Other Character Email Nebulon/real estate

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Contents

Summary

Nebulon Email #19: "real estate"

Tired of his base, Nebulon goes to his vacation home in the heart of the sun, yet runs into trouble when he finds An Ice Machine has taken it over.

Date: June 29, 2008

Cast: Nebulon, Bruno, An Ice Machine, Stothos, Brody, The Liekand (on phone only)

Places: Nebulon's Base, Sun Base

Length: 91 Lines

Transcript

{Nebulon and a pink Astromund, Bruno, are sitting in front of the Neby.}

BRUNO: 'Sup, Nebs?

NEBULON: Oh, I was just thinking of checking my email.

BRUNO: Sounds a'ight. Well, let's check it out.

I like your style Nebulon!
In fact, I built you a new base for you on the center
of the sun!
-NachoMan
P.S. The sun isn't as hot as you think it is.
It is actually quite cold.

NEBULON: He likes my style!

BRUNO: I wonder if he likes mine?

NEBULON: {laughing} Bruno, no one likes your style. {typing} Well, NachoGuy, I have to say I'm honored. This place is a little cramped. I mean, everywhere you go you end up getting voip'd by a Piedmont or shot by Bruno.

BRUNO: Good times!

NEBULON: So, Mr. Nacho, I will visit this base. I need a vacation home, anyway.

AN ICE MACHINE: {offscreen} He's lying, you know.

NEBULON: Show yourself!

{An Ice Machine flies in on a small spacecraft made of ice.}

AN ICE MACHINE: NachoMan wants you to be killed, Nebulon. French toast. One of those black marshmallows no one likes except those crazy people that eat burned stuff.

NEBULON: Oh, I see how it is.

AN ICE MACHINE: Oh, good, well may--

NEBULON: You just can't believe that anyone that likes my style could be serious about anything, huh Icey? Well, I'll tell you something, my style is very avant-garde. You see, designers in Spain--

{An Ice Machine flies away, breaking one of Nebulon's windows.}

NEBULON: --raincoats, which are very, very comfortable, especially when it's raining... where is he?

BRUNO: Oh, he flew away. {pause} In the direction of the sun!

NEBULON: That crafty little machine! Get the Nebumobile, Bruno, we're on a mission!

{A spaceship with Nebulon's color scheme rises from the floor.}

BRUNO: I've always wanted to do that.

NEBULON: Hurry, get in, and set the controls for the heart of the sun. We've got a rogue machine to catch!

BRUNO: I don't really want to be seen in this. Sorry, but I'm out.

NEBULON: Fine, I'll deal with my own problems. But just you wait until there's a problem that can't be solved by shooting someone!

BRUNO: I'll be waiting a while!

NEBULON: Well, just see if I wait!

{Nebulon takes off. "6 hours later" appears on the screen. The Sun appears directly in front of Nebulon.}

NEBULON: I think I've passed that icy machine of hate. I haven't seen him for a while.

{Nebulon drives directly into the sun. A flash of bright light appears, and Nebulon's ship is seen burning. Then it stops, and a large base appears directly in front of Nebulon.}

NEBULON: I love these cool ship effects!

{The spaceship docks, and Nebulon begins to walk up to the base. A Stothos appears.}

STOTHOS: Freeze!

NEBULON: Oh dear.

STOTHOS: Did you get that? You see, I work for An Ice Machine, and he's like an ice guy, and ice is frozen, so--

NEBULON: Yeah, I get it. So are you going to stop me?

STOTHOS: Well, if you continue, I have to. By law. Sorry about that.

NEBULON: 'Kay. I'm just going to go back to my ship, but you have to close your eyes. Okay?

STOTHOS: Actually, I don't have eyes, so I'm just going to rely on the honor system. You are going back to the ship, right?

NEBULON: Ah, yes. {He procedes into the base.}

BRODY: {offscreen} Well, this is a nice place, but it's a little too cramped for me. How about I give you a call?

