Coach Z Emails/medallion

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Contents

Overview

#10: medallion

Coach Z tells the folk 'bout how he got his medallion.

CAST: (in order of appearance) Coach Z, Strong Bad, Homestar Runner, Strong Sad, Strong Mad, Bubs, The Cheat

PLACES: The Locker Room, Strong Bad's Computer Room, Storybook Land, Bubs' Concession Stand (Storybook), Kitchen of the Brothers Strong (easter egg)

PAGE TITLE: Crusty x86!

DATE: February 27, 2010

Transcript

COACH Z: {typing "run check'at_email.exe"} Coach Z's rappin' on the mic, rappin' on the mic, checkin' those emails down!

subj: medallion

dear coach z
will you tell me the story about how you got your medallion
pleeeeeeeeeeease
love nachodork

COACH Z: {typing} Well, Not-yer-dork, that's a great question you've got there! This medallion here has loads o' history behind its dull golden sheen, and I'd be glad to tell you all about it! {clears screen} So, it all started when I was in Harlem, droppin' some sweet rhymes, when—

{Suddenly, the Crusty powers down, and all the lights in the Locker Room turn off.}

COACH Z: What the crap? What just happened, now? Did I forget to pay my electric bill...?

{Cut to the House of the Brothers Strong, where Strong Bad is checking his email. Homestar is watching him.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} ... and that's my favorite monster truck I've ever totally ridden in! Thanks a lot, Colin!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks, Coin!

STRONG BAD: And now, I'm-a hit you with some of that Compè-per action! If you please...?

{The Compè-per pops up.}

STRONG BAD: Phew! There's another stupid email out of the way.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hooray! So can I play Minesweeper now?

STRONG BAD: Uh, no. ... Why did I even let you in my house?

{Coach Z walks onscreen, decked out in winter garb.}

COACH Z: Hey, Strong Bad! Homestar!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, Green Bubs!

STRONG BAD: For the luvva— how are you people getting in my house?

COACH Z: Strong Bad, how are you checkin' emails when there's a huge storm out there? I lost all my dang power!

STRONG BAD: Backup generator! Don't tell nobody, but it's powered by Strong Sad's incessant whining.

{Cut to Strong Sad's room, where he is being punched by Strong Mad.}

STRONG SAD: Oof! Ow! You're really hurting me! OW!

STRONG MAD: KEEP CRYING, BABY!

{Cut to the computer room.}

COACH Z: Anyhow, I need your help again!

STRONG BAD: Okay, just pay me up front.

{Coach Z tosses Strong Bad a $20.}

STRONG BAD: Good! What can I help you wit'?

COACH Z: You see, I was checkin' my email, and a guy asked me about my medallion! And I was gonna tell the story, right, but I lost power!

STRONG BAD: Okay, okay. ... Where are you going with this?

COACH Z: Well, do you still have that copy of "Coach Zee Gets a Medal?"

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ooh! OOH! Story time again!

STRONG BAD: Yeah, I think I've got it somewhere...

{Strong Bad leans slowly offscreen, and snatches a book.}

STRONG BAD: Here we go! This one's called—

{Cut to a view of the cover of the book.}

STRONG BAD: "Coach Zee Gets a Medal!"

{The page turns to show a splash page much like in the previous story books, but with Coach Z in place of Homestar.}

Everybody tolerates Coach Zee. He is a terrific coach.

{Page turn: Coach Z standing in the storybook field, with Homestar in front of him, running laps. Coach Z lacks his signature medallion.}

One of a days, he was out training The Homestar Runner for the triathlon. "Great jarb, The Homestar Runner!" said Coach Zee.

{Page turn: Homestar is sweating while running.}

"Do you think I'm ready for the triathlon, Coach?" asked The Homestar Runner, who could have beat the world record but decided not to because he was a cool guy like that.

{Page turn: Coach Z, holding a stopwatch.}

"Of course you are!" screamed Coach Zee.

{Page turn: Homestar jogging in place in front of Coach Z.}

"Thanks, Coach!" sweated The Homestar Runner.

{Page turn: Homestar running off while Coach Z stands still.}

Coach Zee looked at his star ath-a-late, proudly. "I do a good jab," said Coach Zee, patting himself on the butt in congratulation.

{Page turn: a view of Coach Z's torso. He has a noticeable pot-belly.}

But something felt off, thought Coach Zee. He looked at his huge, fat paunch, and felt ashamed.

{Page turn: Coach Z looking distressed.}

"If I show up at the triathlon like this, they'll all laugh at me!" whined Coach Zee.

{Page turn: Coach Z looking sad, walking. Strong Bad and The Cheat walk up to him.}

Just then, Strong Bad and his The Cheat walked up and began heckling Coach Zee. "Your paunch is gross and probably smells really bad," said bat-face Strong Bad. "Also, you're really dumb."

{Page turn: Coach Z, head lowered.}

"It probably does," said Coach Zee.

{Page turn: a yellow-and-black silhouette of Coach Z walking across the field.}

And so, Coach Zee set off to try and find a way to not look so gross and old.

