Other Character Email Strong Sad/The Outskirts

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Contents

Summary

Strong Sad escapes the plotline.

Cast(in order of appearence): Strong Sad, Female Voice, Dream of the Endless, The Eleven Year Olds

Transcript

{Cut to an elevated highway at night. Strong Sad looks out into the night. He is holding a cell phone}

FEMALE VOICE: {over phone} Strong Sad, what did you just do?

STRONG SAD: {to phone, slightly stunned} I just really wanted to leave...and I did.

FEMALE VOICE: You changed dimensions at will?

STRONG SAD: I guess I did. I wish I knew I had the power to do that before, like in middle school.

FEMALE VOICE: Well, you transported yourself to The Outskirts of Reality. The exit to our world isn’t very far. Put the cell phone on the ground.

{Strong Sad puts the cell phone on the ground. The phone starts to vibrate, then twitch, then expand until it turns into a pink 1987 Toyota Corolla. Strong Sad gets into the driver seat.}

FEMALE VOICE: {over car radio} Good. Now drive start ahead to reach our world.

STRONG SAD: But I can’t drive!

FEMALE VOICE: Um, you’ve seen people drive before?

STRONG SAD: Of course.

FEMALE VOICE: Just imitate them.

STRONG SAD: Okay. {Strong Sad grabs the wheel and looks intense for a moment} Ah, how do I make it go?

FEMALE VOICE: {sighs} The key is in the glove compartment. Put it in the ignition thingy and turn it till the car turns on.

{Strong Sad does this, and then press down on the accelerator. The car speeds forward, so Strong Sad freaks out and slams on the breaks.}

DREAM OF THE ENDLESS: {suddenly in the passenger side} Jeez, even Delirium is a better driver then you.

STRONG SAD: When are you going to stop popping up like this?

DREAM OF THE ENDLESS: When I stop being sexy. {gleaming smile}

STRONG SAD: You are so out of character.

{Dream disappears}

FEMALE VOICE: I think I’ll drive myself.

{The car begans to drive at un-Corolla like speeds down the highway. Strong Sad clutches his seat.}

STRONG SAD: Ahhh! You’re going over the speed limit!

FEMALE VOICE: Strong Sad, whose going to stop us?

STRONG SAD: The millions of black cars behind us?

{Cut to the rearview mirror, which shows a million black cars behind them}

FEMALE VOICE: Oh, great.

{Cut to The Eleven Year Olds}

BOY #2: I’m so 1337 with racing. He’s getting smashed!

GIRL: She wants him alive, Kevin.

BOY #2: Um, how alive?

BOY #3: {hit Boy #2} Alive, alive!

{Cut back to Strong Sad}

FEMALE VOICE: We’ll just have outmaneuver them.

STRONG SAD: In an ancient Corolla?

FEMALE VOICE: What are you, Car & Truck Magazine now? You can’t even drive!

{The black cars start to catch up, but the Corolla speeds up. Black cars then appear in front of the Corolla, speeding towards it. The Corolla zags through the cars, but keeps getting bashed up. Finally, it gains the lead with the rest of the cars behind it. The Corolla starts to slow down as it goes up hill, but the black cars are at the same speed. A giant black truck appears with the rest of the cars.}

STRONG SAD: {holding full paper bag and looking sick} We’re going to get smashed! {vomits into bag)

FEMALE VOICE: No, we aren’t, because they forgot the number one rule of car chases: the ramp!

{The Corolla then glids off the ramp, while the rest of the cars falls into the night. The Corolla lands on safe highway with a great bump}

STRONG SAD: {shell-shocked} I’m sterile now.

FEMALE VOICE: We’re safe now. You’re almost home.

STRONG SAD: I’m sorry I haven’t asked this earlier, but who are you?

FEMALE VOICE: Don’t you recognize me? I’m your cousin Strong Glad!

STRONG SAD: Well, it haven’t seen you since I was twelve. So how’s my Uncle Rad?

STRONG GLAD: He’s still a jerk. How are you’re brothers?

STRONG SAD: Sadistic, unemployed, living with me.

{A huge shining CGI castle appears over to the left. It looks like a beautiful dream that only Mad King Ludwig ever dream. Strong Sad stares at it}

STRONG SAD: {amazed} So that’s where the budget went.

STRONG GLAD: The exits coming up.

STRONG SAD: Where?

