Coach Z Emails/bubs

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Overview

#8: bubs

Coach Z hangs it with Bubba-bubs.

CAST: (in order of appearance) Coach Z, Strong Sad, Bubs, Homestar Runner

PLACES: The Locker Room, Bubs' Concession Stand, Some room with wooden paneling and The Cheat's record player??, The Field

PAGE TITLE: Crusty x86!

DATE: February 21, 2010

Transcript

COACH Z: {typing "run check'at_email.exe"} Doop de doo! Da, dum... email! Doop.

subj: bubs

Hey, Coach Z!
You should hang out with Bubs! I don't
see why you never do.

- Skub

COACH Z: {typing} Whaddya mean, "never"? I hang out with Bubs, like, every single dang day! Man, you musta never heard of our famous debates!

STRONG SAD: {offscreen} Don't you mean "arguments"?

{Coach Z turns to see Strong Sad.}

COACH Z: Hey, they're not arguments! They're well thought-out debates! Remember that one about the Bubs Concession Stand nachos?

{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand. Coach Z and Bubs are there.}

BUBS: So, Coach Z! What can I get'cha?

COACH Z: How abrat a coupla nachos?

BUBS: Certainly!

{Bubs whirls around quickly and holds up a box of nachos.}

BUBS: Here you go! A box of soggy nachos, for the discerning gentleman!

{Coach Z takes one and eats it. Suddenly, he spits it out.}

COACH Z: Oof! What is this mess?

BUBS: Those my nachos, punk! I made 'em myself!

COACH Z: {angry} Well they taste like cardboard with foot funk on it! {normal} And I'd know!

BUBS: {angry} Don't you talk smack 'bout my nacho chips!

COACH Z: {angry} Oh, you wanna take this outside?

BUBS: {angry} Meet me after school, in the parking lot, 3 pm! Be there, chump!

{Bubs backs away slowly, into his concession stand. After about five seconds, you can hear him hit the back of it.}

BUBS: {offscreen} Oof! My hip!

{Cut to the Locker Room.}

COACH Z: Oh, I remember that! ... Who won, again?

STRONG SAD: I think it ended in a tie.

COACH Z: And don't you ever heard of our musical duo? We even cut a single!

{Cut to a view of The Cheat's record player. A record is playing on it.}

BUBS: {talk-singing} My name Bubs,
I got the looks!

COACH Z: {rapping} My name's Coach Z,
an' I got the hooks!

BUBS: Ev'rybody knows that my sales are tight!

COACH Z: Ev'rybody knows that my pants are tight!

{Cut back to the Locker Room.}

STRONG SAD: Yeah, but didn't that break out into a feud? Now they have to release your music posthumously, somehow.

COACH Z: But me and Bubs are great friends! Great friends! He even made me a mixtape!

{Coach Z holds up a restraining order.}

STRONG SAD: Whatever floats your boat, Coach. I'm gonna go sulk in the shade, like always.

{Strong Sad walks off.}

COACH Z: Have a good time, Strong Sad!

{Coach Z turns back to the Crusty x86 and continues typing.}

COACH Z: {typing} So yeah, Skubs! Me and Bubs is tighter than two brews in a six pack! In fact, I'm-a go strike up a conversations with him right now!

{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand. Bubs is facing the inside wall. Suddenly, Coach Z walks up and leans on the counter.}

COACH Z: Hey, Bubs! What's got you lookin' at the wall?

BUBS: Oh, just playin' a game of "Connect the Roaches"! I found "The Last Supper"!

COACH Z: Well that's neat! Say, Bubs, what say you and I grab a couple'a cold ones and go sit out on lawn chairs like we do every alternating weekend?

BUBS: I'm behind that!

COACH Z: Well, what're we waiting for? Let's go get plastered!

{Cut to the Field. Bubs and Coach Z are brawling while Homestar looks on.}

COACH Z: {yelling, angry} I'll break all your legs! I'LL SNAP 'EM LIKE TWIGS!

BUBS: {yelling, angry, slurring} Don' you gon' say ANYTHING 'bout my mama! Don' you gon'... you gon' get HURT.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {crying} Stop fighting! You're tearing this family apart!

{Cut to the Locker Room. Coach Z walks in, chipper as always. He is visibly bruised. He sits down at the Crusty.}

COACH Z: {typing} What can I say? Relationships are built on hardships, like I always say! I mean, I read it somewhere. Probably in that ESPN rag-azine. {speaking} Anyhow, it's been real, but I gotta go splint this broken arm! See you lates, peeps!

{Coach Z gets up and walks off. The Napkin descends.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on two brews to see a small advertisement for "Coach Z's Warm Brew" and "Bubba Daddy's Pale, Pale Ale".
  • Click on rag-azine to see the cover of an issue of "SWEATBANDS QUARTERLY".

Fun Facts

  • The feud between Bubs and Coach Z is somewhat of a reference to the feud between Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G. You kids might not get it.
  • I'M SO OLDDDDD



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