Other Character Email Nebulon/war

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Nebulon Email #17: "war"

War breaks out in Nebulon Email Land! Tampo, Ghype, Ekersby, and Stinkoman all unleash terrible weapons! Can it be stopped, not in this email!

Date: December 22, 2007

Cast (in order of appearance): Nebulon, Charles, Ekersby, Ghype, NEB-1, Tampo, Stinkoman, Harvax XVII, Piedmont

Length: 156 Lines

Transcript

{Nebulon and Charles are at a computer.}

NEBULON: I feel like time is moving very slowly.

CHARLES: Yes, I can agree. I don't think I've moved for a year. I'm going to go kill whoever's responcible for this.

NEBULON: Bye!

{Charles zooms off.}

NEBULON: Kay. Guess I'm gonna answer some email now. Maybe something will actually happen today.

{He pulls up the email.}

Dear Nebulon,
DO NOT visit Ekersby. He has been imformed by Tampo
that you are evil.
Doing you a favor,
Some Guy from a Zoo

NEBULON: Tampo? I don't have time for him right now. I'm kind of busy, you know, with the remote stuff and all. And I doubt Ekersby has done anything for Tampo, he's only been here for like, a year.

EKERSBY: {from behind} Yeah! And I spent all of them finding that remote thing.

NEBULON: You just needed to cut a wire! How could that take you so long?

EKERSBY: This guy named Saagttson - you'd like him, he's a real friendly sort. Well, he served me tea-

NEBULON: Tea? Was it hot tea? This guy's a wimp!

EKERSBY: Yeah, it was hot tea. He's a real gentleman. Anyway, he was telling me about this robot guy, and how he was a real bad guy. He showed me a picture, too, and he looked real familiar.

NEBULON: And why did this take you three months? Did you and the gentleman play croquet?

EKERSBY: I won! He won at Bocci ball, though.

NEBULON: How can you use a mallet?

EKERSBY: I picked it up, obviously!

NEBULON: Whatever. So did you succeed?

EKERSBY: Yeah. I even hooked the cord up to a passing Greggo and stuck him in the cabinet below the kitchen sink for good measure.

NEBULON: So everything is okay!

{Ghype appears.}

GHYPE: OR NOT!

NEBULON: Or, uh, yes.

GHYPE: OR NOT! Listen, Nebby! There's going to be some CHANGES 'round here!

EKERSBY: Can you guys be quiet? I'm trying to watch season exty-ex of everyone's favoite animated comedy, The Simpsons!

NEBULON: Did you know?

EKERSBY: Know what?

NEBULON: Did you know that there's no holovision, um, anywhere?

GHYPE: Ahem!

NEBULON: In a second, sweetie. And futhermore--

{Ekersby disappears.}

GHYPE: Get him!

{Ekersby reappears on NEB-1.}

EKERSBY: MWA HA HA HA HA!

NEBULON: Oh dear. I guess I should put more trust in guys that come from zoological parks.

NEB-1: MY BRAWN!

EKERSBY: and my brains, we can rule the world!

NEBULON: What's with everyone turning evil all of the sudden?

{Tampo appears.}

TAMPO: You know Nebulon, I'm sorry for the torture.

{Tampo moves a boquet of flowers over to him.}

TAMPO: How about dinner sometime soon? See you later!

{Tampo disappears.}

NEBULON: Um.

{1-Up and Stinkoman appear, with theme music.}

STINKOMAN: Ah ha ha ha! Nebulon is a wuss!

1-UP: Yeah! He's too afraid to engage the giant NEB-1skerby in war!

NEBULON: War? Nah, not really my thing. I like flowers better.

{He smells them.}

NEBULON: Gack! TAMPO!

GHYPE: Well, I guess our job is done. Come along, NEB-1skerby!

EKERSBY: We don't work for you!

{Ekersby's Browntant hits Ghype.}

GHYPE: Retreat!

{He beams away.}

STINKOMAN: Hey Nebulon! Were those flowers too much of a CHALLENGE?

NEBULON: {gasping} Those flowers... they had... parasetic moon worms!

{He hits a key on the computer.}

COMPUTER VOICE: Did you ever want to know about PARASETIC MOON WORMS?

STINKOMAN: Not really!

COMPUTER VOICE: Parasetic moon worms are a terrible disease! Luckily, if you don't inhale Moonflowers deeply, and you aren't a giant reptile you won't get them! And really, you have to be a really stupid big green reptile to get them!

NEB-1: THIS IS BORING!

EKERSBY: Shut up! I want to see exactly how he's going to die!

COMPUTER VOICE: Parasetic moon worms kill in the period of one month. On the first day, the victim will have trouble breathing. They'll be normal for two weeks. Then, and let me tell you, this is the cool part: about two weeks in, the reptile will start spitting up worms.

1-UP: Doesn't he already do that?

COMPUTER VOICE: A month in, the poor guy will spit up worms so big they'll EAT HIM ALIVE! Hate to be him, huh?

NEB-1: MONTH TOO LONG!

EKERSBY: Quiet, you! We need more giant worms in this world! Just imagine all the things a giant worm could do!

STINKOMAN: This is boring! Let's go back to the war part!

