Other Character Email Trogador/albino

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The New Trogador Adventures

Episode 017: Albino
With Trogador in the hospital, Kray gets his time to shine. His time is interrupted by a savage animal bent on destruction.

Transcript

{cut to black screen that says "IN A.D 20X8". The screen then changes it's text it to "A DRAGON TOLD JOKES AND BROKE HIS BODY. THAT DRAGON IS..." The words disappear, and TROGADOR in orange letters appears. Below are the options "START GAME", "SECRET CODE WORD", and "OPTIONAL OPTIONS". The first set of words light up, and we get taken to this screen....}

{cut to the hospital room seen in the last email. Trogador lays in the bed, holding the TrogPilot. Kray walks in.}

KRAY: Aye, Trog, you wanted to see me?

TROGADOR: Yeah, Kray, thanks for...coming. I wanted to talk....to you about the...email show.

KRAY: You're going on another long hiatus only to be explained with the main plot of one episode and then completely forgotten?

TROGADOR: No, not this time...I want you to...answer my next email...

KRAY: {pointing at the TrogPilot} Eww, I dun want'a touch that thing!

TROGADOR: My legacy must continue...in one way or...another. I trust you...to make sure that...that never happens.

KRAY: Fine, Fine, ah'll host your crappy indie show when eh get back home.

TROGADOR: {trying to sing} Don't you...forget about me...

{cut to Trogador's Nest. Kray walks in and stops next to it. He awkwardly crawls into it and takes the TrogPilot out from under his jacket.}

KRAY: Ahh...uhh...check check chex czech?

KRAY: What the...? No, mate, I dun want any, I don't want any!

{Kray throws the TrogPilot towards the door.}

SOMETHING OFFSCREEN: {growls}

{The camera pans over to show that a white cheat is standing there. The TrogPilot is next to him.}

KRAY: Aye, little fella! Where'd ye come from?

{The The Cheat points at the TrogPilot.}

KRAY: Yeh, that dun't make a lick uh sense, but who am I to point things like that out? Wha's yer name, li'l pal?

{The The Cheat spits up an Astromund head.}

KRAY: Yeah...uhh...I'll just call ye Kojak. Alright, Kojak? Alright.

{Kray leaves the room. Kojak growls again.}

{cut to The Living Room. Master Z sits on the couch. Kray walks in and sits down next to him.}

KRAY: Is this all ye do? Watch TV?

MASTER Z: Um...yes...certainly. It's not like I'm planing to overthrow Trogador and enslave you all as minions as I try to reclaim my throne as the Master by searching around for the engine room of this floating temple which I can't find...or anything.

KRAY: Alright then.

MASTER Z: Speaking of absolutely nothing at all, where are the other jerks that live in this house?

KRAY: Lesse...Trogador's in the hospital, probably dying. John's locked up in'is Lab, trying to prevent dom'nation or some crap like that. I dunno where Clyde went to, and Drew's off pettin' that white The Cheat that I found.

MASTER Z: White The Cheat?! Where?!

KRAY: Off in Trog's room, layin' around and spittin' up heads. His name's Lowtax.

DREW (VOICE ONLY): {to Kojak, also offscreen} Oh, aren't you just a pretty little white monster? Yes you are, Kojak, yes you-

{Growling and the breaking of a lamp is heard.}

DREW (VOICE ONLY): OH NO! OH WINNER, SOMEBODY, HELP ME PLEASE! ARGH, HE'S GOT-HE'S GOT MY ARGH!

{A few seconds later, Master Z yawns. Kray scratches his head.}

{cut to The Lab. Lowtax is in a small blue box, growling, with a large microscope over him. The microscope has a red lever on the side. John sits on a stool, looking through the lens. A large computer is on the wall next to him. Kray, Master Z, and a Drew in a wheelchair and full body cast stand next to it.}

JOHN: Alright, I think I've examined enough of our little friend here...

{John pulls the lever and the computer turns on. A picture of Kojak shows up on the screen.}

JOHN: Alright, so this little guy is a white The Cheat. Some may call him an albino The Cheat, but there's a small difference between albino The Cheats and white The Cheats. Albino The Cheats are just normal yellow The Cheats with white fur. They still remain playful and jolly. Now, this is a white The Cheat. Very bad stuff. White The Cheats are a separate kind of The Cheat altogether. They lack the playfulness other The Cheats have. Instead of going off on a lecture explaining all the differences, I'll just say that white The Cheats are the closest we'll probably ever get to being pure evil.

