Other Character Email Tampo/threats

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"Get off our lawn!"

Tampo Email #34: "threats"

Summary: The Boss Trio Reloaded is faced by some outdated threats intended for Tampo, Brody and Stlunko.

Cast (in order of appearance): Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Saargtsson, Poorbts, Sidekick Bob, The Trickster, Chorch Commander, Ignignokt, Err, HOMbots, Jaros, Greggos, Chorches, Terrells, Grundies, Stobats, Mr. Cradgage, Government Official, Astromunds, A Gokul (Easter Egg), SWAT Robots (Easter Egg), NEB-1 (Easter Egg)

Places: Private Chamber, Planet K & Moon, SuperCom Computer Room, Lunar Surface, Lunar Warehouse (outside), Planning Room, Government Building's Waiting Room, Chorch Commander's Computer Room, Gokul Feeding Chamber (Easter Egg), An Observatory (Easter Egg)

Length: 176 Lines

Date: November 4, 2005

Contents

Transcript

{Cut to the boss trio's private chamber in the Lava Zone. Brody is kneeling over, laying down a fence foundation around the lava river and Stlunko is setting a mattress down by his plug in. Tampo is floating by the computer.}

TAMPO: Okay, you two can do whatever you guys want, but my public wants me.

BRODY: Whatever.

STLUNKO: Soft surfaces are good for my wheels.

TAMPO: Yes... that's great.

{Zoom into Tampo and the SaargtScreen.}

TAMPO: Alright, audience-types. We got here before Saargtsson, so he has no idea that we had left. And... he went into his room as soon as he got back, so we're not sure what he's doing. But I'm sure it's not important. And now what you've been waiting for... it's time to check the e—

SAARGTSSON: {offscreen} Ssstop.

{Tampo stops. Pan out to the entire room to see the trio looking at Saargtsson, who had just slithered in.}

SAARGTSSON: I havvve great newssssss.

BRODY: Um... what?

SAARGTSSON: I just had a chat withhh the Bossssss Trio Reloaded, the Massster'ssssss new minionssssss. We havvve a lot in common.

BRODY: What's that?

SAARGTSSON: {glares at Brody} You know what it issssss. {normal} Well, thhhey had a great idea. I jussst talked it ovvver with the Massster and he sssaysss it'sss okay.

TAMPO: {nervous} And, um, what exactly is this "great" idea?

SAARGTSSON: You thhhree are now my minionsss.

BRODY: {surprised, drops tools} Just like the Gokuls and Gaspeaus?

SAARGTSSON: Jussst like the Gokulssssss and Gassspeausss. And you know what that meansss.

TAMPO: {hopefully} We don't have to pay for room and board anymore?

SAARGTSSON: Well, yessssss. But you also havvve to obey all my orderssssss. Firssst order: Givvve me all your money.

BRODY: All of it?!

{Stlunko hesitantly reaches into his back compartment and brings out two large sacks of cash. He drops them in front of Saargtsson. Two Poorbts rush in, grab the sacks and leave.}

SAARGTSSON: Good job, minionssssss. Now follow me, you havvve some more work to do...

TAMPO: But—

SAARGTSSON: No butssssss! Now come.

{Saargtsson turns around to leave. Tampo and Brody nervously glance at each other and follow him. Stlunko takes up the rear. Suddenly the camera zooms up and through a cramped ventilation tunnel. After several speedy twists and turns the camera flies up out of the hole, which was in the middle of a field. If flies up, way above the planet and moon and then starts zooming into the moon. It reaches a giant building on the moon and passes through a skylight to Sidekick Bob in front of the SuperCom.}

SIDEKICK BOB: Okay, um, let's see... access Tampo's email account.

{A pop-up appears onscreen with Tampo's inbox.}

SIDEKICK BOB: Just as I thought. He had the computer automatically insert his username and passcode. Without any security features. Big mistake. {calling} Hey, the Triiickster!!

{After a few seconds, the Trickster walks into the room. Chorch Commander also peaks in curiously and enters. They go to the computer.}

SIDEKICK BOB: Look, I got Tampo's inbox up.

THE TRICKSTER: Interesting...

CHORCH COMMANDER: Let's see what sort of knowledge we can learn. Open an email!

SIDEKICK BOB: Okay, okay... {brings up and reads following email}

{Sidekick Bob whispers the small part.}

THE TRICKSTER: HOMbots? Stinkodollars? What the crap is a Stinkodollar?

CHORCH COMMANDER: I've never heard of them. Well, I guess since we now live here, we should reply to his message.

THE TRICKSTER: Okay, then. {recorded on computer} Stinkoman K, we aren't going to send you any "Stinkodollars." Bye.

{Sidekick Bob sends the response and then brings up and reads another email.}

CHORCH COMMANDER: Ah, yes, the Mooninites. I remember those guys.

{Cut to the lunar surface. Chorch Commander is here along with the two Mooninites Ignignot and Err. They are pixelated creatures, Ignignot is larger and green while Err is smaller and purple, but they both are pretty small compared to Chorch Commander.}

IGNIGNOKT: Hello, Carl. I'm Ignignokt and this is Err.

