Other Character Email Tampo/freeze

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Tampo Email #42: "freeze"

Summary: Tampo receives an email regarding An Ice Machine, and soon the entire Lava Zone is under seige.

Cast (in order of appearance): Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Stranky, NEB-1, Saargtsson, Zyves, Liekand, Poorbts, Frotzers, Gaspeaus, Stothos, Fullbides, My Benjes, An Ice Machine (offscreen), Gokul (Easter egg)

Places: Private Chamber, Outer Space, The Moon, A Field, Pink Cloud Zone, Saargtsson's Chamber, Various Lava Zone Chambers

Length: 200 Lines

Date: February 11, 2006

Transcript

{Cut to the boss trio in their private chamber.}

TAMPO: {email rap} Email is the only way to... uh, I'm running out of ideas, so I'll just, uh... do something lame. Emal gnihtemos od... hu, tsuj ll'i os, saedi fo tuo gninnur m'i, hu... ot yaw ylno eht si liame.

CSS:/>openmail: brother

Dear Brother,
I'm coming to visit!

-Stranky

{Tampo says "Stranky" confusedly.}

TAMPO: Stranky? Is he like... Strunko?

STLUNKO: Unfortunately, it is the same idea.

BRODY: Crap. We can't go through that again, can we?

STLUNKO: Last time we met, I implanted a device in him. I was hoping that I would never have to do this. {pulls out a small remote with a button and pushes it}

{Cut to outer space. A small robot with a similar design to Stlunko is cruising by with rockets coming out of him. He is wearing a hat.}

STRANKY: {singing} On my way to meet Brother Stlunko, one my way--

{A beeping noise occurs. He then explodes. Cut back to the SaargtScreen.}

BRODY: Uh... what'd you just do?

STLUNKO: Do not worry, he will be fine. He has clones. But we should be safe for now. Feel free to answer another email.

TAMPO: Uh... alright then... if you say so. Email!

{The old email is replaced with a new one.}

CSS:/>openmail: An Ice Machine

Dear Tampo,
Have you ever heard of An Ice Machine? He was a boss, just like you, who was recently defeated by Stinkoman. He tried his best, but ended up getting the crap challenged out of him. You should visit him sometime. He needs the confort. He lives in the Ice Zone.
From,
No one in partictular.
AKA: AwexomeMan

TAMPO: {reads up to "just like you"} Oh, no! Delete! DELETE!!!

{The email disappears and is replaced with the following text.}

A:/> Command acknowledged.
Email deleted.

BRODY: What's the matter, Tampo? Some sort of virus?

TAMPO: Worse. An email asking about a boss.

STLUNKO: I do not see what is wrong with that.

TAMPO: Don't you guys remember what happened the last times we opened emails relating to new bosses?

BRODY: Uhh...

{Cut to Tampo, Brody, Stlunko and NEB-1 are in the middle of the battlescene from "attacked".}

NEB-1: RRROOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRR!!!! {shakes head violently and shoots out laser balls}

{The laser balls hit Tampo and Brody offguard, making them fizzle, flash and crumple down, unconscious.}

NEB-1: ROAR!

{Fade to the boss trio with Saargtsson and Zyves in a field, a scene from "saargtsson". The boss trio are trapped within a blue forcefield.}

SAARGTSSON: ...Prepare to die.

{Suddenly the force field the trio is in starts to shrink slowly.}

TAMPO: Noooo!!! Don't do this!

{Saargtsson laughs evilly. Fade to Tampo and the Liekand in the Pink Cloud Zone room featured in "tornado guy".}

LIEKAND: Only $20! That's right, an unbelievableinconceivable $20! That's right, this superjewel-encrestedpuregoldcrown could be yours forthelowlowlowpriceofjust20dollarsgiveortakeafewthousand and 20 DOLLARS! How could you say no?

{Fade back to the boss trio in the Lava Zone.}

BRODY: I see.

TAMPO: It's obviously a jinx! But we're safe now, hopefully. The email is deleted and there's nothing to worry about.

