Other Character Email Trogador/murder
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
Trogador Emails!
Board Game Parody!
Master Ralph has been assassinated at his fortress, and Trogador's men are suspected to have done it. However, it could have been anyone - Trogador, John, Jack Uno, A disgruntled Chorch, Harvax, or even Master S. himself...
Transcript
{cut to black screen that says "IN A.D 20X6". The screen then changes it's text it to "STICKMEN REIGNED SUPREME IN THE EVIL BUSINESS, WITH FIRST MASTER RALPH RETIRING FROM A LONG CAREER. HOWEVER, TRAGEDY SOON FALLS UPON HIM AND A CERTAIN ORANGE-ISH DRAGON..."}
{cut to Astromund Academy on The Moon. Inside, a tall, old sticklyman is walking through the corridors. A shorter sticklyman, wearing a white battle suit and a red cape, is walking beside him.}
MASTER RALPH: {the taller one} Yes, S, being the Master is a hard job. You have to be able to keep yourself ready for a surprise battle and a surprise board meeting. Not only that, but you gotta be good at making financ-iancial decisions and whatnot...
THE MASTER: Well, the best has taught me, sir...
MASTER RALPH: Boy, you can stop kissing up to me now...tomorrow, YOU'LL be the one commanding a horde of deathmachines on a helpless planet...
JACK UNO: {voice} Not so fast, suckers!
{Suddenly, Trogador runs into the room. Kray, John, Clyde, and Drew follow him in, with Jack towing beside him.}
THE MASTER: Who are you people?
TROGADOR: Well, I used to be Ralph's pet dragon but then I escaped from those chains....
KRAY: I'm one o' those renegade pirates you guys are still hunting down.
JOHN: I used to work for your science department.
CLYDE: No, I'm Spartacus!
DREW: I like cooking channels.
JACK UNO: ...and I'm an Astromund. I'm afraid I have to ask why the most hated man on the planet is at an enforcer academy.
MASTER RALPH: Oh, naive one. Not much. Just a sabotage. BOYS!
{Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Saargtsson, Nebulon, Liekand, An Ice Machine, and Harvax all...get into the room using their methods of transportation.}
LIEKAND: If this is about who took your pudding from the fridge at base, I can explain!
STLUNKO: You truly are lacking knowledge. There are obvious enemies in the area and we must have been summoned to destroy them.
HARVAX: {whispering to Ice Machine} What did he just say?
AN ICE MACHINE: Shoot everyone on the other side of the room.
JACK UNO: If you're aiming that gun at me, Harvax, I'm aiming mine at you. {aims a blaster.]
TROGADOR: Uhh, guys, this is all just a misunderstanding!
SAARGTSSON: Nobody hit me, I'm in my shedding phase!
CLYDE: C'MON HERE! WHERE'S THE SHOOTING?!?
{A Chorch walks into the room and goes up to a lightbulb at the top.}
THE MASTER: ...who are you?
THE JANITOR: I'm the Janitor. When something needs'a fixin', I'm the one that gets called. And this here lightbulb needs'a fixin', so I got called.
{The light goes out. A gunshot is heard. The light goes back on. Master Ralph is laying on the ground. Everyone gasps.}
THE MASTER: M-Master? What are you doing?
TROGADOR: I think he's dead...
CLYDE: Stand back everyone! I know CPR!
{Clyde rushes to where Master Ralph is. He gets out his phone and calls someone.}
CLYDE: Hey, Corey, there's a problem and-
{The Master slaps the phone out of his hands.}
THE MASTER: Moron! We need a doctor and fast!
TAMPO: I think the geezer died, New Master.
JACK UNO: Okay, moving on. Everyone in here is suspected for murder and various other crimes. If you'll all step into my shuttle, we can question each one of you and get a confession out.
{cut to Jack's shuttle. Everyone is waiting on a bench. Jack walks in.}
JACK UNO: Okay, so who's going to be questioned first?
HARVAX: {stands up} I lost the game so I have to. But I ask you this - can't a gigantic boulder survive a paper airplane crash?
AN ICE MACHINE: I already told you, Harv, NO! The only thing a boulder can survive is a circus scissor swallower and another boulder!
HARVAX: {punches Ice Machine down} LIAR! YOU RIGGED IT!
