Other Character Email Strong Sad/Roxy Dawson

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Jump to: navigation, search

Contents

Summary

Strong Sad meets with the fabulous Roxy Dawson for some navel gazing.

Cast(in order of appearance): Strong Sad, Roxy Dawson, Hysterical Woman

Transcript

STRONG SAD: Look at my emails, all you mighty, and despair. {opens email}

Dear Mr. Strong Sad,
You are cordially invited to my mansion in Annapolis for a dinner party tonight st six.
Be there or be square.
Sincerely,
Roxy Dawson

STRONG SAD: {reads email, stops at Annapolis part} Oh, the capital of Maryland since 1695, when Lord Baltimore's government was overthrown. {Ding! A gold star appears briefly, with the words "A+". Strong Sad continues reading the email, pronucing "st" as "sit"} Wow, a party. I usually don't get invited to parties. I wasn't even invited to my surprise birthday party once. I'll just RSPCT and...

{establishing shots of Annapolis: the State Capital, the Naval Academy, um, the State Capital again. Cut to a swank, modern dining room. Strong Sad enters. Roxy Dawson, a lithe andrgnyous figure in a tux, greets him}

ROXY DAWSON: Why, hello Mr. Strong Sad, so good of you to come. You've meet your semi-creator, Hysterical Woman. {gestures to a young woman in jeans and a t-shirt saying "Italia"}

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: Hi.

STRONG SAD: I thought you were taller.

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: You looked much shorter on my screen.

ROXY DAWSON: Now for the cusine part of the evening.

{Cut to later. The table is messy from a good meal. Everyone is drinking coffee.}

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: That was a good meal. I've never had Argentinian-Japanese fushion cusine before.

STRONG SAD: The beef sushi was surprisingly good.

ROXY DAWSON: You all know what I called you here for.

STRONG SAD: Um, no.

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: {to Strong Sad} Roxy Dawson is a high-paid consultant that I hired to help us out.

STRONG SAD: How could you afford that?

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: It turns out I had 42 billion dollars in loose change and uncashed checks.

{Roxy Dawson brings out a video projector and turns out the lights. Projector shows a picture of the Strong Sad Email Icon}

ROXY DAWSON: Of all the Other Character Emails, Strong Sad Emails is the most unpopular. {projector shows a picture of a depressing graph} It's ratings are so low they're in the negative numbers. {shows a picture of an overweight Goth girl and a skinny Emo boy} Only a handful of people are fans of this show, and most of them are Ms. G here. {shows a picture of Hysterical Woman picking her nose, than changes back to the Strong Sad Email icon} Mr. Strong Sad, do you have any idea why your email show is so dismally unpopular?

{Cut to Strong Sad}

STRONG SAD: Because I'm Strong Sad?

ROXY DAWSON: Wrong. {shows a picture of Tampo} If a minor character from a video game can get Fanstuff of the Week, a Major Character like you should be I able to soar. After years of research...

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: {confused} I hired you last week...

ROXY DAWSON: We at Dawson Consultanting have come up with several problems, I mean, potential complients. Number one: No customized computer. {show a slide saying "1. No pimpin' ride"} The readers don't know what kind of computer Mr. Strong Sad uses.

STRONG SAD: I use an Amiga.

ROXY DAWSON: What model? When was it built? What operating systen does it use?

STRONG SAD: Um...

ROXY DAWSON: It's as if Amiga was chosen simply for it's humorous obscurity. The reader doesn't know if you use a GUI or a text-based system, or how you acess your email, or even what your scroll button rap is.

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: Hey! There's a good reason for that!

ROXY DAWSON: And what's your reason?

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: I don't care.

ROXY DAWSON: {sighs} Moving on to the next item...the opening lines are unsatisfactor. {shows a slide saying "2. Bad rappin'"} Note the following: 

STRONG SAD: Look at my emails, all you mighty, and despair.

STRONG SAD: I have the strangest feeling of Deja Vu.

ROXY DAWSON: You simply paraphased a line from the famous poem Ozymandias by Shelley. Compare with this line: 

1-UP: {singing} 1-Up, 1-Down! What's up in your town?

ROXY DAWSON: Or this line: 

GUNHAVER: Chewy, chewy, chewy, candy bar e-mail.

ROXY DAWSON: These are original lines, not bad paraphases. 1-Up and Gunhaver have gotten Fanstuff of the Week for a reason.

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: Do people really care about a minor thing like that?

ROXY DAWSON: It looks bad that the creative Strong Sad is so unoriginal.

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: Well, I am rapidly running out poetry, but it's a tradition now, and I don't want to change.

ROXY DAWSON: Fine, we'll move on. Number three: No interesting reading of the email, like in the orginal Strong Bad Emails. {shows a slide saying "3. No sweet dissin'"}

STRONG SAD: Strong Bad has emails?

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: Well, Strong Sad does make mistakes, like the Japon thing or briangle or the Dis Countess of Bricks...

