Other Character Email Trogador/realty

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The New Trogador Adventures

Episode 007: Realty
Trogador creates a realty company to make money, but when competition rises, it can only end in a musical number showdown.

Transcript

{cut to black screen that says "IN A.D 20X8". The screen then changes it's text it to "A DRAGON ALMOST DESTROYED AN ENTIRE CITY WITH THE POWER OF RANDOM. THAT DRAGON IS..." The words disappear, and TROGADOR in orange letters appears. Below are the options "START GAME", "SECRET CODE WORD", and "OPTIONAL OPTIONS". The first set of words light up, and we get taken to this screen....}

{cut to Trogador's Nest.}

TROGADOR: Email time already?

{Trogador takes out the TrogPilot.}

TROGADOR: Well, Denny's, a cave should be far away from civilization, but not too far. You don't want to miss out on scaring little jerk kids that come up there to see if the monster is real or not!

TROGADOR: And if you're going to get a cave, Menace, I recommend not getting a damp, dark one. You'll always be wet and you are likely to be eaten by a grue.

TROGADOR: So, in closing, keep a short distance away from people, and make sure it's dry with adequate lighting.

{Drew walks in.}

DREW: You know, those are some good tips! You could be a realtor!

TROGADOR: I can be a real boy?

DREW: No, a realtor. You know, they sell houses and property and stuff!

TROGADOR: Why would I do that when I'm an accomplished evil gen-yeah okay, maybe.

DREW: These days, realtors make a lot of money, too! You could use all the money to fund your plans!

TROGADOR: That isn't a bad idea, Drew! But I'm playing the stock market for funding.

{The TrogPilot rings. He puts it up to his ear. The screen is then split in half diagonally. Bubs is on the bottom half at his store, also talking into a phone.}

TROGADOR: 'Sup?

BUBS: Your stocks are all way down, dragon!

TROGADOR: What? But you told me to hold on!

BUBS: Yeah, well, you should've sold them while you still had the chance, dragon!

TROGADOR: How much did I go down?

BUBS: You're in debt a couple thousand.

TROGADOR: A couple thousand?! How did that happen?

BUBS: You invested crappily, dragon!

TROGADOR: But you told me not to-

BUBS: You should know better, dragon!

{Trogador angrily hangs up. The screen goes back to normal.}

TROGADOR: Yeah, let's try that realty thing.

{cut to The Field. Trogador is sitting in a wooden booth with a sign that says "Red Dragon Realty." 20X6 Marzipan, Sailor Marzi, walks up.}

TROGADOR: Hello, ma'am, what can I do for you today?

SAILOR MARZI: I'm here to make the last payment on my home.

TROGADOR: Alright, name please?

SAILOR MARZI: Hey, wait...you don't look like the brain...is this Blue Beret Realty?

TROGADOR: No, but I can sing Raspberry Beret for you...

SAILOR MARZI: Oh, wait, no, Blue Beret offices are over there!

{The camera pans over to a a blue building with a sign that says "Blue Beret Realty".}

SAILOR MARZI: Sorry!

{Sailor Marzi gets up and walks to the building.}

TROGADOR: Blue Beret? Brain? This sounds like a clever scheme that's not mine!

{cut to inside the Blue Beret Office. It is a white room with a front desk. Tampo sits behind the desk, wearing a blue beret, writing something down. Muzak is playing.}

TROGADOR: {walks in} What's the deal with this, Tampo?

TAMPO: {looks up from paper} Oh, it's you, Trogador.

TROGADOR: Let's cut the Hello shtick and get down to business.

TAMPO: Are you looking to buy a new domicile?

TROGADOR: Well, my current one does smell a little-hey, wait, no! I'm here to get some facts!

TAMPO: Facts on what? Your mortgage?

TROGADOR: Dragons are exempt from all payments.

TAMPO: Oh. Well, what do you want? I'm a busy brain.

TROGADOR: I already called real estate! You Boss meanie-heads have to go get money some other way!

TAMPO: Sorry Trogador, but we called no callsies.

TROGADOR: Wait, what? Isn't that a pa-

TAMPO: No. Now, if you're not gonna buy or sell any real estate today, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

TROGADOR: And what happens if I don't?

TAMPO: Then you can just sit here all day, watching me fill out forms as you become increasingly annoyed with the muzak.

