Other Character Email Tampo/bomb squad/Transcript

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

< Other Character Email Tampo | bomb squad

Jump to: navigation, search

Tampo Email #40: "bomb squad"

Summary: A simple, non-interactive transcript of the Tampo Email #40: "bomb squad".

Cast (in order of appearance): Zyves, Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Saargtsson, Firey-Hot, Poorbts

Places: Caved-In Passageway, Private Chamber, Minion Bridge, Various Lava Zone Tunnels

Length: 286 Lines

Date: January 21, 2006

Note: With the interactivity removed, this email is less than exceptional. If this is the only version you're reading, you are missing out. Plus, a lot of content (and humor) is found in dead-ends and alternate routes, which are absent here. This transcript is mainly for users who want to stay up-to-date in the Tampo Email plotline but are unable to finish the text adventure version due to difficulty. (This transcript follows the "default" path that Joshua considers the most logical.)

WARNING: Reading this transcript before finishing the actual adventure will count as cheating, and will mark you as a cheater if you complete the adventure afterwards.

Transcript

TAMPO: Alright guys, it's email time! {email rap} Once a brain had an email and Email was its name-o. E-M-A-I—

SAARGTSSON: {yelling from offscreen} Tampo! Brody! Ssstlunko! Report here thissssss inssstant!

TAMPO: Ugh... {yelling} Wait a sec, Saargtsson! I'm busy at the moment!

SAARGTSSON: {yelling back} Fffine, but be quick!

TAMPO: Okay... uh...

BRODY: ...Email-o was his name-o?

TAMPO: Eh... just bring up an email, Stlunko.

{Stlunko brings up an email and Tampo reads it out loud.}

CSS:/> openmail: URGENT!

Dear Tampo, Brody and Stlunko
Look out! There's a bomb in Saargtssons lair!
Sombody's trying to kill Saargtsson!
The good Zyves

TAMPO: Uhh... Stlunko, is this legit?

STLUNKO: It was really sent by Zyves, but that is all I can verify.

TAMPO: Scan the location of that bomb, Stlunko! We have to deactivate it.

STLUNKO: I understand. Scanning... I am unable to detect any bomb. However, there is a high chance that I will be able to locate Zyves, if—

SAARGTSSON: {offscreen, yelling} Tampo! Brody! Ssstlunko!! You three are taking a long time! Hurry here, now!!

STLUNKO: I cannot concentrate with Saargtsson yelling like that. It will take focus to locate Zyves.

BRODY: Okay...

TAMPO: Saargtsson, you have the worst timing.

SAARGTSSON: {offscreen, yelling} CAN YOU HEAR ME?!!

STLUNKO: He has to stop.

TAMPO: Ugh, so annoying. Fine... {yelling} Wait, Saargtsson! We're very busy right now!

SAARGTSSON: {yelling back} No, you are not! Now come here or elssse!!!

BRODY: Tampo, maybe we should go.

TAMPO: We better go shut him up. Maybe we can warn him.

BRODY: I guess we'll need to do that.

STLUNKO: I agree. I cannot locate Zyves with him constantly yelling.

{The three leave the SaargtScreen. Cut to Saargtsson's personal chamber. Tampo, Brody and Stlunko quickly enter it.}

TAMPO: Saargtsson! There's something we have to warn—

SAARGTSSON: Sssilenccce, you lowly minionssssss. It'sss about time you got here. Okay, now the lavvva ffflow—

TAMPO: Listen Saargtsson, there's a problem and—

SAARGTSSON: SSSILENCCCE!!!! You will NOT interrupt your massster!

TAMPO: But...

SAARGTSSON: ARE YOU DEAFFF?!

BRODY: {nervously} Tampo...

TAMPO: Listen, you—

SAARGTSSON: Sssilenccce!!

TAMPO: But it's im—

SAARGTSSON: I said SSSILENCCCE!!!

TAMPO: YOU DON'T UNDER—

SAARGTSSON: DO YOU WANT ME TO HURT YOU?!!!

{Brody and Stlunko both slowly back away.}

TAMPO: Fine... what are your orders?

SAARGTSSON: You mussst learn your placcce, Tampo. I assssssure you that you will be punissshed later for thhhisss. But fffor now... the lavvva ffflow fffour roomsss hasss ssstopped, probably due to a sssmall rockssslide. Go get to work unclogging it right now.

