Other Character Email Tampo/time stream

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Tampo Email #43: "time stream"

Summary: The boss trio find themselves nearly one thousand years in the future, where they meet their future selves once again.

Cast (in order of appearance): Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Lyves, Michael, A Poorbt-Tron, Various Minions, 30X2 Tampo, 30X2 Brody, 30X2 Stlunko, An Ice Machine, Saargtsson, A Frotzer, Anti-Michael (Easter egg)

Places: 30X2 Private Chamber, A Field, 30X2 Lunar Warehouse, Frozen Lava Flow, Private Chamber, Private Chamber Replica, A Classroom (Easter egg)

Length: 260 Lines

Date: March 7, 2006

Transcript

{Cut to a scrolling shot of Tampo, Brody, Stlunko and the SaargtScreen encased in ice. A cyborg duck enters the scene and stares at them. He looks similar to Zyves, but is even more robotic. His robotic parts are yellow.}

CYBORG DUCK: {semi-robotic voice} What is this place? Who are these these guys?

{The camera pans around the room. It looks just like the boss trio's private chamber except the lava flow is gone and clogged by a rock fall. The entrance also seems to have caved in, with just a small, freshly cut hole in the wall next to it.}

CYBORG DUCK: I guess it's it's time to turn up the heat.

{One of the duck's wings flip around to reveal a flame thrower. He blasts the lower parts of all four ice cubes with a stream of fire and quickly stops. All the ice starts melting away, leaving four frozen blue figures by themselves. Color slowly starts returning and then Tampo, Brody and Stlunko suddenly snap out of their frozen stupor.}

BRODY: —for?

STLUNKO: I do not know. I suggest we observe.

TAMPO: Observe? Sounds too risky. Let's go get hel... {turns and notices the duck} ...puh?

CYBORG DUCK: Eep! Horrible monsters from the ancient past! ...although you do seem familiar.

TAMPO: Zyves? Is that you? You look... different.

BRODY: What happened to you?

CYBORG DUCK: Zyves? I... don't know any Zyves. He'd probably be be related though, all my firstborn ancestors that I know of rhyme... My name's Lyves.

BRODY: Lyves?

STLUNKO: What year is it?

LYVES: Uh... 30X2. What time period are you guys guys from?

BRODY: 30X2 again? Whoo...

STLUNKO: We were frozen for a millennium?

LYVES: A millennium? You guys are that old?! Wow.... I mean, I knew knew this area had been closed off for a long time, but I didn't know THAT long.

BRODY: Closed off?! Who would dare close us off? {menacing} If I find out...

TAMPO: I wonder if there's any time machines around here so we could get back to our old time.

{Lyves looks like he's about to reply, but is then interrupted when the SaargtScreen beeps and has its monitor turn on with an email. All four give the computer their attention.}

STLUNKO: It is an email sent back sometime in the 20X6-era. A glitch in the computer's mainframe that occurred sometime in the frozen period brought it up.

TAMPO: Fascinating. Let's see what we got here... {reads out loud}

CSS:/>openmail: future selves

Dear Tampo and Brody and Stlunko,

I think that you should go to 30X2
again. Umm... Perhaps. Err...
Destroy your future selves! If you
don't go into a fight with your future
selves, then I shall destroy your past
selves!

-Anti-Michael

{Tampo says "Dear blahity blahity blah" for the first line.}

TAMPO: Uh oh... we were a little late on this request. Does this mean our past selves have to fight this guy?

STLUNKO: If he went with his threat, we would have already fought him.

BRODY: And... we made it, right? We beat him?

STLUNKO: Yes. You guys do not remember?

{Tampo and Brody both nod "no".}

STLUNKO: Stupid inferior memory. It was when we first met, a long time ago.

{The scene blurs and changes to a field with Tampo, Brody and Stlunko in it. It features a white fluffy cloud border.}

STLUNKO: ...and that is why you should join up with me.

BRODY: Hmm... I don't know...

TAMPO: What's in it for us?

STLUNKO: I just told you. But I will repeat myself. You will be—

{A little Jaro suddenly jumps in the scene, getting the attention of the boss trio.}

THE JARO: {squeaky voice} Rawr! My name is Michael and I'm here to kill you!

{Stlunko lifts his hand over the Jaro and then quickly smashes down, squishing the Jaro. Tampo and Brody are surprised.}

STLUNKO: {resuming as if nothing happened} —given a warehouse full of underlings...

{Fade back to the boss trio in 30X2.}

TAMPO: Nope. Still don't remember it. Oh well, the good news is that our past selves are safe.

