Other Character Email Jaro/noncanon

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Jump to: navigation, search

Contents

Summary

This plot is boring. Let's try something else!

Cast: soon!

Lines: soon!

Transcript

{Fade back in to Homeschool's living room. Grundy is floating in the air, and his eyes are red. He's smiling wickidly. The rest of the group is cowering in the corner.}

CHORCH: Grundy! You're being controlled by Dark Greggo??

GRUNDY: No! I am the ghost of Morgan Freeman! I've taken control of your friend "Grundy"!

HOMESCHOOL: Morgan Freeman isn't dead!

GRUNDY: Maybe not the Morgan Freeman you're thinking of. Anyway, I'm here to challenge you, Jaro!

JARO: Me??

GRUNDY: I challenge you to an arm wrestling competition! If you lose, I get your soul..

JARO: And if I win..?

GRUNDY: I'll give you 20 bucks.

JARO: Sounds like a good deal to me!

CHORCH: Jaro!

JARO: Shh! {Whispering} I got him by the throat!

GRUNDY: THEN LET THERE BE ARM WRESTLING.

{The room falls apart, and the people are left standing in darkness. A table falls from the ceiling in between Jaro and Morgan Freeman. Dramatic music plays. Close up on both of their eyes. Then the camera pans out and shows both characters in their armless glory.}

GRUNDY: Uh..

JARO: I don't think this'll work.

GRUNDY: Hmm.. how are we going to do this..?

JARO: Well, I can't do much.

GRUNDY: How about I possess someone else? Uh.. {looks around the room, seeing only two things with arms. He sees Chorch.} How 'bout you?

CHORCH: Uh, no. My arms are too flimsy for arm wrestling.

GRUNDY: {to Stinkoman} You?

STINKOMAN: Don't get near me.

JARO: So, what are we going to do?

GRUNDY: Oh, wait! I'll use my awesome ghost powers I have to give us both arms!

{Grundy squints, and suddenly, they both grow unproportional human arms.}

JARO: Gah!

GRUNDY: Excellent! Alright.. {sticks out arm} Let's do this!

JARO: Uh... {his arms become limp and stringy like

noodles} Nasty.

GRUNDY: Okay, okay. {both sets of arms disappear} How about we engage in some other sort of competition?

JARO: Y'know, about that.. I'm not really up to any competition right now, so..

GRUNDY: Oh, okay. That's cool then, I guess. Maybe some other time?

JARO: Maybe.

GRUNDY: Okay then. {leaves Grundys body} See ya.

{floats away}

GRUNDY: Uh, what happened.

CHORCH: Morgan Freeman showed up and possessed you, but then he left.

GRUNDY: Oh, that sounds completely not crazy.

1-UP: Listen guys, I don't know how long we're going to stay here, but we've gotta fix this problem in the future. Me and Stinkoman are going to draw up plans for a time machine.

JARO: Won't going forward in time and stopping Dark Greggo cause an even worse temporal displacement? You could be messing whole universes up!

1-UP: We'll figure something out. In the mean time, do whatever you want. Don't kill anyone. {1-Up and Stinkoman walk upstairs}

JARO: Well, we've got however long we need to do whatever. What a perfect combination of abysmal and great situations!

GRUNDY: Let's try another email.

{Jaro types something into the keyboard. After five seconds, an email pops up.}

JARO: Jeeze, slowness.

{Homeschool plops down on the couch.}

Subject:A Freakin Job!

To Jaro
Dont You Have A Job? What is It? A News Talker?
A DJ? A Janitor?

From-INNER BAD

JARO: "Inner Bad"? What the crap is that crap? Like, are you inside of Strong Bad?

CHORCH: That's gross.

JARO: Well, regardless of whatever people Strong Bad has consumed, I can say without a doubt, that I do not have a job. Jobs are for losers! Me, I live on food stamps and welfare checks, and I'm proud of it!

GRUNDY: We do get a healthy fee for doing these email shows from HRFWInc.

JARO: True, but since we've gone back in time, this is not the case. It wasn't very good pay, anyway. It was just a few potato chip coupons and candy canes.

CHORCH: Really just what the guy had lying on his desk when he was mailing us the paycheck.

GRUNDY: The potato chips were good though.

JARO: Yeah.. Well, in conclusion Inside Man, there's no way anyone's ever going to get me to get a job. NO.

{closeup} WAY.

{The phone rings, and Homeschool picks it up.}

HOMESCHOOL: Hello?... Hey, Homestar. How are you?.. Good, good... How's mom? .. What? {looks upset} No, I'm fine. Gotta go. See you. Bye. {hangs up}

JARO: What happened?

HOMESCHOOL: Our mom got fired from her job... Sigh.. It would take weeks for her to find another job.

{Grundy and Chorch look at Jaro.}

HOMESCHOOL: And with all the bills stacking up, it's only a matter of time before--

{All the lights go off at once.}

HOMESCHOOL: We loose electricity..

JARO: I curse the man who made emails that correspond to my current situations!

CHORCH: Don't worry, Homeschool! We'll help you with your financial status.

HOMESCHOOL: Oh, that would be great. My credit's so terrible I can't get a job.

