Other Character Email Trogador/big beefy arm
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
Trogador Email Eight!
Premise: Freakanoid chases the Cavedude as he rampages through the high school...but that's on Freakanoid!, not Trogador Emails. On Trogador, John travels through the city asking about the mafia when he gets a startling question - how DID Trogador get his beefy arm? John puts his mission aside to find the startling truth!
Cast: Freakanoid, Cosgrove Z, Cavedude, Voice, Trogador, Peevesly, Kray, John, Metallic Chef, Chaz, Gregor The Gorgon, Narrator, Steel Man, Sailor Marz, Suddsuman, Bubs's Floating Head, The Bodyguardmanerson, Zoid, Dr. Doug Teegland, 2 X 2, The Cardboard Box Guy, Dragon Paul Z, Teeg Dougland, Arch Nemesis I
Contents |
Transcript
{cut to what appears to be the outside of a school building. Freakanoid, The Noid who has a blue face, a black and white lightning bolt hardo, and a red jumpsuit with his "N" symbol replaced by a "!". Coach Z wearing a police uniform is standing next to him.}
FREAKANOID: Say, Cosgrove Z, they said there was a big green guy attacking here...but I don't see the Hulk anywhere!
COSGROVE Z: Did you try the direction "charging right at you"?
FREAKANOID: Huh?
{Suddenly, Cavedude, a green colored caveman wearing a t-shirt and shorts, flies through the air and hits Freakanoid to the side. Cosgrove Z is just standing there.}
COSGROVE Z: When you're done with that, I want a can of hache and some coffee.
{the tape then ends and cuts to a picture of Voice in a recording studio.}
VOICE: Heya, everyone! Instead of you have to watch reruns of the great show Freakanoid! for a while, I have a surprise for you! It's a new Trogador Email! I went through all this trouble to show it to you, including knocking out the guy who was airing Freakanoid!, so you better like it.
{the old timey countdown begins. It stops at 2 and then shows a screen that says "PREVIOUSLY ON TROGADOR EMAILS...."}
{cut to everyone in the games room.}
TROGADOR: We're going to draw straws to find out who's going where!
{the picture cuts to Peevesly, who is standing there.}
PEEVESLY: Looks like I have the temple!
{The camera then cuts to John.}
JOHN: I have to go into the city.
{it then cuts to Kray.}
KRAY: {sigh} I have old haunted warehouse...
{then it cuts to Trogador.}
TROGADOR: Which means that...{gulp} I get the mafia hideout.
{it then cuts to Metallic Chef jumping with joy, holding straws in his hands.}
METALLIC CHEF: AND I GOT THE STRAWS!
{cut to Chaz and Peevesly, locked into the vault.}
CHAZ: It looks like we're locked in!
{cut to the Ancient Room. Everyone but Trogador is standing in there.}
JOHN: Peevesly, Trogador's gone missing.
NARRATOR: BA-DUN DUN DUN!
{A sign comes up that says "And now for today's episode: starring John!}
{cut to John walking in the hall.}
JOHN: Hmm...I have to go into the city, eh? The city's quite a while away though! How am I going to get there?
{Gregor The Gorgon, a guy with snakes for hair, walks by John.}
GREGOR: Heya, John! I'm just going to be washing Trogador's new car!
{A light bulb appears over John's head, but he tosses it away.}
JOHN: Do you know why these annoying light bulbs appear over everyone's heads?
GREGOR: I think it's because of those holes up there, but it's just a guess. I'm not paid to guess, anyways; I'm paid to wash cars!
JOHN: I hear that, brother! Say...do you know how I can get to the city very shortly?
GREGOR: Sorry, I don't. If you need me, I'll be washing Trogador's car.
{Gregor walks off. A few seconds later, an expression on John's face that says he has a plan appears. He then runs off the screen.}
{cut to Gregor washing the car. The snakes on his head are scrubbing while he puts the water down.}
GREGOR: Oh, cleanin' a car in the mo'ning, mo'ning...
{suddenly, John runs into the room and jumps into the car. He then drives away.}
GREGOR: Hey! That wasn't clean yet!
{cut to a zoomed out picture of the Temple, floating in the skies. In a few seconds, the red sports car, represented as a red dot, pops out of it and flies down to the ground, heading to the left.}
{cut to John in the field, driving the sports car.}
JOHN: Okay, when I had the idea, it seemed like a good one, but now, it's really bad!
NARRATOR: Why's that, John?
JOHN: I don't know how to drive this thing!
NARRATOR: Oh really, now?
JOHN: Yeah really now!
NARRATOR: No way!
JOHN: Uhh...yeah way.
NARRATOR: Oh, oic.
JOHN: Now, do you know how to work one of these things?
NARRATOR: First of all, put your hand on that wheel.
