Other Character Email Nebulon/sitcom

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Summary

Nebulon Email #26: sitcom

Nebulon directs his very own sitcom to earn some money.

Date: July 16, 2008

Cast: Nebulon, Charles, Tampo, Bruno

Places: Nebulon's Computer Room, Tampo's Base, Tampo's Recording Room, Nebulon's Battlefield

Length: 109 Lines

Transcript

{Nebulon and Charles are sitting at an empty desk.}

CHARLES: What did you do with the computer?

NEBULON: Oh, I sold it. Gotta make 7500 Galactabucks somehow.

CHARLES: That thing couldn't have been worth more than 100 Galactabucks.

NEBULON: Actually I only got 50. Stlunko appraised it for me, then he bought it.

CHARLES: You really are the king of effective business.

NEBULON: Oh, I am! You should see my stock portfolio!

CHARLES: The one where you lost 50000 bucks?

NEBULON: Yes, Charles, that one. Anyway, I'm going to check an email.

CHARLES: How are you going to do that? Imagination?

NEBULON: Well, I have this old cellphone that I traded some Bendini Sisters for.

{Nebulon fiddles around with it, then brings up the email.}

Dear Nebulon,
On a scale of 1 to 9,
How much did you like the TV show Friends?
~ Bluebry

NEBULON: W... e... oops, wrong button. Where's the erase button? Okay, e, uh, l, and then another l, and...

{He flings the cell phone out the window.}

NEBULON: What a useless email-checking device. But the show Friends, then?

CHARLES: I would have pegged you as a Seinfeld fan, myself.

NEBULON: What? Why?

CHARLES: Because your life is about nothing.

{Laugh track.}

NEBULON: I just had the greatest idea ever.

CHARLES: Suicide is never the answer. Well, usually.

{More laugh track.}

NEBULON: Whoa, I nearly got charges filed against me for using the word "Satan" in an email. Let's not be too edgy, okay? Well, we should make a sitcom. That's my idea.

CHARLES: I apologise for being stylish!

{Laugh track.}

NEBULON: Okay, I'm going to turn that off.

{He takes a remote out of thin air and pressed a button.}

NEBULON: So I think you can be the disobedient son, and I can be the good moraled father who the son eventually comes to accept. And we can have an Astromund play the neurotic mother.

CHARLES: Do people still watch sitcoms that are about families? I thought they were all about twenty-somethings now.

NEBULON: Well, usually, but if we market it as "a return to when YOU were a kid", I think we can rake in some big bucks.

CHARLES: So I take it you have recording equipment?

NEBULON: Nope, but I know someone who does.

{Cut to Tampo's Base.}

TAMPO: ...and that's when I said, "Buddy, I rock with Greggo. I'm GETTING that discount."

{He spots Nebulon.}

TAMPO: Oh, hi Nebulon. What do you want this time?

NEBULON: Hey Tampo, ever make music videos?

TAMPO: Oh, all the time. I'm actually an expert filmographer, believe it or not. Perhaps you've seen our video for "The Beginning of A New Sunset (Through Different Angles We See New Perspectives)"? Did you see that filmography?

NEBULON: Uh, yeah, and it was great. Nice bass solo too. Anyway, can we use your recording equipment?

TAMPO: There is no bass solo in that song, you simpleton!

NEBULON: Oh. Well, my question about the recording equipment still stands.

TAMPO: There's no way I'd let two uncultured fools like you use my recording equipment!

CHARLES: Even if we let you do all the soundtracking?

{Tampo pauses.}

TAMPO: What are you recording?

NEBULON: Oh, a cool sitcom.

TAMPO: Absolutely not.

NEBULON: Are you sure? I feel the bass playing in "Breathe" really mirrors the post-modern irony that sitcoms involk in the cultured audience.

{Charles is looking at Nebulon incredulously; Tampo is bobbing enthusiastically.}

TAMPO: You know, maybe you aren't as uncultured as I thought! Let's record that sitcom!

{He descends into a back room.}

CHARLES: You listen to his music?

NEBULON: Of course not, but every band ever has a song called "Breathe." Hey, who do you think he was talking to?

CHARLES: Probably to himself. Tampo is not known to be very mentally stable.

NEBULON: I guess you're right.

