Other Character Email Nebulon/reunion

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Contents

Summary

Nebulon Email #30: "reunion"

Nebulon invites all of his aquaintances for a reunion party, but disaster breaks loose when Bruno turns homicidal.

Date: August 9, 2008

Cast: Nebulon, Charles, Tampo, Bruno, Brody, An Ice Machine, The Liekand, Ekersby, 1-Up

Places: Nebulon's Computer Room, Truck, Nebulon's Party Room

Length: 271 Lines

Previously on Nebulon Emails

  • Nebulon fired Bruno for no reason at all. (lawsuit)
  • Bruno tried to lock Tampo, The Liekand, and An Ice Machine in a room and leave them there. (frontin'
  • An Ice Machine tried to buy Nebulon's base out. (lawsuit)
  • Z, the Shadowy Figure, was mentioned to be missing. (frontin')

Transcript

{Nebulon and Charles are sitting at the Mechy.}

NEBULON: ...and that's exactly how I won the nacho eating contest.

CHARLES: Enthralling.

NEBULON: I know, right?

{He turns to the camera.}

NEBULON: Oh, {fake laugh} I didn't realize you were here. I'm Nebulon, from the very popular show Nebulon emails. Today I'd like to talk to you about drugs. Drugs are very harmful to our--

CHARLES: You do know nothing is recording, right?

NEBULON: I'm practicing in case I'm ever needed to do a PSA.

CHARLES: Every mother would want their children warned away from drugs by a giant alien with pink spots.

NEBULON: It's all in the delivery. I really want to check some email. Like that.

CHARLES: And no one has ever told you you try too hard.

Nebulo!
What are some of your hobbies?
Do you collect stamps?
Do you hide in bushes and take
innocent, young Astromunds
and chain them up in your basement
to dissect them later?
Just curious,
Henry

{Nebulon reads the email aloud.}

CHARLES: What an uninspired email.

NEBULON: What are your hobbies? Were you looking at the book of Generic Emails?

CHARLES: Leave the wisecracking to me, thanks: I am much more experienced than you.

NEBULON: You even have a boring name. Henry. Are you a farmer, Henry? I think you are.

CHARLES: Well, do you collect stamps?

NEBULON: No, that's pretty lame. How about you?

CHARLES: Collecting is a waste of time. The Astromund thing?

NEBULON: Wouldn't you have noticed?

CHARLES: Honestly, I am just going through the motions right now.

NEBULON: Got one of those dates with all those hot ladies?

CHARLES: If you must know, I'm going in to the warehouse for a readjustment,

NEBULON: Oh yeah, those yearly ones. Astromunds don't have to do those.

CHARLES: Yes, well, there's about a 20% chance that I'll ever come back.

NEBULON: So shouldn't you be rejoicing? In joy? I thought you hated me.

CHARLES: Don't worry, I still do, but you are richer than any other robot master.

NEBULON: Charles...

{Zoom into Nebulon's watering eyes.}

NEBULON: I... have allergies.

{He sneezes.}

NEBULON: Whew, excuse me. Well, that's too bad for you. Let's check out that basement!

CHARLES: It's not like we've already established there's nothing there or anything.

NEBULON: Maybe there's something hilariously wacky down there.

{Cut to the basement.}

CHARLES: Since when do you even have a basement?

NEBULON: I don't know. According to the internet by house has five floors.

CHARLES: Really.

NEBULON: Well, this is my basement, and it's pretty empty.

CHARLES: What, no sudden discovery of something shocking.

NEBULON: Hey, I'm not Tampo. Yeah, all my Astromunds are pretty cool guys.

CHARLES: You didn't think Bruno was a very cool guy.

NEBULON: You can't trust those pink Astromunds. Hey, maybe we should invite him back on the show for a reunion party!

CHARLES: I'm sure the Astromund you fired for no reason would be glad to come back.

NEBULON: He better! Organizing parties: that could be my new hobby.

CHARLES: The last email was about parties, pick something else.

NEBULON: How about running a game show? That could be a cool hobby.

CHARLES: How about making friends? There's a hobby for you.

NEBULON: No, I think the reunion is the best idea. I'll make the phone calls, you gather up the party favors.

CHARLES: Oh, I'd really love to, but I have to go in fo rthat readjustement.

NEBULON: I'll just wait until they come to get you. Right now is party favor time.

{Cut to a van with Tampo driving and Bruno in the backseat.}

TAMPO: So if I collect all the robots in the world, I'll become more powerful?

BRUNO: Let me tell you, Amps, it's nearly certain.

TAMPO: And they'll all want to surrender to me?

BRUNO: Hey, they all gotta do something, right?

TAMPO: I don't know, maybe they would like to do other things, like perhaps play a musical instrument.