{Page turn: Bubs' Concession Stand, b/w Bubs. Coach Z walks up and leans on the counter.}

Coach Zee decided to stop by good friend Bubs Concession's Stand. "Hey, Bubs," said Coach Zee, "you got anything to cover up my paunch?" "Sure I do," said Bubs.

{Page turn: Bubs is holding a bag, and Coach Z is giving him money.}

"I got this magic seed!" said Bubs. "It'll grow you a sweet sweet job to cover you up!" "That sounds pretendously great!" yelled Coach Zee.

{Page turn: the field. Coach Z is planting the seed.}

And so, Coach Zee planted his seed and began tending to it like it was his adopted Cambodian baby. Every day, he watered it questionably, and read it bedtime stories every night.

{Page turn: Strong Bad and The Cheat looking at a small sprout.}

But one day, Strong Bad and The Cheat shuffled on by and noticed Coach Zee's plant, growing in the sunlight. "What a dumb plant!" said Strong Bad. "It looks dumb and I can bench press 200 pounds."

{Page turn: Strong Bad and The Cheat beating up the plant.}

So Strong Bad and The Cheat began roughing the little plant up. Strong Bad spat on it and said something horrible about its mother, and The Cheat broke its kneecaps.

{Page turn: Coach Z looking at the battered plant, shocked.}

The next day, Coach Zee walked up to water his plant and was shocked at what he saw. "Holy gawrsh!" sputtered Coach Zee. "My plant! It's been sabotaged!"

{Page turn: Strong Bad and The Cheat laughing at Coach Zee.}

"What a laugh and one half!" said Strong Bad's mouth. "It looks like Coach Zee's plant fell down some stairs or something!" "Who could have done this?" lamented Coach Zee.

{Page turn: Homestar is somersaulting onto the scene and kicking Strong Bad and The Cheat.}

Just then, The Homestar Runner did a 10-pointer somersault and [kicked Strong Bad and The Cheat away!] Strong Bad and The Cheat made a conscious decision to leave! "You leave Coach Zee's plant alone!" said The Homestar Runner.

{Page turn: Homestar looking at the plant.}

The Homestar Runner looked at Coach Zee's miserable plant and was saddened by its state. "If only I could help!" moaned The Homestar Runner.

{Page turn: a can of Melonade is falling out of Homestar's pocket.}

But then, a can of Melonade fell out of Homestar's [pocket] skirt thing and poured out onto Coach Zee's plant! "Oops!" said The Homestar Runner.

{Page turn: the plant grows massive, dwarfing Coach Z and Homestar.}

After soaking up that sweet sweet Melonade, the plant suddenly grew gigantic, and a massive flower bloomed atop the towering plant-ferno! "Newman's Own!" said Coach Zee.

{Page turn: a view of the plant's flower.}

As the flower bloomed, it suddenly grew a big medallion with a Z on it in the middle! It fell out onto the ground, and Coach Zee snatched it up quick-like.

{Page turn: Coach Z wearing his new medallion.}

"Bubs ain't a liar after all!" said Coach Zee, putting the medallion on his fat, dumb paunch. "You look like a million ducks!" said [The Homestar Runner] the marshmallow.

{Page turn: Coach Z at the triathlon. Homestar is running down the track. The ending music from The Strongest Man in the World is playing.}

And so, Coach Zee and The Homestar Runner entered the triathlon, and The Homestar Runner got the gold in every event!

{Page turn: The Homestar Runner standing on a winner's podium, with Strong Bad on the second-place level and Señor at third. Coach Z is standing near it, with majesty lines surrounding him.}

"You look great!" said The Homestar Runner to Coach Zee. "I know!" said Coach Zee with an inflated sense of self-worth. "I'm gonna break all of your legs," said Strong Bad.

{Cut back to the computer room.}

STRONG BAD: So? Is that accurate?

COACH Z: Accurate enough!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {teary-eyed} It's an instant classic! I can't wait for the squeakuel!

COACH Z: Anyhow, that's all I need you for! I'm-a go help myself to whatever's in yer fridge!

STRONG BAD: Alright, then! Watch out for the booby traps!

{Coach Z walks off.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uh, I think you mean booty traps? Pfft.

STRONG BAD: Uh, sure. Whatever you say, Homestar.

{The Napkin descends.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, that's a neat thing! Where can I get one?

Easter Egg

  • Click on Strong Bad's blue diamond to see an extra scene.

Easter Egg Transcript

{Cut to Coach Z rooting around in Strong Bad's fridge.}

COACH Z: Roop-de-doop-doop!

{Suddenly, Coach Z is strung up in one of those rope-traps.}

COACH Z: Newman's Own!

Fun Facts

  • Strong Mad's sole line in this email is (ugh) a quote from Team Fortress 2. It fits, okay?
  • Coach Z's exclamation of "Newman's Own" refers to the real life brand of foodstuffs of the same name.
  • Homestar talks about a "squeakuel", which is part of the name of the second Alvin and the Chipmunks movie.
  • "Booty traps" is a reference to The Goonies.



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