Other Character Email Saargtsson/recipe

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Contents

Overview

Saargtsson E-mail 15 - recipe

Summary - Definitely Not An Astromund is about to be cooked, so Saargtsson has his longest flashback yet.

Cast (in order of appearance) - Saargtsson, Nebulon, An Astromund, Chorch, Fiery-Hot

Page Title - This title is not a Nightwish reference.

Transcript

{Cut to Saargtsson at his Fiery 3X6 desk (yeah, I finally remembered to write this at the start of the e-mail...)}

SAARGTSSON: Master! Apprentice! E-Mail! Seventh seeker!

{He pulls up the e-mail on screen and reads it out loud. Like always. Seriously, though, tell me you already knew this...}

Snakeman,
I'm in a jam.
Can you please help me out?
-Definitely Not An Astromund

SAARGTSSON: {typing} You don't fool me, you are SO and Astromund... Oh, so you're about to be cooked into Astro-Jam, huh? Wow, do I feel bad for you. I do love Astro-Jam, though. Fiery-Hot has the best recipe for the stuff... it saved our lives on the last camping trip with Nebulon.

{Cut to a 20X6-style field at night. Nebulon, Saargtsson, Fiery-Hot, Chorch and an Astromund are all sitting around a campfire.}

NEBULON: All right, who's the idiot that forgot to pack our rations?

ASTROMUND: {burps} No idea.

CHORCH: Look, it doesn't matter now who was too busy prank-calling Fiery-Hot's cell to pack half of the food, or who ate the rest of it. The point is, if we don't get some food we're going to starve out here.

FIERY-HOT: He's got a point. And fortunately, I have a way to get us some of the best jam around, and all the ingredients can be found in the wild.

SAARGTSSON: Wait! Do you mean...

FIERY-HOT: I do!

SAARGTSSON: No!

FIERY-HOT: Yeah!

SAARGTSSON: No ways.

FIERY-HOT: No... really, I do.

SAARGTSSON: You totally don't!

FIERY-HOT: Um... yeah. Stop doing that.

SAARGTSSON: No way, nuh-uh, I don't believe it, totally not possible...

{He continues to say things like this as Fiery-Hot brutally ignores him and continues.}

FIERY-HOT: Yes, I do. And I just happen to carry the recipe around with me everywhere I go in my non-existent back pocket.

{He pulls an index card out from behind him.}

FIERY-HOT: We're going to have to get the ingredients fast, though, because most of them spoil once the timer at the top right of the screen that appears after you pick them runs out.

NEBULON: ...Huh?

FIERY-HOT: Never mind, I've just been playing too much Ocarina of Time.

NEBULON: Ocarina's on the what now?

FIERY-HOT: It's a game.

NEBULON: Game? What the crap?

FIERY-HOT: Okay, now you're doing it...

NEBULON: Doing? What? Are you still speaking English? It? What's that? Now... I'm totally not following...

{He also continues on like this, so now Fiery-Hot is talking over both Nebulon and Saargtsson as he reads off the recipe card.}

FIERY-HOT: Okay, since you two are the only ones left worth talking to, Chorch, I need you to collect one gallon of Robotic Tree Sap {as he says this, the words "Robotic Tree Sap" appear above his head in yellow font.}

CHORCH: How will I know I've got enough?

FIERY-HOT: Once it does this. {The words "Robotic Tree Sap (1 gallon)" appear over his head in the same font.}

CHORCH: Got it. {He floats off}

FIERY-HOT: Okay, Mr. Mund, you need to collect five pieces of Jaro Sugar {The words "Jaro Sugar" appear over his head in the same way as before when he says this.}

ASTROMUND: Jaro sugar?

FIERY-HOT: ...No, Jaro Sugar. {The words appear over his head again.} You need to get the words to pop up.

ASTROMUND: {Speaking particularly loudly} Jaro Sugar! {The words "Garoh Zugrr" appear above her head in red letters.}

FIERY-HOT: {sighing} Close enough. Off you go.

{The Astromund walks off.}

FIERY-HOT: {screaming at Saargtsson and Nebulon, who are still blabbering.} ONCE YOU TWO SHUT UP, GET THE FRYING PAN OUT OF OUR PACK, OKAY?! {he walks off, muttering.}

{Nebulon and Saargtsson go on for a few seconds until they both trail off.}

NEBULON: Were you listening to him?

SAARGTSSON: Nope.

NEBULON: Yeah, me neither.

{There is an awkward silence.}

SAARGTSSON: So... wanna play Saarg-ball?

NEBULON: Sure, how do you play?

{Cut to a single robotic tree in the middle of a field. After a few moments, Chorch floats onto the screen and looks up at the tree.}

CHORCH: Hmmm... {He knocks on the trunk with his hand} this metal is pretty thick. I'm gonna need something strong for this one...

{One of Chorch's hands turns into the end of a welding torch and a mask appears over his face. He makes a circle around the trunk and the top half of the tree falls off.}

CHORCH: Hm. You'd think the sap would be a little bit better protected...

