Other Character Email Nebulon/lawsuit

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Contents

Summary

Nebulon Email #25: "lawsuit"

Nebulon gets sued for assault, and it's up to Bruno's cousin to be their lawyer. Meanwhile, An Ice Machine and 1-Up serve on the jury.

Date: July 14, 2008

Cast: Nebulon, Charles, Bruno, Judge, 1-Up, An Ice Machine, President of the Nebulon Fan Club, Tampo {easter egg}

Places: Nebulon's Email Room, Nebulon's Battlefield, Courtroom, Jury Room, Court Hallway

Length: 180 Lines

Transcript

{The Neby is on a desk with a party hat on it. Nebulon enters.}

NEBULON: Is it my birthday or something?

{Bruno jumps out from a corner, and Charles reluctantly glides in from another.}

BRUNO: {excited} Surprise!
CHARLES: {simultaneously, bored} Surprise.

NEBULON: Yeah, that's not a good answer. Why is there so much cheer in here?

BRUNO: It's your twenty-fifth email, Nebs!

NEBULON: Really? It seems like I just started this email business a month ago, and I've already recieved twnty-five emails!

CHARLES: I found it hard to believe twenty-five people had something to ask you.

NEBULON: I gotta check an email now! Make it a good one, Neby!

{He brings the email up on screen.}

Dear Nebulon,
It has come to my attention tht you have decided to jam Astromund shields into those who deeply hate your style.
I, however, like your style.
Yet it appears that there is an Astromund shield jutting from my forehead.
Why is this?
-The President Of The National Nebulon Fan Club

{Nebulon reads the email, muttering "hate your style" and brightly saying "like your style."}

BRUNO: These things can fit inside someone's forehead?

NEBULON: Maybe if you have a giant gap in your face.

BRUNO: That could work, I guess.

NEBULON: So no, Prez, I have no idea why there is an Astromund shield in your forehead. And I had no idea that this was happening. Is this your fault, Bruno?

BRUNO: Naw, it's much easier just to shoot people who don't like my style.

NEBULON: Charles?

CHARLES: Let me just go and see my secret stash of Astromund shields.

NEBULON: Well then, Prez, I figure that you probably have some inner turmoil in your fan club. Perhaps someone loves me more that you? It's okay, I'll take all the love I can get. Well, that just about--

{There is a knock at the door.}

BRUNO: Oh, that must be the cake delivery I ordered.

NEBULON: Aw, Bruno, you shouldn't have!

CHARLES: {to himself} Twenty two emails and all I get is a cake I can't eat.

{Nebulon goes up and opens the door. A Stobat wearing a suit enters.}

NEBULON: Hi, can I help you?

STOBAT: Consider yourself served, Nebulon.

{He hands Nebulon a subpoena, and leaves.}

NEBULON: {reading the subpoena} No way! We are being sued for assualt of over fifty people. With Astromund shields.

CHARLES: We?

NEBULON: You're safe. It's just me and Bruno.

BRUNO: What am I getting sued for? I didn't do anything!

NEBULON: "Conspiracy to commit assault," apparently.

CHARLES: Well, have fun with this.

{He retreats upstairs.}

BRUNO: So I guess we need some sort of lawyer, huh Nebs?

NEBULON: Probably. Well, you buy the lawyer, and I'll hide in my room and cry in indignation.

BRUNO: Dude, I'm an Astromund. And you don't exactly give us huge paychecks. I can't hire a lawyer.

NEBULON: I'm pretty much broke, actually. Don't you know anyone? Everyone's a lawyer these days.

BRUNO: Wait a second, I've got it!

NEBULON: Here we go.

BRUNO: My cousin Penny!

NEBULON: Well, let's go see her. Will she give us a discount rate?

BRUNO: Are you kidding? She'll work for free!

NEBULON: I have to say, Bruno, you took this situation and made it all good again!

{Cut to Nebulon's Battleground. Bruno is holding a Bendini Sister.}

NEBULON: Oh dear.

BRUNO: Now, I know Penny doesn't say much, but she's excellent in court!

NEBULON: Oh really? Give me an example of her hard hitting cross examination.

{Bruno thows Penny at Nebulon.}

NEBULON: I'm pretty sure that would put you in contempt of court.

BRUNO: Just wait and see, okay? I promice you you will not be let down.

NEBULON: If I go to jail because of you, I'm not going to be very happy.

BRUNO: Chill out, Nebs. No one's going to jail, got it?

NEBULON: I just hope we have a good jury.

{Cut to the courthouse. Nebulon and Charles are sitting at the defendant's bench.}

BRUNO: Just take it easy, Nebs. Penny will take care of everything. You just sit tight.