KRAY: Didn't seem evil to me when I saw 'em!

JOHN: Well, did he do anything peculiar? Maybe he's also a master of subtlety.

KRAY: Well, he did cough up a head...

JOHN: Yeah, normal people don't do that. Speaking of strange people, where's Clyde?

{Lowtax starts to gag. After a few seconds he spits Clyde out of the box.}

CLYDE: What the crap is that thing? It's scarred me so much that I can't even think up a pop culture reference!

MASTER Z: It's pure evil, although I would not have expected it to come in the form of a furry white plush toy...

{Lowtax growls.}

DREW: Can we please get me to a hospital or something? I'm aware that this cast is just some marshmallows smeared on me.

JOHN: I'll take you there.

{John wheels Drew out.}

KRAY: Well, as head of household, I say that-

CLYDE: Who promoted you, pigface?

KRAY: Trog, bless 'is heart, left me in charge of his stupid li'l indie show!

MASTER Z: That doesn't mean you run this temple, you stupid-

KRAY: He who owns the small remo' thing comman's ye all!

MASTER Z: That's not an official-

KRAY: Boy, don't make me-you know what, screw it.

{Kray punches Master Z in the face.}

MASTER Z: Ow!
KRAY: Now meet me in the Dinin' Room.

{Kray walks out of the room.}

MASTER Z: I swear when I overthrow that dragon I'll destroy him first.

CLYDE: Cool, can I be your villainous son?

MASTER Z: I don't see why not. That's one cliche I haven't treaded on...that I know of...

{cut to The Dining Room. Kray, Master Z, and Clyde sit at the table.}

KRAY: Alright, so I assume ye're all wonderin' why I called this meetin'...

MASTER Z: Undoubtedly. Why would we hold a meeting about a locked up animal in a room far away from the one said animal is locked up in? Wouldn't we want to keep the rabid animal contained?

KRAY: ...uhh...er...a...?

{A loud crashing noise is heard. John is heard screaming inaudibly. The three run out to The Living Room. At the scene, John is fending off a foaming-at-the-mouth Kojak with a lamp.}

JOHN: {pushing Kojak away with the lamp} Back! Back! Stay back, you little venomous-

KRAY: Come on now, the li'l guy isn't that bad!

{John backs up to Kray and throws the lamp at Kojak, who proceeds to nibble on it furiously.}

JOHN: What do you mean, he "isn't that bad"? Didn't you hear me diatribe?

KRAY: If ye get to know Kojak,-

JOHN: Don't name it! Naming things leads to affection, and when we kill it-

KRAY: Who says we're killing it?

JOHN: What, you want us to cozy up to the possibly end of our lives? Want to rub its belly, too?

KRAY: I am the head ah'this household and I say that Kojak ain't gettin' killed!

JOHN: How are you the head?

MASTER Z: Believe me, you don't want to hear his argument. It's riddled with fallacies and holes and-

KRAY: Shut up! I'm declarin' a civil war. Whoever wants te'h be with me, the true captain of this ship, stand where ye are. Whoever wants to side with this traitor, go sit on the couch.

{Master Z and Clyde both go ti sit on the couch. John walks over to them.}

MASTER Z: Sorry old chap, but you've had it coming ever since you punched me in the face.

CLYDE: And I'm his entourage!

KRAY: This is madness! I'm the leader!

JOHN: Sorry, Kray, looks like your own crew doesn't want you.

KRAY: So...it's mutiny, iz'zat? No matter! I, Kray Krew Kravenbeard, shall take Kojak as my crew and sink all of ye!

{Trogador walks onscreen, unhurt.}

TROGADOR: So, you're KKK?

KRAY: Yes, why is that notable?

TROGADOR: It's a defunct organization from hundreds of years back!

{There is a pause.}

TROGADOR: Come on, dated references are cool!

{There is another pause.}

KRAY: Aren't ye supposed to be in intense physical pain?

TROGADOR: {strokes chin} Hmm. Good point.

