Other Character Email Tampo/tornado guy

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The 5th Email Vs. Email winner!
Comic by Mr. Cradgage based on this email.

Tampo Email #26: "tornado guy"

Summary: Tampo's public want to learn about Liekand the tornado guy. Tampo hesitantly decides to give him a visit.

Cast (in order of appearance): Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Stinkoman, Protek, Liekand, Stafulters, Terrells, Grundies

Places: Computer Room, Pink Cloud Zone, Main Chamber, Virtual Chamber (Easter Egg)

Length: 236 Lines

Date: July 17, 2005

Contents

Transcript

{The three bosses are at the SuperCom.}

TAMPO: {haiku} Email is awesome. Tampo, Brody and Stlunko, destroy Stinkoman.

{Instead of displaying an email, a small clip of Stinkoman appears in a pop-up.}

STINKOMAN: {on pop-up} I taste like a #1 jam!

{The pop-up quickly closes and an email is displayed.}

SUPERCOM: Sorry about that. Viral attack.

{Tampo sighs and nods.}

BRODY: Forget about it. Let's begin.

TAMPO: Okay. {reads email}

{Tampo pronounces "heyddDear" as "Haid, duh-dear" and "haven't" as "haiv-n't" and "broody" and "yello" as they're spelled. He says the last line confused and pronounces "ca" and "cah."}

STLUNKO: I am not weird, Tampo.

TAMPO: I didn't write that! Well, TVT, you have need to work on your spelling and grammar much more, because I'm giving you a D-.

BRODY: We'll still answer your email though.

TAMPO: Yeah, because not answering an email is lame. Alright, well, my friends, believe it or not, are "Broody" and that weird guy with the two fists.

STLUNKO: I am not weird, Tampo.

TAMPO: I'm kidding, man. Of course you're not weird. {rolls eyes}

BRODY: {reads} Which is a better friend? {stops reading} Oooh.

TAMPO: Good question! Um... {both Brody and Stlunko inch closer to Tampo} Eh... {makes a ^_^ face} I love them both the same!

BRODY: Oh.

{Everybody returns to their normal locations.}

TAMPO: Now let's finish this email. Well "Tampo," no one likes Nebulon's style, and he's dead. So I'll assume you're talking NEB-1, who's the Nebulon of today. And no one likes his style either. Including me.

BRODY: Nope. He stinks. He can't even talk.

TAMPO: And to answer your final part, we are not, and never will be, friends with the dumb tornado guy with the yellow sunglasses.

BRODY: Definitely not.

TAMPO: {reading} Haven't read an email yet. {stops reading} Oh. That's too bad. You are one sad, sad little man. And that's all I have to say.

{The email pop-up was deleted.}

STLUNKO: That was too short.

TAMPO: Oh. Um... okay. We'll answer another one.

{Another email is displayed and Tampo reads it outloud.}

TAMPO: Ultrapoopaw? You sound familiar... Oh, I remember. You were the one who has the worst ideas.

STLUNKO: Chicken industry destroyer.

BRODY: Hey, cut Ultrapoopaw some slack. The chicken industry needed to be destroyed. And I didn't really destroy it, I just damaged it in a small area.

TAMPO: Ten square miles! That's not small! Anyway, Ultrapoopaw. Nebulon hasn't been in an email because... HE'S FREAKIN' DEAD!!! {normal voice} However, if you wish to learn all about NEB-1, we have an email all about him.

STLUNKO: Tampo Email #14: Attacked.

TAMPO: Yes. And about the tornado guy, there's a perfectly good reason why he isn't any of these emails, and he sure isn't about to get in one of these emails anytime soon. Please. You have the worst ideas.

BRODY: Tampo's right, Ultrapoo. Anything involving Liekand the Tornado Guy is a bad idea. At least, that's what the rumors say.

TAMPO: Yep. So let's answer one more email and hope it doesn't involve Liekand.

STLUNKO: Opening random email.

{Ultrapoopaw's email is deleted and another email is displayed, which Tampo reads.}

{Tampo ignores the misspelled "bargin" and "goin" and pronounces them normally.}

TAMPO: {angrily} Alright, fine! If you guys want to learn about Liekand so badly, I'll show you guys Liekand!

STLUNKO: You are fortunate to have not signed your name and have an untracable email address, or else we would make you pay for it. Literally. With money.

BRODY: Because the Liekand is evil. Well, not technically. He's strongly into fashion and is an excellent salesperson.

STLUNKO: We have never given him a visit, but rumors have told us all about him.

