Other Character Email Tampo/poorbt-mail

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Tampo Email #32: "poorbt-mail"

Summary: Poorbts are interested in 1-Up's crave for pudding. Oh, and the Overseer.

Cast (in order of appearance): Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Gokul, Homestar Runner, 1-Up, Terrells, Grundies, The Overseer, Jaros, Greggos, Chorches, Stobats

Places: Private Chamber, Gokul Feeding Chamber, A 2039 Workplace, A Field, Robot Warehouse (Outside), Robot Warehouse Hallway, Plasma 2000 Computer Room

Length: 160 Lines

Date: October 15, 2005

Transcript

{Cut to the boss trio at the SaargtScreen.}

TAMPO: Well, adoring public who... {pauses, nerversously} ...I just realized could possibly report us to the cops but hopefully loves enough not to... {suddenly excited} we got some good news!

BRODY: It actually isn't that great. It's only temporary.

TAMPO: Yeah, but-

STLUNKO: When Saargtsson called the Master, the Master apparently had an important mission for him, and he had to leave on short notice. Saargtsson never got to give him his negative report about us.

BRODY: And Saargtsson had to leave so quickly, he forgot to give us orders. We have the whole day off!

TAMPO: For email checkin'!

BRODY: {false excitement} Ya-aay!

TAMPO: So... T-A-M, P-O-E, M-Aaaa... I-L.

{Stlunko types in "RUN tampo_email.exe" and an email pops up, which Tampo reads.}

CSS:\>openmail: turduckens??

Dear o great ones
Why is 1-up all about pudding?Is that
all he has on his mind?What is his deal
About it?Ask him what he ate before
pudding Fruit?,Turduckens?

-From a poorbt

TAMPO: A Poorbt, eh? Great, now Saargtsson's minions are emailing us. What will it be next? Gokul-mail?

{Cut to the Gokul Feeding Chamber. It is empty save for a solitary Gokul sitting right next to a low computer monitor on the machine, slowly typing stuff on the keyboard with its little hairs and growths and making small squeals with every character typed. It is nearly finished, and enters the last symbol, showing the following email on a black and red screen. It pauses, as if proofreading its work.}

Dear Tampo, Brody and Stlunko
Wht r your 20x6 forms?

{It squeals with delight and pushes a final button, causing the text "EMAIL SENT" to appear onscreen. It giggles a little as we cut back to the SaargtScreen.}

TAMPO: Well, let's hope that never happens. Anyway...

BRODY: "O great ones." Saargtsson's minions are learning their place.

TAMPO: Yep.

STLUNKO: This is probably just one minion.

TAMPO: I suppose that's true. But let's answer this Poorbt-mail. "Why is 1-Up all about pudding?" Good question. I don't know exactly, but I'm sure there's an illogical explanation, and that Stlunko has it.

STLUNKO: I do. It was back in 2039, after Stinkoman was finished, Strong Bad was helping Homestar Runner build his own robot successor for unknown reasons.

{Cut to Homestar at a workbench. They are a bunch of tools scattered about and a large unfinished 1-Up frame lying down without legs and a large slot where his hat should be. There's also a small pile of discs lying nearby. Homestar himself looks similar to his present-day form, except with a brown business shirt on, a brown cap without a propeller, and glasses.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {still with speech impendiment, "picks up" a wrench} Alwight, now what did Stwong Bad say to progwam into this wobotic-type thingy? {pokes 1-Up's head with a wrench} Oh yes, that's wight. {puts wrench down} The love of... {picks up a disc and holds in up to the camera; the word "LIFE" is written on it} ...life, {inserts it into the slot in 1-Up's head. He then picks up another one and shows it to the camera; it reads "LIBERTY"} ...libuhty, {also inserts it into the slot in 1-Up's head. He picks up a third one, and wiggles it around in front of the camera. It reads "PUDDING"} ...and the puhsuit of happiness! {inserts it into the slot} Thewe, all done.

{Suddenly 1-Up's eyes light up and his speakers say the following without opening his mouth.}

1-UP: I want pudding!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Gasp! {runs away} Stwong Bad! Stwong Bad! We have a bweakthrough!

{Cut back to the boss trio at the SaargtScreen.}

BRODY: I suppose that explains a lot.

STLUNKO: And 1-Up has always been eating pudding. Never fruit nor turduckens.