{cut to a shady looking office. Jack Uno sits in one chair while Harvax sits in another.}
JACK UNO: Okay, Harv. Tell me what happened.
HARVAX: Well, it all started about a month ago. I was trudging through the jungles around home base with that liar Ice Machine...
{cut to the two walking around in the jungle.}
AN ICE MACHINE: Dude, it's getting too hot. I don't think I'll be able to go on much longer...
HARVAX: Sissy. We're almost done mowing the lawn, just keep on going.
HARVAX: {narration} So we kept on walking...and then we guys got seperated. And I saw the most amazing thing.
JACK UNO: {narration} And this was?
HARVAX: {the jungle scene stops} A boulder rolling down the hill with an paper airplane hittign it! And it survived!
JACK UNO: {sighs} You can leave now.
{Harvax gets up and leaves. Liekand walks in.}
JACK UNO: Where's Ice Machine?
LIEKAND: He fainted from lack of cold over in there. Now, can we get this over with?
JACK UNO: Just tell me what you know.
LIEKAND: Well, not much. Nebby and Sarge over there walked into my store a week ago and bought a few suits, saying that there was "something big going on."....
JACK UNO: Hmm...call them in...
{Liekand leaves the room. Cut to the waiting room.}
LIEKAND: I ratted you guys out. Go in.
SAARGTSSON: Traitor! It was supposed to be a surprise!
{Sarge and Neb-1 walk into the room.}
JACK UNO: Do I get a confession out of you two?
SAARGTSSON: Okay, you got me....I was planning a surprise party for The new Master today, but we had to go here before that...
JACK UNO: Surprise party? You didn't murder Master Ralph?
NEB-1: That guy's dead?!?
JACK UNO: You both can go...
{cut to the waiting room.}
BRODY: Well, I guess that it's my turn...
TROGADOR: Sit down before I send you to Planet K Fried Chicken again!
{Brody sits down.}
TAMPO: Why are you bullying Brody? You know he's sensitive!
TROGADOR: {stands up.} Because I know EXACTLY what happened! And I'm going to tell that pompous Astromund!
{cut to the interrogation room. Trogador is sitting down.}
JACK UNO: So, Mr. Ador, tell me what happened.
TROGADOR: Alright. Earlier today, I was just checking my email and stuff when I get a certain one...
{cut to Trogador in the Temple. Trog is reading his TrogPilot.}
Dear Trogador What would a Trogador board game be like? It would be cool, but what woul the rules, goal, be and stuff? Thanksomuch, Dr. Toadsake
TROGADOR: A me board game? That game would suck! I'm not good at creating those things! That's why Peevesly isn't with us today...
CLYDE: Board games? We should play one of those things!
{cut to the boardgame closet. Nothing is in there. John is standing by Trogador.}
TROGADOR: Uhh, where's the games? I was gonna find the King of Candyland too!
JOHN: I placed a tracker on all of the board games, along with everything else, so let me check...{pulls a device out of his pocket.}
TROGADOR: Why do that?
JOHN: Clyde's a kleptomaniac.
{Clyde runs across the room holding a stolen lamp.}
CLYDE: Am not!
JOHN: Okay, so the board games are currently being held at the Astromund Academy. Let's go and get our games.
{cut back to Trogador sitting in the room.}
TROGADOR: ...and when we landed, you thought we were lite-brites...or something...
JACK UNO: I see. Do you know who killed Ralph, though?
TROGADOR: ...not really. But i would check out that shady janitor over there.
{Trogador runs out of the room and picks up Kray, John, Clyde, and Drew.}
TROGADOR: C'mon boys! We're escaping!
{Trogador crashes out of the shuttle and flies off. Jack runs into the room.}
JACK UNO: Curse you! Next time, Gadget! NEEEEEEEXT TIIIIME!
THE MASTER: I don't want to interrupt your reference, but isn't this thing going to crash?
JACK UNO: Uhh....maybe...
THE END
{cut to a black screen that says "GAME OVER." Options are "EMAIL" and "STAGE SELECT".}
| The Old Trogador Emails |
|---|
|
peasants | powers | ICDtHP | lottery | on the lam | cavoplane | monee hunt | big beefy arm | water powers | birdman |
|
worst attempt | no homers | murder | challenge club |
