Other Character Email Nebulon/shopping

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Contents

Summary

Nebulon Email #28: "shopping"

Nebulon shops for a new gun while creating a milder Charles.

Date: July 20, 2008

Cast: Nebulon, Charles, Computer, Announcer, Tampo, Three Greggos, Astromund, Grundy, An Ice Machine

Places: Nebulon's Computer Room, Stall-Mart, Gun Outlet

Length: 146 Lines

Previously on Nebulon Emails

  • An Ice Machine expressed his wishes to buy Nebulon's base and battlegrounds out. (lawsuit)
  • Nebulon wound up completely bankrupt. (lawsuit)
  • Nebulon sold his computer to try to repay his debts. (sitcom)
  • Nebulon made a very short sitcom episode with Tampo's bass playing as a soundtrack, and during the filming a pile of Grundies poured out of Tampo's closet. (sitcom)

Transcript

{Nebulon and Charles are sitting at an empty desk.}

CHARLES: No computer today either?

NEBULON: Nope. No computer. EXCEPT THIS ONE!

{He blows towards the wall, knocking the desk away and part of the wall, revealing a larger screened computer with Nebulon as the background image.}

CHARLES: Who did you kill this time?

NEBULON: Oh, I just recieved a check to the tune of 20 million Galactabucks!

CHARLES: The one that came in the advertisement for the bank? Those can't be cashed, you know--

NEBULON: It's our royalties for that sitcom we were in, remember?

CHARLES: So shouldn't I have heard about this? I would think that you'd have fans swarming the base.

NEBULON: I'm sure they're talking about it on TV! Mechy, run the television program!

COMPUTER: What do you think, I am, your slave?

NEBULON: Why does everyone in the world talk back to me?

COMPUTER: Fine. Control freak.

{He brings up a TV screen.}

ANNOUNCER: ...and for the 47th time today, the Worst Music Video ever!

{Nebulon appears on screen talking to Charles, while a bass track plays over them. Occasionally Nebulon can be heard yelling over the track, and half the screen is censored for half the video.}

NEBULON: That's not a sitcom!

CHARLES: I can't imagine there would be anyone who wouldn't want to hear your humor.

NEBULON: Tampo must be really rolling in the money, though.

{Cut to Tampo's base where Tampo is being arrested by three Greggos.}

TAMPO: I tell you guys, it was all art! I wasn't trying to hide anything! Nebulon put those Grundies in there!

GREGGO 1: Take him away!

GREGGO 2: {sarcastically} No, I'm just going to let him stay here.

GREGGO 1: I thought you had to say that!

{Cut back to Nebulon.}

NEBULON: I wish I could be half as rich as him. Anyway, let's see what this thing does for email!

COMPUTER: {falsetto} Ooh, let's see what this thing does for email!

CHARLES: I could be close friends with this guy.

COMPUTER: {sarcastically} Oh, I've always wanted a friend of my very own! Here's your email.

Nebbums,
I've had it with that Charles guy.
Ya know all the guys what mock
your style? It's probably because
Charles is totally ruining it
through and through. I say you
should take some type of measures
against his pessimistic attitude and
lack of interest in your emails. How about it?
Love Shadowscythekins

{Nebulon reads the email, smirking at Charles after he reads the first line.}

NEBULON: You know, Owsky, this may be the best email I've ever recieved.

CHARLES: {accusingly} Did you just make that email up?

COMPUTER: A robot must never lie.

CHARLES: Then Nebulon here sent it himself, right?

COMPUTER: Sorry there, Charlie.

NEBULON: Well, I guess I could take some measures here. Maybe Ekersby will have some cool drugs!

CHARLES: Sorry, I'm not sticking around to get drugged up by a couple of sadistic robots and one stupid alien.

NEBULON: Oh, that's fine. I'll just keep this thirty million bucks to myself, then.

CHARLES: You're bribing me to have my mental state changed for your own amusement?

NEBULON: That sounds about right.

CHARLES: How much?

NEBULON: How about we talk about that later? Now come wih me, we have to see Ekersby!

CHARLES: It better at least be five million.

NEBULON: What do you even need money for, anyway? You're a robot!

CHARLES: Well, I'd like to start a weapons manufac-- why am I telling you this, you, uh, stupid alien?

NEBULON: Hey, you're lightening up already!

CHARLES: Oh, well, perhaps I am.

NEBULON: I guess I don't need to see Ekersby after all.

COMPUTER: No, you can just be a lame coward like the rest of us.

CHARLES: Maybe we should get this guys some antidepressants.

COMPUTER: Just telling the truth.

NEBULON: I've really got to take the personality out of that computer.

CHARLES: I did like it better when your computer didn't talk.

{They pause.}

NEBULON: This is pretty boring.

CHARLES: Want be to be sarcastic and depreciating again?

NEBULON: Not yet. Hey, let's go buy some stuff.

CHARLES: Like a new base?

NEBULON: I was thinking maybe another computer. But a base without Ekersby in it would be cool too.

CHARLES: So would one without y-- er, yes, yes it would.

NEBULON: Maybe I could try somewhere tropical. Or maybe I could build a garage here!

CHARLES: A... garage?

NEBULON: Yeah, like a cold dank room where I can put stuff I should throw away.

