Coach Z Emails/sporting

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Overview

#2: sporting

Coach Z goes over basketball basics.

CAST: (in order of appearance) Coach Z, Homestar, Strong Sad, Strong Mad

PLACES: The Locker Room, The Gymnasium

PAGE TITLE: Crusty x86!

DATE: Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Transcript

COACH Z: {rapping} Well it's me, Coach Z, the master o' sport, an' I think it's 'bout time to get an email chorked!

subject: sporting

I am aspiring olympic baseketball player star!! Do you have tip time to help us?!
-Vladimir Bolshevik

COACH Z: {typing} I tells ya, Vladsy, when it comes to the sport o' basketball, there's no better person to come to than Coach Z! Mainly because, y'know, I'm the only coach... around. {clears screen} Let's start off with some basic tips, why not?

{Cut to the Gymnasium. Homestar, Strong Sad, Strong Mad and Coach Z are there. Everybody except Coach Z is wearing a uniform.}

COACH Z: {voice over} Now, the most important thing to remember is that basketball, like many things in life, is like a great sports play! Because, um... you've got to work at it. Together!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Alright, Pom Pom, I'm-a pass it to you, okay?

STRONG SAD: I'm Strong Sad! Wait, are you even talking to m-

{Homestar bounce passes the ball to Strong Sad, who is hit with the ball.}

STRONG SAD: Oof!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Pom Pom, seriously. Get in the game!

COACH Z: Okay, that was a good job there, but try, y'know, catching it next time.

STRONG SAD: I signed up for racquet sports! I don't even know why I'm here!

{Cut to a shot of Homestar running down the court, dribbling the ball. Strong Mad is chasing him.}

COACH Z: {voice over} Now, then, another important facet of the great sport of baseball is awareness. By that, I mean you've got to know who's around and where! Otherwise, how're ya gonna make a touchdown in overtime?

STRONG MAD: GIVE ME THE BALL!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uhhh, I think I'm not supposed to do that. Whatever, I'm not even on the team!

{Suddenly, Homestar collides with Strong Sad, and Strong Mad in turn collides with the both of them. They all fall to the ground.}

STRONG SAD: Ow!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Great defense, Bubs!

{Cut to a shot of Strong Sad, apparently making a free throw while Homestar and Coach Z look on.}

COACH Z: {offscreen} Finally, you've gotta remember that the best offense is a good offense! I mean, that's how we win all our games!

STRONG SAD: {excited} Alright, I think I'm gonna do it this time!

COACH Z: Y'know what they say, Strong Sad! Eightieth time's the charm!

{Strong Sad gets up on his tiptoes and prepares to shoot the ball. Just then, Strong Mad runs in from offscreen, shouting. He jumps and tackles Strong Sad, crushing him. The ball rolls off.}

COACH Z: Let's go, Strong Mad! Aim for the knees!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Shake it off, Homestar! Shake it off!

{Cut to the Locker Room.}

COACH Z: {typing} So whaddya think, Baldy? Them's the tips I've gathered over my years and years of coaching a legitimate sport! I hope this gets ya to the Sportathlon! {speaking, rapping} Alright folks, that's all I've got! Now watch this napkin drop like it's hooooot!

{The Napkin comes down.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click the words "legitimate sport" to see a flier for the racquet sports class. 
RACQUET SPORTS!

Come play with other fat kids! Try not to smell b.o.!
Held at the rec center. Load Limit: 1 ton. 10 to 1.
  • Click the word "Sportathlon" to see an extra scene.

Easter Egg Transcript

{Cut to the Gymnasium. Homestar is running down the court, dribbling a football.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {panting} After I do these lay-ups, I'm sure I'll make the Sportathlon team!

{Strong Mad tackles Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: AAAH! My Hail Maries!



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