TAMPO: Alright, and now that that's settled... um... that was short. Next!

STLUNKO: Another email coming right up.

{Stlunko pushes a button and another email pops up. Tampo reads it.}

CSS:\>openmail: p

Dear Tampo, Brody and Stlunko
Wht r your 20x6 forms?

TAMPO: No. I refuse to answer an email this dumb. Stlunko, bring a different one up.

{Cut back to the Gokul Feeding Chamber. The Gokul is in front of the computer and is apparently watching the email on a red pop-up.}

TAMPO: {from computer} ...to answer an email this dumb. Stlunko, bring a different one up.

{The Gokul squeals sadly and his all his little hairs droop. Cut back to the SaargtScreen. Stlunko presses the button again and a third email is brought up, which Tampo reads.}

CSS:\>openmail: puding???

Dear Tampo And stlunko
Why is 1-up so addicted to pudding????
and why was the over seer never rebuilt?

From Likend,poorbts,and proteks

TAMPO: Woah-woah-woah-woah. ANOTHER Poorbt mail?

STLUNKO: And the Liekand and his Proteks, apparently.

TAMPO: Okay... I have no idea what a Poorbt is doing with the Liekand, and since his name is misspelled, I doubt the Liekand was responsible for this email. You know, because he's so business-like. And Proteks don't have hands...

BRODY: Why are Poorbts so interested in 1-Up's love for pudding?

TAMPO: I don't know. I'll have to look into that. But anyway, at least there's one interesting question here.

STLUNKO: "Why was the Overseer never rebuilt?"

BRODY: Who's the Overseer?

TAMPO: He's that little trusty Greggo-type guy we had a while back. WAY back.

BRODY: And what happened to him? I don't remember him at all...

TAMPO: I think he sacrified himself for my robot body. Because they ran out of spare parts. Yeah... the robot body which got burned to a crisp.

STLUNKO: His body is destroyed, but-

BRODY: Burned? How'd your robot body get all burned up?

TAMPO: Quit it with the questions, Brody. If the audience is still vaguely interested in his history, they can go watch emails #3 and #4 to find out.

BRODY: {backs up} Okay... okay.

STLUNKO: His body was destroyed, but his brain chip was not used in it, as it lacked any value for the robotic suit. It was stored somewhere in the factory, and unfortunately forgotton.

TAMPO: I'm not sure how we could have forgotton... I must have been pretty upset about losing my robot body.

BRODY: Um... didn't our old warehouse... explode?

STLUNKO: Yes. The Overseer's brain chip has probably been destroyed.

TAMPO: But because our old warehouse's ruins are nearby and generally free of SWAT, and because Saargtsson never said we couldn't, I say we should visit it to see if we can find the Overseer's brain. Chip.

BRODY: So we can revive him?

TAMPO: Perhaps. Now let's go!

BRODY: Okay...

{The three leave the computer. Fade to black.}

{Fade to a field with the ruins of the old robot warehouse. It appears quiet, but parts of it actually have a metal frame in a state of repair, as if someone is fixing them. The boss trio is floating/walking/rolling towards it.}

STLUNKO: I appears as if it is a state of slow repair.

TAMPO: That's strange... who'd want to fix this place up?

BRODY: An overseer?

TAMPO: Maybe. But he'd need someone else to recover his brain chip and insert it into a body.

{They continue moving towards the ruins. Fade to inside the damaged Robot Warehouse. The walls, pipes and computers all around are damaged, but obviously being repaired. The boss trio is "walking" around it, looking back and forth.}

TAMPO: {calling} Hellooooo? Anybody here?

BRODY: This place is creepy. So many old memories...

{They enter the old, damaged computer room, and the cracked, deactivated Plasma 2000 is still on the wall. The room is dim and shadowy.}

TAMPO: Woah. The old Plasma.

{Suddenly a clanking sound is heard up front and gets immediate attention from the three.}

BRODY: {nervous} Who-who's there?

VOICE: Well, well, look who's finally returned.

TAMPO: Huh?

ANOTHER VOICE: {from the left shadows} It's about time.

BRODY: Um...

YET ANOTHER VOICE: I was wondering how we'd find them. And then they just walk right in here on their own.

STLUNKO: This sounds bad.

TAMPO: {hiding fear} Who are you guys? Reveal yourselves!

