudding crates. You'll live. {leaves the room with 1-Up}

CHORCH: T-The Master's waking up.

{The Master moves and then props himself up on the couch. He looks around.}

THE MASTER: Where... where am I?

JARO: Some friends of ours let us crash here for safety. Your minions won't find you here.

THE MASTER: What happened to me?

GRUNDY: What?

THE MASTER: I remember fighting Tampo, and then he suddenly he stopped fighting. What happened? Who saved me?

CHORCH: Uh....

GRUNDY: Stin--

JARO: YOU DID. You're awesomeness actually destroyed Tampos powers.

THE MASTER: Wow... I bet that was some party.

JARO: It sure was.. It sure was.

{Fade to the rubble of Jaro's house. The Lappit is a few inches away from Tampo. Messages appear on it's screen.}

{The Lappit powers down. Scrolling over it makes the words "Click here to email Jaro" appear on the screen.}

Easter Eggs

  • Sorry, none today!

Fun Facts!

Later still!

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