Other Character Email Tampo/cousins

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Tampo Email #41: "cousins"

Summary: As Tampo and company try to recover from their last adventure, they are met by some unwelcome guests.

Cast (in order of appearance): Mysterious Silhouettes, Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Zyves, Clampo, Trody, Strunko, Frotzers, Gaspeaus, Saargtsson, Nurse Robot

Places: Mysterious Gray Building, Private Chamber, Lava Zone Passageway, A Hospital, Saargtsson's Chamber

Length: 207 Lines

Date: January 29, 2006

Transcript

{Cut to the outside of some building. The building and the ground are both gray, but the location is undeterminable. There is a single, clouded window with two silhouettes on the other side, talking to each other.}

VOICE #1: {angry} What do you mean the bomb didn't go off?!

VOICE #2: I don't know. He planted it, but it must have been deactivated later.

VOICE #1: Crap! Now they might figure it out. Do you think he broke free and deactivated it himself?

VOICE #2: No, our hold over him is still strong. Damaged things are easy to break.

VOICE #1: Good, good. And it's still increasing in power, right? We're making progress?

VOICE #2: Yes, as far as I can tell.

VOICE #1: Good. It's only a matter of time. But do you have any back-up plans to destroy the evidence?

VOICE #2: Yes, actually. In fact, there are three easily-manipulated guys who'll be perfect. All I have to do is send an invitation...

VOICE #1: Very well; do it. I'll be waiting.

{Fade to Tampo, Brody and Stlunko in their private chamber. Tampo is in front of the SaargtScreen, about to do an email. Brody is sitting next to the lava flow, watching the bubbling liquid float by. And Stlunko is in a corner, monitored the deactivated time bomb which is planed on a pulsating metallic disc.}

TAMPO: You guys are sure you don't want to do one?

STLUNKO: I am busy studying this bomb. It is very important.

BRODY: {trance-like} Flowing... flowing... flowing...

TAMPO: Very well. {email rap} Email, email, email. Email is DA BOMB!

STLUNKO: Bomb.

TAMPO: Yes... uh... that was intentional.

{The SaargtScreen picked up Tampo's email rap as a voice command and brought up a random email.}

CSS:/>openmail: comin 4a visit

Dear Cousins,
We're coming to visit you! We're
sorry about what happened years ago,
but we're going to make it up to you!
See you soon,
Clampo, Trody, and Strunko

TAMPO: {reading} Dear—

ZYVES: {offscreen} Hey guys.

{Tampo and Stlunko turn around to face Zyves, who enters the room. Brody stays entranced by the lava.}

ZYVES: Any progress on the bomb?

STLUNKO: Not too much. Aside from yours and mine, I am unable to find any prints or trace DNA. However, I plan to lock on and follow its time/space trail too locate where it came from.

TAMPO: Hence the big glowy disc thing, apparently.

ZYVES: Most fascinating. So, Brody... you okay?

BRODY: {trance-like} Flowing... flowing... flowing...

ZYVES: ...oh. {to Tampo} And you're still checking emails, huh?

TAMPO: {was about to turn back to computer, but stops} Don't you have other things to do?

ZYVES: Umm... well, not really. Since Saargtsson's still in the hospital and all.

TAMPO: I see. Now if you'd excuse me, {turns back around, reading} Dear—

{Suddenly a powering down sound is heard as the room dims, the SaargtScreen turns off and Stlunko's scanning disc shuts down.}

TAMPO: What the-?

ZYVES: The power generator?

TAMPO: No email. Or electricity. Perfect.

STLUNKO: I better go check on the generator.

ZYVES: I guess I'll go with you.

TAMPO: ...and I guess I'll stay here.

BRODY: Flowing... flowing... flowing...

{Stlunko and Zyves leave the room. Brody continues staring at the lava. There is a lengthly pause as Tampo glances around, looking for something to do. Finally he floats to Brody.}

TAMPO: Brody...

BRODY: {turns} ...er?

TAMPO: Why do you hate Zyves so much?