FIRST VOICE: What? You don't remember us?

{As the trio watch, three small minions step out of the shadows. One is a Terrel, one is a Grundy, and one is a Greggo wearing a red cap. Suddenly there is some shuffling sounds and a bunch more eyes and visors appear in the shadows all around, surrounding the boss trio.}

TAMPO: The Overseer? Wait- what happened?

THE TERRELL: Don't you remember? You sent about fifty of us out on a little errand for a party. Grocery shopping, of sorts.

THE GRUNDY: When we return a few hours later, we find the warehouse destroyed and everyone missing, evacuted, gone without a trace.

BRODY: Oh, yeah... {grins nervously} I guess we sort of forgot about you guys... um, fleeing for our lives and all...

THE OVERSEER: You left fifty of your trusted servants alone in a tough, unforgiving world. You sent no search party to retrieve them, no aide to help them, no leader to guide them.

THE GRUNDY: We weren't sure what to do. With fire and smoke everywhere, it was panic. But then we found this guy's brain chip scattered on the floor, fortunately in one piece. We put it in a spare robot body lying around. The only one not destroyed.

THE OVERSEER: My leadership programming helped me organize the group, and we started to repair and reconstruct our home. And we've been waiting for you three...

THE TERRELL: ...oh, we've been waiting a long time.

THE GRUNDY: ...waiting to tell you that...

{There is a long, nervous pause. Suddenly a light turns on to reveal the entire crowd of about fifty or so Jaros, Greggos, Chorches, Grundies, Terrells and Stobats.}

ALL THE MINIONS: {happily} WE FORGIVE YOU!!!

{The boss trio stand there, stunned for a few seconds. There is silence as no one moves. The light flickers twice.}

TAMPO: What?!

THE OVERSEER: We were just playing with you. There are no hard feelings, masters.

A JARO: Besides, your minions' betrayal was sooo last plot line.

STLUNKO: You know about the Boss Trio Reloaded?

THE JARO: Well, yeah. I mean, recently we've started watching your email show. We haven't seem any of them after "experiment" yet, but...

TAMPO: You guys have a computer?

THE JARO: Well, sure.

{A Chorch next to the Plasma 2000 flips a switch on it and it boots up. It is still damaged, but operational.}

BRODY: Cool. It still works.

THE OVERSEER: It took some damage in the blast. It took several weeks to get it operational again.

TAMPO: Hey, this is better than slaving off in the Lava Zone. Do you think we could stay here?

STLUNKO: Saargtsson may dislike us leaving without informing him.

TAMPO: Well, I'd still like to hang out here for a while.

{The crowd of minions starts to disperse. The Overseer turns around and starts to leave.}

THE OVERSEER: {while leaving} Oh sure, you guys can make yourself at home. {we start zooming onto his face} Really, it's no problem. In fact, {suddenly the scene darkens, but the following dialogue is spoken quietly and is ignored by everyone else in the room} I insist. Mu-ha-ha-ha-hu-hu-ha-ha-ha.

{Cut to the Plasma 2000's damaged screen. A pop-up is on screen that says "Click here to email Tampo.}

Easter Eggs

Wait a few seconds to see something else.

{Stlunko appears in his old position in front of the Plasma.}

STLUNKO: Hey look. I got our old "Email Tampo" pop-up onscreen.

{Tampo and Brody appear in their old positions.}

BRODY: Cool.

After that, click on Stlunko's antenna to the Gokul's second attempt.

{Cut back to the Gokul in the Gokul processing room. He just finished typing something on his computer.}

Dear Tampy,
Do people find it strange that you're a floating,
giant brain?
--The pizza blob guy

{The Gokul laughs again with his squeals and then sends the email.}

Fun Facts

The beginning dialogue refers to the ending of the previous Tampo Email "bozar."
The two similar "poorbt-mails" were sent by the same user, an unknown IP address. This is why they are so similar.
1-Up's construction takes place two years after Stinkoman was built, according to the Tampo Email "apocalypse."
"Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" is from the United States' Declaration of Independence.
You can learn about the Overseer by reading Tampo Emails #3 and #4: "construction" and "lazor beams."
The warehouse was destroyed when The Chibi's spaceship crashed into it in the Tampo Email "future."
The email in the easter egg still exists in Tampo Emails; it has not been answered.

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