AN ICE MACHINE: {offscreen} Sounds good. Here's my number.

BRODY: {offscreen} I'll get back to you.

{After a brief pause, a yellow ball rolls quickly from the stairs.}

BRODY: {rolling} Hey, Nebulon!

NEBULON: {yelling} Try to sell my property, will you?

{An Ice Machine comes down from the stairs.}

AN ICE MACHINE: Well, sure! I'll tell you something: this base here is the cornerstone of real estate in the galaxy.

NEBULON: Yes, well, it's my property and I'll sell it myself.

AN ICE MACHINE: Stop for just one second and think. Not many people think the sun is as cool as this, do they?

NEBULON: Uh, well, no, but--

AN ICE MACHINE: And you could grow anything here, right? All day sunlight?

NEBULON: Well, I-- Brody is a farmer?

AN ICE MACHINE: It takes a lot of corn to feed thousands of chickens. Anyway, seeing as you don't know a thing about real estate--

NEBULON: I do too! You sell houses for less then they're worth, and smile a lot.

AN ICE MACHINE: Tell you what: I'll sell for thirty thousand galactabucks. That's a third of the value. {smiles}

NEBULON: I have to buy my own property back?

AN ICE MACHINE: Well, yeah. I mean, finders keepers, right?

NEBULON: Fine. Here's my credit card.

{He hands it to An Ice Machine.}

AN ICE MACHINE: Oh, don't worry Nebulon. I'll be very mature with this.

{An Ice Machine leaves.}

NEBULON: Ha ha ha! Silly An Ice Machine. What he doesn't know is that there's only one thousand galactabucks left on that card! Now let's get down to business.

{Nebulon picks up a cell phone on the table. He dials a number.}

THE LIEKAND: {through phone} Hello?

NEBULON: Hello, Mr. Liekand. Did you know that for just ninety thousand galactabucks, you can buy a base in the middle of the sun?

THE LIEKAND: {through phone} Sure. And I suppose I can tan on Neptune, too. Or, uh, tan at all seeing as I don't have skin.

NEBULON: Oh, you won't want to miss this offer. I'll knock it down to a clean fifty thousand.

THE LIEKAND: {through phone} I'm not going to do this. I have a base already, in case you didn't know. And it's actually, ah, good. Unlike yours.

NEBULON: Thirty five thousand.

{Fade out, then fade in.}

NEBULON: Five pennies.

THE LIEKAND: {through phone} Fine. I will take this base off your hands if you want to get rid of it so badly.

NEBULON: Good doing business with you, good friend! Welcome to the family!

THE LIEKAND: {through phone} Whatever.

{Hanging up noise. An Ice Machine appears.}

AN ICE MACHINE: Nebulon, I'm having a little trouble with your card he--

NEBULON: Oh really? Interesting.

AN ICE MACHINE: Well, I'm sure we can work this out real quickly--

{Nebulon roars, loudly. An Ice Machine is blown back.}

AN ICE MACHINE: Nebulon, this is very antisocial behavior, I'll have you know!

{Nebulon jumps into An Ice Machine's spaceship, and takes off, breaking through the front door.}

NEBULON: How do you like that, Lice Machine? Ah ha ha ha!

{Cut to Nebulon and Bruno, sitting at the Neby.}

NEBULON: ...and that's how I learned about how real estate is never profitable.

BRUNO: And the Sun is a bad real estate loctation.

NEBULON: That too. {typing} Well, NatchoGuy, thanks for the base. Too bad I couldn't hang out in it, but when real estate calls, Nebulon must be there. I think The Liekand will like it, though. It's got a nice view. He could be a real solar wind! Well, until next time, I'm Nebulon, this is my email show, and give me all the gifts you want!

{The Paper falls, saying "Email Nebulon at nebymail@nebulon.com!"}

Easter Eggs

None in this email.

Fun Facts

  • "Set the Controls For the Heart of the Sun" is a Pink Floyd song.


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