ROXY DAWSON: All very dull examples. Anyway, as of late, Strong Sad simply reads the email without comment. He even ignored Ana Ng. How do you pronuces a name like that anyway.

STRONG SAD: Easy: Ana Ng.

ROXY DAWSON: Yes, I guess there are limits in a text based email, but you could still do more. Why don't you make fun of the emailers?

STRONG SAD: But that would be out of character!

ROXY DAWSON: Nobody cares, dear. Nobody cares. Number five: No storylines. {shows a slide saying "4. No happenin' thangs"} You could read the emails out-of-order and not notice. Nothing happens from episode to episode. It's always just Strong Sad in his room.

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: What about the B incident?

ROXY DAWSON: So? Strong Sad goes lovesick in one episode, he's passed out in another, then he's fine the next. That's barely a rolling epic, wouldn't you say? What about exciting chases, or enemies, or going on adventures, or anything like that?

STRONG SAD: Then when will I have time to answer my emails?

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: Yeah, storylines are kind of gimmicky.

ROXY DAWSON: The gimmick you have isn't working. Number six: Too obscure. {shows a slide saying "5. WTF?"} Your audience isn't familar with Angel Santurary or Sandman.

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: I'm not that obscure.

ROXY DAWSON: Maybe, but your audience isn't hipsters like you. They don't know who the heck Alan Moore or Harlan Ellison are supposed to be. Who the heck are you writing for?

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: My siblings?

ROXY DAWSON: You have no idea of what is marketable. My crack team of crack people have come up with a crack email to crack your shells.

{Roxy plays the following email}

STRONG SAD: email! email! all da timey! {types "!!super ssmail!!"}

Dear stong sad,
how u be so short?
crapply crap,
Mitchell's crazy time machine

STRONG SAD: {pronunces "stong" as "song", "crap" as "crab apple", and "tomato" as "to-mah-to"} omg noob! u cant spel! your machina aint as good as my MicroA1! surge111111!

BADDY: bbooo!

STRONG SAD: oh node, into space! To da mooooooon!1!11!

{cut to Da Mooooon! Strong Sad phases in Star Trek style}

STRONG SAD: wowsers, it's bonus stage!

PHIL ARGUS: Hi, my name is...

JOEL DAWSON: Noodles power my super new machine to time! Let's go!

{Joel grabs Strong Sad and runs off with him}

PHIL ARGUS: Nobody loves me.

{Joel and Strong Sad are inside a space ship rocket}

JOEL DAWSON: My clones will love you!

BADDY: Eat my shorts!

STRONG SAD: ay camabraba!

SCREEN: To be continued...?

{clip ends. Strong Sad and Hysterical Woman stare in horror}

ROXY DAWSON: So, what do you think?

STRONG SAD: That was horrible!

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: Who made that, hyper-active 12 year olds?

ROXY DAWSON: No, 11 year olds.

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: I rather keep the old style than turn into that. Let's go, Strong Sad.

ROXY DAWSON: Nobody defies Roxy Dawson. You have made an enemy today.

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: Yeah, whatever. {to Strong Sad} Let's blow off some steam at Rehobath.

{Cut to a beach. Hysterical Woman lies on a blanket in a swimsuit. Strong Sad sits under an umbrella wearing a hooded sweatshirt}

STRONG SAD: Have I mentioned that I hate the beach?

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: All the way up here. Why did you come?

STRONG SAD: Beats me.

{pause}

STRONG SAD: What do you think Roxy Dawson is going to do to us?

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: Ahh, she probably won't take horrible revenge on us using her unlimited resourse due to our callous insult.

STRONG SAD:...

HYSTERICAL WOMAN: I feel like a funnel cake.

{the end}

Easter Egg

  • Click on the beach umbrella for this message will appear: 
No offense to anyone, escept to the people I mean offense to.

Fun Facts

Real World References

  • Strong Sad's first line, as mentioned before, is from the poem "Ozymandias".
  • "Sushi" is Japanese for vingered rice, but to gajin it means "raw stuff". Argentina is famous for its beef.
  • Ms. G refers to Hysterical Woman's real name.
  • Bonus Stage is another popular flash animation, done by Matt Wilson. The two main characters in that show are Phil Argus, a super-powered loser, and Joel Dawson, a hyper scientist.
  • Rehobath is a resort town on the Delaware coast.
  • Funnel cake is a fried treat covered in powered sugar, sometimes served with strawberries.

Wiki World/Inside References

  • Fanstuff of the Week is a semi-weekly prize given to popular wiki creations. Tampo, 1-Up, and Gunhavers' email shows have all gotten their own respective Fanstuff of the Week.
  • The B incident refers to the events in Love, Nothing, and The Love Song of Strong F. Sad.
  • Mitchell is a user who sent out emails to everyone about time traveling.

H*R References

  • Strong Sad revealed in his blog that he hates the beach.

Releated Links

Other Character Email
Strong Sad Email


Retrieved from "http://fanstuff.hrwiki.org/wiki/Other_Character_Email_Strong_Sad/Roxy_Dawson"