Other Character Email Jaro/Homeschool

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Contents

Summary

Cast: Strong Bad, Strong Sad, The Cheat, Strong Mad, Jaro, Grundy, Chorch, 1-Up, Stinkoman, Bubs, Homeschool Winner, Homestar, Homsar

Lines: 234

Transcript

{The email begins in, of all places, Strong Bad's basement. The lights are off, and Strong Bad is lying on his couch with his head in the cushions. There are sacks of "Potate" all scattered about. The TV is blaring.}

STRONG BAD: {mumbling} Si...Simon's Quest...

{Strong Sad walks up.}

STRONG SAD: Strong Bad? Hey, Strong Bad?

STRONG BAD: Megaman.. Megaman 9...

STRONG BAD: That's Wiiware! Wake up!

{Strong Bad gets up, looks around, and then smacks his mouth.}

STRONG BAD: What time is it?

STRONG SAD: You've been sleeping on this couch for three days. {points to Strong Bad's arm} I think your skin is starting to fuse to the cushions.

STRONG BAD: Wagh! {rapidly shakes arms, until they detach from the couch}

STRONG SAD: You fell asleep watching that stupid Caleb Rentpayer Christmas/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah/Holiday special. That you taped 5 years ago.

STRONG BAD: Hey, shut up about the special! It's hardcore!

STRONG SAD: There's nothing hardcore about a diverse holiday soap opera special!

STRONG BAD: Shut up!

{The Cheat and Strong Mad approach.}

THE CHEAT: {Series of explanatory mehs.}

STRONG BAD: Spray paint?

THE CHEAT: Meh Meh!

STRONG BAD: Shoplifting?

THE CHEAT: Meh!

STRONG BAD: Breaking stolen things, spray painting them, and then setting them on fire?? How could I refuuuuuuse??

{Strong Mad and The Cheat leave with Strong Bad. Strong Sad stands alone.}

STRONG SAD: {pause} ...and then there was one...

{walks offscreen}

{Cut to the field. Strong Bad, Strong Mad and The Cheat are walking to the right.}

STRONG BAD: Man, we're going to steal so many of Marzipan's eggplants, she'll be like {close up, TGS voice} Oh, where did all my eggplant go? I luuuuvs eggplant!

{Cut back to a wide view of the field.}

STRONG BAD: And every day. for a year, we steal each plant, one by one. Until she goes crazy! {laughing} they'll take 'er to the nut house!

THE CHEAT: {laughing Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: And then we have The Cheat dress up like a Gremlin and follow Marzipan into the loony bin! She'll go really nuts!

THE CHEAT: Meh, meh!

STRONG BAD: What'dya mean "Not that kind of Gremlin"? What other kinds are there?

{Suddenly, a strange noise is heard behind them. They all turn around to see a swirling portal appear in the sky behind them. They all look in awe.}

STRONG BAD: What is it?

THE CHEAT: {scared noises}

{The portal grows big for a few moments, then flashes white, and disappears. In it's place are an unconscious Stinkoman, 1-Up, Jaro, Grundy and Chorch. They all plop to the ground. The Strong guys stare for a few seconds before they slowly inch froward.}

STRONG BAD: Uh.. hey? Weirdos?

STRONG MAD: ARE THEY DEAD??

STRONG BAD: Naw, I don't think they're dead. This chicken is still breathing a little.

THE CHEAT: Meh meh meh!

STRONG BAD: You're right The Cheat! If there's anyone smart enough to be an expert on the "paranormal" it's gotta be--

{Cut to Bub's Connses5ion stand.}

STRONG BAD: Bubs! Bubs! Bubs! {pounds on counter} Bubs! Bubs!

THE CHEAT: Meh! Meh!

STRONG MAD: DOUGLAS!

{Bubs rises from the depths of the stand.}

BUBS: Sorry, Strong Mad. Douglas ain't here!

STRONG BAD: Bubs! We saw the craziest thing!