CHARLES: Like yourse-- let's go to an actual store.

NEBULON: But I don't like going shopping! I just want to go to Amazon and order my stuff.

CHARLES: But a store will have gumball machines. I know you are a big fan of those!

NEBULON: That's true. Gumballs or not having to deal with other people?

COMPUTER: Don't think too hard, now!

NEBULON: Shut up!
CHARLES: {simultaneously} Quiet.

NEBULON: Oh Mechy, you're the worst computer ever.

COMPUTER: Says the person who named a computer after himself.

NEBULON: You know Charles, I would like to get out of the base.

{They leave. Cut to a department store.}

NEBULON: And I want one of those, and one of those, ooh, and five of these...

CHARLES: Hair dye. Really.

NEBULON: I have the freedom to have any color hair I want!

CHARLES: Where is it?

NEBULON: On my body, maybe?

CHARLES: Those are scales.

NEBULON: Really? Why don't you tell me more things about my body that I already know? How about my style? Would you like to criticize that too?

CHARLES: Y-- no.

NEBULON: That's what I thought.

{Nebulon pokes an Astromund who happens to be a store employee.}

ASTROMUND: Yes, Nebulon, what is it?

NEBULON: Where do you keep the really expensive stuff?

ASTROMUND: Uh, we keep our more upscale TVs in the electronics section. Some run up to 25 Galactabucks.

NEBULON: No, I mean like the laser cannons for bases and stuff.

ASTROMUND: I don't think we have any of those. I'll check the back, though!

{He leaves.}

CHARLES: Maybe you should try one of those laser cannon outlet stores.

NEBULON: {patiently} But they don't have gumballs.

CHARLES: Oh, yes they do, you just haven't found them because you've never been to one of them.

NEBULON: I guess that makes sense. OK, I'll try it, but this better not be like your last idea.

CHARLES: I never said "look for cool stuff at Stall-Mart."

NEBULON: But they have such cheap prices!

{The two leave, and the Astromund come back, holding a gigantic cannon.}

ASTROMUND: I didn't know we had cool stuff like this. Nebulon? Aw, now I have to put it back.

{Cut to a more pricy looking store, where weapons are being designed.}

NEBULON: I don't see any gumballs yet.

CHARLES: Okay, I lied about that. Can you just go and buy something? I like that one.

{He points to a huge gun with lots of flashing lights.}

NEBULON: I've got to admit, it is pretty.

CHARLES: Apparently it's very energy-efficient too.

NEBULON: Find something else, then.

CHARLES: Fine. How about that?

{He points to a smaller looking gun.}

NEBULON: What's so good about that? It's tiny.

CHARLES: Maybe, but this thing shoots bombs, apparently.

NEBULON: Whoa, that's pretty awesome right there.

CHARLES: You should buy it.

{A Grundy walks over.}

GRUNDY: You fellas interested in buying that?

NEBULON: Sure am.

GRUNDY: You know, your face looks pretty familiar. Have I seen you somewhere before?

CHARLES: Most people just forget it after they see it once.

GRUNDY: Oh yeah, you were that terrible actor on that music video! Hey Bob, come over here, that terrible actor stopped by!

NEBULON: I just want to buy this cool looking gun!

GRUNDY: Hey, have you considered product placement? I'd be willing to give that gun to you for free if you'll use it in your next video.

NEBULON: I'm not recording anoth--

CHARLES: How much is the gun?

GRUNDY: Ten thousand Galactabucks!

NEBULON: Yeah, no thanks. I don't sell out. I guess.

GRUNDY: That is so cool! Well, pay up, and just remember us for all your weaponary needs!

NEBULON: I'll keep you in mind.

{Nebulon and Charles leave, and An Ice Machine enters.}

AN ICE MACHINE: I told you to lie to him!

GRUNDY: Yeah, but the customer is always right.

AN ICE MACHINE: Well, from now on, it's okay to lie when I tell you to, okay?

GRUNDY: Why do you care so much about my business, anyway?

AN ICE MACHINE: I thought we went through this. If Nebulon signed that contract, he would have given his base to me!

GRUNDY: I think I saw that plot in a movie once! The good guys won, though.

AN ICE MACHINE: Just don't do it again.

{Cut to Nebulon who is sitting in front of the Mechy with Charles.}

NEBULON: Okay, I'd like to give my response to the email now.

COMPUTER: And I'd like to fix myself a cup of coffee, but nooooo, computers can't drink coffee.

NEBULON: Go get'm, Charles.

CHARLES: I'm sure you need to have more energy.

COMPUTER: Aw, am I too energetic for you?

CHARLES: Do you have a listening problem?

{They continue their sparring while Nebulon plugs a keyboard into the Mechy and begins to type.}

NEBULON: Well, I guess I'll always have to deal with Charles' attitude. He's pretty awesome with it when he isn't targeting me, at least. So thanks for the suggestion, but Charles is a lot cooler and a lot less boring with the pessimistic attitude. And if you're a fan of that, go right ahead an email me!

{The Paper falls, saying "Email Nebulon at nebymail@nebulon.com!"}

CHARLES: Did you think of that segue all by yourself?

Fun Facts

  • "Stall-Mart" is obviously a reference to Wal-Mart.


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