Other Character Email Trogador/dwelling

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The New Trogador Adventures

Episode 004: Dwelling
Trogador takes us on a tour of his home, but when he realizes it sucks, him and Bubs do some home improvement. Starring Tim Allen as Trogador and Clyde as Wilson, the Chinless Neighbor.

Transcript

{cut to black screen that says "IN A.D 20X8". The screen then changes it's text it to "A BORED DRAGON ANSWERED EMAILS AND GOT A GREAT QUESTION. NOT REALLY. THAT DRAGON IS..." The words disappear, and TROGADOR in orange letters appears. Below are the options "START GAME", "SECRET CODE WORD", and "OPTIONAL OPTIONS". The first set of words light up, and we get taken to this screen....}

{cut to Trogador's Nest.}

TROGADOR: Ahh...email. The way of the future!

{Trogador pulls out the TrogPilot.}

TROGADOR: Alright, Zippypuhplatypus, that's a good question! You viewers at home have been getting glimpses at my house since the very first email, but I think that a tour is in order!

{cut to the front door of The Temple. In GLORIOUS shakycam, Trogador opens the door from the inside.}

TROGADOR: What's up my vanilla beans? Come on in to the Forty Second and Three Quarters Dynasty Temple, 'cuz this is Cribz.

{Cribz in pink letters appears at the bottom of the screen, then disappears. Trogador awkwardly does the "gangsta" sign and then retracts it.}

{cut to The Entryway. It's just a normal entryway with a closet to the side and a few hallways leading out. Clyde sits in the middle on top of hat box in the middle of a blow-up pool. Clyde is spittign out water.}

TROGADOR: On your left is my closet...that's where all my shoes go.

TROGADOR: Then in the middle, I'm not classy enough to have a real fountain, but sometimes Clyde likes to stand in here and spit stuff.

{Clyde spits at the camera. The Cameraman rubs the water off.}

TROGADOR: He likes you!

CAMERA MAN: Err...sure...anyways, T-Bone, tell us how your palace got that name.

TROGADOR: What, the FSTQDT (pronounced fuss-tack-quad-tuh)? Oh, I guess some weirdos that worhsipped me or something lived here. I escaped from my prison-

CAMERA MAN: You were in prison?

TROGADOR: Well, I had a wheel to run on and some cedar chips, but yeah, it was terrible. Anyways, after I escaped, some weirdos took me hostage and brought me up here to worship me.

CAMERA MAN: Uh-huh. And where are they now?

TROGADOR: I payed back the favor by sacrificing them to the "Great Trogador". They had it coming, all those lobster dinners were sub-par!

{cut to The Living Room. Kray is sitting on the couch, watching TV.}

TROGADOR: This is where everybody just chills and maxes and relaxes and other things ending in "axes".

CAMERA MAN: Who's the ugly guy on the couch?

KRAY: Hey, ah'll have you know that I am a very handsome Kerrek!

TROGADOR: He really is quite ravishing amongst his kind.

{cut to The Dining Room. It's your standard dining room with a long table.}

TROGADOR: This is where we dine.

CAMERA MAN: Shocking!

{Trogador continues to walk into The Kitchen. Drew is stirring something in a bowl.}

TROGADOR: This is where the green guy from another dimension makes all my food.

DREW: You didn't tell me I was gonna be on camera! My hair is a mess!

TROGADOR: You're a mothman with a Cthulhu head, Drew! You don't have hair!

DREW: You could have at least told me!

{Trogador walks through The Kitchen and outside to a balcony.}

TROGADOR: Let's skip the stairs and take a flight today!

{Trogador picks up Camera Man who proceeds to scream. The two fly off the balcony going up and get aerial shots of the temple. They land on the tallest balcony and walk into the room: Trogador's Nest. The camera is shaking.}

TROGADOR: This is my nest, where I do all the sleeping and occasionally dreaming!

CAMERA MAN: Th-that's gre-great.

{cut to The Lab. John is busy at work, tinkering with a ray gun.}

TROGADOR: And this is where the smart guy does all the smart stuff!