BRUNO: Like the bass?

TAMPO: Maybe. They couldn't be as good as me, right?

BRUNO: Oh no. Hey, I heard Nebs invited us to some reunion party.

TAMPO: Yeah. I'm not going. He put me in jail. How about you?

BRUNO: Of course I'm going!

TAMPO: You keep telling me about how much you hate him, though!

BRUNO: Well, it's like an apple with a worm in its core.

TAMPO: How so?

BRUNO: Well, Nebulon it the worm, and society is the apple. The worm eats away at the apple, and it might or might not go through the core. See, no one wants to eat an apple with a worm in it. The worm makes a hole. And what I'm trying to say is that Nebulon is destroying society/

TAMPO: Yeah, so why do you want to go to his party?

BRUNO: There might be desserts there.

TAMPO: Oh, like cake and pudding?

{Bruno's eyes become anime-styled, Tampo bloats.}

BRUNO: I like pudding!

TAMPO: Have you ever heard of this obscure video game called "Portal?"

{Cut back to Nebulon's base.}

NEBULON: Do you have the paper hearts?

CHARLES: Yes, the paper hearts, the Conversation Hearts from your childhood, and a muscrat for every bag. Any other surprise gifts you'd lke me to make?

NEBULON: No, I think those are enough favors for now. Other people should be doing me favors.

{A knock is heard at the door.}

NEBULON: That must be my first party guest now!

CHARLES: I'll get ready to go.

{Nebulon opens the door to reveal Brody standing there.}

NEBULON: Whoa, Brody? How long's it been?

BRODY: Nebulon! We need to chill more often.

CHARLES: Are you here to take me away?

BRODY: Naw, I'm going to check out this cool party and chill with my bud Nebulon. Want to chill with us?

CHARLES: I am fully chilled already, thanks.

BRODY: You sure? You seem pretty tense. Hey, do we have any food? I'm famished.

NEBULON: Yeah, sure, come it. Charles, go get the Conversation Hearts!

CHARLES: Are you sure you don't want Grundy kebobs? I can get those too.

BRODY: Grundy kabobs? What's this totally unchill stuff?

NEBULON: Oh, {fake laugh} I'm sure Charles was just making a joke. He quite enjoys those.

{He blows Charles offscreen.}

NEBULON: So how have you been doing? How are the kids? The wife?

BRODY: I won't be your bud if you've been eating Grundy again.

NEBULON: Oh, of course not! I would never eat poor, innocent, juicy, succulent Grundy. The thought would never cross my mind.

BRODY: For realzies?

NEBULON: Oh, totally for realzies!

{Fade out and cut back in with a full roster of guests, with Nebulon, Charles, Brody, An Ice Machine, Ekersby, and The Liekand.}

BRODY: ...he sold you the house for five pennies?

THE LIEKAND: That's our Nebulon, huh?

AN ICE MACHINE: Did I tell you about the time he hired a rock to represent him in court?

BRODY: No! Tell me more!

NEBULON: So, uh... anyone know where everyone else is?

EKERSBY: Perhaps you have repressed the memories of the disappearances of your colleagues because they are too distressing?

NEBULON: What about Tampo? He called me from jail like yesterday.

CHARLES: Perhaps the fact that he is in jail figures into this.

{There is another knock at the door.}

NEBULON: I'm gonna go get this. No one leave, okay?

THE LIEKAND: Who would leave with all these great Nebulon stories?

{Cut to the door. Nebulon opens it to reveal Tampo and Bruno.}

NEBULON: Oh, hey, cool dudes. I didn't know you guys were hangin'.

TAMPO: Is that loser Brody rubbing off on you?

BRUNO: Oh, hi Nebs. We're not here for your party, we're here to collect Charles. For inspection, right?

TAMPO: ...doesn't want to be my groupie... I mean, yeah, totally.

NEBULON: He's right in here. Sure you guys don't want a quick snack? We have Conversation Hearts!

TAMPO: I brought my own chal--

BRUNO: That sounds cool, Nebs. Hook us up.

NEBULON: All right!

{He leads them into the party room. Tampo goes over to Brody.}

BRODY: Yo, 'sup, Tampo?

TAMPO: I don't know, but YOU'RE A JERK?

CHARLES: What a terrible comeback.

BRUNO: Oh, hi, Charles.

CHARLES: How nice to see the Pink Wonder again.

THE LIEKAND: Hey, that guy tried to lock me in some room!

TAMPO: ...and you are a jerky jerk, and a jerky jerk jerk, and a-- hey, you did do that.

AN ICE MACHINE: Oh yeah, Nebulon, just filling you in here: your little Astromund buddy tried to kill us.

