Other Character Email Tampo/chickens

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Brody has laid waste to a nearby chicken factory. (pic by this person)

Tampo Email #7: "chickens"

Summary: Tampo finds out what happens when you bring Brody to a chicken factory.

Cast (in order of appearance): Tampo, Jaros, Chorches, Terrells, Stlunko, Holo-Brody, Brody, Various Chickens, Factory Workers

Places: Computer Room, Relaxing Chamber, Holo-Chamber, A Field, Chicken Factory (inside, outside)

Length: 109 Lines

Date: April 9th, 2005

Contents

Transcript

{Cut to Plasma 2000. Tampo is facing the camera. Brody and Stlunko are nowhere to be seen.}

TAMPO: Hello people, today things are going to be done a bit differently. Brody and Stlunko haven't gotten a vacation in a while, so I let them have the day off. So today I'll be doing the email all by myself. Well, not exactly. I'll have a bunch of minions to work the Plasma for me.

{As Tampo says this last sentence, the camera pans out to reveal a bunch of Jaros, Chorches and Terrells by the keyboard and mouse, ready to use it. Camera pans back to close up as Tampo speaks again.}

TAMPO: Okay, let's begin. Eee-eee-eee-eee-eeeeEEEEEEEEEEEE-MAIL!

{As Tampo says the lengthened E, the cursor wobbles around a bit until it moves over the mail icon and clicks. The email popup appears.}

{As Tampo says "Sincerely," the cursor moves down to the word document icon and clicks after Tampo finishes reading the email. Tampo says "Ultrapoopaw" hesitantly. Clicking sounds are heard as Tampo's minions type the following the best they can. They aren't too good, and their text comes seconds after Tampo says it.}

TAMPO: Well Superpoo, I don't know what it would be like in a chicken factory. In fact, I have no idea what a chicken factory is. Is it a place where chickens are made? I thought that was a robot-only thing. Um... Stlunko would probably know what it is, but I can't really bother him right now. He's getting a circuit massage.

{Cut to a side view Stlunko. He is in a relaxing chamber. He is half powered down and his eyes look relaxed. A panel on his back is open and a Chorch's pincers are inside. Gentle sparks are flying out.}

{Cut back to the Plasma 2000.}

TAMPO: But... I know one place where I can find out! Follow me.

{Tampo floats away and the scene ends.}

{Cut to a pure green room. Tampo floats in.}

TAMPO: Welcome to the Holo-Chamber! We will visit a chicken factory in the safety of the warehouse. {shouting} Setting: Chicken factory! Holo-Room: On!

{Suddenly the whole room becomes a completely automated chicken factory of 20X6. Conveyer belts are moving, machines are whirring, blades are chopping, ovens are cooking, and boxes are being packed with bunches of dead chicken in various stages, starting with plucked whole chickens and ending with little cooked squares. Tampo looks around.}

TAMPO: Woah, a chicken factory is where chickens are made. I guess robots aren't... hey, wait a minute... {pauses to examine more closely} Chickens aren't being made here! They're being cut up into food! Well, this has suddenly become more unsettling. So, um, here's the answer to your question, Poopaw. This is how it would be like with me in a chicken factory. But what would Brody think? I guess I could find out. But let's keep it simple. {shouting} Prop: A.I. Brody!

{Suddenly Brody appears. Well, not exactly Brody, but rather a hologram that looks like the real thing. Only his legs are visible, his top half goes outside of the camera's view.}

HOLO-BRODY: What the? What is this? Why, they're- they're- {choking}

{Holo-Brody's legs become tinted green. Tampo looks up at his head.}

TAMPO: Uh, oh.

HOLO-BRODY: BLECH!

{A blob of puke flies down from beside Holo-Brody. It flies at Tampo, causing him to cringe. Because it is just a hologram, it passes right through him and lands on the floor.}

TAMPO: Ugh! Disgusting! Good thing it was just a hologram.

HOLO-BRODY: Ugh. I feel... {legs wobble} woozy...

{Holo-Brody falls down opposite of Tampo and smashes into the ground with a crash. He has fainted. Tampo looks a him for a second.}

TAMPO: {shouting} Holo-Room: Off!

{With a beep, the whole room becomes green again, and Tampo is alone.}

TAMPO: Well, there you have it Poopaw. Show Brody a chicken factory and he'll puke and faint. {pauses} Or will he? You know what I say, simulations do not prove facts. I'm curious what would Brody really do. {shouting} Setting: Aerial view of our section of Planet K! Holo-Room: On!

{The background behind Tampo becomes a big aerial map with lots of buildings, labels and such.}

TAMPO: Setting: Mark Robot Warehouse and nearest large chicken factory!