JOHN: Trog, I'm not in any mood for your antics right now.

TROGADOR: Come on, John, we're gonna be on TV!

JOHN: I'm warning you, Trog!

TROGADOR: Just say something to the camera!

{John picks up the ray gun and shoots it at Camera Man. Camera Man falls back with the camera pointing to the ceiling.}

{cut to a stall in the middle of a field in Challenge City. A Bubs like-figure is behind the stall, with the only difference being that the man is wearing goggles. A flickering, neon-light sign above the stall says "BUBS'S WARES". Trogador is sitting there, talking to Bu.}

TROGADOR: I tell ya, Bubs, people in this city are jerks! They won't air my show because "my house sucks" or something...

BUBS: Well, to be honest, dragon, your house is an old temple that's falling apart.

TROGADOR: I know, but still...

BUBS: So, what'll it be today, dragon?

TROGADOR: I figure I could spice up my house with some wallpaper. You got wallpaper?

BUBS: Wallpaper? That's how you expect your house to get awesome? Man, no wonder your place is terrible! Listen, I got a bunch of crap in the back that nobody's gonna buy. We can use that {Bubs takes out a piece of paper} and this list to spruce things up.

{Bubs hands Trogador the list.}

Indoor swimming pool
Basketball court
Airport
Movie theater
Cross-mansion waterslide
Room made outta cheese

TROGADOR: Airport? Water-slide? Cheese room?

BUBS: Trust me, all the classy folks got 'em!<br.

TROGADOR: Well...okay then. Give me the stuff, I'll fix up my house.

BUBS: Psh, heck naw! You think I'll let you use my wares improperly? I'm the one with taste, I'm coming along!

TROGADOR: You sure you want to leave your store? This is a bad part of town.

BUBS: There's nothing back here anyways, I keep a store for appearance purposes!

TROGADOR: Well then, let's go!

{cut to The Entryway of The Temple. Trogador is holding the blow-up pool from before while Bubs hammers on the ground.}

TROGADOR: Hey, it turns out I already have an indoor pool!

BUBS: {looks up from hammering} Psh, that ain't no indoor pool. Now, a below ground stretch from here to the wall, THAT'S an indoor pool.

TROGADOR: Why are you hammering at my floor?

BUBS: Gotta make the hole for the water!

{Bubs continues to hammer at the floor. After five hits he cracks through it.}

BUBS: There! We're halfway to your new pool, dragon!

TROGADOR: Uhh...okay...you want me to take over?

BUBS: No way, Joe-Say! Pool hammering can't be done bya anybody. It takes skill and you gotta be delicate!

{Bubs hammers on the floor loudly. After the third hit, the whole floor except what Trogador and Bubs are standing on shatters, leaving them on platforms.}

BUBS: Woo, this'll be one heck of a swimming pool!

{cut to the Living Room. Trogador walks in with the list.}

TROGADOR: Okay, so let's scratch swimming pool off...

{Bubs walks in behind him with a sack over his shoulder.}

BUBS: Don't feel bad, dragon, swimming pools are so last November! But the basketball court is sure to work!

TROGADOR: Alright, what do we have for the basketball court?

BUBS: Well, you can't play basketball without pavement, so I got a cement mixer!

{Bubs takes a cement mixer out of the sack.}

TROGADOR: Alright, I guess I'll do that part.

{Trogador takes the cement mixer and turns it on. He soon loses control and starts to zoom around everywhere.}

TROGADOR: BUBS! How do I turn this off?!?

BUBS: Don't worry, it'll turn off on its own when you're done!

TROGADOR: Done what, cementing the entire room?

{The cement mixer suddenly stops. Everything in the room is frozen in cement, save for Bubs and Trogador.}

TROGADOR: Now the entire room is covered in cement! Some basketball court this is...

BUBS: You're just looking at it all wrong, dragon! That couch, the chairs, what we have here is a good game of obstacle basketball! Now let me just get the stuff out...