{John puts his hand on the steering wheel.}
JOHN: Okay, got that.
NARRATOR: Move it around to control it.
{The car starts to move as John turns the wheel.}
JOHN: It's not letting me go any slower!
NARRATOR: Easy there, Dan! Take some weight off of that thing you’re putting your foot on!
{the car then starts going slower.}
JOHN: Thanks.
NARRATOR: Hey, it's like the more you know, right?
JOHN: Wait...did we just turn into an educational show?
NARRATOR: I think so.
{cut to Voice sitting down , flicking through the channels on the television with his remote.}
VOICE: Let's see....The Adventures of Paul isn't new, nor is that Soda Popinski biography...aha! The Trogador Show! From zero o' clock to zero thirty! Rating: zero! Genre...hey, what is this? It says educational! I'm gonna have to do sum' bou' dis'!
{Voice gets up and walks off screen. When he walks back, he has a large dimension machine that he sets down. he then ties a rope around his waist and ties it to the television.}
VOICE: This dimension machine should work...
{Voice jumps into it.}
{cut to John driving the car. Suddenly, a warp hole appears above the car and Voice falls out of it. He lands in the car and pulls off the steering wheel.}
VOICE: We don't need this to get ratings!
JOHN: AHH! Who are you and what are you doing?
VOICE: Pulling off the thing you're putting your foot on!
{Voice jump down and tears the thing out.}
JOHN: You're insane!
VOICE: Oh really?
JOHN: I already went over this!
VOICE: Well excuse me princess...{Voice does a back flip and ends up going back into the warp hole.}
{cut back to Voice's realm. He flies out of the dimension machine, turns it off, and de-attaches the rope.}
VOICE: Ahh...now that is settled....OMGASP! INTERFERING WITH ANOTHER DIMENSION CHANGED THINGS!
{cut to an out shot of Voice's house. You can see him via a window. The house is being picked up by a large number o’ gigantic tentacles.}
VOICE'S VOICE: I have a window now!
{cut back to John who has no control of the car. It is blazing out of control.}
NARRATOR: Hey, what did I miss?
JOHN: Some psycho just broke off all the vital parts to this car!
NARRATOR: OH R-
JOHN: {shouting} DON'T EVEN START!
NARRATOR: Sorry, sorry.
JOHN: Its okay. Do you have any advice on what to do?
NARRATOR: Kiss your head goodbye, kid, because this car is going to crash and jumping out will get you nowhere.
JOHN: That's great advice...
NARRATOR: Why thank you.
{cut to what appears to be a few moments later. The car is crashed into a fire hydrant(yes, they still have those) and is slanting upwards. John is still sitting in it.}
JOHN: That was so actiony and dangerous I think the network censors will cut it.
NARRATOR: Well, now that that daring escapade is done with, how about you actually do what you're here for?
JOHN: Huh? Oh, yeah, the questioning thing.
{John jumps out of the car and starts walking on the city sidewalk. Suddenly, something from above hits him in the head.}
JOHN: Ow! What was that?
{John looks down and notices that it's none other than...The TrogPilot? Yes! Peevesly got the address wrong and it ended up in the city! John picks it up.}
JOHN: Huh...it's the TrogPilot! Wonder what it's doing falling out of the sky, though...
NARRATOR: Hey, the thing's glowing. Maybe it has new messages?
JOHN: Hey, it does. I'll just open up this email and read it then!
NARRATOR: But that's illegal and immoral John!
JOHN: Morals are for men who don't stay up all night trying to perfect Schlockenstein...
NARRATOR: Do I want to know?
JOHN: Hush! I'm reading the email!
Dear Trogadora, It's kind of odd that you have a big, beefy arm sticking out of your neck. Did you ever have a serious injury that required such an unorthodox treatment? -Thatkidsam
JOHN: Hey, that is a good question, Tee-Kay-Ess! Do you know, Narrator?
NARRATOR: How Trog got his beefy arm sticking out of his neck? Dunno. Why don't you ask him?
JOHN: Hey, that's a great idea!
{John pulls out his cell phone and dials Trogador's number. The screen then gets diagonally split in half. One half shows John waiting around talking into the cell phone and the other half shows Trogador running through a poorly lit hall with a look that says "Oh, crap" on his face. Trogador's cell phone rings so he takes it out and answers it.}
TROGADOR: Hello?
JOHN: Hey, Trog, it's me, John.
TROGADOR: May I ask why you're calling me at this hour?
JOHN: Your TrogPilot landed on top of my head and it has an email.
TROGADOR: Shoot then.
{the sound of a bullet being shot from Trogador's side is heard.}
TROGADOR: AHH! NOT YOU!
JOHN: It says "Dear Trogadora-
TROGADOR: {mumbling} I told people to quit calling me that.