STLUNKO: We will.

TAMPO: But before we do, there's something we need to tell you. It's important.

SAARGTSSON: Ssssssss... fffine. What isss it?

TAMPO: Well, we got a warning in an email from Zyves. He says there's a bomb in here; that someone's trying to kill us.

SAARGTSSON: A bomb, you sssay?

TAMPO: Yes.

STLUNKO: We need to locate Zyves or the bomb.

SAARGTSSON: {yelling} Zzzyvvveszzz... {normal} Ugh... he hasss the hardessst name to pronounccce.

TAMPO: {yelling} Zyves! Zyves! Come here! Your master Saargtsson wants you!

{There is a pause, but no reply.}

SAARGTSSON: Isss he okay?

STLUNKO: I should be able to locate him with my scanners.

SAARGTSSON: Yessssss... you do that.

STLUNKO: Scanning... {beeps} Zyves' signal located.

SAARGTSSON: Where issssss he?

STLUNKO: He is in the nearby southwest sector of the lava zone.

BRODY: Nearby? That's good.

SAARGTSSON: Wait, wasssn't that area...

STLUNKO: Closed off due to being unstable? Unfortunately, yes.

BRODY: Unstable?

TAMPO: Weak roofs, constant rockslides. All that crap. We better go make sure he's okay.

SAARGTSSON: Yesss. Zzzyvvvesss comesss firssst; you thhhree can finisssh your job afffterwardssssss.

BRODY: Actually, the bomb is more important.

SAARGTSSON: Perhapssssss.

STLUNKO: {points offscreen} This passage is the only route.

{The three walk offscreen in that direction. Cut to a passageway. Passing through it is a large lava stream appearing and flowing through small slits in the walls. Near its edge is a small metal bridge for minions and across it is a large stone column reaching from floor to roof, with a thin base. The boss trio and Saargtsson approach it.}

TAMPO: Uh oh, a lava flow.

STLUNKO: This is the only way to Zyves. We have to cross it.

SAARGTSSON: I can jussst ssswim thhhrough it, and you {to Tampo} could probably fffloat right ovvver it. I'm not ssso sssure about thhhose two.

BRODY: There's no way we'd be able to cross that small bridge.

TAMPO: Hmm... this is problematic. Let me think... Hey, that stalagmite over there loo—

STLUNKO: That is not a stalagmite. It is a rock column. A stalagmite rises from the cave's—

BRODY: Not now, Stlunko!

TAMPO: Thank you, Brody. Now Stlunko, that rock column over there looks like it may be wide and tall enough to make a bridge, am I correct?

STLUNKO: Yes. One of your laserball blasts at the right angle could knock it over in the right direction.

TAMPO: Okay, good. {floats across lava stream, gets behind rock column} Is this a good spot?

STLUNKO: Wait. I just did a sonar scan. The rocks around this cavern are somewhat unstable. Destroying that support column will have a 30% chance of his passageway collapsing, possibly resulting in our injury or death.

TAMPO: Oh. Err... on second thought... Nah. It's 30%, that's not so bad.

BRODY: But—

TAMPO: Any better suggestions? Want to cross that little bridge?

BRODY: Umm... no.

SAARGTSSON: Jussst hurry up, you guyssssss. Thisss isss a bomb we're playing withhh.

TAMPO: Right. Stlunko, is this angle good?

STLUNKO: That angle is fine. Shoot its base from that spot.

TAMPO: Good. Okay, back up. I think this'll make a pretty big splash.

{Brody and Stlunko back up from the stream a lot. Tampo shoots a large laserball at the base of the rock column. The lower rocks crumple and the colum starts to tilt. The roof connection breaks off and the whole column smashes into the lava stream, almost perfectly fitting. It rests on the shallow bottom and makes an appropiate bridge. The splash lands far from Brody and Stlunko, but hits Saargtsson, who seems to enjoy it the spray. The lava splash sinks into the earth.}

TAMPO: C'mon, guys.

{Suddenly rumbling starts all around, and the cavern shakes a little. Some loose dirt and sand falls. The four look around nervously.}

BRODY: Uh oh.