{Trogador sits down in his place. Tampo goes back to writing. Trogador twiddles his thumbs.}

TROGADOR: Do you have a coloring bo-

TAMPO: No.

{Trogador goes back to twiddling his thumbs.}

{cut to The Living Room. Clyde is watching TV when Trogador comes in. Trogador sits on the couch and waits.}

TROGADOR: Aren't you going to ask me how my day went?

CLYDE: Nope.

{Trogador sighs.}

TROGADOR: Kray!

{Kray walks in.}

KRAY: What?

TROGADOR: Aren't you going to ask me how my day went?

KRAY: How was yer day?

TROGADOR: Terrible! I found out that that Master Z jerk already has a realty front, and he's weasling me out!

KRAY: Sounds like ye gotta play dirty, then.

TROGADOR: Play dirty? How do I do that?

{cut to the Blue Beret Office. It is nighttime. Trogador and Kray sneak up to it.}

KRAY: Okay, ready? Go!

{Trogador breathes fire all over the building, turning it into ashes. Sirens are heard in the distance.}

KRAY: It's the Popo! Split!

{They run away.}

{cut to the same location, but this time in the morning. Master Z and Saargtsson stand in front of the ashes.}

MASTER Z: I can't believe this happened!

SAARGTSSON: I swear I didn't do this! I haven't worked at all this week!

MASTER Z: You expect me to be that, you filthy snake?

TAMPO: {floats up} Believe me, Master, you're all wrong. I know who the culprit is!

MASTER Z: Who? Brody? I want all your dirt on Brody!

TAMPO: No, but he beat up a puppy. Anyways, the perp you're looking for is none other than our old friend Trogador.

TROGADOR: {walks up} Hey, Bosses, looks like Saargtsson burnt down your business!

SAARGTSSON: I swear, I haven't done anything productive this month!

MASTER Z: I know you did it, Trogador. And I'll get my revenge. Just you wait.

TROGADOR: How long should I wait?

MASTER Z: Oh, I don't know, turn around.

{Trogador turns around and gasps. The camera pans over to the Red Dragon Realty stand, which has "TROGADOR SMELLS LIKE BUTT" spray painted on it.}

TROGADOR: You fiends! This isn't over!

MASTER Z: Yes, well, our schedules are all pretty full, so we'd like to end this rivalry as soon as possible. What day's good for you?

TROGADOR: Tomorrow at noon?

SAARGTSSON: I have a meeting with the Poorbt Union at noon, sorry.

TAMPO: Well, what about 3 on Thursday?

TROGADOR: Can't, I'm gonna be discussing the budget all day.

MASTER Z: Well, how about we just meet up in Challenge City in an hour?

TROGADOR: Good for me.

TAMPO: Yeah, that works.

SAARGTSSON: Fine.

{They all walk away.}

{cut to a street in Challenge City. Trogador stands at one end of the street when Master Z, Tampo, and Saargtsson emerge from the other side. The two parties glare at each other. Trogador starts to walk over to them, snapping to a beat along the way. The other three do the same until Saargtsson trips over himself. They all stop.}

TAMPO: Oh, great job, Saargtsson, ruining the whole battle!

MASTER Z: I told you it was 1-2-345! But no, you do 1-2-3-45!

SAARGTSSON: I'm a snake, I have no sense of rhythm!

TROGADOR: Way to play the species card, Sarge!

TAMPO: You're a disgrace to lava snakes everywhere.

SAARGTSSON: But-

MASTER Z: No buts! Now this rivalry will never be properly resolved! Go home, everybody!

{cut to Trogador's Nest. Trogador is sitting in it.}

TROGADOR: Well, viewers, I only have one lesson for you tonight: never let a lava snake into your musical!

{cut to the Space Station. The Caped Figure sits in his chair watching Trogador on a screen with the two black Astromunds next to him.}

JACK: Shouldn't we do something about the dragon, sir?

EDDIE: {the other astromund} Yeah, couldn't he foil PLUTO?

CAPED FIGURE: Quite the opposite, men. I believe we can work him to our advantage...

THE END!

Fun Facts

  • Denny's is a restaurant.
  • Dennis the Menace is an old comic strip/TV show about a kid named Dennis (and he's a Menace II Society)
  • "You are likely to be eaten by a grue" is from the Zork series of games.
  • SHE WORE A RASPBERRY BERET
  • The whole "battle" at the end is a parody of the gang wars in West Side Story.
Other Character Email Trogador

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