BUBS: That wise crackin' transmission from the commercial? {pulls out a shotgun}

STRONG BAD: No, no, no. It was like, a bright light!

THE CHEAT: Meh, meh meh!

BUBS: Hmm.. Sounds like I'm the man for the job. 50 bucks!

STRONG BAD: What?? What if it was some sort of evil from the future??

BUBS: 60 bucks!

STRONG BAD: Er, fine! {pulls out a wallet with the H*R logo on it} Here, take it.

BUBS: Alright, let's go.

{Cut back to The Field. Stinkoman begins to shift.}

STINKOMAN: Oh, my head.. {looks around} What the.. crap? {pokes 1-Up} 1-Up? Where are we?

1-UP: Ugh.. {opens eyes} This.. looks familiar..

STINKOMAN: At least we're alive.. I thought we were dead.

1-UP: {shuffles over to Grundy and Chorch} Hey, wake up!

{Grundy stirs and Chorch awakens.}

GRUNDY: Am I dead? What happened?

CHORCH: .. oh, that was some trip..

GRUNDY: Where are we?

1-UP: That's what I'm trying to figure out.

GRUNDY: What if we're in another simulation? What if Dark Greggo's controlling us?

1-UP: No.. Simulations only work to a certain degree... this is all too real.

STINKOMAN: My clock says it's 2004. What's up with that?

{Grundy turns around, and sees Jaro with a huge crack in his visor.}

GRUNDY: {gasp} Jaro!

{Grundy looks down at Jaro.}

GRUNDY: What happened to him? How did he end up like this?

STINKOMAN: Don't you remember? You--

{Chorch flies up to him and covers Stinkoman's mouth.}

GRUNDY: Well, I remember the Lappit showed up. Where is it?

1-UP: I'm not sure. Before we came here, he was messing with the computer.

{1-Up turns around and sees The Lappit on the ground. It's completely fried, and the exterior is melted. He runs over.}

1-UP: Oh, no! That computer that acts like a person!

{A piece of paper comes out of the Lappit's slot. 1-Up tears it out and reads it.}

1-UP: "Computer fried. You did something wrong, bub".

CHORCH: No! My computer!

GRUNDY: We tried so hard not to loose it like so many email checkers before us {shifts tone immediately} losing interest.

STINKOMAN: So, what about Jaro?

1-UP: We'll get him fixed. But we've gotta leave. We're not safe out in the open.

STINKOMAN: Wait, why are you acting so smart??

1-UP: Homeschool's personality programming. Don't you remember?

STINKOMAN: No, I was too busy being ignored.

1-UP: Oh, well. We gotta go.

{The group walks offscreen to the right.}

{Cut to Bubs Conces5ion stand. Homeschool Winner has joined the group.}

HOMESCHOOL: {nerdy voice} I heard you need an expert on the paranormal.

STRONG BAD: Well, you are one of the only smart guys in this cartoon.

HOMESCHOOL: Now, explain to me exactly what you saw so I can draw my conclusion.

STRONG BAD: Well, I remember.. a Laptop... a weird tooth robot..

STRONG MAD: THERE WAS A CHICKEN IN SNEAKERS!

STRONG BAD: Oh, right!

THE CHEAT: Meh Mehmeh meh! {points to Strong Bad}

STRONG BAD: Looked like me?? No robot could look like me!

HOMESCHOOL: Hmm, that's unusual. Anything else?

STRONG BAD: Oh, it all came though a big glowy portal in the sky.

HOMESCHOOL: A portal??

STRONG BAD: Yeah, one of those swirly kind with the lens flare effects.

HOMESCHOOL: Very odd..

1-UP: {offscreen} Uh, excuse me?

{The camera pans over to show the group from the future standing to the left.}

STRONG BAD: Wah! {jumps back} It's them! Bubs, shoot them with that shotgun you really have!

1-UP: Strong Bad? Homeschool? Is that you?

STRONG BAD: How do you know my name??

{Bubs pulls out his shotgun and aims it at the future guys.}

1-UP: Don't shoot!