{The camera pans to reveal a beaker full of sap on a pedestal where the tree trunk used to be. Chorch takes the beaker off the pedestal and begins to float off.}

CHORCH: Oh, wait... better make sure it's real.

{Chorch raises the beaker over his head. It starts to float and glow, and the words "Robotic Tree Sap (1 gallon)" appears over his head.}

CHORCH: Yup, that's it. {He floats off.}

{Cut to another section of the field where the Astromund is trying to talk to a Jaro.}

ASTROMUND: No, I said I need some of your SUGAR!

JARO: {In a monotone, robotic, badly-translated voice} Sugar. Does not computer. Request not understand.

ASTROMUND: Okay, how about... where do you keep your sugar?

JARO: No sugar for thou. Dis-compute. Requirement of to function.

ASTROMUND: SUGAR! WHERE IS THE SUGAR??

JARO: Brainbot of the sugar variety. Cannot operator without none.

ASTROMUND: What?! Oh, forget it... {She kicks the Jaro so hard that it falls over and the light on its screen goes out.}

JARO: {In a fuzzy, distorted voice} Doodoo Error! Doodoo Error!

{The Astromund removes the top disk on the Jaro's head. She puts her hand inside it and starts feeling around for it. She takes out a cube of sugar.}

ASTROMUND: They use sugar cubes for brains? ...That explains so much.

{She walks off screen, leaving the Jaro smoking and broken. The screen fades to black and the words "A Few Units of Time Later..." appear on screen. The screen fades back to the campsite, where Saargtsson, Fiery-Hot, Chorch and the Astromund are all sitting. A few ingredients with words floating over them are lying beneath Fiery-Hot's feet.}

FIERY-HOT: Okay, let's see what ingredients we've got... A Gallon of Robotic Tree Sap...

{The words appear over his head again.}

FIERY-HOT: Five pieces of Jaro Sugar...

{Again, the words appear over his head.}

FIERY-HOT: The ten Berrytant Berries I collected...

{ONCE AGAIN, the words appear over his head as he says them.}

FIERY-HOT: {Turning to Saargtsson} And did you and Nebulon get the frying pan? ...And where is Nebulon, anyway?

SAARGTSSON: Lying at the bottom of a cliff.

FIERY-HOT: ...Lemme guess... Saarg-Ball?

SAARGTSSON: Yeah. But here's the frying pan. {He tosses it to Fiery-Hot, who catches it.}

FIERY-HOT: {As the words "Frying Pan" appear in yellow over his head} Perfect. Now there's just one more ingredient.

CHORCH: What?

FIERY-HOT: Well, uh... it is ASTROMUND... Jam...

{Everybody turns to the Astromund. The words "Astromund - Ready to be cooked" appear over her head.}

ASTROMUND: Oh, snap...

{Cut back to Fiery-Hot at his desk, typing as he talks again with a half-empty jar labeled "Unca Stinko's Astro-Jam" lying next to the keyboard.}

SAARGTSSON: Ahhh... that's some good jam. Yeah... Oh, sorry. I was reminiscing. Yeah, so anyways, I think that flashback was so long that by now, you're probably already cooked, Mundman. So, uh... sorry. I can't do nuthin' for ya. {mumbling and no longer typing} Maybe if you got my name right...

{The Paper comes down, this time reading "The Paper (1) E-mail Saargtsson! (a lot)}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on Saargtsson any time after the flashback is over to see the words "Saargtsson (1)" appear over his head in the same manner as every other freaking time in this e-mail.
  • Click on the word "flashback" to see what happened to Nebulon...

{Cut back to the 20X6 field at the edge of a cliff where a metal sign that reads "DO NOT COME NEAR! IS NO GOOD FOR YOU!" is set up.}

NEBULON: {His voice is echoing up from the bottom of the cliff} Did I win the game? Hellooooo? Do I get bonus points? ...Or a trophy? A ribbon? A pizza? ...Is this because of my style?

Fun Facts

  • The page title was not a Nightwish reference.
    • The e-mail song was, though. Nyeah. It was a play on the song Wishmaster.
      • OMGTHEYGOTRIDOFTARJA!!!111 ;________;
  • Chorch mentions that he prank called Fiery-Hot, which he originally did in lava.
  • The whole thing Fiery-Hot said about a timer appearing that causes objects collected to spoil is something that happened when you collected items such as Biggoron's Eye Drops in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
    • Fiery-Hot also mentions the game. OMGCOPYRIGHTINFRINGEMENT!
  • The name of an item appearing over it is something that occurs frequently in video games, but it's also a joke used in, you guessed it, 8-bit Theater.
  • I also had a Jaro that spoke Engrish in stupid people.
  • Saargtsson originally played Saarg-ball with Gaspeau and Chorch in history lesson.
    • It also featured an Easter Egg in which they were at the bottom of a cliff.
  • "Doodoo Error" was in the page title for The System is Down.
  • I know this is sort of minor, but Strong Bad told The Cheat "I can't do nuthin' for ya" in theme park.

Links

Retrieved from "http://fanstuff.hrwiki.org/wiki/Other_Character_Email_Saargtsson/recipe"