STLUNKO: Unstable cavern.

TAMPO: This is bad...

{After a few moments, the rumbling ceases and all is quiet.}

BRODY: Okay...

STLUNKO: The walls and roof have restablized. We are safe for now.

TAMPO: Whew. Alright, time to cross, guys.

{Brody and Stlunko cross the new bridge to the other side. They are cautious in crossing, but it is plenty wide and sturdy enough for them to make it across safe. Meanwhile, Saargtsson slithers into the lava river and disappears beneath the lava. A few seconds later, Saargtsson reappears on the other side.}

SAARGTSSON: Ahh... refressshing.

{Brody and Stlunko rest a bit, having made it across. Then the four continue down the passage, leaving the scene.}

{Cut to a random section in the corrodor with Tampo, Brody and Stlunko hurrying by. The camera keeps up with them.}

SAARGTSSON: Ifff thhhere really isss a time bomb, we need to hurry. It could explode at any time.

TAMPO: I know. But did you—

STLUNKO: Wait.

{Stlunko stops moving suddenly. Tampo and Brody do the same. Saargtsson continues moving, but slows down and looks back.}

SAARGTSSON: What are you fffoolsss doing?

STLUNKO: I sense—

{Suddenly a blast of fire zooms out from the wall and makes a firey trail across the passage, right in front of Saargtsson, who stops abruptly to miss it. The boss trio stare at it in surprise.}

VOICE: {offscreen} Well well, Saargtsson. We meet again.

BRODY: What the-?

TAMPO: ...a living flame?

{The camera pans a little to show the source of the fire blast: a large redish flame with fiery arms, legs, and an evil face.}

FIREY-HOT: It has been a while, hasn't it?

SAARGTSSON: Yessssss...

BRODY: Who is that guy?!

STLUNKO: Firey-Hot. An old minion of Saargtsson's, predecessor of Zyves. Quit the ranks before you two joined.

SAARGTSSON: He didn't quit... he wasss fffired fffor not knowing his placcce. Almossst literally.

FIREY-HOT: That worthless Sticklyman is too proud for his own good.

BRODY: {under his breath} That's true.

FIREY-HOT: You were the only thing standing between me and his demise, Saargtsson! If you hadn't spoiled everything...

SAARGTSSON: You couldn't defffeat him. You had potential, Fffirey-Hot. But you thhrew it away, and it almossst killed you.

FIREY-HOT: So I made a little mistake. But so did you, thinking that you could defeat me with mere lava. I am a being of pure heat!

TAMPO: So this is like... and old rivalry?

BRODY: Hey, we have one of those. Except it isn't old, but it is a rivalry... we were betrayed....

TAMPO: But we can't fight right now, Firey-Hot. We really have something more impor—

FIREY-HOT: Silence, you three newcomers!

{In rage, Firey-Hot points a finger towards the boss trio. A jet of fire blasts out, leaving another flame trail across the path. It misses the boss trio, but blocks their path. The lapping flames cut off any further dialogue from them, leaving Saargtsson and Firey-Hot in between the two flame trails by themselves.}

FIREY-HOT: Unfortunately, it is time for you to die. Then I will finally be able to--

SAARGTSSON: {interrupting} It isss apparent thhhat I didn't finisssh the job.

{Battle music starts as the camera rotates around the two. Saargtsson and Firey-Hot prepare to fight. Saargtsson fires a laser beam at Firey-Hot. It hits him square in the face. Enraged, Firey-Hot sends at fire blast at Saargtsson, hitting his tail section. Saargtsson fires another laser beam at Firey-Hot. It his him in the side. Firey-Hot takes a moment to recover and then builds up fire, charging for a super attack next round. Saargtsson curls into a defensive position. Firey-Hot then unleashes a superlarge blast of flame, scorching Saargtsson. Saargtsson's exoskeleton looks cracked; his defense is severely weakened. Enraged, Saargtsson fires a powerful laser beam at Firey-Hot. It hits Firey-Hot right in the mouth and goes inside him. After recovering, a mad Firey-Hot sends a fire blast Saargtsson's way. With his defense weakened, it hurts Saargtsson badly. Saargtsson blasts Firey-Hot in the face with a laser beam. Firey-Hot then begins to grow bigger, charging up for a super attack.}

SAARGTSSON: It issssss time for thhhisss to end!