GRUNDY: We come in peas!

BUBS: Shut up, chicken man!

HOMESCHOOL: {ducks in front of them} No! You can't shoot them! They're advanced.

{Homeschool turns around and looks at 1-Up.}

HOMESCHOOL: How do you know my name?

1-UP: Uh, because you built me?

HOMESCHOOL: Impossible... I've never built such an advanced robot.

1-UP: But you did.

HOMESCHOOL: What year were you activated?

1-UP: 2026..

STRONG BAD: 2026?? What are you-

HOMESCHOOL: Quiet. Why are you here?

1-UP: We're from 20X6. We were fighting against a tyrannical overlord when we ducked into a random room. Then we wound up here.

HOMESCHOOL: 20X6.. You're from over 100 years in the future..

1-UP: Wait, this is the past?? Oh, God No!

STINKOMAN: What's up?

1-UP: I thought this was all a simulation! Or a trick! But this is real! I could have drastically altered the time line forever!! He knows I exist before he creates me!

HOMESCHOOL: Robot, if what you're saying is true, I'll do whatever I can to make sure nothing is damaged in time.

1-UP: {sarcastically} Oh, that makes me feel better.

STINKOMAN: Hey, wrestleman! You look a little familiar...

STRONG BAD: Yeah, so do you..

BUBS: Doesn't he look like the robot we're trying to build in the basement?

1-UP: Building?

{Cut to the basement of the stand. An unfinished Stinkoman is on a table in the middle of the room. The crowd stands around it.}

STINKOMAN: Wah! It's like, it's me!

STRONG BAD: Wow! My robot worked!

BUBS: {simultaneously} Our robot.

STRONG BAD: So, what's the future like? How am I doing? Am I still the rich playboy stud I am today?

STINKOMAN: Actually, the--

1-UP: No, no! We can't talk about the future here! We could alter the time line!

STINKOMAN: Weren't you listening earlier? That Dark Greggo guy BLEW UP the time line!

1-UP: {sighs} Everything we knew.. it's all gone..

STRONG BAD: Blew up the time line??

1-UP: Nothing.. there's nothing we can do..

HOMESCHOOL: Well if it's as serious as destroying the universe, you've gotta tell us.

1-UP: {angry} Well, I might as well! My whole life is destroyed!

CHORCH: But look around us! We don't need to worry about it! We're carefree! It's out of our hands, so we might as well not give a crap!

1-UP: I guess you're right..

STINKOMAN: So, can I tell them about the future?

1-UP: You might as well. There's no point now.

STINKOMAN: Alright. I'm built two years before 1-Up. Pan Pan was a genetic experiment by you guys and Pom Pom. 1-Up was put away for several years but was re-activated later after Marzipan and Homestar lost--

1-UP: Wait, what did you say?

STINKOMAN: Homestar and Marzipan lost their--

1-UP: No, about Pan Pan! What happened to him!?

STINKOMAN: Oh, crap! You're right! I was so used to him being kidnapped, I thought he was just in another pickle! We lost Pan Pan!

1-UP: Alright, that's it. We have to do something to stop Dark Greggo and Sticklyman.

GRUNDY: Well, we can't do anything now. We have no time travel.

CHORCH: And even if we end up in the moment in time that caused the temporal distortion, stopping it would cause a terrible paradox.

1-UP: You're right... I guess we might as well be happy we're alive..

{The whole group looks down at Jaro, crumpled on the ground.}

1-UP: Oh, right. Homeschool, can you fix this guy? He's kinda dead.

HOMESCHOOL: Sure. {leans over and opens Jaro's head open} Oh, this is simple.

{Cut to a close up to the inside of Jaro. Only one wire has come loose, and Homeschool plugs it back in. He then slides Jaro's visor off and looks around.}

HOMESCHOOL: Hmm.

{Homeschool pulls a piece of glass out of a box in the corner. He pulls out a can of black spray paint and sprays it. He slides it over Jaro's eyes and closes his head. Jaro turns on.}

JARO: --omeone help! {looks around} W-What's happening.