BRUNO: I just tried to lock you guys up? Can't an honest guy do that?

BRODY: You do seem like a pretty chill dude. I bet he could liven up this party.

TAMPO: Well, I hate to contradict you, but we're just here to take the robot.

EKERSBY: Haven't I been a good psychologist?

TAMPO: Oh, no, the other one.

AN ICE MACHINE: In case you haven't noticed, I'm a robot too.

CHARLES: Why don't they have to go?

BRUNO: We have to leave someone to keep Nebs company, huh?

NEBULON: You are so not leaving me with him. Or leaving him.

CHARLES: Can't you just inspect me from here?

TAMPO: Hey, you know, we should take Ekersby. He'd be a cool robot to use to take over the world.

AN ICE MACHINE: Oh, no, that's what I'm doing.

THE LIEKAND: Me too.

BRODY: I'm trying to chill out the world too.

TAMPO: Well, if you're doing it, I don't want to.

CHARLES: Not the best evil plot, for future notice.

NEBULON: How do you guys even have the authority to examine my robots anyway?

CHARLES: And why did none of the other robots get the notice signed by Z?

TAMPO: And why was I left out of all the planning of this?

BRUNO: Well, all this can be answered with one single plot twist!

{Bruno removes a pink Astromund costume to reveal himself as Z, the Shadowy Figure.}

Z: Pretty good one, huh?

THE LIEKAND: Worthy of a Shy Lion... no, Similarion... not that either...

EKERSBY: So you have dressed up as a pink Astromund, disappeared from power, stayed with a nerdy alien, assisted that nerdy alien, and hidden for no reason?

CHARLES: We've already established his plans are terrible.

{Both of them are hit with a ball of lightning and quickly short-circuit.}

NEBULON: What was that for?

AN ICE MACHINE: Why didn't you use those cool powers before?

BRODY: Can you do like a chilled one of those balls?

THE LIEKAND: Shim-Sham-Sam? No...

Z: Anyone who doesn't like me can fry!

NEBULON: Shouldn't a whole bunch of us have fried already?

Z: I like fried foods, actually.

BRODY: Hey, me too! Except Grundies and Stobats.

Z: Hey, how about if you guys make me some fried foods for the rest of my life, I don't kill you?

THE LIEKAND: But won't you get fat?

{Z sends a lightening ball through The Liekand, but nothing happens.}

THE LIEKAND: Ha ha! Air is strong against lightning. So is it Stumylon or something?

{1-Up walks in.}

1-UP: Hi guys, is this where the party is?

BRODY: Sure is. Want to "Be Mine?"

{He holds up a Conversation Heart. The Liekand exits.}

NEBULON: Hey 1-Up!

1-UP: Yeah, what is it?

NEBULON: Think you can challenge the big scary figure here?

1-UP: What's in it for me? Challenges have to have a reward, you know!

AN ICE MACHINE: I bet Stinkoman thinks a challenge is its own reward. Don't you want to be as cool as him?

1-UP: Of course I do!

{He throws himself at Z. He falls down unconsious a second later.}

Z: He really should have seen this outcome coming. So how about some hushpuppies? Funnel cakes? Grundy tenders?

TAMPO: Hey, uh, I don't think killing people is a part of this--

BRODY: Oh, you did not just say that.

Z: No, I really do love hushpuppies. A lot of people don't, though. Too bad for them. Get on it!

BRODY: Grundy tenders aren't food!

Z: Why not? They're delicious?

NEBULON: How about using some of that anger?

AN ICE MACHINE: He wants to eat your children. Your children!

{Brody attempts to stomp Z, but misses. Z also misses with a lightning ball and short circuits An Ice Machine by accident.}

NEBULON: Oh no, are we doing the cliched battle thing where the battlers slowly get more skilled and only the last one gets it?

TAMPO: Brody, make sure to keep trying!

{Brody's foot hits Z's head.}

Z: You're a tricky little chicken, aren't you? Luckily, I've got just the perscription for that!

{Brody's foot comes near again, and Z injects a needle into it.}

Z: With all those hormones and antibiotics I gave you, you'll never be free range again!

NEBULON: New at this evil thing, huh?

Z: When I tried the not evil thing, I ended up nearly dead, so I think I'm gonna try the evil thing again.

{Brody kicks Z in the back.}

Z: Have it your way: get your Brody tenders any way you like!

{Z hits Brody with a huge lightning ball.}

TAMPO: Okay, you next, Nebulon.

NEBULON: Hey, you brought him here, you should have to deal with him!

TAMPO: Nuh uh, you should because you invited him!

NEBULON: Oh yeah, I did, didn't I?

VOICE: {offscreen} Are you asking for a challenge?

NEBULON: Could it be?

TAMPO: Well, it would make things easier if it was.