STLUNKO: You are overreacting. I do not even have any information on An Ice Machine, other than he likes ice, has a history with Saargtsson, and lives on a mountain connected-

TAMPO: Stop! Please... I don't wanna get zapped, or squeezed, or scammed...

BRODY: Or frozen!

TAMPO: Yes. Or frozen.

STLUNKO: There is no such thing as luck or jinxes. Opening an email about him will not cause him to visit us for no reason.

BRODY: Oh yeah? Well, I believe Tampo. And if it isn't a jinx, then why is it suddenly so cold in here? Huh?! Or explain that! {points}

{The camera turns to show the nearby lava flow, which starts hardening into rock and a fine layer of frost covers it.}

TAMPO: Uh... Brody...

BRODY: Yeah?

TAMPO: That's not a good thing.

BRODY: Oh. Right.

STLUNKO: Yes, I sense An Ice Machine approaching with several smaller bioforms. But it is just a coincidence.

TAMPO: Yeah, right. I just know I'm gonna go hurt here... Coincidence or not, we better go to Saargtsson. If he has a history, he'd probably know what to do against... whatever the Ice Machine is doing. {starts to leave}

STLUNKO: An Ice Machine. The "An" is his title of Ice Machine royalty.

TAMPO: Shut up and come on! {leaves the room}

{Brody and Stlunko follow. The frost starts creeping into the room more. Cut to Saargtsson sleeping in his chair in his private chamber.}

TAMPO: Err... {loudly} Saargtsson!

SAARGTSSON: {starts sleep mumbling} Yesss mommy... I'd lovvve to... dessstroy thhhat annoying Tamp— {suddenly wakes up, angry} Huh? You thhhree! How dare you awaken me?

TAMPO: Sorry, uh, master, sir...

STLUNKO: An Ice Machine is approaching with some sort of army. We thought you would like to be informed.

SAARGTSSON: An Iccce Maccchine? Oh, crap. He'ssssss back again.

BRODY: What does he want?

SAARGTSSON: He attacksss my home evvvery ssso offften and triesss to transssffform my lovvvely lavvva tunnelssssss into a hideousss icccicle mazzze. Fffor no conccceivvvable reassson eittther.

BRODY: No reason? At all?

SAARGTSSON: Well, it might be becaussse I captured thhhissss land fffrom him a long time ago and changed it from iccce to fffire. But I doubt it.

BRODY: Oh.

TAMPO: So what do we do? Fight him?

SAARGTSSON: Yesss, pretty much. Ssso fffar he hasss yet to reclaim thisss land, and wittth you thhhree helping, I'm confffident he'll be defffeated again.

BRODY: Ooh, fascinating. If you need us, we'll be hiding somewhere. {starts to leave}

TAMPO: What? No, come back here Brody. We can kick some Ice Machine butt. I think.

STLUNKO: What do we do?

SAARGTSSON: Kill as many iccce minionsss as you can wittthout getting frozzzen to sssquare.

TAMPO: Sounds simple enough. Do we get any support?

SAARGTSSON: We will all be fffighting... but you probably won't get much nearby help. Go defffend your little privvvate chamber. It'll be one of thhhe primary acccesss pattthsss that thhhey'll ussse.

STLUNKO: Let us hurry.

{Suddenly Saargtsson releases an odd wailing sound that echos throughout the caverns. The boss trio stare at them. After an awkward moment, Saargtsson realizes what was the matter.}

SAARGTSSON: Battle cry.

{Tampo and Brody nod in agreement and the three leave. After a few seconds, tons of Poorbts, Frotzers and Gaspeaus start pouring in and forming ranks. Zyves is up front.}

SAARGTSSON: Alright, minionssssss. An Iccce Maccchine isss attacking again from that sssector. {points with tail} I'vvve already got one passsage covvvered, now we havvve to defffend thhhe ressst and make sssure our home ssstaysss niccce and warm!

MINIONS: {together} Sir, yes sir!

SAARGTSSON: Thhhey havvve numbers and training, but we have phhhysssical ssstrength. Fffire meltsss iccce into a ussselesss puddle. Now movvve out!