TAMPO: As far as we can tell, he's a fat rat, but is also a powerful airbender. He can control wind and loves to make tornados. He incases himself in a tornado a lot. And he lives in the pink cloud zone.

BRODY: And it's said if you visit him, you'll come out with a bunch of unstylish clothes and empty wallets.

STLUNKO: And not bringing money will not help. He has technology that will access your credit cards so he can deduct money as soon as you make a purchase.

BRODY: No refunds. But at least he doesn't steal.

TAMPO: Yeah. He never breaks the law, which is one thing good about him. And in case you're curious, he doesn't have any known connection to the Master. He'll rip off Stinkoman as soon as he'll rip off Stic- the Master. So... I'm going to regret this, but are you guys ready to give him a visit?

BRODY: {unsure} No...?

TAMPO: Alright then, let's go.

{The three leave the room as the screen fades to black.}

{Fades back to a section of the pink cloud zone. A Protek is standing in front of a large screen connected to a large mechanism. They are on a decent sized pink cloud in the middle of the bright, blue sky. On the screen is another pink cloud. After three seconds, a bright white light appears on the screen and when it fades, Tampo, Brody and Stlunko are there.}

PROTEK: {both heads talk near-simutaniously} New customers located. ...cated.

{Targets appear on Tampo, Brody and Stlunko, and their names appear in small text over their onscreen images.}

PROTEK: Customers identified as the extremely wealthy Tampo, Brody and Stlunko. ...lunko.

{The machine connected to the screen bleeps and blips and some lights on it flash.}

PROTEK: Credit card numbers identified. ...fied. Calling master Liekand. ...kand.

{A red light on the top of the machine starts flashing on and off: a beacon. After a few seconds, Likand enters in a tornado with yellow sunglasses. The tornado vanishes to reveal the fat rat known as Liekand, also wearing yellow sunglasses and in a fancy, yellow suit with a yellow tie.}

LIEKAND: {in a fast, slightly squeaky voice} Yes? Whatisit?

PROTEK: Customers. ...omers. Really rich ones. ...ones.

LIEKAND: Oooooh, this is justfinejustfine. Get the Stafulters to prepare some clothes for them. Make them work extrafastextraquick!

PROTEK: Yes, sir. ...sir. Right away. ...way. {bounces away}

LIEKAND: Alright, time for me to work my magic. {turns into a tornado with sunglasses and leaves}

{The camera zooms into the screen and makes an unnoticable transition to the three bosses. They are all looking around.}

TAMPO: He should be here by now...

BRODY: Why are we doing this again?

STLUNKO: Our pesky public.

TAMPO: Remember, try not to don't buy anything. We don't want to lose our money.

STLUNKO: Do not worry about that. We have billions upon billions.

TAMPO: Ah, there he is!

{The tornado with yellow sunglasses approaches, and then becomes the blue-suited mouse.}

TAMPO: Uh... hi.

LIEKAND: Oh, man. {shakes head sadly at trio, makes "tsk, tsk" sound} Lookatyouguys! You'realldisgusting! You'reallsogross.

{The three bosses stare at each other, and then Liekand.}

LIEKAND: C'monguys, you're an embarrassment to nature. No clothes? How can you guys handle being out in public like that? Well, I'll fix you up realrealgoodrealrealcheap! Tampo, you first!

{A tornado appears over Tampo, and only his eyes are visible sticking out. Liekand becomes a tornado, too. Liekand leaves, taking Tampo in the tornado with him. Tampo's eyes glance around nervously. Brody and Stlunko look at each other, then towards Tampo and Liekand.}

BRODY: {calling} Don't spend too much money!

{The screen fades to black once again.}

{Fades in to a room of pink puffy clouds. The floor is pink and puffy and there are four walls of clouds. The sky is not visible from the camera angle. Suddenly the two tornados carrying Liekand and Tampo burst through the wall, which instantly repairs itself. The tornados disappear.

TAMPO: Uh... what are we going to do here?

LIEKAND: This is where I change you fatolduglynakedpink blobofabrain into a wonderfulstylishbrain that says "I'mcool! I'mawesome! Peow!"

TAMPO: {mumbling, rolls eyes} More like, pre-ow.

LIEKAND: Whatwasthat?

TAMPO: Nothing... nothing...

LIEKAND: Oh. Now any respectablenoteworthypowerful citizen like yourself wouldn't be caught dead without a tie.

TAMPO: A tie?