STRONG GLAD: Here!

{The Corolla drives right into the castle. The Corolla crash into the room where The Eleven Year Olds are. Strong Sad gets out of the car}

GIRL: Kevin! You were supposed to stop them, gaywad!

STRONG GLAD: They were the ones controlling you all this time! You must defeat them!

STRONG SAD: Me and against some kids? Isn’t that a little un-

{The Eleven Year Olds jump on him and bring him down. Strong Sad struggles in vain against them}

STRONG SAD: {thinking} This is embarrassing. How will I get out of this? What do eleven year olds fear? {out-loud} I’m gay!

BOYS: Ewwww! {run away}

STRONG SAD: {Gets up, looks at remaining girl} Why are you still here?

GIRL: I’m not homophobic, like my immature collegue.

STRONG SAD: Then why do you call them gay?

GIRL: {angry} I meant the other gay! {calmer} Anyway, it’s not us you want. We were just following Roxy Dawson’s orders.

STRONG SAD: So Roxy Dawson is behind this. I must stop her. Um, after I read my emails.

{Strong Sad goes over to the computer and opens an email} 

To Strong Sad,
If you were a critic,
I'd bet you'd rate yourself 6 out of 10 stars.
Remember, you're not that bad,
but then again, you're not too good either.
You're still a great person though.
-MARS KAY STRACKS AGAINZORS    
PS - No, really, Mars Kay is my name.

STRONG SAD: {reads email, say Mary Kay instead of Mars Kay, starts typing} Dear Mary Kay, If I was a critic, I would rate myself only three stars. Luckily, I’m not a critic, but unfortunately, I’m Strong Sad. Also, I do not need any make-up, unless you carry black lipstick, which you probably don’t. Sincerely, Strong Sad. {sends email} Time to go and defeat Roxy.

GIRL: If you're gay, does that mean my Strong Sad/Homsar fics aren’t technically slash?

STRONG SAD: What?

GIRL: Never mind. Good luck

STRONG SAD: {leaving} I hate good luck.

{The End}

Easter Egg

  • Click on the Corolla for this scene.
{Cut to Strong Glad (whatever she looks like) in a pink bedroom with tons of computers and phones}
STRONG GLAD: Ahh, I helped my cousin Strong Sad. Now to help Aunt Beatrice escape from the Planet of the Apes.
OLD WOMAN: {over phone} Hello?
STRONG GLAD: On second thought, maybe I need some Me Time.
OLD WOMAN: {over phone} Oh, hoodysnicker!

Fun Facts

H*R References

  • The year 1987 is a running gag in the H*R world.
  • Strong Glad comes from a sketch the Brothers Chap did of Strong Sad with great gams.

Real World References

  • This email is a hommage to the end of "Adolescene of Utena", my favorite movie.

***SPOILER*** At the end of this movie, after Utena has truly won the Rose Bride Anthy, she decides to go to the Real World. Suddenly, a giant carwash pulls her in and turns her into a pink race car. Anthy must use this Utena car to drive to the Real World. The millions of black cars and the big CGI castle are from this part, along with the idea of driving a car to the Real World.

  • The Toyota Corolla is a popular type of sedan. I probably made tons of mistakes this email about the car's performance. Feel free to send me a 100 page thesis on this.
  • Dream of the Endless is from the graphic novel "Sandman". In "Brief Lives", his sister Delirium tries driving, with comedic results.
  • Mary Kay is a brand of cosemetics sold door to door.
  • Slash is fanfiction which pairs two or more normally straight characters together romantically. People debate wheather it can still be slash if the characters are openly gay, ex. Will and Jack from the American TV show "Will and Grace". Most slash is written by women.
  • It's bad luck to say "good luck" in theater. Hysterical Woman just hates the phrase anywhere.
  • "Escape from the Planet of the Apes" is a song by They Might Be Giants, and also a movie in the "Planet of the Apes" series.

Inside References

  • This is the beginning of the end of this story arc. Since Danger, Strong Sad has been transported from dimension to dimension. His only help has been a calm female voice from a cell phone. This voice has turned out to be his cousin Strong Glad.
  • Interestingly enough, Strong Glad first appeared in Peasantry, which had an email of someone asking about her.
  • This is the third time Dream has appeared, hence Strong Sad's comment.

Related Links

Other Character Email
Strong Sad Email


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