{Bubs takes out a hoola-hoop and two buckets. He sets the hoola hoop down in the center of the room and hangs the two buckets right next to each other on a wall.}

TROGADOR: Uhh, Bubs, aren't the baskets supposed to be away from each other?

BUBS: {angrily} Do you even know how to play obstacle softball?

TROGADOR: Basketball?

BUBS: Tomato potato!

{cut to The Garden. The Garden is on top of one of tbe lower roofs. It's like the outdoor gardens you'd find in NYC.}

TROGADOR: Why are we up?

BUBS: Dragon, you don't get anything, do you? This is where the airport is gonna be! See, you got a desk over there for buying tickets -

{the camera cuts to an overturned box that Clyde sits at.}

BUBS: -and a strip over there!

{the camera cuts to a line of black pieces of paper set down. A long cardboard box in a wagon that says "AIRPLANE" on it is at the strip. Kray, John, and Drew sit in it.}

BUBS: You wanna take a first class test drive?

TROGADOR: What's first class?

BUBS: You get to push!

{Trogador comes up behind the "airplane" and starts to push it. He pushes it off the strip and the "airplane" starts to drop.}

KRAY: Aye, Trogador! Use yer wings to save us!

TROGADOR: Oh, right! I forgot about those!

{Trogador starts to fly upwards and lets go of the "airplane". The "passengers" continue to fall while Trogador flies up.}

{cut to a dark room. 5 rows of chairs sit in front of a big screen. A popcorn machine is in the corner with Bubs standing at it. Trogador walks into the room.}

TROGADOR: Alright, I'm pretty sure they'll all have amnes-hey, what's this?

BUBS: This is your brand new movie theater, dragon!

TROGADOR: Wow, this is...nice and professional! I'm ready for the true theater experience!

BUBS: You wanna see a show?

TROGADOR: Uhh...sure. One for Stinkoman With a Vengeance.

BUBS: {hands Trogador the ticket} Anything else?

TROGADOR: I'll take a medium popcorn.

BUBS: Sorry, popcorn machine's broke.

TROGADOR: Oh. Well, then I'll have a Diet-

BUBS: Soda's broke too.

TROGADOR: Oh...okay then. I guess I'll go see my movie.

{Trogador goes to sit down in a chair. The movie starts: Stinkoman is inside of a payphone talking on the phone.}

MAN ON PHONE: Why did the chicken cross the road?

STINKOMAN: Was he asking for a CHA-CHA-CHA-CHA-CHA

TROGADOR: Hey, this movie's skipping! And the floor's all sticky! And my cupholder is broke!

BUBS: You said you wanted the true theater experience!

{cut to The Lab. Bubs is spraying cheese spray all over the walls. Trogador walks in.}

TROGADOR: What the-? Why are you spraying cheese all over the walls? And where's my water slide?

BUBS: I didn't have the building materials so I had to improvise for your room made outta cheese!

TROGADOR: Well, where's my water slide?

BUBS: Eh...you want me to install tubs going all through and out of your palace, you go get somebody else to do it.

TROGADOR: Bubs, just get out.

BUBS: What? But I'm not done with my cheese spray!

TROGADOR: Just leave!

BUBS: {walking out} Fine, you {mumbling} razzle frazzle...ding-dong...dragon...

TROGADOR: {looking around} Man, this is gonna take a long time to clean up...

{Suddenly, a ray gun shoots at Trogador, knocking him down. John walks up behind him.}

JOHN: First you leave me to die, now you spray cheese all over my lab?

TROGADOR: John, hear me out!

{John continues to blast Trogador. The two run around in circles in the lab.}

THE END!

Fun Facts

  • The 20X8 TV show Cribz is a parody of the real-life show, Cribs (how original am I)
  • The "gangsta" sign is a turned peace sign IF YOU LIVE UNDER A HOODLUM-LESS ROCK
  • Bubs is meant to be a parody of the Final Fantasy character Sid, hence the re-appearing and goggles.
  • Stinkoman With a Vengeance is a parody of Die Hard With a Vengeance.
Other Character Email Trogador

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