Coach Z Emails/hats

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Jump to: navigation, search

Contents

Overview

#15: hats

Coach Z tells all about his (haber)dashing hats.

CAST: (in order of appearance) Coach Z, Strong Sad, Homestar Runner (easter egg)

PLACES: The Locker Room

PAGE TITLE: Crusty x86!

DATE: March 11, 2010

Transcript

COACH Z: {typing "run check'at_email.exe", singing} Oh I remember the times we used to share, email and I, soarin' through the air... {quietly, drawn out} on wiiiiings ooooof looooove!

subject: hats

Hey Coach-boy,
Did you ever have a different hat than the one you currently wear?

-An infinite number of monkeys on an infinite number of typewriters

{Upon reading "Coach-boy", Coach Z remarks, "Boy? I'm 40-somethin' years old! I'm prack-ick-ly an adult!" Coach Z reads the sender's name as "Uh, s-somethin' I don't wanna read."}

COACH Z: {typing} You bring up an inneresting question there, guys! You know, I didn't always have this totes stylin' hat forever! It took me a while to find the style right fer me, you see. Allow me to take you back in time to show you my hat history! Or as I call it, hat-story!

{Coach Z gets up and walks over to a locker in the corner of the room. He opens it up to show a massive collection of hats and caps, neatly arranged by chronological order.}

COACH Z: Eh-herm! May I present to all my viewers and well-wishers: The Coach Z Museum of Natural Hat-story!

{Fanfare.}

COACH Z: Here we are, a portal from which we can inspect my evolution and growth throughout the years! Let's start from the beginnin', shall we!

{Coach Z picks up an old top hat. A gibus, if you will.}

COACH Z: This one's got some history to it! This one, I wore to all the semi- and hemi-formals in town! I can't even remember where I got it!

STRONG SAD: {offscreen} Didn't you shank a hobo for it?

COACH Z: Nah, I was proven innocent. Besides, hobos are like... half-humans, right? Anyhow, yeah! There've been some good times with this hat... Ka-sniff!

{Coach Z puts the top hat back and picks up a captain's hat.}

COACH Z: Oh, here's a hat that accompanied me on many adventures! This was from way back when, when I was with a super-sleuth and his white dag! Man, that was great. Just great.

{Coach Z picks up another hat; this time, it is the Z-shaped hat from Coach Z's concept art.}

COACH Z: I don't, uh... I don't remember ever owning this. Somebody might have left this here. Like, from when they visited. Whatever, I'll just toss that in the lost n' found!

{Coach Z tosses the hat offscreen and picks up another cap. This one is a mortarboard, or graduation cap.}

COACH Z: Ahh, memories! This is from when I graduated from CGNU, way back before they added an actual campus! Man, best 5 thousand bucks I ever spent. Go, Class of '09!

{Coach Z puts that hat back and picks up one final hat—his own. Awwww.}

COACH Z: Of course, nothing beats my sweet blue-'n-purple hat! I've had this baby since boith, y'know? It never occured to me, but this one's just perfect for me! It's like it was meant to be...!

{Coach Z cries a single MANLY tear.}

COACH Z: Oh, memories, memories!

{Coach Z sits back down at his computer.}

COACH Z: {typing} So, Munkees, how was it, takin' a look into my personal life like that? I hope it was as rewarding to you as it was sentimental to me! {speaking} Anyhow, that's all she wrote! Check me out next time, when I get a pair of gator-skin boots, and I get more than I bargained for!

{The Napkin descends.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the word personal to see an extra scene.
  • Click on the word sentimental to see a picture of the CGNU Class of '09. It's, uh... it's really just Coach Z, kneeling on the ground.

Easter Egg 1 Transcript

{Homestar walks in. He has Coach Z's old Z-shaped hat resting over his normal one.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, Coach Z, thanks for finding my hat! I never thought I'd find that mess again!

Fun Facts

  • Coach Z's remark about his captain's hat is a reference to Tintin. You babies are missing out.
  • I am so sorry about another short one. I am so sorry.




Retrieved from "http://fanstuff.hrwiki.org/wiki/Coach_Z_Emails/hats"