ERR: I am Err.

CHORCH COMMANDER: {quickly} That's great and I'm not Carl. {normal} Now listen, I'm thinking that we should learn about each other because we're your new nei—

IGNIGNOKT: We live in center of the moon. That makes this like our front lawn.

ERR: You are on our front lawn.

IGNIGNOKT: You need to get off our lawn.

ERR: You heard him, get off.

CHORCH COMMANDER: Fine, I tried.

{Suddenly a large metalic sphere drops in and crushes the Mooninites.}

CHORCH COMMANDER: {calling to someone offscreen} Thanks, Trick—

{We suddenly cut back to the SuperCom.}

CHORCH COMMANDER: Wait a second— why am I answering this guy's question? I'm not some stupid email checker.

THE TRICKSTER: Eh, just delete this thing and let's see if Tampo has anything good in here.

{Sidekick Bob gets another email up and reads it.}

THE TRICKSTER: What the...? Fortress? Another outdated threat.

SIDEKICK BOB: That has not been carried out and still has the possibility of occuring. To us.

CHORCH COMMANDER: Great. A spy. How could someone has stupid as NEB-1 manage to find a spy?

SIDEKICK BOB: I don't know.

{Suddenly all the pop-ups close on the SuperCom.}

SUPERCOM: {glitched voice} Commernrd acknarrgchded. Reseting b-b-browser cookies.

THE TRICKSTER: What the-? What just happened? Where's Tampo's inbox?

SIDEKICK BOB: A stupid virus attack. We lost access to his inbox.

CHORCH COMMANDER: That su—

{Sirens blare and red lights flash.}

THE TRICKSTER: Oh, great. Now what?

SUPERCOM: Invasion alert! Invasion alert! Millions of HOMbots are beginning to attack the warehouse at Sector V.

CHORCH COMMANDER: Oh, great.

THE TRICKSTER: What are HOMbots, anyway?

SUPERCOM: "Hit Or Miss" Robots. They are small and are usually used in numbers. They choose a target and then fly straight into it in a suicidal attack.

CHORCH COMMANDER: We got to go defend our base! Trickster, you go with Sidekick Bob and... Sidekick Bob?

{We pan out to see Sidekick Bob is nowhere to be found. Suddenly he appears from one of the doors and hops in.}

SIDEKICK BOB: Here I am.

CHORCH COMMANDER: You two make battle plans and get the security system to aid in attacking the HOMbots. I'm going to gather our army and hold them off until you guys get something.

{They leave the room. Chorch Commander goes one way and the Trickster and Sidekick Bob take another.}

{Cut to Chorch Commander outside the Lunar Warehouse. There are a bunch of minions of all six types here battling against a bunch of HOMbots, which look like little red cones with rocks and round tips. The HOMbots blast at various targets, hit and explode, knocking the minion back and sometimes KOing him. Chorch Commander seems to be monitoring the situation, and is holding a radio. A green forcefield is in the distance, creating atmospheric conditions inside. All the minions have hypnotized eyes.}

CHORCH COMMANDER: {into radio} I wouldn't worry about those plans, Trickster. These HOMbots don't seem like too much of a threat. We should be able to outlast them easily.

{Cut to the Trickster and Sidekick Bob in a planning room. There is a large, flat computer screen on a table in the middle, with some basic plans mapped out on it. There are various computers along the walls. The Trickster is wearing a radio headset.}

THE TRICKSTER: {into radio} Rodger that, Chorch Commander. {to Sidekick Bob} Ixnay on those plans, Sidekick Bob. We won't be needing them.

SIDEKICK BOB: Alright.

{The flat monitor with the plans on it deactivates. The Trickster casually looks at a monitor (we can't see it from the camera angle) and looks surprised.}

THE TRICKSTER: What the he... {into radio} Chorch Commander! Chorch Commander! There's a nu- nuclear missile!! It's locked onto us!!

CHORCH COMMANDER: {from radio} WHAT?!

THE TRICKSTER: {to Sidekick Bob} Who would've fired a nuke at us?!

{Cut to a waiting room inside a building. There's a window showing a city outside. Mr. Cradage, a mixture of Homestar Runner and Senor Cardgage, is sitting down. A government official enters the room.}

GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL: The president believes that you are right about the Mooninites planning to attack earth. We have fired a nuclear missile at the coordinates you gave us.

MR. CRADGAGE: {gets up} Yes! After months of waiting, I can finally have my revenge!

GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL: What?

MR. CRADGAGE: Nothing. I got to go watch the action. From an observatory.

GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL: Good day, Mr. Cradgage. Your government thanks you.

{Cut back to the Trickster and Sidekick Bob in the planning room.}

THE TRICKSTER: {into radio} Our anti-missile defense system should be able to deactivate the missile before it gets close.

CHORCH COMMANDER: {from radio} Alright, that's good. Signing off for now.

THE TRICKSTER: Alright, Sidekick Bob. Get that anti-missile defense system operational.

SIDEKICK BOB: But what if I don't want to?

THE TRICKSTER: What?! There's a nuke heading right for us! Let's go shoot it down!