{The jury enters, which consists of a ducking An Ice Machine and 1-Up holding 10 Bendini Sisters.}

NEBULON: {dryly} Penny should have mass appeal on that jury.

BRUNO: I don't know, Nebs. I think I see her ex-boyfriend in that pile.

NEBULON: Aren't they, uh, sisters?

BRUNO: Oh, I was refering to 1-Up.

{The judge, a Jaro wearing a wig, bangs his gavel.}

JUDGE: Order in this court! Nebulon, how do you plead to the crime of assault?

BRUNO: {whispering} Penny will take care of this.

{Penny, obviously enough, does not say anything.}

JUDGE: Defence, I want a simple guilty or not guilty plea!

{Nothing continues to happen.}

NEBULON: {whispering} What an excellent attorney.

BRUNO: {whispering} She's just trying to catch the judge off guard!

JUDGE: Ms. Bendini, I'm going to find you in contempt of court if you don't answer with "guilty" or "not guilty" THIS MOMENT!

NEBULON: Not guilty! I'm not guilty here!

JUDGE: Thank you, Ms. Bendini. Now, will the plantiff offer their opening statement?

{Cut to the jury room, after the trial. An Ice Machine and 1-Up are sitting on the table.}

1-UP: I think Nebulon's guilty!

AN ICE MACHINE: You would, wouldn't you? How did you ever get past voir dire? You have a pretty big personal bias.

1-UP: Wanna see the scars Nebulon gave me?

AN ICE MACHINE: Why didn't you sue him for the damage you gave to him?

1-UP: Well, I thought he was dead!

AN ICE MACHINE: Silly 1-Up. Well, I think he's innocent.

1-UP: But the plantiff said he was guilty! Why would he lie?

AN ICE MACHINE: You know, I'm not sure Nebulon is innocent. But it seems wrong to just condemn a young bad-styled alien without giving him a chance. You know, my father-- I mean, there was no evidence.

1-UP: But the plantiff said he was guilty!

{Cut back to 2 hours earlier, during the trial.}

BRUNO: My attorney would like to call the first witness. Hit it, Ekersby!

{Bruno carries Penny and a monitor to the witness stand. Ekersby appears in a hologram.}

EKERSBY: Ah. Hello? Sorry I couldn't be here, it's just a little hard to get me out of my house.

JUDGE: You will only speak when spoken to, sir!

EKERSBY: Oh, thanks. Well, I think Nebulon is innocent--

BRUNO: {poking Nebulon} See? See?

EKERSBY: ...by reason of insanity. Furthermore...

NEBULON: I'm not insane!

BRUNO: No, no, this is good. See, these mental institutions are really comfy, Nebs. Penny knows what she's doing.

EKERSBY: ...and due to Nebulon's Dependent Personality Disorder, he is legally considered mentally unfit.

JUDGE: Thank you. Would the plantiff like to cross?

{Cut back to the jury.}

1-UP: But the plantiff said he was guilty!

AN ICE MACHINE: Okay, yes, we have established that. Let's move on to something else.

1-UP: Nebulon is crazy!

AN ICE MACHINE: No he's not. That guy isn't even a real therapist.

1-UP: Yeah, but Nebulon is--

AN ICE MACHINE: Okay then, Nebulon is crazy. But aren't you a little insane too, 1-Up?

1-UP: I'm not crazy!

AN ICE MACHINE: Are you sure? Maybe you just think you aren't crazy.

{He picks up a Bendini Sister.}

AN ICE MACHINE: She thinks you're insane, 1-Up.

1-UP: I'm not crazy! {to himself} Unless I am crazy!

AN ICE MACHINE: Talking to yourself, 1-Up? You know that's a major sign of insanity?

{Cut back to the trial. A Chorch, who is the president of the Nebulon fan club, is testifying.}

PRESIDENT OF THE NEBULON FAN CLUB: ...and that's why I'm positive that the person in this picture is Nebulon, who I happened to take a pcture of as he was throwing a shield in my face.

JUDGE: Would the defense like to question this witness?

BRUNO: Yes, Your Honor, my attorney would.

{He carries Penny up to the stand again.}

PRESIDENT OF THE NEBULON FAN CLUB: What, aren't you going to make up some questions full of LIES about how I photoshopped those pictures?

{Penny says nothing.}

PRESIDENT OF THE NEBULON FAN CLUB: Because that's all they'd be, lies. I love my best buddy Nebulon, and I could never, ever sue him wrongfully.

{Penny continues to say nothing.}

PRESIDENT OF THE NEBULON FAN CLUB: Okay, maybe I did alter them a little, but I was just getting rid of my unsightly blemishes.

BRUNO: I told you she was a great lawywer!

NEBULON: This isn't bad, actually. Maybe my jail time will be halved.