BRODY: {notices Lyves, who seems to be daydreaming} Uh... Lyves? Lyves?

LYVES: Huh? {snaps out of it} Oops, sorry. I was just remembering the first time I battled a time traveling warrior for something I I hadn't done yet. Good memories.

TAMPO: Oh... well, at any rate, I wouldn't mind fighting our future selves anyway. You know, for the experience of it.

STLUNKO: I do not think that would be an intelligent decision.

LYVES: Would you future selves even be here to fight? Aren't you guys right now your "future selves"?

STLUNKO: That would be the case unless we got back to our own time and then survived all these years. Lyves, are you familiar with a Tampo, Brody or Stl—

LYVES: SHHHH!!!!

{The boss trio is notably surprised. Then they direct their attention to some faint voices overhead.}

VOICE: {distant} POLICE!!! {pause} Whew, I'm glad you guys have arrived. I heard it! I head it coming from the ground. Somebody down there said it- it... said it!

OTHER VOICE: {distant} Said what, citizen? Tell us what you heard.

FIRST VOICE: Err... well... {barely audible} Tampo, Brody and—

MANY VOICES: {distant} How dare you commoner mention the names of our great rulers? From the moon, their personal palace, they have ordered all of us worthless robots to never mention their wonderous names. Punishment is termination!

FIRST VOICE: No, wait! You made me! NOO—

{A small explosion is heard above, and then the sounds of a crowd dispersing.}

TAMPO: Now that I remember. Lyves, do you think— Err... Lyves?

{Lyves is kneeling before them.}

LYVES: O great masters, please spare your your humble servant. Forgive his ignorance towards your identities.

{Tampo and Brody glance at each other.}

TAMPO: Uh... I, your powerful ruler, hearby allow you to have casual conversation with us. So... get up.

{Lyves gets up.}

BRODY: So, Lyves... where are we? This is still the Lava Zone, right?

LYVES: Yeah, this is a section of the Lava Zone. We've been having a prosperous business here... selling Gokul lava... the company's been in my family ever 'ver since Nerrgvin the lava snake left about two hundred years ago.

BRODY: That's great and all, but do you think there's any way we could reach our future selves' abode from here?

LYVES: Oh that's easy. {starts typing into a keyboard on his wing} I can send you a teleport request right right now.

TAMPO: A teleport what?

{Suddenly there is a flash, and when it fades Tampo, Brody and Stlunko are gone. Lyves is still in the room.}

LYVES: Well, that little time/space oddity is taken care of...

{A chrome Poorbt runs into the room.}

POORBT-TRON: {excited} Lyves! Lyves! The Gokuls are- they are splitting in half!!

LYVES: What? Mating season already? Ugh...

{They leave the room. Fade to black.}

{Cut to a large teleporting room. A few windows show that they are on the moon. There is a flash, and the boss trio are here. The few small robotic minions in the room bow quickly. The boss trio look around the room.}

STLUNKO: We are on the site of the Lunar Warehouse, but this building is entirely new.

TAMPO: So... I'm guessing our future selves would be stronger than we are now. You can locate them Stlunko, right?

STLUNKO: Yes, but it will take a few minutes.

TAMPO: Meh.

BRODY: All we got to do is sneak up on them and strike first. Use the element of surprise to our advantage.

STLUNKO: Do you know how impossible that—

{Suddenly a huge cage falls from the unseen roof and traps the boss trio. The frightened minions quickly scatter away.}

TAMPO: What? No fair!

{Three large silhouettes enter the room. As they approach, light shows them to be 30X2 Tampo, Brody and Stlunko. Stlunko once again has his gold outer casing. Both Tampo and Brody have cyborg implants, which seem to be slightly glowing with electricity. All three are wearing some sort of pseudo-crowns that seem both mechanical and medieval.}

30X2 TAMPO: Ah, finally. I'm been anticipating your arrival for quite some time now.

TAMPO: What?

30X2 STLUNKO: We remember our brief adventures in 30X2. We know everything we have done and where we were.

30X2 BRODY: Or rather, ol' Stunky here does. It's mostly a blur for me... 1,000 years were do that to even your clearest memories. I have a basic idea of what happens.

TAMPO: Well, I guess it's assuring to know that we'll be rulers after all.

30X2 TAMPO: Well actually, you guys have good timing. We've had a lot of peaks and valleys in status over the years, and you just so happened to have arrived at a record high.

30X2 BRODY: We have recently become the dominant rulers of this planet. Really recently.

TAMPO: ...can you tell us how? Or at least what happened to the Sticklyman line?