{Grundy runs up and hugs Jaro close.}

GRUNDY: Jaro! You're not dead for reasons I don't understand!

JARO: Get offa me.

GRUNDY: Okay! {gets away}

JARO: {looks at Stong Bad and The Cheat} Who are these people? What happened to Dark Greggo?

1-UP: We couldn't stop him. He destroyed everything.

JARO: How??

1-UP: Your computer messed with the other computer and sent us back in time.

JARO: Back in time??? Where??

1-UP: 2004, I think.

JARO: Explain.

{Cut to a black screen with the words "One explaination later". Cut back to the basement.}

JARO: I see.

1-UP: We need a place to stay until we can figure out how we can get things back the way they were.

HOMESCHOOL: You can stay at my place. I want to learn as much as possible about the time line as possible.

{The group exits through the stairs. Strong Bad, The Cheat, Strong Mad, and Bubs are left there alone.}

STRONG BAD: So...

{Cut to the interior of Homeschool's house, where the group is sitting on a couch. There are three pictures, of Homestar, Homsar and Homeschool all along the wall.}

HOMESCHOOL: So, here's the house. It's not much, but with three kids, our mom has a hard time paying the bills.

JARO: That sucks.

HOMESCHOOL: You say you've been here before, right? So, you guys know my brothers Homsar and Homestar.

STINKOMAN: Where're we going to sleep?

HOMESCHOOL: Uh, here's fine.

JARO: I call the couch. {hops on the couch}

STINKOMAN: Uh, no. {swats him off}

JARO: Grumble.. well, you got a computer around here?

HOMESCHOOL: I have a Windows 2000.

JARO: Ugh.. well, it's something. Where is it?

HOMESCHOOL: Uh, I couldn't afford the whole computer, so I installed the software onto the TV and bought a keyboard.

JARO: Er, it'll have to do..

{Jaro walks over to the TV, and flips it to AV 2.}

JARO: Awful.

GRUNDY: How do you expect to check email from 100 years in the future.

JARO: I'll do it.

{Jaro logs on, and his inbox comes up. The screen is slightly staticy.}

JARO: Ha ha! Success!

HOMESCHOOL: Wow.

Subject:Arm Wrestlin'

Dear Jaro,
I bet I could beat you all in arm wrestling!
-Morgan Freeman's Ghost

GRUNDY: Who's Morgan Freeman?

CHORCH: And where is his ghost?

JARO: And more importantly, how can you arm wrastle a ghost? Wouldn't you fall right through it?

HOMESCHOOL: Depends on what kind of ghost it is.

JARO: Alright, Morggy. I accept yur challenge. Let's go!

{They all look around. Nothing happens.}

JARO: Uh..

CHORCH: I guess he's waiting in the future for us...

{Suddenly, Grundy starts jerking around. His eyes go white and he falls on the ground. Suddenly, his eyes glow red and he looks up.}

GRUNDY: Ha..

JARO: Gulp..

{Cut to a black screen with the words "To Be Continued".}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "continued" at the end to see a bonus scene.

Easter Egg Transcript

{Cut to a montage of Homeschool and Wagon Full of Pancakes in business hats, almost exactly like the one from Montage.}

HOMESCHOOL: {after the song} I'm down on my luck!

{Cut back to the "To be Continued" screen.}

Fun Facts

  • Read Dead Again to understand our heros situation.
  • Simon's Quest is the second game in the Castlevania series.
  • Megaman 9 is the latest game in the Megaman Classic series, released on Wiiware and resembling an old NES game. But, how could Strong Bad know about it in 2004, you ask? IT'S A JOKE, GUYS.
  • Both of those games are a reference to Strong Bad's Couch mumbling.
  • Douglas.
  • Microsoft sucks. But it's all we got.
  • This email was sent by MikeControl.
  • Morgan Freeman is an actor. He played God in Bruce Almighty, remember?
  • I did the Fun Facts again! What's up??
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