LIEKAND: Yes, just like this one rightrightright here! {points to the tie he's wearing}

{Suddenly a Stafulter burst through a cloud wall, which instantly repairs itself. It is carrying a green tie with it's prong.}

LIEKAND: This tie is of veryveryhighquality is would cost at least $80 at anyold store! But now I'm offering it to you for just an amazinglylowsupercheappriceoftwentyfourpaymentsoftheastounding low price of only $5!

TAMPO: $75 dollars less?

LIEKAND: Supercheapsupercheapsupersupersupercheap!

TAMPO: I guess. If it's only five dolors.

LIEKAND: Sold! {a "ka-ching" sound is heard}

{The Stafulter goes up to Tampo and sticks the tie onto Tampo's "chest," which is below his eyes. Then it leaves through the cloud wall.}

TAMPO: Hmm... I guess this tie is nice.

LIEKAND: But now you something to coverup that hideousnakedpinkblobofa body you gots there.

{Another Stafulter enters carrying a large, royal purple robe.}

LIEKAND: This lovelyroyalpurple robe is only foranamazingonegrandandonedollar! You heard me, ONE DOLLAR! How could you refuse this greatgreatgreatgreatgreatdeal?

TAMPO: A dollar? Well, if it's only one dollar...

LIEKAND: Sold! {the "ka-ching" sound is heard again}

{Another Stafulter comes and helps the first put the robe along Tampo's back. Then they both leave.}

LIEKAND: And you're a leaderorsomemthing, right?

TAMPO: Um... yeah. I control a large-

LIEKAND: You must have hundreds of minions! Thousands! Hundredsofthousandsofmillionsofbillions! How could you rule them without this...

{Two Stafulters enter with a huge crown on their tops. It is golden and has several jewels all over it. Both are needed to carry it, it's so big.}

LIEKAND: Wonderfulgloriouspuregoldsupercheapcheapcheap crown! It only costs a fraction of how much it should!

TAMPO: {makes a half-eyed look} Which would be?

LIEKAND: Only $20! That's right, an unbelievableinconceivable $20! That's right, this superjewel-encrestedpuregoldcrown could be yours forthelowlowlowpriceofjust20dollarsgiveortakeafewthousand and 20 DOLLARS! How could you say no?

TAMPO: You need to stop talking so fast. I can barely understand you. But I'll buy this crown for that cheap price, I guess.

LIEKAND: Sold! {the "ka-ching" sound is heard}

{The two Stafulters drop the crown on Tampo's head. Tampo sinks by its weight for a few seconds, but then recovers. Then the Stafulters leave through the wall once more.}

LIEKAND: And now how could you-

TAMPO: I think I've seen enough.

LIEKAND: Oh. Alrighty, then.

{Liekand gets inside a tornado and puts Tampo in a tornado again. Then they both leave through the wall, which closes back up behind them.}

{The screen fades to the part of the Pink Cloud Zone with Brody and Stlunko. Suddenly Tampo and Liekand blow in. Brody and Stlunko look at them. When the tornados disappear to reveal Tampo with the green tie, purple robe and huge crown, Brody and Stlunko stare at him in surprise.}

BRODY: I thought you weren't going to buy anything!

TAMPO: It's not what you think. I got all this for under $50!

{Liekand the tornado guy smiles slyly, but the others don't notice.}

STLUNKO: Oh.

LIEKAND: So, whoisnext?

BRODY: Uhh... {glances nervously at Tampo} Stlunko, why don't you go?

{The screen fades to black and white text appears.}

{Fade back to the main chamber of the Lunar Warehouse. It is empty. Suddenly there is a flash and Tampo, Brody and Stlunko appear, all heavily dressed in expensive looking clothers. Tampo is still wearing his green tie, purple robe and huge crown. Brody is wearing a blue-colored leather vest, large sneakers, a large pink cap and four golden necklaces around his neck. Stlunko is entirely encased in a pale gold coating and he has a large Homsar hat on his antenna, but they don't know it is copied from Homsar.}

TAMPO: Well, that was nice.

BRODY: I guess the rumors were false. He has extremely reasonable prices.

STLUNKO: He talked too fast though. Sometimes he was inaudible.

TAMPO: Yeah, but we got all this stuff for less than $200.

BRODY: We're stylish!

STLUNKO: {looks up at his hat} I like my new hat a lot. It is of the popular "Squeaky" brand.

TAMPO: Yep. Back to the SuperCom!

{The three leave the room.}

{Cut to the computer room. The flashily dressed bosses enter.}

TAMPO: {goes to the SuperCom} Well no-name, it turns out you are unfortunate to have not signed your name and have an untracable email address, becuase now we can't reward you for convincing us to go. But anyway, it seems that-

{Tampo is cut of by laughter. He turns, and the camera pans to reveal some Terrells and Grundies against the wall, laughing at the three.}

TAMPO: Silence!