{Trogador diaappears. Kojak shuffles over to Kray.}

KRAY: With the Ghost of Homeschool Winner as my witness,-

MASTER Z: Put a rest in the whole "cursing us" schtick already!

JOHN: Yeah, if you don't mind, we want to watch TV.

KRAY: Alrigh'! {screaming} But revenge is imminen'! Imminen' I say!

{Cut to Kray's Room. It is a wooden room with a fireplace, a picture of a ship above that, and a bed built to look like a ship. Kray sits at a small wooden table, holding a map. Kojak is nibbling on the floor.}

KRAY: Alright, so those fiends 'ave three rooms for their plannin': The Livin' Room, The Lab'ratory, and Z's Room. We'll 'ave to strike all of 'em to teach those curs a lesson.

KOJAK: {growls}

KRAY: Great idea! If we can take The Livin' Room first, we 'ave good access to the others and Clyde!

{cut to the hospital room. Trogador sits on the bed. The camera pans over to see Drew, in the wheelchair and wearing a cast, next to him.}

DREW: Hey Mr. Trogador!

TROGADOR: {wheeze}....what.

DREW: Just checking in!

TROGADOR: Where are all the....hitmen when you need...them...

{cut to Clyde sitting at his computer. Suddenly, a spear flies above Clyde from the left and hits his monitor. The monitor explodes and Clyde is sent flying backwards. He lands at Kray's feet. Kojak is gnawing on Kray's left arm.}

CLYDE: What the crap was that!?!

KRAY: That'll show yeh not to be a traitor!

CLYDE: {screaming} You destroyed my computer because you're an idiot that thinks this is a pirate shop!?!?

KRAY: Now that we have 3 men, yes, we do qualify fer a ship!

CLYDE: I swear to whoever's listening, the next time you turn your back I'll-

KRAY: Shut up, cannonboy! We have a ship to sink!

{cut to Z's Bedroom. The walls are covered by bookshelves which are filled with, unsurprisingly, books. A burning fireplace is in the center of the room. Z sits in a writer's armchair next to the fireplace, with a polar bear rug on the floor next to him. He is wearing a purple bathrobe. Kray walks in and puts a gun up to his head.}

MASTER Z: Oh, come on now, you can be more evil than this!

KRAY: Either join my ship or ye get a silver bullet straight to the head.

MASTER Z: Hmm, an offer I can't refuse. But I will. I doubt that that gun is even loaded.

{Kray grunts for a few seconds and then throws the gun into the fire. He walks out. Cut to The Lab. John is writing down in a notebook when Kray walks in, holding a spear. Kojak shuffles behind him, growling.}

JOHN: I knew you'd come.

KRAY: Surrender yer fleet or taste my spear!

JOHN: {turns around} Haven't you realized yet that that The Cheat is gonna be the end of you?

KRAY: Kojak is a fine, upstandin' citizen!

JOHN: Look what he did to your arm! And now that he's got a taste, he's probably gonna devour you in your sleep...

KRAY: It can' be true! Just can' be! Kojak wouldn't betray me like that...

JOHN: Hey Kojak, don't you think Kray is delicious? Eat him!

{Kojak nods and pounces onto Kray. He starts to gnaw at his head.}

KRAY: I think I see what you mean...

{cut to Bubs's Wares. Bubs is sitting at the desk when Kray walks up to him, carrying Kojak, who is wearing a muzzle and trying to get out of it.}

KRAY: Hey Bubs, I have a...uhh...coffee...washer...for ya.

{He puts Kojak on the desk.}

BUBS: You sure that's a coffee washer, pig man?

KRAY: It's free...

BUBS: Sold! Sucker! This is a fine grade coffee washer!

{cut to the hospital room. Drew is talking to Trogador.}

DREW: ..so then me and my Mom went to visit Aunt Margaret at her house but along the way we stopped at a gas station to get gas and I had to go to the bathroom so I did and while I was in there I picked up some candy and it cost $2.30 and...
TROGADOR: {muffled screams}

THE END!

Fun Facts

  • The song Trogador tries to sing while in the hospital in Don't You (Forget About Me) by Simple Minds, a song from the final scene (and written for) Wiki:The Breakfast Club.
  • The KKK lines are a few of many written by Chwoka.
Other Character Email Trogador

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