30X2 BRODY: Uh... well, earlier this year Sticklyman Jr. gave us control over the moon.

30X2 STLUNKO: Quiet, Brody. We do not want to break the time stream by giving them too much information. Remember: moderation.

BRODY: Break the time stream? Sounds scary... and universe exploding...

STLUNKO: We should be fine, Brody. I will explain it all later.

TAMPO: So... you're going to let us find out all by ourselves?

30X2 TAMPO: I guess.

30X2 BRODY: But we definitely don't go mad with power and trick Sticklyman Jr. into a similar-looking sub-dimension. Nope.

30X2 TAMPO: BRODY!!

{Suddenly the entire scene briefly ripples and waves in a bubbly effect, causing all the characters to become dizzy and wobble. They quickly recover.}

ALL: {but the two Stlunkos} WOAH!!!

BRODY: What the crap?!

STLUNKO: Time warp correction. Very close to a tear. Too close.

30X2 TAMPO: Please, Brody! Don't kill us all here! Maybe you should just go somewhere else.

30X2 BRODY: No, no! I'll be good.

30X2 STLUNKO: I remember this all happening.

BRODY: Let my future self stay.

30X2 TAMPO: Fine, whatever.

TAMPO: One thing I'm just too curious about is how the crap do we stay alive this long? Maybe Stlunko could, but isn't it... physically impossible for Brody and me? Or at least terribly boring?

30X2 TAMPO: You'll find out when the time—

30X2 STLUNKO: {rather quickly} At around 90 years of age, you three will attempt some breakthrough technology codenamed "The Methuselah Project" right before it gets banned by the government. With some mechanical implants our lifespans were multiplied tenfold and deterioration all but ceased. Our lives have been interesting and we are not yet bored. Plus Brody accidentally erased 200 years of our later lives from our memories.

30X2 BRODY: Err...

{There is a lengthly pause.}

30X2 TAMPO: Stlunko! Why did you just do that?!

30X2 STLUNKO: I am sorry, but I remember myself saying that, so I had to. Do you not remember me telling you that information one thousand years ago?

30X2 TAMPO: Uh... maybe... barely...

30X2 BRODY: You should've replayed this whole meeting for us earlier, Stlunko.

STLUNKO: I will. {pause} If I could.

TAMPO: So, uh... guys, do you think we could... fight? For fun?

30X2 TAMPO: Fight? Err... what's the point? We're kind of busy.

30X2 STLUNKO: You two go get back to your business. I gathered lots of data from this battle, and I am ready to fight 3-to-1.

30X2 BRODY: I guess I'm fine with—

{A siren starts blaring in the background.}

30X2 BRODY: Eep!

{30X2 Tampo and Brody start to leave the room.}

30X2 TAMPO: {while leaving} Fine, entertain our guests.

30X2 STLUNKO: I will.

{Suddenly 30X2 Stlunko puts his hand up next to him and clutches a quickly moving laserball that was heading his way.}

30X2 STLUNKO: My heavy surveillance of this fight a millennium ago is about to pay off.

{30X2 Stlunko flings the laserball in his hand back and Tampo, which zaps him.}

TAMPO: Zzzzow! I just know this fight is gonna end bad.

{Stlunko attempts to punch 30X2 Stlunko, but his fist is grasped and then punched by another fist. While this happens, Brody begins an attempt to kick his opponent, but 30X2 Stlunko quickly takes his first fist and grasps Brody's kicking leg with it.}

30X2 STLUNKO: If I remember correctly, this hurt.

{To Brody's surprise, 30X2 Stlunko actually starts spinning Brody overhead by his leg. A screaming Brody smashes into Tampo and sends him flying in a wall. Then 30X2 Stlunko slams Brody right onto the top of present-day Stlunko. There is a pause as 30X2 Stlunko waits for the boss trio to recover.}

TAMPO: Oog... Stlunko... stop gathering data. You're helping out opponent!

STLUNKO: I am sorry, but it sort of comes automatically.

BRODY: {recovers} In that case... Sorry, Stlunko.

{Brody kicks the support column of a nearby decorative arch. Brody jumps back.}

STLUNKO: Huh?

{The arch crumples and the debree lands in front of Stlunko, obscuring his view and partially covering him.}

30X2 STLUNKO: Yes, I remember a lack of awareness here— BZZT!!!

{30X2 Stlunko visor flashes and then deactivates after a yellow blast hit him in the back. Pan out to show Tampo behind him. Stlunko begins to emerge from the rubble.}

TAMPO: Super-charged laserball to the back... what fun. Thanks, Brody.