JOHN: It's kind of odd that you have a big, beefy arm sticking out of your neck. Did you ever have a serious injury that required such a serious treatment?
{Trogador's expression changes to that of a worried and shocked combo.}
TROGADOR: I was born with it okay good got it.
JOHN: But Trog-
TROGADOR: Listen, I have to go now! See you later!
{Trogador turns off his phone and the screen goes back to a whole picture.}
NARRATOR: Now are you suited?
JOHN: No. Trogador's answer didn't seem right...I guess I'll have to get to the bottom of this!
NARRATOR: But you have a mission! You have to ask around!
JOHN: The mission can wait. I'm going to ask around on how Trogador DID get that big beefy arm in his neck!
NARRATOR: You do that. The author thinks he's going overboard on these fourth wall breaks so I'm-a leave now.
JOHN: Kay. Bye. Now, where should I go first....
{cut to an alleyway. Steel Man is in it. John walks up to him.}
JOHN: Hey, you're Steel Man, right?
STEEL MAN: IT WOULD APPEAR SO.
JOHN: I have a few questions: one, can you turn down your volume a wee bit?
STEEL MAN: {quieter and more normal} Sorry about that. I keep on forgetting I leave it up.
JOHN: It's okay. Now, my question is: do you know how Trogador got his beefy arm in his neck?
STEEL MAN: Trogador? The big dragon guy that my brother hates?
{John nods.}
STEEL MAN: I dunno. Maybe he was lifting weights when he dropped it on his...neck or something?
JOHN: Well, he IS clumsy....
STEEL MAN: Don't take my word for it - last time somebody did there was an earthquake. I suggest you go to the docks. The sailors there know stuff.
{cut to a dock area. Sailor Marz is is sitting on a crate and John walks on screen.}
JOHN: Hey, you - do you know where the sailors are?
SAILOR MARZ: I AM one of the sailor. We're a different kind of sailor.
JOHN: Oh. Well, I have a question: do you know Trogador got his big beefy arm in him?
SAILOR MARZ: That big dragon boy that that annoying guy Stinkoman fights a lot? I don't know, maybe he was...playing a sport or something and he...fell?
JOHN: Hm. Trog DOES suck at sports....
SAILOR MARZ: I don't know this kind of stuff, but I know a guy who does.
JOHN: Who?
SAILOR MARZ: They call him "Suddsuman". He mopes around the park on a bench and fights against the pidgeons all day. He's really smart, so he's bound to know it.
{cut to a park. There is Suddsuman sitting on a bench, moping around, when John walks onscreen. Suddsuman is the 20X6 form of Strong Sad.}
JOHN: Hey. Are you Suddsuman?
SUDDSUMAN: Yeah, sure....whatever.
JOHN: Well, I have a question.
SUDDSUMAN: Yeah?
JOHN: How did Trogador get his beefy arm attached to his neck?
SUDDSUMAN: How do you expect me to know? My answer for that is: go ask Bubs!
{cut to a small lot in between two gigantic skyscrapers - Bubs's is there, still standing, grass and all. Instead of Bubsuke, however, Bubs's Floating Head in a jar is at the stand. John walks up to the stand.}
BUBS: Heya John! What can I get ya for?
JOHN: Hi, Bubs. I want a milkshake and some answers.
{Bubs hands John a milkshake.}
BUBS: Now, about those answers: what is your question?
JOHN: How did Trogador get his big beefy arm?
BUBS: I don't think I'm legally allowed to say that, but you might wanna try the emperor! He has records of this stuff!
JOHN: Got it.{starts walking away}
BUBS: Hey, you didn't pay for th-{sigh}
{cut to a big palace. John walks up to the gate, but is stopped by a Poopsmith esque character wearing high-tech armour and carrying a light-shovel, a lightsabre esque shovel.}
THE BODYGUARDMANERSON: {holds up a sign that says "Stop in the name of the law, son! What are you doing here?"}
JOHN: Do you guys now how Trogador got his beefy arm?
THEBODYGUARDMANERSON: {holds up a sign that says "NO! GO AWAY!}
{cut to John walking on the sidewalk.}
JOHN: Well, that was entirely uninformative. Maybe I should-
{John dissapears in a blip.}
{cut to a laboratory esque place. John suddenly gets teleported there.}
JOHN: -do my missio-woah, where am I?
{John looks around and notices that it is the laboratory shown in email 2. There's even....GASP! Doug Teegland, the shor mad scientist? Yes it's true!}
DOUG TEEGLAND: Aha! I have finally managed to get you here, John!
JOHN: Habbil-a wha? Doug Teegland? But you're not real!
DOUG TEEGLAND: Why does everyone say that? Do you know who started the rumour?
JOHN: Err...on subject. Why did you bring me here?