MINIONS: {together} Sir, yes sir!

ZYVES: Alright, you guys. {points to a rank of minions} We're going to defend the main artery. C'mon!

{Zyves leaves down a path and a bunch of minions follow. The rest of the minions split into groups and then rush down seperate paths.}

SAARGTSSON: {signs} It'ssssss going to be a long day. {leaves}

{Fade to a black screen with the following text.}

The battle begins...

{Fade to a large passageway. The left side is icy and frozen over. The other side is normal. A stampede is heard from both directions. Suddenly Poorbts, Frotzers and Gaspeaus rush in from the right and Stothos, Fullbides and My Benjes rush in from the left. The Lava Zone defenders scream, run, and pretty much just jump on however they run into. The Stothos shoot and the Fullbides charge. The My Benjes climb onto several opponents and starts doing what seems sucking them. Fade to another black scene with white text.}

Both sides appear evenly matched...

{Cut to another passageway, currently iced. Zyves is in the middle of a fight scene. His cyborg wings now have small guns shicking out, shooting lasers out rapidly and causing any opponents they hit to explode, which all seem to be Stothos in this battle. The Stothos are shooting out blue laser blasts, hitting Lava Zone minions all over the place, freezing them to square. Fade to black with text.}

But where is An Ice Machine?

{Cut to a normal-looking part of the Lava Zone. Saargtsson is on a raised platform above a raging battle. He is looking out intently for An Ice Machine, firing the occasional laser beam below from his mouth. Fade to black.}

But while all this crap
is happening...

{Fade to Tampo, Brody and Stlunko running up to their private chamber. Ice is visible around the opening. They turn the corner and the camera pans to show their private chamber: Everything is coating in ice, including the SaargtScreen, and it is crawling with a swarm of My Benjes, little yellow blobs with beady black eyes.}

TAMPO: What the crap?!

STLUNKO: My Benjes. Small, simplistic creatures native to cold nourthern counties. They like to crawl around in swarms and attack by climbing on their prey and sucking nutrients out of them. Several have been tamed by An Ice Machine.

BRODY: Get out of here, you little boogers!

{As Tampo and Stlunko watch, Brody runs into the room, shooing them away. Initially they scatter away from him, many getting squished under his feet. Tampo floats into the room, keeping a safe distance from all the little My Benjes scurring along the floor, walls and SaargtScreen. He shoots them with laser balls, causing them to fizzle into nothingness. Stlunko stays at the entrance, using his hands and girth to effectively block the escape of any My Benjes, squishing any who get too close.}

BRODY: Man, they're everwhere! They're like little bugs...

STLUNKO: They are bugs. And they are a delicacy to many foreign peoples.

BRODY: Really? {pecks at one, quickly spits it out} Bleh! Tastes like jello-y pee!

TAMPO: Eww! Don't need to elaberate on that. {pause} Wait... how do you know what that tastes like?

BRODY: Uhh... {nervous pause, then quickly says} Hey, get away from my lava flow!

{He runs up to where the lava used to be, which is now a frozen ice river, stuck in place. He squishes and shoos many My Benjes away. He pauses and stares down the opening where the lava came from.}

BRODY: Holy crap, they're everywhere!

TAMPO: Huh? {flies over} ...this is definitely where they're crawling out from.

BRODY: {notices My Benjes climbing up his legs} Oh man, they're on me! They're all over me! {panics, starts shaking them off violently} WAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

STLUNKO: Calm down, Brody. Calm down. They can only hurt simple creatures like Frotzers and Gokuls.

BRODY: But they... {holds in laughter} kinda tickle. Get off!

TAMPO: Uh... Stlunko... you got one on you.

{Pan to part of Stlunko, where a My Benj is climbing up him. Several others are following.}

STLUNKO: It is no big deal.

{Stlunko prepares to squish them, but then the one in front starts sucking onto Stlunko. It quickly gets zapped by electricity and disappears in a small zap.}

STLUNKO: They cannot handle the electricity they are sucking out of me.

TAMPO: Heh. I guess they don't know much about robots.