STLUNKO: No thanks to me.

BRODY: Yeah...

30X2 STLUNKO: {faint} Regenerating burnt curcuits... {pause, then normal} You three beat me. Congratulations. Of course, this is only because I let myself lose because I remember it happening one thousands years ago. If I had free will, the result would have been different.

TAMPO: Of course.

30X2 STLUNKO: This has been an interesting experience, but it is time for you three to go back to your normal time period so as not to risk bending the time stream any further. But first, Stlunko, maybe you should try to find a sub-quantum connection between the scanner disk and bomb to retrace the explosive's time/space trail.

STLUNKO: Oh. Of course. How ignorant of me.

BRODY: Good-bye. Sort of.

30X2 STLUNKO: I will alter your time and space destination a little to give you an edge over An Ice Machine. You need to defeat him to keep the time stream intact.

{Before the boss trio can do anything else, 30X2 Stlunko beeps and the trio disappear in a flash. Fade to white. Fade back to an icy tunnel, the ground a frozen lava flow. Tampo, Brody and Stlunko appear in a weak flash. An Ice Machine is visible nearby, but he doesn't notice the boss trio right away. The boss trio take a moment to regain their bearings before continuing.}

TAMPO: Hold it right there, An Ice Machine!

STLUNKO: We have to stop you from taking over these tunnels. The future depends on it.

BRODY: Besides, now that we're here, the universe will sorta explode if we don't defeat you.

AN ICE MACHINE: Who the crap are you guys?! DO NOT INTERFERE WITH MY CONQUEST, YOU FOOLS!!

TAMPO: I'm afraid that's not an option, Ice Machine.

AN ICE MACHINE: That's An Ice Machine! Okay, it has become clear that I have to use my... FROSTBITE BLIZZARD!!!

{Brody looks like he's about to retort, but An Ice Machine emits a blue blast from his core. It flashes across the screen and sparkles with snowflakes. Tampo, Brody and Stlunko are now frozen to square.}

AN ICE MACHINE: Stupid freaks. WHY DON'T I USE THAT ATTACK MORE OFTEN?!

{Suddenly the camera pans around to show 30X2 Tampo and Brody appear behind An Ice Machine.}

30X2 BRODY: Dodge this.

{As An Ice Machine turns around in surprise, 30X2 Brody smashes a supercharged kick to his face. An Ice Machine flies back and smashes into a wall, damaged and unconscious. 30X2 Brody smirks.}

30X2 TAMPO: {faces frozen boss trio} They didn... uh, we didn't do a very good job, did we?

30X2 BRODY: {shakes head} Didn't stand a chance.

{30X2 Tampo fires a strange, slow-moving red laserball at the frozen boss trio. Then a beeping sound comes from 30X2 Brody and the two disappear in a small flash. The laserball hovers in place amoungst the boss trio, engulfing them in a red glow, thawing them out. The ice around them melts away and they snap to consciousness at once.}

TAMPO: Woah. Were we just attacked? Where's the Ice Machine?

BRODY: {points} Over there. ...looks like we got him. Somehow.

STLUNKO: We should probably turn him in to Saargtsson. And take credit.

TAMPO: Right. Well, um... I'm go get him them. You two keep an eye on this guy.

{As Brody and Stlunko head towards An Ice Machine's remains, Tampo starts to leave the frozen river. The camera follows him as he rounds a corner.}

TAMPO: Woah.

{The camera continues to pan to reveal another Tampo, Brody and Stlunko, all frozen to square along with the SaargtScreen. Tampo circles around them in awe. He then zips out of the room. Fade to black with the following text.}

Later-ish...

{Fade in to a lightly-frozen corner in the Lava Zone. Saargtsson is visible, sitting next to Tampo, Brody and Stlunko. A Frotzer zooms onto the scene and addresses Saargtsson.}

FROTZER: An Ice Machine has been sent back to his home in disgrace. His army has been almost completely eraticated. We suffer from minimum casualties. Lava production is on schedule and our realm should be completely unfrozen in a few days.

SAARGTSSON: Excccellent.

{The Frotzer flies off.}

TAMPO: We still have a problem though.

SAARGTSSON: What?

{The camera pans out to show that they are in a barren corner of the boss trio's personal chamber. The frozen boss trio and SaargtScreen.}

SAARGTSSON: Oh, right.

STLUNKO: We have to stay frozen, or else the time stream will be drastically altered, possibly creating a time/space rip.

SAARGTSSON: I guessssss you guysss will havvve to movvve out of thhhisss room thhhen.