'{That weird "Love Story Montage" song starts playing, and a montage begins showing the trio going off in different directions. Cut to Jaro at Bubs Concession Stand who looks up at Bubs. Bubs shakes his head, and Jaro hops away sadly. Fade to Chorch in Strong Bad's basement. He's carrying a box of Sega Genesis cartridges to the other side of the room. He "trips", and the games go flying to the floor. Strong Bad walks in and looks at him disapprovingly. Cut to Grundy in Marzipan's garden. Marzipan pulls out a carrot and shows it to Grundy. Grundy then nods and pulls some sort of turnip with a face out. He turns around, and throws it at a Shyguy, which appears off screen. Marzipan looks mad, and Grundy runs away. Cut back to Homeschool's living room. The trio is sitting on the couch with Homeschool. A few candles are lit.}

JARO: Well, we did our best.

GRUNDY: We tried our hardest.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {pops in from offscreen, singing} But I guess your best, wasn't GOOD enough! {goes offscreen again}

JARO: Yeah..

{Long pause}

GRUNDY: {coughs}

{Pause}

JARO: So, I guess--

{Cut to a black screen with the words "Sudden Plot Twist". Cut back to Chorch and Jaro standing in the feild.}

JARO: Look, I'm not saying I hate Majora's Mask, but when you release a Zelda collection, you have to release Link to the Past too! I mean, this is kid stuff, dude!

{pause}

CHoRCH: What are you talking about? I just asked "How are you?".

JARO: Oh, I was just inserting a fragment for an imaginary conversation so that any spies who had just come in wouldn't know what we're talking about. BECAUSE IF THEY DID.--

CHORCH: All I said was--!!

{Grundy suddenly pops in from offscreen. He looks more cartoony than usual.}

GRUNDY: {high voice} Hey, guys!

JARO: ...hey.

GRUNDY: So, the ice cream factory exploded! Let's go down there and take our share!

CHORCH: I didn't even know we had an ice cream factory.

JARO: I didn't know it was combustable.

GRUNDY: Well there is! And it blew up! And people

died!

JARO: {whispering} Is Grundy acting a little .. odd?

{Cut to a wider shot of the field, showing normal Grundy standing right behind them. They look at him weird and then at the cartoony Grundy.}

GRUNDY: Guys, we need to go to the store and buy stuff. Mostly for me, but you guys can come too.

JARO: Are you real?

GRUNDY: Why? Do I look like a statue to you? {freaked out} Cuz that would be cuh-ray-zee!

CHORCH: No, look over there!

{Close up on Cartoon Grundy.}

GRUNDY: Feet!

{Cut back to the stars.}

GRUNDY: oh, him. He showed up a few days ago.

JARO: And you didn't tell anyone??

GRUNDY: I didn't think it was a big deal.

JARO: He's you!

GRUNDY: Hey, there can be only one Grundy. Sure, there can be cheap knockoffs and fanboys, but there'll always be the original.

{pause}

JARO: This is a change of subject, but have you noticed that our personalities have gotten zanier than usual? I mean, we're funny guys, but now it seems like we're talking with a voice.

VOICE: Uh, excuse me?

{The group turns around to see Trogador in all his glory, towering above them.}

JARO: Eep! It's you! How'd you get here!

TROGADOR: Uh, is this the N4CH0-m4n Universe?

JARO: Uh, yeah?

TROGADOR: Oh, okay. {calling off screen} Guys, it's okay!

{A slew of random H*R characters runs in from off screen and tramples over the trio.}

JARO: Ahh!

{The group leaves and they collect themselves. Trogador still stands there.}

JARO: What's going on here!

TROGADOR: Well, here's the scoop. This universe is a sub-universe of the F4N51UFF Universe, right.

JARO: Yep.

TROGADOR: See, this universe's leader realized that it was getting extremely overcrowded with crappy unworthy universes. So, he decided he would purge it to destroy everything he deemed unworthy.

GRUNDY: What? What kind of Universal headmaster is he?

{Cut to a shadowy room, where Dark Greggo stands.}

DARK GREGGO: Oh, don't act suprised.

{Cut back to the field.}

TROGADOR: I was one in one of the universes that were allowed to be kept. I decided it was my duty to save all the poor people.

CHORCH: That doesn't look like several universes worth of people.

TROGADOR: Well, the ones I like.

JARO: So, why'd you dump them all here??

TROGADOR: I didn't want them hanging around me.

JARO: You can't just dump your trashload of people in here! We've got all these characters already!

GRUNDY: Your very presence in this universe is effecting our personalities!

TROGADOR: Well, that's you guys problem.

JARO: We have these characters already! You're going to have to take them elsewhere.

TROGADOR: Look, I don't really care about you guys. Bye bye.

JARO: Wait! If you go, we'll tell everyone you have a different personality then that of your canon counterpart.

TROGADOR: So do you.

JARO: Hmm... {looks around}

{Cut to Homestar Runner standing in the field.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: E=Mc2

{Cut to Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: I'll join the ballet team.

{Cut to Homsar.}

HOMSAR: Hello, Marzipan. Nice day, isn't it.

{Marzipan walks up in raged clothes, eating a steak.}

MARZIPAN: Shut up.

{Cut back to the trio.}

JARO: {pause} I--

THE END

Easter Eggs

  • soon!

Fun Facts

  • soon!
Retrieved from "http://fanstuff.hrwiki.org/wiki/Other_Character_Email_Jaro/noncanon"