{Stlunko then stops smacking at the My Benjes. He lets them climb onto him, where the simple creates attempt to suck him and die just like the first one did.}

TAMPO: This is kind of dumb. These guys aren't really a threat at all. Maybe we'd be better off... {shivers} Uh... is it just me, or did it get even colder in here?

BRODY: I... think so...

{Suddenly all the My Benjes squeak, climb off of Brody, Stlunko and the SaargtScreen. They scurry onto the walls and climb out of sight.}

TAMPO: What the? Where'd they go?

BRODY: Shh! I think I hear someone coming! From this path.

{Brody gets away from the frozen lava stream. Stlunko goes into the middle of the room with Tampo and Brody.}

STLUNKO: It is An Ice Machine himself. He is coming this way.

AN ICE MACHINE: {distant} My Benjes pose little threat. There must be minimal resistance along this passageway while their main forces are somewhere else battling mine! {maniacal laughter} I'm so brilliant!

BRODY: ...crap.

AN ICE MACHINE: {distant} Once I infilitrate their base, I will freeze over their volcanic core, and then this entire county will plummet into a new ice age! {more maniacal laughter}

TAMPO: What do we do? Fight him? Run for help?

STLUNKO: I do not know enough about him to be sure.

BRODY: We're doomed.

{As the boss trio hold their ground, An Ice Machine is heard stomping closer and closer. The following conversation isn't visible.}

VOICE: {distant} Hold it right there, An Ice Machine!

ANOTHER VOICE: {distant} We have to stop you from taking over these tunnels. The future depends on it.

YET ANOTHER VOICE: {distant} Besides, now that we're here, the universe will sorta explode if we don't defeat you.

AN ICE MACHINE: {distant} Who the crap are you guys?! DO NOT INTERFERE WITH MY CONQUEST, YOU FOOLS!!

FIRST VOICE: {distant} I'm afraid that's not an option, Ice Machine.

AN ICE MACHINE: {distant} That's An Ice Machine! Okay, it has become clear that I have to use my... FROSTBITE BLIZZARD!!!

BRODY: Uhh... Frostbite blizzard? Is that something we need to look out—

{Suddenly a blue blast floods the room, sparkling with snowfakes. When it fades, the icy room is covered in snow and Tampo, Brody, Stlunko and the SaargtScreen are all frozen to square, each in their own ice block. Zoom onto the iced SaargtScreen, which displays the following message.}

A:/> to_be_continued.exe

{After a few seconds, another message appears beneath it.}

A:/> to_be_contined.exe
A:/> Click here to email Tampo.

Easter Eggs

In the middle of the toon, after Saargtsson says a possible reason to An Ice Machine's attack, click on Saargtsson to make a history book appear onscreen. Click on the book to make it disappear.

{The history book is red and entitled "The Possible History of the Ice Machines" and displays An Ice Machine on the cover with Saargtsson bursting out of him. Smaller text below says "Written by ~~Jlammy~~ Mr. Anonymous". The side cover reads "Possibly Accurate".}

At the end of the email, click on ".exe" to see an addition scene.

{A Gokul is alone in a normal Lava Zone tunnel. A My Benj crawls up.}

GOKUL: {squeels curiously}

MY BENJ: {squeels happily}

{The My Benj climbs onto the squirming Gokul and starts sucking.}

GOKUL: {panicked squeeling}

{The Gokul entirely disappears into the now larger My Benj.}

MY BENJ: {burps} Hee hee hee!

Click on the largest overhead icicle for another Easter egg.

{The camera pans up to show all the My Benjes attached to the roof, now flozen in icicles. Pan back down.}

Fun Facts

The annoying relative coming to visit, along with the boss trio's reaction to the news, refers to the last email "cousins".
The three boss-related cutaways are from real emails which introduced each boss so far.
- Tampo's worries of a jinx are mostly unfounded, as "attacked" is the only email where a boss unluckily visited after an email regarding him was opened. The other two were visited by the boss trio after getting an email about them.
Jlammy is a popular running gag amoung the Fanstuff Wiki.

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Other Character Email Tampo/freeze

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