Coach Z Emails/tattoos

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Overview

#7: tattoos

Coach Z talks ink.

CAST: (in order of appearance) Coach Z, Strong Mad, Strong Bad, The Cheat

PLACES: The Locker Room, Shady Tattoo Parlor, Basement of the Brothers Strong

PAGE TITLE: Crusty x86!

DATE: February 14, 2010

Transcript

COACH Z: {typing "open "check'at_email.exe" (and I don't know why he didn't do that for the FIRST six emails)} Hop into yer hoopty and you better duck down, 'cause Coach's Z's bringin' new emails to town!

subj: tattoos

dear coach z
get a tattoo of a butt
on your butt
love nachofriend

COACH Z: {typing} Well, Not'chafriend, I've actually been considering getting a tattoo since my days on the field! For a while, I was thinkin' of gettin' me an "I love my mudder" kinda tattoo, or maybe one o' them ying-yang-em-ups. Maybe a dragon. {clears screen} But honestly? This green pajama-skin of mine wasn't made for ink! Maybe it was made for, like, henna, or somethin', but nothing permanent! But... then again, you've gotta consider the prat-sibilities, right? Let's take a look at some examples, why not?

{Cut to a shady-looking tattoo parlor. A hypothetical Coach Z is sitting on the chair, while Strong Mad is in the background, holding a tattoo pen.}

COACH Z: {voice over} Now, the first thing to consider is location! Now, your body is a literal canvas for the tattoo artist to work his painful, possibly infected magic on!

{Zoom in to Coach Z's hands.}

COACH Z: {voice over} One of the most popular places for summa'dat skin art is the knuckles! Like, you can write stuff like...

{As Coach Z recites the following, the words appear on his knuckles in varying fonts and styles.}

COACH Z: {voice over} "Tuff Blud", "Neva Die", "City State", "Love, Hate"...

{The words disappear.}

COACH Z: {voice over} But, since I don't really... have... knuckles... I'd probably just get some letters on my fists.

{The letters "C" and "Z" appear on his fists. Then, the camera pans over to Coach Z's torso.}

COACH Z: {voice over} Now, another piece o' prime real estate for tattoos is yer own dang torso! Like, you can get a sweet chestpiece...

{The words "dEVILed EGGS", with two curly-horns on its sides, appear on Coach Z's chest.}

COACH Z: {voice over} Or, like, maybe a gut-tattoo, or summat...

{A tattoo of Peacy P, shedding a single tear, with the words "dELIBerance" under it, appears on Coach Z's stomach.}

COACH Z: {voice over} And, uh, for good measure... I guess put somethin' 'round yer nipple.

{A small tattoo of a fried egg appears where Coach Z's nipple would be.}

COACH Z: {voice over} Though, with all the places one could get a tattoo, I still gotta go... widda tramp stamp.

{Quick cut to a view of Coach Z's butt. Suddenly, a heart surrounded by a tribal-looking design appears above the buttcrack.}

{Cut back to the Locker Room.}

COACH Z: {typing} So, there you go. That's what I'd like for a tattoo! {speaking} Hm... wonder how I can make all this a reality?

{Cut to the Basement of the Brothers Strong. Coach Z is sitting on the couch, while Strong Bad, Strong Mad and The Cheat stand around him.}

COACH Z: So you're sure you're licensed?

STRONG BAD: I xeroxed myself a license, so I guess so!

COACH Z: Alright, then! I don't doubt your credentials, Stron'bad!

STRONG BAD: Good! Strong Mad, apply the anaesthetic!

{Strong Mad punches Coach Z in the side of the head with a resounding grunt. Coach Z wobbles a bit before falling unconscious.}

STRONG BAD: Alright, alright! Now... let's get to tattooing!

{Strong Bad whips out a permanent marker.}

{Cut back to the Crusty.}

{The Napkin descends.}

Easter Egg

  • Click on the word tattoo after the email ends to see a small scene.

Easter Egg Transcript

{Cut to the Basement of the Brothers Strong. Only Strong Bad can be seen in the frame.}

STRONG BAD: Alright, Coach Z! You're done. Take a look...

{Strong Bad holds out a mirror. In it, you can see Coach Z's tramp stamp.}

COACH Z: {offscreen} It's amazing! A work of art, even!

Fun Facts

  • This one might be the shortest Coach Z Email to date! That's an accomplishment??



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