PRESIDENT OF THE NEBULON FAN CLUB: I admit it! I doctored those photos, because I wanted to be in jail with my best buddy Nebulon forever and ever. You can't hate me for the truth!

BRUNO: Your Honor, the defense rests.

NEBULON: You aren't a lawyer!

{Cut back to the jury. 1-Up is at the window, balancing on the sill.}

1-UP: I'M NOT INSANE!

AN ICE MACHINE: Oh, right, I just remembered. Only people who say Nebulon is guilty are insane.

1-UP: So if I say he's not guilty I'm not insane?

AN ICE MACHINE: Nope! You pick things up fast.

1-UP: But the plantiff said he was guilty!

AN ICE MACHINE: I don't know, 1-Up, that sounds a lot like something an insane person would say.

1-UP: I'm not insane! Okay, Nebulon is not guilty!

AN ICE MACHINE: Great! I guess you aren't insane, then. I'll go delive this verdict, and you can get out of that window!

{An Ice Machine leaves.}

1-UP: I'm not insane!

{He follows An Ice Machine back. Cut to the courtroom.}

AN ICE MACHINE: Your honor, we find the defendant not guilty!

NEBULON: We're free! We're free!

BRUNO: Thanks a lot, Penny.

1-UP: I'm not insane!

{Everyone exits the courtroom. Cut to in front of the courtroom, where Nebulon and Bruno are walking.}

JUDGE: Ms. Bendini, I guess I was wrong about you. You are one of the best lawyers I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.

NEBULON: Ah, she says "thanks." I think.

JUDGE: Oh, and you owe me 7500 Galactabucks in legal fees. By Friday. Or my lawyers will bring you back here in record time.

{He winks and leaves.}

NEBULON: I guess Charles will be paying us a pretty big amount of money soon!

BRUNO: Oh, Nebs? He's broke too. I used his money to buy this cool new gun that's like half laser and half bullets, and--

NEBULON: Great. What are we supposed to do, then?

AN ICE MACHINE: Having a money problem, gentlemen?

NEBULON: Oh, hi An Ice Machine. Yeah, we're pretty broke. You know, legal costs and all.

AN ICE MACHINE: You know, my offer still stands if you need cash fast.

NEBULON: The one where we sell you my base, my battlefields, and all of my minions to your real estate empire, or the one where we give your spaceship back and you don't have your minions freeze me to death?

AN ICE MACHINE: Has that thing really not melted yet? Well, I'm just saying, if you're in a jam, you might want to consider Ice International!

{He leaves.}

NEBULON: I don't need you and your million Galactabucks!

BRUNO: That's a lot of money, Nebs.

NEBULON: Yeah, but who wants to deal with such a huge jerk like that? I'll raise my own million Galactabucks! Come on Bruno, we're going home.

{CUt to Nebulon's computer room.}

NEBULON: Bruno, Charles, I have an announcement to make.

CHARLES: I am so glad you are getting married to Penny. You need a female in your life.

NEBULON: Actually, I'm firing one of you. Money's tight now, so I'm just going to replace one of you with Penny.

CHARLES: Well, it was a great time had by all, but I complet--

NEBULON: Bruno, you're fired.

BRUNO: What?
CHARLES: {simultaneously} Oh no.

NEBULON: Yeah, sorry Bruno, but you eat way too much of my food. Charles is very cost-effective.

BRUNO: Oh, is that all I am to you, Nebs? A cost-effective robot?

NEBULON: Pretty much, yeah. Now gather up your stuff.

BRUNO: Fine. But you can't have my cousin! I thought we had a relationship going, Nebs. I thought we were best buds!

NEBULON: Actually I thought you were kind of annoying.

CHARLES: It's perfectly alright to fire me. Go ahead, really. I don't mind. Think of how much you'll save in oil!

NEBULON: Nah, you're cool, Charles. Bye Bruno!

{Nebulon uses his air attack to blow Bruno out of the window.}

BRUNO: TRAAAAAAAAAAITOR!

NEBULON: {typing} So, Prez, thanks for the lawsuit, but I don't think we should see each other any more. Maybe you and Bruno can form a "People Who Nebulon Doesn't Like" club? Invite me to a meeting sometime.

{The Paper falls, saying "Email Nebulon at nebymail@nebulon.com!"}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "Nebulon" to see:

AN ICE MACHINE: Nebulon doesn't like me?

PRESIDENT OF THE NEBULON FAN CLUB: Don't bother with him. He'll just break you heart in the end.

TAMPO: I'm going to play a sad, mournful bass solo to express my pain.

Fun Facts

  • This email is a homage to the two movies My Cousin Vinny, and 12 Angry Men.
  • "Voir dire" is the process of recruiting possible jurors.


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