{Two points on the map light up. Tampo looks at them as the screen fades out.}

{Screen fades in to a green field outside. It is sunny out, and Brody's legs are visible. Tampo floats in and Brody's head drops down from above to talk to him.}

TAMPO: Hey, Brody. How's your break going?

BRODY: Great! It's a beautiful day out, and it's nice to finally get out of the warehouse.

TAMPO: Yeah, I know. Hey, I know a nice place in town. Want to go check it out?

BRODY: Um... sure, why not?

{Tampo and Brody start walking away as the screen fades out.}

{Cut to a chicken warehouse, similar to the one the holo-room projected. Tampo floats in and Brody walks in. It apparently has a high roof, because Brody's head is out of sight.

TAMPO: Well, what do you think?

BRODY: What the? What is this? Why, they're- they're- {choking}

{Brody's legs become tinted green. Tampo looks up at his head.}

TAMPO: Oh, no! The holo-room was right! That means... I better get away!

BRODY: BLECH!

{Tampo turns around and floats away fast, but he's too late. A blob of puke flies down from beside Brody and hits Tampo on the back. Tampo is knocked onto the floor, puke is covering his top-back section.}

TAMPO: Eww! Horribly disguesting! Sick!

BRODY: Ugh. I feel... {legs wobble} woozy...

{Brody falls down opposite of Tampo and smashes into the ground with a crash. He has fainted, just like predicted. Tampo looks at him.}

TAMPO: Well, there's your answer, Poopaw. Just like the holo-gram thought. But man, was the puking really nessecary? I mean... huh?

{The green tint leaves Brody and he stirs. He gets up.}

TAMPO: Brody? You okay?

BRODY: {shouting} This is horrible! All these innocent chickens, dying! I will end this madness!

{Brody starts stomping and charges into some machinery in the background. The whole factory is shaking. Some people and robots who worked at the factory approach to stop him, but they're too late.}

TAMPO: Uh, oh. I better get out of here.

{Tampo flies away as Brody continues to destroy.}

{Cut to outside the factory. The camera is over a large green field, the chicken factory and the rest of the city in the background. It looks like a regular factory, except with pulses of energy coming out instead of smoke. It is shaking and crumpling and the roof is cracked. Occasionally Brody's head will pop out of the roof and then sink back in. Tampo quickly floats out and approaches the camera. Factory workers start running out of the building.}

TAMPO: Man, that was close. Talk about a bad idea. Whoa!

{Tampo turns around. The building crumples to the ground and a bunch of chickens who were going to be killed fly away. Brody is standing in the wreckage, his full self visible. The factory workers are surrounding him, yelling, but they are too small to be noticed by the giant chicken.}

BRODY: {shouting in distance} Yes! Run free, my brethren! Run free! Now, I know that this is only one small victory. Millions of other chickens are no doubt dying in similar factories. I will spend the rest of this day destroying every chicken factory in the world!

{Brody runs farther into the background, to the heart of the city. The angry workers follow him as fast as they can.}

TAMPO: {sarcastic} Great.

{Tampo floats into the foreground and under the camera. Scene fades away.}

{Scene fades back to the Plasma. Some of the typing robots are still visible. There is an empty word file onscreen. Tampo approaches.}

TAMPO: {typed} Well, thanks a lot Poopaw. You made Brody go off to destroy the chicken industry and got me covered in puke! You have the worst ideas ever. Come on.

{The cursor wiggles around the screen until it finally gets over the Email Tampo icon. The "Click here to email Tampo." popup appears on screen after a few seconds.}

{If you wait fifteen seconds...}

TAMPO: {not typed} Alright guys, that's enough for today. Go have fun or something.

{The minions jump/fly away, some hitting random keys as they go, making some gibberish appear on the text program.}

TAMPO: And I guess I better stop floating here and take a shower or something. I'm starting to absorb the puke!

{Tampo floats away.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the word "superpoo" on the text file at the beginning of the email to show an image of Superpoo. It's a blob of whatsit with a red cape tied around the bottom and an Superman-esque badge on the front.
  • Click on the word "industry" when the after the "Email Tampo" pop-up to view a commercial for "Chicken Crunch Cubes Cereal."
{A picture of a cereal box for "Chicken Crunch Cubes Cereal" is displayed onscreen. It has the name on top, a chicken to the side, and a big bowl full of squares of chicken in milk with a spoon in the middle.}
ANOUNCER: Buy our Chicken Crunch Cubes Cereal! They look like chicken. Taste like it, too. But it's a breakfast cereal! Yum!

Fun Facts

  • This is the first email to have dialogue after the "Email Tampo" pop-up.
  • The commercial easter egg is a reference to a commercial for the cereal Cookie Crisp.
  • The poor typing skills of Tampo's minions results in these messages being written in the word documents:

Quick Links

This email features a hidden DVD Commentary by Joshua and Color Printer.
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