BRODY: {insulted} Oh, c'mon. Because he- he- {normal} Uh... Actually, I kinda forget. {jumps up} But I'm sure I have a good reason!

TAMPO: Oh, right. Of course.

VOICE: {faint, from another room} Well, howdy-doo, y'all!

ZYVES: {faint, from another room} Who are you guys?!

TAMPO: What the-?

BRODY: Oh, no! Them!

{Suddenly three characters burst into the room, breaking through the wall next to the door. Tampo and Brody are startled and see who they are: One is a large flying brain, but is gray, droopy and has a lazy eye. Another is a giant dirtied Brody-like bird with odd teeth and a old farmer's hat. The last one is like Stlunko but is small, has tubes connecting his hands to his body, and a blinking sphere on this antenna.}

TRODY: Tampo! Broody! I hasn't seen you two in ages!

{Tampo and Brody just stare in what seems to be surprise.}

TRODY: Don't ya recognise me, fellas?! It's me, Trody! You're cousin from the yonder!

CLAMPO: {slowly} Me. Clam. Po.

STRUNKO: You guys'st couldn't have forgotten'bout me, could've ya? I'm Strunko, everyone's best fr'nd!

STLUNKO: {enters from behind them} You almost sicken me, Strunko.

STRUNKO: C'mon, that'st isn't cool.

TRODY: Anyways, we here thought you guys were gettin' lonesome so we decided to drop on by again to check up on ya!

TAMPO: No, we're fine. Please go back to your home.

BRODY: We're serious.

CLAMPO: Sad. Am.

ZYVES: {enters from behind} Um, hello? Who are these guys?

TAMPO: {signs} They're our... "cousins" from some distant duplicate planet. It's all messed up.

BRODY: They always bring trouble. Horrible trouble.

TRODY: Aw, c'mon guys. I said we'd do better. Give us another chance!

STLUNKO: You smashed our power generator as you beamed in.

STRUNKO: We're sorry, man. Just let i'go.

TAMPO: Don't you remember what you did before?

TRODY: Of course! That's why we came all the way o'er here! We're gonna make it up to ya by... by... uh, what'd we do again?

BRODY: Clogged the bathroom toilet with our money!

TAMPO: Put me in a five-day coma.

STLUNKO: Melted all our Browntants into a stew. And drank it.

TRODY: Hyuk... it was delicious.

ZYVES: Okay, this is... unsettling and all... but I gotta go.

CLAMPO: Stay. Fun.

{Clampo fires a wobbly green laser ball and hits Zyves, who was turned the other way. Zyves flashes and falls down, unconscious.}

CLAMPO: Boop.

TRODY: So can we stay?!

{Tampo, Brody and Stlunko glare at the three.}

TRODY: We'll keep in touch! Hyuk!

{Suddenly the three "cousins" disappear in a flash.}

BRODY: Okay... are they gone?

TAMPO: And is Zyves okay there?

STLUNKO: They seem to possess some weak wormhole powers. I doubt they are gone, so be alert.

ZYVES: {groans} Ugh... what hit me?

STLUNKO: Stay prepared for their reappearance. Be careful.

{Tampo starts floating to Zyves. Fade to black. Fade in to Brody and a crowd of Frotzers and Gaspeaus. They are in front of another caved-in tunnel. A large lava river is flowing through the path, with the huge middle section of ground going over it forming a large bridge.}

BRODY: Okay fellow minions, you know why we're here, right?

MINIONS: Right!

BRODY: Uh... okay, well, it's because my crazy "cousin" collasped this cave as he ran past here earlier.

MINIONS: Right!

BRODY: And we aren't cleaning this because Saargtsson's forcing us to this; he's still in the hospital.

MINIONS: Right!

BRODY: We're doing this because our food supplies on the other side and we'll starve to death if we don't.

MINIONS: Right!

BRODY: Good. Now... begin.

{The Frotzers and Gaspeaus start picking up small individual rocks and dropping them in a nearbly lava flow. Brody starts carefully knocking some loose rocks into the lava. Suddenly there is a flash and Trody is there.}

TRODY: Hyuk! You guys are so slooow. Move outta the way, I'll show ya how it's really done!

