Other Character Email Nebulon/superheroes

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Contents

Summary

Nebulon Email #22: "superheroes"

Nebulon learns about the true superheroes of the world when he gains a few spikes.

Date: July 4, 2008

Cast: Nebulon, Charles, Bruno, 1-Up, Stinkoman, Jaro, Greggo

Places: Nebulon's Computer Room, Clearing, Superhero Convention

Length: 96 Lines

Transcript

{Nebulon, Charles, and Bruno are sitting at the Neby.}

NEBULON: Hey, I hear all the cool kids do email raps.

CHARLES: Your homepage insists that rap is banned on your planet, despite the fact that you live on the moon.

NEBULON: Well Charles, some of us like to use a little something I call deductive reasoning.

BRUNO: Wow Nebs, what's wrong with you?

NEBULON: Ah, my back just hurts a little. Let's get this email written, and, uh, {rapping} don't feel too smitten!

CHARLES: {to himself} Beautiful.

Dear Nebulon,
At the count of three you will become ULTIMATE NEBULON!!!
1... 2... 3! Hope you enjoy your many eyes, spikes and guns
sticking out of your back.
-Ultimate Gokul

{At "3", the predicted changes do indeed happen.}

BRUNO: Hey, think I could have some of those guns?

NEBULON: It hurt enough for these to rip my skin open! You want to amputate them too?

CHARLES: And can I have some of the eyes?

NEBULON: So what happens when one becomes "Ultimate?"

BRUNO: Perhaps you become a superhero.

CHARLES: Nebulon is as much of a superhero as that Jaro that ate Nebulon's Grundy.

NEBULON: {depressed} I was hungry, too... {brightening} But where do all the superheroes meet?

BRUNO: Can't tell you, Nebs. I don't know any superheroes?

CHARLES: 1-Up is probably a superhero of some sort.

NEBULON: Wouldn't Stinkoman be more likely?

BRUNO: Maybe, but I know 1-Up is the superhero.

NEBULON: How would you ever know that?

CHARLES: It is simple logic. Obviously, the more skilled person will never have any sort of destiny, so the lesser skilled person is obviously The Superhero.

BRUNO: It's true in everything from Japan!

NEBULON: So you're saying to realize my inner superhero power, I should track down 1-Up and find the gathering of superheroes?

CHARLES: I don't think anyone said anything of the sort.

NEBULON: Then it's settled!

{Cut to an open field.}

1-UP: Wow, Stinkoman, you sure know a lot about striking poses.

STINKOMAN: Striking poses is only the beginning. You have to really feel the striking pwer. But you'll never do that!

1-UP: Hey, do you think we could do this again sometime else? Right now I have to go to my meeting!

STINKOMAN: Sure, you can go to your meeting. But they don't teach winning challenges in your meetings!

{Zoom in on 1-UP.}

1-UP: Someday I will be just as cool as Stinkoman! I will master the arts of Superherodom and I will--

STINKOMAN: Ah ha ha ha! You're so dumb! You don't even know that I can hear you!

{1-Up contunues his monologue, inaudibly, as he walks on. Nebulon begins to follow.}

STINKOMAN: Hey fat alien! Are you up for a challenge?

NEBULON: Oh, you know, I'd love a challenge, but right now I need to challenge 1-Up there. And I'm the fat alien with the cool spikes and guns, thank you very much!

{He leaves. Cut to the Superhero convention. A Greggo wearing a cape is talking to a Jaro with three eyes.}

JARO: So, what have you done since our last meeting? I've been flying around, the usual.

GREGGO: Yeah, so have I! Don't you need a cape to fly?

{1-Up enters.}

1-UP: Hey guys!

JARO: Oh, it's you. Hi, 1-Up.

1-UP: When do I learn to be a superhero?

GREGGO: Well, you can't really learn to be a superhero. It's something you have to be born into!

{Nebulon enters, wearing glasses.}

NEBULON: {deepening his voice} Excuse me, good sirs, but is there a Nebulon on that guest list?

JARO: Nebulon isn't a superhero!

NEBULON: Ye-eah, see, I didn't think so either and I wanted to know if I should throw him out.

1-UP: You sorta look like him!

NEBULON: Funny, huh?

GREGGO: Hey, turns out That Guy Nebulon is actually on the superhero list!

NEBULON: Really? I knew my spikes and guns were a sign of a superhero!

1-UP: But you said you weren't Nebulon!

NEBULON: Uh, you must have heard me wrong. So what do superheroes do?

JARO: Well, usually we just hang out around here until we get some sort of order.

GREGGO: Yeah, the orders aren't very fun.

JARO: Sometimes you have to help old ladies across the street, and that's a real waste of time.

GREGGO: And other times you have to go and assassinate some supervillians.

NEBULON: So just to clarify, you can't be a supervillian if you're a superhero, right?

JARO: I don't know. But you probably shouldn't do anything supervilliany.

GREGGO: Yeah, that one Poorbt built this shrine to Saargtsson.

NEBULON: What happened to him?

JARO: No idea. Last time I saw him he was being poked with this pointy thing and screaming.

NEBULON: That's it, I'm out of here.

{Nebulon begins to leave.}

LOUDSPEAKER: Nebulon! We have an executive order for you!

NEBULON: Uh, I'm actually not a superhero, so you can't give it to me.

LOUDSPEAKER: But your name is on this list!

NEBULON: Well, you know, the printers aren't very reliable. Sorry, gotta go.

{He attempts to leave again, but the door is locked.}

NEBULON: Now really, this is a fire hazard--

STINKOMAN: No one's getting out of here until you make me a superhero!

NEBULON: Shut up, Stinkoman, I have more guns and spikes than you.

1-UP: Yeah, but do you have the heart?

NEBULON: I think guns and needles and spikes will work a little better than heart. Thanks for the suggest--

1-UP: It's the only weakness of a supervillian!

{Nebulon shoots Stinkoman with his guns.}

NEBULON: No, I'm pretty sure--

{The bullets bounce off him.}

NEBULON: Okay, we can try your heart idea now.

1-UP: But you are the destined one!

NEBULON: Oh, actually that prophecy changed, so you are the destined one now. Good luck!

{He shoots a hole in the wall.}

NEBULON: Maybe these guns are useful after all!

{He exits. Cut to Nebulon's computer room.}

CHARLES: Back so soon?

NEBULON: Yeah. Being a superhero's pretty boring, believe it or not.

BRUNO: I'm sure you'll find some other way to use your guns and spikes.

CHARLES: A supervillian club would be more fitting.

NEBULON: Yeah, who wants to be in the same club as 1-Up anyway? {typing} Well, whoever sent me this email, thanks for the spikes and guns, but--

{They all fall off.}

NEBULON: Was there a time limit on these or something?

BRUNO: You probably have to be a superhero to keep them.

NEBULON: What a ripoff. There's always a catch, huh? Well, go ahead and email me, but leave the catch part out.

{The Paper falls, saying "Email Nebulon at nebymail@nebulon.com!"}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "spikes" to see the following scene:

STINKOMAN: The heart! Ow! It hurts so much!

1-UP: I love you, Stinkoman!

Fun Facts

  • "Rap is banned on Nebulon's planet" is a long standing quote on the Email Raps part of Nebulon's page.
  • "That Guy Nebulon" is the long standing label for his mugshot.


Retrieved from "http://fanstuff.hrwiki.org/wiki/Other_Character_Email_Nebulon/superheroes"