{He begins charging. Fade out. Fade back in to Charles in a desert.}

CHARLES: There seems to be no base around here.

{Harvax XVII appears.}

HARVAX XVII: Oh, you're here. Oh well.

CHARLES: What are you doing here?

HARVAX XVII: Some bad stuff is going down. Some big war thing. Anyway, I'm looking for Deus Ex Machina.

CHARLES: I doubt you will find the weapon to win all email wars.

HARVAX XVII: Yes, I doubt that as well. So you're going to find it for me.

CHARLES: Yes, I will do that. Right after I send you to Jupiter.

HARVAX XVII: What if I have wormicide?

CHARLES: I am threatened. Oh, never mind, I haven't been a worm since 1978.

HARVAX XVII: This may be the only dose in the world. And your little friend is slightly incapitated.

{He smashes the wormicide.}

CHARLES: Your blackmail is foolproof.

HARVAX XVII: We both have the same goal, right? Deus Ex Machina is the only thing that can save us now.

CHARLES: Yes, I actually had no objection to finding in the first place, but as long as you have proven you are useless, I mind even less.

HARVAX XVII: Oh. Well, I get to be the boss anyway.

CHARLES: I see no problem with that. Idiot.

HARVAX XVII: Did you just call your boss an idiot?

CHARLES: I do not volume control or anything. Moron.

HARVAX XVII: I really think there ought to be more respect!

CHARLES: Oh sure, sure. Imbicile.

{Cut back to Nebulon, who is lying on a very large bed.}

NEBULON: I don't know what that computer voice was talking about. I can breathe-

{Nebulon begins coughing.}

NEBULON: ...breathe fine. Now I need to go and do some cool stuff and become a Nebu-

{Nebulon breaks into an extended coughing fit.}

NEBULON: Oh, who am I kidding? I'm gonna DIE! Although it will be prety cool to see the huge worms.

VOICE: Nebulon, come towards the light!

NEBULON: Is it...

VOICE: I need to look into your mouth, and I can't see from here.

{Piedmont appears.}

NEBULON: The Sarcastic Piedmont! I thought you died!

PIEDMONT: Nah, he did die. I'm The Surgical Piedmont!

NEBULON: Surgical?

PIEDMONT: It's, uh, just a title. So come on, open up, let me go inside your mouth. And no biting!

{Nebulon opens his mouth wide. The Piedmont enters.}

PIEDMONT: When was the last time you brished your teeth?

NEBULON: Eh eheray!

PIEDMONT: Interesting. Well, I'd say you have a chronic infection of moonworms. The only solution is to REMOVE YOUR SPLEEN!

NEBULON: Oh ererhe!

PIEDMONT: Oh, sorry, can't hear you. Just count backwards from ten for me, a'ight?

{Nebulon spits out the Piedmont, then falls over.}

PIEDMONT: Now my work can begin. And I'm gonna be one rich Piedmont!

{Cut back to Stinkoman, who is standing next to a glowing blue ball.}

1-UP: Hey, Stinkoman, what kind of challenge are you working on now?

STINKOMAN: Ha ha! Once I perfect my triple duece, I can win any challenge with this!

1-UP: Wow! Sounds easy.

STINKOMAN: That's what you'd say! But you have to channel the energy just right. It just might be my hardest challenge yet!

1-UP: So what's the light for?

STINKOMAN: Oh, this? When I triple duece this, all buildings are gonna fall down! Like that one!

{He points to a gigantic, pyramid shaped building}

1-UP: That's like a, a 20 duece!

STINKOMAN: It can't even be measured in dueces.

1-UP: Can too!

{Fade to Ghype, pacing alone in his room.}

GHYPE: Hmph! No one wants me. They liked me better when I was a fool. Well too bad for them! I am no fool!

CHARLES: Innaccuracy detected.

{He enters. Ghype spins to look at him.}

CHARLES: Do you realize just how many things will kill you in the next half hour?

GHYPE: Desperate Housebots is on in 15 minutes. I'll die happy.

CHARLES: Do you know what time it is?

GHYPE: It's thirteen hours, seven minutes, thirty three seconds, 69 milliseconds, and 26 microseconds.

CHARLES: Wrong.

GHYPE: Nah, this time chip I installed is top of the line.

CHARLES: It's reprogramming time.

GHYPE: Am I that off? Wait, what?

{Charles approaches and shoots a magnetic ray at Ghype. He stops.}

CHARLES: Perhaps v. 3.0 will be a bit better.

{Fade out.}

VOICEOVER: Is this the end of Nebulon? How will Stinkoman's plans proceed? What will the new Ghype be like? What was there over a year between the last email and this one? All this and more will be answered next time on...

SINGERS: Nebulon's emails, they're really great! He's a good guy but his style we hate!

{The Paper falls.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on a singer to hear three alterative jingles:
    • "Email Nebulon, do it now! His with will punch you in the face, kerpow!"
    • "He's the hero of the moon, that great great dude! Email him if you're in the mood!"
    • "You wake up in the morning, and you think there's something missing? That's Nebulon, he who you haven't been kissing!"

Fun Facts

I'll do these later (and by that I mean never)


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