{Brody steps back.}

BRODY: No! Please don't!

{Before anybody else can react, Trody kneels over and jumps, smashing into the roof. Suddenly the entire room starts rumbling and shaking. Brody and his "cousin" take several steps back, and the Frotzers and Gaspeaus start squeeling and panicking. Suddenly the entire roof over the little minions collapses, causing dust to fly everywhere. Brody coughs. After a few seconds, the dust fades, showing a large pile of debree in the room. The roof above it is gone and the open sky is visible. All the Frotzers and Gaspeaus are nowhere to be seen.}

BRODY: {in shock} You- you just- just-

TRODY: Now ya can just walk right over. Ain't I clever? See, I told ya I'd pay you back. Well, gotta go. See ya soon! {disappears in a flash}

BRODY: {recovers} You just killed all those little guys! First the Browntants, and now... FROTZERS!! GASPEAUS!!! Can you hear me?! {no response} Poor guys... stupid Trody...

{Brody starts going over the rubble. Fade to Tampo in some sort of large hospital room. Visible outside the window is the open city. Tampo is here along with a feminine robot in a nurse outfit, who is holding an injection needle. Saargtsson is laying tired in a large cot in the middle of the room, mostly covered by a blanket. His outer skin still looks damaged, and there's a computer nearby with his life signs.}

TAMPO: So he's fine, right? No major problems?

NURSE ROBOT: He'll be okay. He just needs to stay here a week or two to recover.

TAMPO: Don't worry, we'll let him rest. Now I'm gonna go to--

SAARGTSSON: {sitting up, weak} Wait... {Tampo turns} When you... get back to the Lavvva Zzzone... remember to clean...

NURSE ROBOT: There, there, Saargtsson. I'm sure Mr. Tampo is busy, and you need some rest. {she injects Saargtsson with the shot}

SAARGTSSON: Noo... Tampo... clean... {slumps down, sleeping}

TAMPO: Heh. Take your time, Saargtsson. Take your time...

{Right before Tampo leaves, Clampo appears in the room with a Flash.}

CLAMPO: Wait.

TAMPO: {turning around} Oh, no... Clampo, get out of here. Don't you remember what happened the last time you followed me into a hospital?

CLAMPO: Yes.

{Cut to a far away view of a hospital somewhere. Suddenly a nuclear-style explosion appears, engulfing the entire building. Cut back to Tampo, Clampo, Saargtsson and the nurse in the hospital.}

CLAMPO: But. Heal. Hurt.

TAMPO: No--

{Clampo fires a laserball at Saargtsson. The laser ball is pink and shiny, and looks similar to a large atom. As Tampo and the nurse watch, it hits Saargtsson. A pink glow engulfs him, and then he bursts out of the glow, fully healed.}

SAARGTSSON: I'm entirely healed!

NURSE ROBOT: Wow... uh, don't go anywhere. We'll have to run some tests. But you should be going home in a few hours, if you really are healed.

SAARGTSSON: Thhhat'sss great. Now Tampo, make sssure you clean my privvvate chamber befffore I get back.

CLAMPO: For. Give?

TAMPO: {annoyed} Yes, Master Saargtsson. {sarcastic} Thanks a ton, Clampo. I'm leaving.

{Tampo starts to leave, upset. Clampo disappears in a flash. Cut to Stlunko back in his room. The power is online and he is studying the bomb on the disk.}

STLUNKO: Time/space trail located. Now following...

{Strunko appears in a flash, breaking Stlunko's focus.}

STRUNKO: Hey'a, man. What'cha doing? I'seems like you needs'ome help.

STLUNKO: No, I can handle this myself. Please take your contraction-overusing self elsewhere.

STRUNKO: That's fine, du--

{Suddenly the bulb on Strunko's antenna glows red.}

STRUNKO: I must help.