SIDEKICK BOB: No.

THE TRICKSTER: And why not?

SIDEKICK BOB: What if I want you to die? All hail NEB-1!! {turns around, showing a bomb strapped to his back}

THE TRICKSTER: Sidekick Bob? You're the spy from NEB-1?! But... Sidekick Bob...

{Suddenly another Sidekick Bob enters through the door.}

SECOND SIDEKICK BOB: Sorry about being late, Trickster. I had to take an oil change really— {notices other Sidekick Bob} Hey, who's that guy?

{The first Sidekick Bob, who had a bomb on his back, fizzles out. It was a hologram. In its place is an Astromund with a real bomb strapped to its back.}

THE TRICKSTER: An astromund!

THE ASTROMUND: {high-pitched voice} It is time for you to die, Tampo. NEB-1's orders.

THE TRICKSTER: I'm not Tampo! I'm the Trickster! Tampo moved out...

THE ASTROMUND: {high-pitched voice} Tampo. Trickster. Same difference. 5! 4!

THE TRICKSTER: Holy crap!

SIDEKICK BOB: {simutaniously} Run!!!

{The Trickster and Sidekick Bob quickly exit the room.}

THE ASTROMUND: {high-pitched voice} ...3! 2!

{Cut to an aerial view of the Lunar Warehouse. In one section is a large battle of HOMbots versus minions, and the minions seem to be advancing. The nuclear missile passes the camera, heading to the warehouse. Suddenly an explosion appears in a room opposite of the battle, caused by the Astromund. The scene freezes, mid-battle and mid-explosion, with the nuclear missile still onscreen. Fade to black with the following white text.}

{Cut to Chorch Commander at a computer. It is not the SuperCom, but is similar. He appears to be typing in a journal.}

CHORCH COMMANDER: This was a very eventful day. Ironically, all the events occured right after we read about them in Tampo's inbox. I'm relieved to report that the Trickster and Sidekick Bob survived that blast from the suicidal Astromund. They are in a state of repair, and should be as good as new shortly. A stray HOMbot had locked onto the nuclear missile and hit it, causing it to explode about half a mile above us. It did explode too well, though. Turns out atomic bombs need air to make big explosions. I should have known. But I digress, we wiped out all the HOMbots with minimal casualties. {clears screen} One thing that angers me is that all these attacks were intended for Tampo and his two friends. It seems that he has more enemies than just us. But why can't they double check their facts before sending armies, spies and nukes our way? It's so annoying. I hate you, Tampo. I hope the Master agrees with our suggestion. End journal entry.

{The pop-up closes. After about five seconds, the "Click here to email Tampo." pop-up appears.}

CHORCH COMMANDER: What the-? What's that doing here?!

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "Tampo" to see a scene featuring him and a Gokul.
{Cut to Tampo in the Gokul Feeding Chamber with a Gokul. Tampo goes right up to the Gokul.}
TAMPO: Guess what, Gokul. I'm your co-worker now. Doesn't that stink?
{The Gokul squeels in delight, slowly slithers up to Tampo and pats his underside with his little hairs, giggling.}
TAMPO: ...great.
  • Click on the dark part of Chorch Commander's face (in the reflection) to see another scene.
{Cut to an image of the moon through a telescope. The Lunar Warehouse is visible, but small. After a few seconds, a small puff of smoke appears and then disappears, doing nothing. After a few more seconds, we cut to Mr. Cradgage in an obversatory, looking through a telescope. He backs up from it.}
MR. CRADGAGE: That was it? I wasted several months of political mumbo-jumbo for that little thing? It didn't even hurt anything!
{Suddenly SWAT Robots fill in the observatory and aim their guns at Mr. Cradgage.}
SWAT ROBOTS: You are under arrest for framing the Mooninites.
MR. CRADGAGE: Crap.
  • Click on "more enemies" to see the following scene.
{Cut to NEB-1 on the moon. An Astromund walks up to him.}
THE ASTROMUND: {high-pitched voice} Hello NEB-1, any idea on when Phil's coming back from his secret mission?
NEB-1: ROAR!
THE ASTROMUND: {high-pitched voice} Oh. That stinks. {starts to leave}
NEB-1: ROOOAARR!!!
THE ASTROMUND: {high-pitched voice} Oh, sorry. I forgot. {chant-like voice} Your style is teh yesness.
NEB-1: {smiles}
{The Astromund walks away.}

Fun Facts

  • This is the response to emails in Tampo's inbox that hadn't been updated for the boss trio's new grounded status.
  • Tampo and Saargtsson refers to his absense in the previous two Tampo Emails "poorbt-mail" and "revenge."
  • Mooninites are characters from the TV show Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
  • Joshua made up HOMbots' appearance and actions. Stinkoman K initially intexted on them to be 20X6 Homsars, but failed to point this out.
  • Mr. Cradgage is mad at the boss trio for firing holographic nukes at him in "sb emails."
  • "Same difference." is a quote from Slim in Bonus Stage Episode #78 - "Revenge of the Pathetic."
  • "Teh yesness" is a quote from wiki user Homsar.

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