{Cut outside to reveal Stlunko trying to get in the door.}

STLUNKO: This is a stupid door. How come I can't get in here if Nebulon can? Hey door, are you asking for a challenge?

{Cut back.}

NEBULON: I don't think he's coming.

TAMPO: Well, get to work!

Z: Is it really too much work for you guys to just make me some hushpuppies?

NEBULON: I will never cook! Charles always did it for me.

Z: Looks like he'll never do it again!

NEBULON: That's a pretty jerky thing to say, jerk!

{He fires a couple of laser balls at Z, who dodges them. Z returns with lightning balls, which are just absorbed into Nebulon's scales.}

NEBULON: How do you like those apples?

{Nebulon blows Z against a wall as he starts sending laser balls towards Z.}

Z: You're even more annoying than that bird, Nebs!

NEBULON: I try!

Z: Maybe this will help you cook my hushpuppies!

TAMPO: There's still some Conversation Hearts if you're hungry!

{Z fires a ball of fire towards Nebulon's ceiling, lighting his base on fire.}

NEBULON: My house!

{Z fires two lighning balls into Nebulon's eyes, and he falls over unconsious.}

TAMPO: I guess it's just you and me now, Z.

Z: Yeah. Want to go back to your base so you can make me some hushpuppies?

TAMPO: Don't I get immunity from the death thing? I was your buddy!

Z: Yeah, but I really want hushpuppies.

TAMPO: I didn't want to do this, Z, but you leave me NO OTHER CHOICE. Bass solo of power!

{Tampo pulls out a bass from nowhere and starts a bass solo.}

Z: Hey, that actually sounds pretty good!

TAMPO: You really think so?

Z: It's a groovy song. Much better than the boring one note for twenty minute solos you usually do.

TAMPO: I rescued a gyspsy Greggo from drowning once. He gave me this song in return. Apparently it drives any evil it is directed at far, far away.

Z: What's the song called?

TAMPO: "Deus Ex Machina."

Z: That's cool. I guess I gotta do this, then!

{He throws a lightning ball at Tampo, but it bounces off him and hits Z.}

Z: Well, I guess it works. See you, Amps. You might want to get out of this house before it burns down.

{Z leaves. Tampo walks over to the Mechy and starts typing.}

TAMPO: Well, whoever, yes, I am a great hero and bass player. I am availible at parties, and am still looking for a band to play in. Feel free to contact me by email if you're interested!

{The Paper begins to descend, but receeds when people begin to wake up.}

CHARLES: Did he really expect me not to have backup systems?

EKERSBY: Overlooking obvious details is a key figure in shadowy figure psychology.

NEBULON: I wasn't really unconcious either, just putting some eyedrops on.

1-UP: This house is on fire!

NEBULON: Oh yeah! Hey, Ice Machine?

AN ICE MACHINE: Yeah, what's up?

NEBULON: You know, I think I'd really like to sell my base now.

AN ICE MACHINE: Anything I should know about it?

NEBULON: Nope, it's certainly not on fire.

AN ICE MACHINE: That's good. Sign here!

{Nebulon signs. An Ice Machine fires ice at the fire, which instantly goes out.}

AN ICE MACHINE: You're a tool, Nebulon.

BRODY: Whoa, I never realized, but you're totally chillin', Icey!

NEBULON: Aww, now I don't have anywhere to live.

AN ICE MACHINE: I'll give you a condo, Nebulon, for a nominal monthly fee, of course.

NEBULON: Fine. Now I'm going to make my closing remarks on my email, and this party is over.

{Nebulon walks over to Tampo.}

NEBULON: Get up.

TAMPO: Hey Nebulon, guess what?

NEBULON: Yeah, you're a hero, I saw all that. Can I answer the email?

TAMPO: Well, apparently a record manager heard my bass playing, and I am totally going to be on a world tour!

NEBULON: So you mean I'll never have to see you again?

TAMPO: Oh, I'll be gone for quite a while. And you have to pay double for tickets!

NEBULON: Uh, yeah, I'll keep that in mind. Can you move now?

TAMPO: Yeah, sure. See you, Nebulon. Have fun in Not Stardom!

{He leaves.}

NEBULON: {typing} Well, whoever you are, I do not tie up Astromunds in my basement, because apparently my last Astromund was killed a month ago. Seriously, do some fact-checking before you send these emails, guys. But don;t let that stop you from sending more!

{The Paper falls, saying "Email Nebulon at nebymail@nebulon.com!"}

Fun Facts

  • The Liekand is trying to pronounce "Shyamalan", or M Night Shyamalan, known for making movies with obnoxious plot twists.
  • "Have it your way" is the Burger King slogan, which serves chicken tenders.


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