{Strunko quickly grabs the bomb from the disk.}

STLUNKO: Stop. That is a delicate piece of--

{Strunko tosses the bomb back and it lands in the lava flow. It quickly bursts into flames and melts into nothingness.}

STRUNKO: Oops. I am so clumsy.

STLUNKO: You just destroyed our only clue to who tried killing us all. You will deserve what I am about to give you.

{Strunko's bulb changes back to normal. Stlunko brings his fist back, getting in position to punch. He punches at Strunko with all his might. Strunko, surprised, disappears in a flash right before Stlunko hits him. Stlunko's fist goes flying past before finally stopping and returning to normal.}

STLUNKO: The imbecile. Now I may never locate the bomb planter.

{Fade to the boss trio in Saargtsson's private chamber. Brody and Stlunko are polishing Saargtsson's seat, and Tampo is crumbling some stray rocks with laser ball blasts.}

BRODY: {mumbling} Stupid Trody... killed all those minions...

TAMPO: {mumbling} Stupid Clampo... healing Saargtsson...

STLUNKO: That Strunko destroyed our only lead.

{Suddenly Clampo, Trody and Strunko appear in the room with a flash.}

TRODY: Well ya'lls, we gotta be goin' now. We're mighty busy, ya know.

STRUNKO: It's been tons o'fun, really.

TRODY: Now Strunko here's awfully sorry about destroying your little bomb-bly thingy...

STRUNKO: I don't know what got ove'me.

BRODY: Okay... you guys can leave now. Please. Go. Now.

TRODY: Don' worry, we will. But Strunko thought we'd make it up to ya by planting another bomb for ya! It's already tickin'! Hyuk!

TAMPO: YOU WHAT!?!

BRODY: {simutaniously} YOU WHAT?!?

STLUNKO: What?

TRODY: Hyuk! Gotcha! I just kidding. Bye now.

CLAMPO: Bye.

{There is a flash, and they are gone.}

STLUNKO: Trace signal lost. They are far away.

TAMPO: Good. Uh... as long as they were joking about the new bomb... we better get back to work. And hope they don't come back.

BRODY: The jerks.

{The boss trio start getting back to work. Fade back to the gray building.}

VOICE #2: Mission success. The evidence is destroyed and the boss trio are none the wiser.

VOICE #1: Great. Good work.

{Fade to the SaargtScreen, where the following message appears.}

A:/> Click here to email Tampo.

Easter Eggs

Click on Tampo to rotate through various character cards.
- SARGITSON - {Looks like a red, pudgy segmented lava with antennas. It's features greatly resemble Saargtsson's.}
- JYVES - {Look like a cyborg swan. The robot parts are near-identical to Zyves'.}
- KEB-2 - {A blue NEB-1 in a suit and tie.}
- PLEVOR - {A slouching, blue haired, pimply human with sunglasses and clothing identical to Trevor's.}

Click on the lava flow in the background to see another scene.

{Cut back to the mysterious gray building. The two silhouettes are still visible through the window.}

VOICE #2: And then we'll be able to do that to them before they can attack our base.

VOICE #1: ...quit it.

Click on SaargtScreen's voice receiver to view yet another Easter egg.

{Cut to the caved-in section of the Lava Zone, where all the Frotzers and Gaspeaus were buried.}

MINIONS: {together, from underneath rubble} Ouch... {pause} We're still alive... {pause} This is very uncomfortable... {pause} Anybody out there? {pause} Hello? We need help! {pause} I don't think anybody's there...

Fun Facts

To understand the origin of the bomb, Saargtsson's injuries, and a few other things, you'll need to have gone through the previous Tampo Email "bomb squad".
Strunko overuses contractions, refering to Stlunko's odd quirk.
Trody turning all the boss trio's Browntants into a stew refers to the fact that they have yet to be seen in a Tampo Email.
Trody did not kill off all the Frotzers and Gaspeaus.
The character cards in the Easter egg feature odd "cousins" of the characters Saargtsson, Zyves, NEB-1 and Trevor.
- "Jyves" is coincidently the name of the Seventies variation of Zyves in Ekulmail.exe.

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