DOUG TEEGLAND: Because, John, I need your brain. You see, I'm working on a new gigantic robot that will allow me to take over the world! I have gathered experts for my proect, and you are the final step!
JOHN: Hey, can't we negotiate here?
DOUG TEEGLAND: I'm listening.
JOHN: I want information - how did Trogador get his beefy arm? If I manage to get to you, I will get it. If I fail, though, you can have my brain. You'll be guarded by lasers. Deal?
DOUG TEEGLAND: DEAL! I'll win, and you'll end up like the rest of the losers!
{cut to a prison cell. Zoid(the 20X6 Noid), 2 X 2(The 20X6 Doreauxgard), The Cardboard Box Guy(a guy in a box), and Dragon Paul Z(a sayin looking verison of Paul The Magical Pair of Pants) are in it.}
{cut back to John and Doug. Lasers suddenly appear everywhere and Doug laughs. Hwever, soon enough, there is an explosion and all the lasers dissapear.}
DOUG TEEGLAND: Hey? What did you do?
JOHN: Nothing! I think...
{Suddenly, a man wearing maroon clothes walks out of the smoke caused from the explosion. He has metallic, spider like legs but a completely human upper-half. The man turns out to be...none other than Teeg Dougland! Doug's half-brother!}
TEEG: I did it, half-brother!
JOHN: Hey, you're Teeg Dougland!
TEEG: Yes; why yes I am.
DOUG TEEGLAND: GRAH! What are you doing here, Teeg?
TEEG: It was about time for your bi-montly evil plan to commence so I decided to stop by and stop it!
DOUG TEEGLAND: Agh! Now my plans are ruined! And this place will probably explode because you destroyed the security mainframe wall!
TEEG: I guess that means that we should get out of here!
{Teeg picks up John and runs off screen. Doug simply sighs and awauts the explosion.}
{cut to a sidewalk area. Teeg walks on screen and puts John dpwn.}
JOHN: Hey, thanks for saving me.
TEEG: No problem.
JOHN: But I have a question that STILL hasn;t been answered! How did Trogador get that big beefy arm attached to his neck?
TEEG: Hm? The arm? Oh, that. You see, when good ol' Troggie was a little kid, he slipped on a puddle and his neck started spilling out melted vanilla ice cream.
JOHN: Melted vanilla ice cream?
TEEG: Dragons bleed that. Anyways, he had to go to the hospital and they gave him his first beefy arm, attached to his neck. That happens normally with dragons of his type though.
JOHN: His type?
TEEG: You know too much already so I won't tell you that. But I will tell you something extremely important!
{Teeg takes out a small television screen. On it is a picture of Trogador trapped inside a cage of solid acid(they have that now) - his weakness! The camera then panels over to show a hawk like creature wearing Darth Vader esque clothing - all black and a black mask.}
ARCH NEMESIS I: Hello, whomever is watching this. Allow me to introduce myself - I am Arch Nemesis The First, and I have imprisoned your little friend Trogador here in a cage of solid acid - any fire dragon's weakness. Why have I done this? Simple. The Master, future ruler of the land, has politely asked me to get it done with and capture him. He practically walked into my trap, you know! But I shall not brag - I'm just letting you know that in less than 24 hours, Trogador will be gone. Tootles!
{the broadcast ends and so does the email. Cut to a black screen that says "DUN DUN DUNN!" in big white letters.}
NARRATOR: What will happen to Trogador? Will John be able to save him from his solid prison? Or will he perish? What will Teeg not reveal to John? And what happened to that red sportscar? Find out some of these on the next Trogador Email: {John's head pops up} Not starring John!
THE END!
Transcript
- Freakanoid! Is a parody of Freakazoid!.
- The Hulk is a famous comic book icon.
- The "Oh really?" conversation John and Narrator have is making fun of the O RLY Owl fad.
- Soda Popinski is a character from the game Mike Tyson's Punchout.
- "Schlockenstein" is a reference to Frankenstein.
- Pictures of some of the mentioned characters can be found at Dark Grapefruit.
- Sailor Marz is more well-known as Marzichan.
- DPZ's name is an obvious reference to Dragon Ball Z.
Easter Eggs
The Guys In The Cell
{click on John when the email is over to see what happened to the guys in the cell.}
{cut to the cell. It's is turned sideways and is on fire. it's in the middle of the road, too.}
2 X 2: Hey, did this place just explde us out of the sky or something?
DRAGON PAUL Z: I beleive so.
ZOID: Does that mean we're free?
THE CARBOARD BOZ GUY: {speaking in a nasally voice} No - we're still trapped behind these bars?
ZOID: Dag.
| The Old Trogador Emails |
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peasants | powers | ICDtHP | lottery | on the lam | cavoplane | monee hunt | big beefy arm | water powers | birdman |