{The three stop laughing instantly, obviously holding it in.}

BRODY: What were you guys laughing at anyway?

A TERRELL: Forgive us, masters. It's just that those clothes you're wearing. They're- {giggles} they're ridiculous.

STLUNKO: "Squeaky" is not ridiculous.

A TERRELL: Yes it is. Homsar designed it. A long time ago.

STLUNKO: Oh. That is dumb.

TAMPO: Minions, our clothes are super stylish. Liekand said so.

A GRUNDY: I don't know who his "Liekand" guy is, but those clothes are not stylish.

BRODY: And how do you know anything about fashion?

ANOTHER TERRELL: Actually, we are your interior designers. Fashion is a major part of our lives.

TAMPO: Oh.

ANOTHER GRUNDY: How much did you pay for those things?

TAMPO: Well, they were really cheap. SuperCom, check our bank accound. How much did we spend?

SUPERCOM: Checking... {A pop-up appears with the ammount} $10,327.

TAMPO: TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS!?!

SUPERCOM: That is correct.

TAMPO: Why- that scam artist!

BRODY: It's a good thing we are multi-billionaires.

A GRUNDY: Oh, I remember why we came here. Um, master Tampo, sir, we need to tell you about this Greggo. He has named himself the Trickster and he's recruiting-

TAMPO: {not listening} Leave!

THE GRUNDY: But-

TAMPO: Leave! I'm not in the mood for you guys.

{The group of little minions quickly leave, not wanting be get punished.}

BRODY: Man, the rumors were true. That stupid Liekand is a scammer. He just made of with ten grand!

TAMPO: {goes back to the SuperCom} Well, no-name, you stink. That's all I can say. SuperCom, delete this stupid email!

{The email is deleted.}

STLUNKO: Calm down, Tampo. We are very rich. No harm is done.

TAMPO: Yeah, I know, I know. It's just embarrassing, that's all. He got us to pay thousands for clothes we'll probably never use. {shakes back and forth, making his clothes fall onto the floor} And this stupid crown is too heavy.

BRODY: C'mon Tampo. Let's go have some fun in the virtual room and forget about Liekand and his scams.

TAMPO: Alright, let's go.

{The three leave the area. Then the "Click here to email Tampo" pop-up appears onscreen.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the SuperCom's "Status" icon to see what Tampo, Brody and Stlunko are doing.
{Tampo, Brody and Stlunko are in the virtual chamber. Tampo is plugged in, playing a game somehow. Brody and Stlunko are out of the machine, watching Tampo's game on the screen. Onscreen, you can see that Tampo is playing Stinkoman 20X6. More accurately, you can see that he is playing level 6.3 of the game, namely the battle against Liekand.}
STLUNKO: Good idea, Brody. This will help him get over his anger.
BRODY: Yep.
{They continue to stare at the screen as Stinkoman defeats Liekand and kicks the fat rat away into oblivion. Then we cut back to the SuperCom.}

Fun Facts

  • Liekand's personality is based on a mixture of his quote from the Stinkomanual: "Fashion first, ask sections later." and his salesperson job from Mr. Cradgage's Tampo Answering Machine.
  • The viral attack relates to the aftereffect of the RealityBendX virus that attacked in the email "virus."
  • "I taste like a #1 jam!" is a play on one of Stinkoman's lines in the SBEmail "time capsule."
  • Ultrapoopaw being the destroyer of the chicken industry relates to his suggestion and its result in the email "chickens."
  • The third email having an untracable email address relates to the fact that it was sent by an IP Address.
  • The Liekand is an airbender. Airbenders and airbending, which is the art of magically controlling air and wind, is from the cartoon series Avatar: The Last Airbender.
  • The way the Protek talks relates to how Tom Nook's little raccoons talk in the fourth version of his store in the game Animal Crossing. They talk in an identical fashion.
  • The "Peow!" "Pre-ow!" pun comes from the SBEmail "garage sale."
  • The Homsar-esque hat being of the "Squeaky" brand relates to Homsar's Blog, where that is what Homsar names his hat.
  • The Grundy's message on the "Trickster," relates to the Trickster's actions in recent emails. For details, see "security" and "apocalypse."
  • Brody's hat is based on Timmy Turner's hat from "The Fairly Oddparents". Apparently Mr. Cradgage had the same idea, too.

Quick Links

This email features a hidden DVD Commentary by Joshua and Shopiom.
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