Coach Z Emails/stink

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Jump to: navigation, search

Overview

#3: stink

Coach Z addresses the level of odor in the locker room.

CAST: (in order of appearance) Coach Z, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Strong Mad, Homestar Runner, Strong Sad

PLACES: The Locker Room, Strong Badia

PAGE TITLE: Crusty x86!

DATE: Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Transcript

COACH Z: {rapping} Here's another one for y'all to peep: it's called Coach Z checkin' mail on the Crus-ty!

subject: p.e? More like p.u!

Please, Coach Z.
Make the locker room not stink. I puked in there last time.
- Zarel

COACH Z: {typing} Are you kidding?! This locker room has loads of history leaking from every dripping faucet, from every damp towel bin, from every open can of tuna left in my locker again! You don't know what you're missing, here! {clears screen} Let me tell ya, some of the greatest moments in locker room history took place here! Take, for example, the Balm Threat of '89, or the Great Speed Stick Avalanche of '01! You can't mess with that kind of history! We-

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} He's got a point!

{Coach Z turns to see Strong Bad, The Cheat, and Strong Mad. Each of them have clothespins on their nose-areas.}

STRONG BAD: Coach, this place smells like nightmares! It's like The Poopsmith with onion breath, man!

COACH Z: {angrily} Get used to it, bub! I ain't cleanin' this stuff up!

STRONG MAD: I HAVE TO BREATH THROUGH MY MOUTH!

STRONG BAD: Seriously, Coach. I've seen jockstraps move, and I'm pretty sure there's nothing besides you that's alive in here. There is something seriously wrong with this place, man!

COACH Z: I don't care if you, your kids, or your kid's babies can't stand the smell! I'm never letting this place get clean! Don't you remember the Great Tsweatnami of '95?

{Flashback: a while ago, apparently. Strong Mad, Strong Bad, and Homestar are in the locker room, after what appears to have been a strenuous game. Strong Mad takes off his sweat band and begins to wring it out. Suddenly, a massive amount of sweat comes out of it, sweeping everybody away.}

STRONG MAD: I DIDN'T KNOW!

{The flashback ends.}

STRONG BAD: {freaked out} I still have nightmares! ... J-jibbly.

COACH Z: And what about the Moldy Manwich Massacre? Don't say you forgot that one!

{Flashback: Strong Bad is in the locker room. Strong Sad walks in.}

STRONG SAD: Hey, Strong Bad?

STRONG BAD: Aaah! It's the Dinner Yeti!

STRONG SAD: Have you seen my lunch? I swear I saw it a while ago...

STRONG BAD: By "a while ago", you mean?

STRONG SAD: Like... a week ago?

{Suddenly, a locker bursts open and a blob of green and brown goo jumps out at Strong Sad. Strong Sad begins screaming and Strong Bad runs away.}

{The flashback ends.}

STRONG BAD: Okay, that was funny. {chuckles} Oh, the bruises!

COACH Z: Look, the pernt is that there's a lot of history behind these odors and scents! It's home-y, you dig?

STRONG BAD: Look, I hate to have to do this, but we're gonna have to quarantine this place. Out with the lellowtape, The Cheat!

{The Cheat tosses a roll of yellow tape around. Pretty soon, the whole area is wrapped in "OH, QUARANTINE!!" tape.}

COACH Z: Does that mean I'm... evicted?

STRONG BAD: Oh, that? No, you can stay here.

{The Cheat wraps Coach Z in yellow tape.}

STRONG BAD: And, uh... don't come out.

{Strong Bad, Strong Mad and The Cheat leave.}

COACH Z: Awww, dag... how can I keep the smells I love without making everybody around me throw up? What a conum-drum...

{Suddenly, a light bulb appears over Coach Z's head. A guy says "ding" uninterestedly.}

COACH Z: I've got it!

{Cut to Strong Badia. Strong Bad and The Cheat are there, standing in front of a large table with several jars full of gases ranging from green to yellow-green. Above the table is a banner, reading: "COACH Z'S MUSEUM OF NATURAL STINKSTORY".}

STRONG BAD: Man... why did we agree to host this?

THE CHEAT: {Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: Woah, do we really get a grant for ethnic studies? Sweet! This'll get us like, a year's supply of cheeseburgers!

THE CHEAT: {Cheat noises in the affirmative}

{Cut to the Locker Room. It is still covered in yellow tape.}

COACH Z: {typing} So there you go, Darrel. While it definitely hurts me inside, maybe now you'll stop whining about the dang stink for once! And besides, with all the old stink pushed out, there's plenty of room for new stink!

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} Speaking of...

{Zoom out to show Strong Bad and The Cheat. The Cheat is holding an egg carton.}

STRONG BAD: Man, our fridge breaking was the best thing to happen to us in a long time!

COACH Z: Oh, Strong Bad! You shouldn't have!

{Cut back to the view of the Crusty x86. The sound of breaking eggs is heard as the Napkin descends.}

COACH Z: Whoo! That is rancid!

Fun Facts

  • The email rap for this email is a reference to B-Boy Bouillabaisse, a song by the Beastie Boys. Note that it is rather explicit, so I wouldn't recommend most of you listen to it.
  • Coach Z refers to Zarel as "Darrel" at the end of the email. Ironically enough, Cyrus has another character of that name on his FurAffinity.



Retrieved from "http://fanstuff.hrwiki.org/wiki/Coach_Z_Emails/stink"