{Before Firey-Hot can react, Saargtsson simutanious whips the wall with his tail and fires a laser beam at the roof above Firey-Hot. Firey-Hot looks up just in time to see a bunch of rock crumple onto him, crushing him.}

SAARGTSSON: Any sssecond now...

{Suddenly water starts pouring down from the newly formed hole in the roof, splashing upon the pile of rocks containing Firey-Hot.}

FIERY-HOT: {dying} Uggghhhh...

{The water stops flowing from above, but the water that had already fallen seeps deep into the pile of rocks in the middle of the hallway. Smoke starts rising from the rubble.}

SAARGTSSON: I knew memorizzzing the cccity'sss piping sssyssstemsss would come in handy sssomeday.

{The two rows of flames are suddenly snuffed out, allowing Tampo, Brody and Stlunko to rejoin Saargtsson.}

BRODY: ...you got him?

SAARGTSSON: Yessssss, withhh sssand and water. We won't be ssseeing him anymore.

TAMPO: Good. That fire was so hot, not even Stlunko could go through it.

STLUNKO: That is true. But we must hurry. That bomb will not wait.

SAARGTSSON: True. But I'm too tired... {winces} and in pain. He hurt. You guysss will havvve to go on withhhout me.

TAMPO: But-

{Suddenly four Poorbts in nurse outfits run up with a stretcher, quickly load up Saargtsson and start carrying him off, back to his personal chamber.}

SAARGTSSON: {while being carried away} Thhhat'ssssss an order!

{Tampo, Brody and Stlunko go around it and run away down the tunnel. Fade to black.}

{Fade to another passage. A large pile of rocks, a cave-in, is entirely blocking the path.}

STLUNKO: {offscreen} Turn right.

{Tampo, Brody and Stlunko run into the scene and stop at the cave-in.}

BRODY: Uh, oh.

STLUNKO: Zyves, and likely the bomb as well, are somewhere behind this cave-in.

TAMPO: Great.

{Tamo shoots a laserball at an upper section of the wall, knocking off some rocks. Brody gives it a few kicks, and then Stlunko punches it, causing an opening to appear large enough for Tampo to fit through, but not Brody and Stlunko.}

STLUNKO: It will take some time for us to get this all cleared away.

TAMPO: Crap. We're running out of that. Okay... I can fit through this hole. I guess I'll go through alone.

BRODY: That's fine. We'll keep clearing that path.

{Tampo goes through the hole.}

STLUNKO: Do you see Zyves or the bomb?

TAMPO: Uh... no... wait, I think I see something at the far end. I'll go check it out.

{Stlunko goes up to the hole.}

STLUNKO: Wait.

{Tampo pops back in.}

STLUNKO: I just did a scan. Both Zyves and the time bomb are at the far end.

TAMPO: Great. Now I need to go.

STLUNKO: I hacked the bomb's systems.

TAMPO: Wha?

STLUNKO: It requires a six letter password to access. However, its operating system was rather simple, and I was able to obtain the letters. But you will have to manually enter it.

TAMPO: Okay, what do I do with the letters...?

STLUNKO: Do not insert them alphabetically!

BRODY: You might want to hurry this along...

STLUNKO: Right, well, you have to unscramble them to make a word.

TAMPO: Perfect. Just perfect. Hurry up.

STLUNKO: Okay.

{Fade to black. Fade back to the same scene, but a few minutes in the future.}

TAMPO: Alright, I'm pretty sure I've figured it out. Now I gotta go.

{Tampo leaves back through the hole.}

STLUNKO: {calling} And when you open it, cut red, blue, then yellow!

TAMPO: {from hole} Got it!

STLUNKO: I hope he remembers all that.

BRODY: C'mon, we have to break through this wall.

{Brody gives the cave-in a solid kick. Cut to Zyves at the ticking time bomb. Zyves looks preoccupied about the bomb, flipping it over in his wings.}

ZYVES: ...stupid bomb. Where's the dang "Off" switch?!

{Suddenly Tampo bursts in the scene.}

TAMPO: Whew. Zyves, we finally found you!