BRODY: Move out? But I like this room.

TAMPO: But we awoke here, remember?

BRODY: What about the SaargtScreen? Do we have to lose it too?

TAMPO: Uh... {sighs} Yes, I believe so.

BRODY: Crap. How are we gonna stay frozen anyway? The entire Lava Zone is about to thaw.

STLUNKO: Wait. I have an idea.

{Fade to the outside of an entrance to a large underground metal room. Along the metal walls are some icicles, hinting to cold temperatures inside. Lining the only door is yellow tape with the words "Quarantine -- Keep Out". Stlunko and Saargtsson are gazing at the entrance.}

STLUNKO: A lifesize replica of our private chamber placed inside a freezer set to shut off in 30X2.

SAARGTSSON: Keeping thhhe time ssstream intact is fffreaking expensssivvve.

STLUNKO: A few thousand dollars in a small price to pay to keep the universe in one piece.

SAARGTSSON: Offf courssse it isss, Ssstlunko. Offf courssse it isss.

{The camera zooms into the metal room and phases inside it. The inside looks exactly like the frozen private chamber, except with the lava flow blocked off by a "rock slide". Tampo, Brody, Stlunko and the SaargtScreen and here, frozen to square. The camera focuses onto the frozen SaargtScreen, which suddenly activates with the following text.}

A:/> Click here to email Tampo.

Easter Eggs

Click on Tampo, frozen in the background, to see another scene.

{Tampo and Brody and standing in a room in the 30X2 Lunar Warehouse. Suddenly an alarm starts blaring again.}

BRODY: Ugh. Another time/space alarm? Who keeps sending these?

{Cut to a 20X6 Field. A huge black robot similar to a Jaro is standing around.}

ANTI-MICHAEL: For not entertaining me with a fight against their future selves, the boss trio will now die at the ends of me, Anti-Michael!! Mwahahahaha!!!

{Suddenly 30X2 Brody pokes his head into the scene and, without Anti-Michael seeing him, bites somewhere around the giant Jaro's backside (we can't see it at the camera angle). Anti-Michael jumps a little in surprise as 30X2 Brody retracts his head, holding a weird dark computer chip in his beak.}

ANTI-MICHAEL: What the?!

{Anti-Michael suddenly starts to shrink and change color, becoming a normal Jaro.}

MICHAEL: Aw crap. Oh well, the show must go on! {hops away}

Click on the Stlunko, frozen in the background, to see an explanatory scene.

{Stlunko is standing in a large classroom. He is holding a teacher's stick and is wearing a graduate hat. Behind him is an electronic chalkboard that illustrates what he says.}

STLUNKO: Hello, class. Today we will be learning about the time/space continuum. You can imagine this as a long, busy highway. Normally all the events and characters flow normally. If a character travels forward in time, it is like a car that hops off of the highway, zooms ahead way past the speed limit, and then merges into traffic ahead, causing some cars to change positions and effectively altering the future. If a car decides to do the same thing in reverse, the effect is the same. Events and memories, symbolised here as cars, move around and alter their course a little to make space. The universe is versatile and can usually handle these changes with little or no effect on the universe's occupants, who will never even notice the changes, thinking the time stream has remained the same due to altered experiences, and therefore, memories. However if something devastating and irreversable occurs doing the merge, such as the grandfather paradox, the highway will experience the equivalent of a terrible car crash, which will spread throughout the entire highway and end it abruptly and thoroughly. The universe headmaster's number one priority is to make sure this never happens, even if it means to create a small time/space loop in a localized area, such as created in the above Easter egg.

{Stlunko pauses.}

STLUNKO: Twelve lines. New record.

Fun Facts

This email was originally going to be entitled "paradox", but Joshua decided to change the name to "time stream" late in production because he felt it was more appropiate.
This email continues off of the last Tampo Email, "freeze".
The 30X2 future mostly relates to "future", in particular the scene where a robot gets destroyed for saying the boss trio's names. Some of the future also relates to the ending of "chabarg".
In Ekulmail.exe, Lyves is 30X2 form of Zyves.
The double words in Lyves' speech are not typos, they're a glitch in his speaking mechanism.
Methuselah is a character in the Bible who lived longer than any other man, almost reaching one thousand years.
Congratulations if you can figure out all the time loops and understand Stlunko's explanation in the Easter egg. If not, don't worry about it.

Quick Links

Other Character Email Tampo/time stream

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Contents

Transcript

Easter Eggs

Fun Facts

Quick Links

Views

Personal tools

Navigation

Search

Toolbox

External Links