{They follow Tampo, and leave the room. An Astromund's shadow appears.}

VOICE: Oh, we'll meet again, Nebs.

{Laughter. Cut to the film set.}

NEBULON: Okay, so here's the setting. I'm going to come home from work, and Charles is going to say, ah, "How was your day, dad?"

CHARLES: {deadpan} How was your day, Dad.

NEBULON: Right, that's good. Then I will say, "Pretty wacky, son!" And then you will say, uh, "Tell me more!"

CHARLES: I thought I was supposed to be the wacky one.

NEBULON: We'll work that out in post-production.

TAMPO: Okay, let's talk about the soundtrack. Personally, I think an ambient "jazz bass" might fit this the best--

NEBULON: Yeah, I, uh, trust your judgement. Now let's get this film a rollin'!

{Tampo starts the camera, then starts to play his bass loudly.}

NEBULON: {shouting} I'm home!

{Charles's response is completely muffled by the bass.}

NEBULON: {shouting} Sure was a wacky day at work!

CHARLES: {muffled} ...roast chicken... {muffled}

NEBULON: {shouting} What a great dinner! Now, about work...

CHARLES: {muffled} ...roast chicken.

NEBULON: {annoyed} Look, son, I don't care about dinner, I'm going to tell you about my day at work, and if I have time, the women in my life. Furthermore--

{Dead Stobats pour out of a closed closet. Nebulon looks even more annoyed.}

NEBULON: They aren't roasted! They're just dead. Now at work today, you wouldn't guess that the socially awkward guy said to me!

{Tampo stops playing the bass.}

TAMPO: ...and that's a wrap!

NEBULON: What are you talking about? That wasn't even two minutes!

TAMPO: Well, uh, everyone has short attention spans these days anyway. No one will notice.

CHARLES: Are those dead Stobats there for decoration?

TAMPO: Oh, Brody just, uh, well, uh, he left them here for safekeeping.

NEBULON: Oh, okay. Try to get that tape to us soon, huh, Tampo?

TAMPO: {nervous} Uh, yeah. And, uh, no one needs to know about the Stobats, right?

CHARLES: Oh, I am sure your activities are completely legal.

NEBULON: Yeah, I don't really care what's in your closet. Come on, Charles, let's go produce these tapes.

{They leave, Charles glancing back. Bruno enters the room right after they leave, revealing himself to be the shadowy Astromund. He sees the spill and looks at Tampo.}

BRUNO: Hey, Amps, how did that happen?

TAMPO: I guess I loaded them in wrong. Oh well.

BRUNO: Did any of the birds have Stobat Flu?

TAMPO: Maybe. Not that I'd notice.

BRUNO: I told you to give them the disease sample, Amps!

TAMPO: Hey, I just want to make Brody sorry for refusing to be my roadie, not keep a biohazard in my closet.

BRUNO: If you want to really get revenge, you'll have to listen to everything I say, even if it involves keeping a biohazard in your closet!

TAMPO: Fine. Hey, want to hear the new bass track I just improvised? It's called "Pink Astromund."

{He begins playing the bass, and Bruno turns away. Cut to Nebulon's battlefield.}

CHARLES: You aren't going to find it, you know.

NEBULON: Quiet, you! I know I'll find that phone somewhere.

{He sees something spark. Nebulon pick it up to see his cellphone with a cracked screen.}

NEBULON: How much do I like Friends, Big Blue? I would give it a "7".

{Nebulon presses the button, then sends the email.}

CHARLES: Any basis for that?

NEBULON: Well, I could have typed out my detailed reasons, but then I could have done something else, too.

CHARLES: Right. You have never seen the show, have you?

NEBULON: Of course I have! It was the greatest sitcom of the 80s!

{Charles looks at Nebulon, head shaking. The Paper falls, saying "Email Nebulon at nebymail@nebulon.com!"}

Plot Significance

  • Nebulon attempts to earn more money after the legal fees he suffers in the previous email.
  • After Bruno was fired in that email, he reappears working for Tampo.

Fun Facts

  • Friends and Seinfeld are two competing 90s sitcoms; Seinfeld was known as the "show about nothing."
  • The "Stobat Flu" is a reference to the "Bird Flu."


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