ZYVES: Tampo! Guess you got the message, huh?

TAMPO: Yeah.

ZYVES: Well, I can't figure out how to stop the bomb, and I think it's gonna blow any second.

TAMPO: Stlunko said something about having to insert a password.

ZYVES: You mean this?

{Zyves flips it around to show a small keyboard and LCD screen.}

ZYVES: I couldn't figure it out.

TAMPO: You just have to insert a password, and we'll have access to the bomb. The password is, uh... {whispers something unintelligable to Zyves}

ZYVES: Okay...

{Zyves types it in on the keyboard, making "******" appear on the LCD screen. He smashes enter and the text changes into "PASSWORD", and then "ACCEPTED".}

ZYVES: Alright!

{The keyboard section flips open to reveal three wires inside: a red one, a blue one, and a green one.

ZYVES: Uh...

TAMPO: Why are all bombs deactivated like this? Okay, um... Do you have any cutting devices?

{Zyves flicks the edge of his cybernetic wing and it becomes a metal blade.}

ZYVES: Check.

TAMPO: Good. Now I'm pretty sure we have to cut these wires in the right order to properly deactivate it. Now, Stlunko told me which ones to cut. Uh... Cut the red one.

ZYVES: You sure?

TAMPO: I'm not sure about anything. Err... I'm pretty sure.

ZYVES: ...okay.

{Zyves uses his knife-like wingtip to snip the red wire. The cut edges sparkle, and then retract by curling up a little, revealing a yellow wire behind it. Tampo and Zyves hold their breath, and then let it out when nothing explodes.}

TAMPO: Whew.

ZYVES: This thing's still operating. Which one now?

TAMPO: Okay... The blue wire now.

ZYVES: Alright...

{He cuts the blue wire. There is a pause as the wire sparks, then ceases. It doesn't explode.}

ZYVES: The bomb's still operational. Now what?

TAMPO: I'm pretty sure Stlunko mentioned one more... the, uh... Now that yellow one. This should hopefully do it.

{Zyves nods and snaps the yellow wire. Suddenly a powerdown sound is heard and the bomb is quiet.}

ZYVES: It's off. It's off!

TAMPO: Whew. That was... too close. I feel like I've exploded several times.

ZYVES: Hmm.

{Stlunko and Brody run in.}

BRODY: We were finally able to squeeze through. Need help?

TAMPO: No. We did it.

STLUNKO: It had only seven seconds remaining. We are extremely lucky.

BRODY: Am I the only one who cares what this bomb was doing here in the first place?

STLUNKO: No. {grabs deactivated bomb} I am going to do some research on this bomb.

TAMPO: I bet it was the Boss Trio Reloaded.

BRODY: Or Firey-Hot. He seemed pretty evil.

STLUNKO: No, he did not seem to be aware about it.

BRODY: Well... maybe Trogador dropped it here.

ZYVES: {sarcastic} Yeah, and maybe aliens dropped it here. C'mon guys, get real...

TAMPO: It's highly possible. Maybe NEB-1.

ZYVES: Ugh...whatever, let's just go. This area of the Lava Zone makes me nervous, and wild speculation isn't helping us at all.

STLUNKO: Yes. Let us not jump to conclusions. And we should get somewhere safer.

TAMPO: Alright. We need to make sure Saargtsson's okay. And that Firey-Hot's still dead.

{The four start leaving the scene, Stlunko holding the bomb.}

ZYVES: Firey-Hot?!

TAMPO: Uh... we'll explain on the way.

{They entirely leave the scene.}

BRODY: {offscreen, whispering to Zyves} This changes nothing.

{After a few seconds, the scene fades to the SaargtScreen with the following message.}

A:/> Click here to email Tampo.

Easter Eggs

The transcript version contains no Easter eggs, although the original version has three hidden inside it.

Fun Facts

Tampo's email rap is a variation of the "Bingo" song.
Firey-Hot was Saargtsson's sidekick in the official Stinkoman 20X6 game.
The rival Tampo talks about is Brody, Stlunko and his rivalry against The Boss Trio Reloaded.

Other Character Email Tampo/bomb squad/Transcript

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Transcript

Easter Eggs

Fun Facts

Views

Personal tools

Navigation

Search

Toolbox

External Links