Other Character Email Saargtsson/company

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Contents

Overview

Saargtsson E-mail 16 - company

Summary - fCon attempts to take over the Lava Zone and everyone in it with pie-related tactics.

Cast (in order of appearance) - Saargtsson, Fiery-Hot, Gaspeau, Chorch, Gokul (easter egg), Aussie Evil (easter egg), Sephiroth (easter egg)

Page Title - All the ladies in the house say "FIERY 3X6!!!" ...Come on, just say it. That's all I ask.

Transcript

SAARGTSSON: {growling} Jump, now, if you want it, an other E-mail awaits you.

Saargtsston:
Your area, "The Lava Zone", is intersecting with
fCon's Layer 5, Layer Level 02.
Please read the attached contract and blueprints for improvement.
My employees will be waiting for your descision.

CEO
Future Control Industries
PS: Our employees will be distinguishable by their purple name badges with the fCon logo.


SAARGTSSON: {typing} Oh, man, I heard about you, you heartless, HEARTLESS people! You're sucking all the Mako ener- oh, wait, that was somebody else. {he clears the screen and continues typing} Listen, Con of the Future, I was here waaay before you came here. Or at least before you sent this e-mail. So I'm sure that the improvments I'M working on are wayyyy more important than any you might have. In fact, I'm gonna go start... I mean, um... add on to those improvements now.

{Cut to Saargtsson standing just outside his house with his tail curled around a shovel. A large hole, big enough for him to fit in is next to him.}

SAARGTSSON: I'll show that F-ing Con place who can improve the most once I strike oil! And even if I don't, I'll at least have a world-class hole.

{Fiery-Hot walks on, wearing a purple fCon badge.}

FIERY-HOT: Saargtsson... what are you doing?

SAARGTSSON: Oh, just showing the F Convention how much I can improve... {turning to Fiery-Hot} Ummm... where'd you get that badge?

FIERY-HOT: This? Some Aussie guy's been handing them out in exchange for "eternal servitude" or something like that... I wasn't too sure what he meant, but he also said I'd get free pie if I took it.

SAARGTSSON: And did he happen to give you any orders?

FIERY-HOT: Yes, he put whipped cream on the pie in exchange for uh... {he takes out a clipboard and reads from it} "taking control of the Lava Zone from you".

SAARGTSSON: What?! How does he expect to pull this off, he couldn't even spell my NAME right!

FIERY-HOT: With all the pie that guy's got, he could probably legally change your name to Saargtsston.

{Saargtsson screams and runs away as Fiery-Hot examines the hole.}

FIERY-HOT: Oooh, this'll make a great addition to fCon's oil mines. It's world-class, even...

{Cut to Gaspeau's living room, which decorated stylishly with velvet curtains and a brown leather couch, where Gaspeau is knitting a curved sock. Saargtsson suddenly bursts through the door.}

SAARGTSSON: GASPEAU! I need your help, fCon is taking over my section of the Lava Zone and he's giving pie to everybody!!

GASPEAU: {Not even looking up, continuing knitting} And what do you expect me to do about it? I'm not doing anything until both my socks are done.

SAARGTSSON: But... but you helped me out in e-mail number 11...

GASPEAU: Yeah, and you still owe me for that. And besides...

{Gaspeau turns to reveal that he, too, is wearing a purple fCon badge.}

SAARGTSSON: No... not you, too... did he give you...

GASPEAU: Lemon meringue with vanilla ice cream on the side.

SAARGTSSON: {as he runs away, screaming} WHY HAVE ALL MY FRIENDS ABANDONED MEEEE??

GASPEAU: {calling after him} When did I become your friend?

{Cut back to outside of Saargtsson's house, where the hole he dug is now roped off and Chorch is standing outside wearing an fCon badge and a yellow hard-hat. The sounds of a bulldozer can be heard in the background. Saargtsson runs on screen.}

SAARGTSSON: Chorch! Chorch, what are you... {seeing his badge} No... no... you, too?!

CHORCH: Two slices of pecan and five of cherry.

SAARGTSSON: What are you doing?! Are you BULLDOZING my house?

CHORCH: It's not bulldozing so much as it is... knocking it down with a bulldozer.

SAARGTSSON: And how is that different?

CHORCH: I dunno, that's just what Aussie told me to tell you.

SAARGTSSON: But think of all I've done for you! Haven't I done more than gave you a couple pieces of pie?

CHORCH: You mean like trying to POUNCE on me, giving me the tickling virus, sending me a static shock through the phone, subjecting me to Tortan-torture, AND trying to throw me off a cliff?

SAARGTSSON: ...Yeah! That's more than giving you a couple pieces of pie.

{Chorch glares at him and signals to something off-screen. The screen commences to shake and the unmistakable sounds of Saargtsson's house getting bulldozed can be heard. A cloud of dust appears, and when it clears, all that remains of what was visible of Saargtsson's house is rubble.}

SAARGTSSON: {sobbing} You KNOCKED OVER MY HOUSE WITH A BULLDOZER!!

CHORCH: It has to be done, Saargtsston... in the name of pie.

{Saargtsson floats up and away, crying loudly. Chorch turns to look at the hole in the ground.}

CHORCH: {yelling to someone off-screen} Okay, get the drill out next! Aussie wants us to drill for Mako in that mine we found.

{Cut to a view of the ground in the Lava Zone, where a computer monitor has been drawn in the sand. Saargtsson's tail comes into view and begins writing in the monitor as he talks.}

SAARGTSSON: {between sobs} Well, Rufus, I guess you got what you wanted... I hope you're happy. Just... build a giant pizza over my house now, you... you... {He smears the writing with his tail and can be heard slithering off. The camera pans to reveal a picture of The Paper drawn in the sand, which reads "Where will Saargtsston go now? Tune in next week to find out! Or whenever LOTF stops being so lazy."}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "lazy" to see the fate of Saargtsson's "new" computer.

{Cut to the drawing in the sand of a computer. A Gokul can be seen bouncing up and down in front of it.}

GOKUL: {screaming, in a strange, slimy-sounding voice} WHY DOESN'T THIS KEYBOARD WORK??!

  • Click on a pebble on the ground to see Aussie Evil in a bad parody.

{Cut to fCon headquarters, where Aussie Evil is sitting at a large desk in front of a huge window.}

AUSSIE EVIL: With all of these areas under my control, the Promised Land will soon belong to me as well!

DISEMBODIED VOICE: Not so fast!

{Sephiroth suddenly leaps down and stabs Aussie with his freakishly huge sword, and then runs off.}

AUSSIE EVIL: {groaning} Oh, crap... I forgot about that part of the game. ...Medic?

Fun Facts

  • The page title is a play on the song Otherworld from Final Fantasy X
  • Mako Energy, the Promised Land, the big office that Aussie Evil was sitting in and Sephiroth stabbing Aussie Evil are all events/things from the game Final Fantasy VII
    • Saargtsson also mistakenly calls Aussie Rufus, the son of the original president of the Shinra company, which is very similar to fCon. And is from FF7.
    • "Pizza" is the nickname a character gives to the huge city the Shinra build on top of the town of Midgar during the course of the game.
  • A world-class hole is one of the improvements Strong Bad envisioned for Strong Badia in 2 years.
  • Saargtsson refers to how Gaspeau helped him impress The Master in master.
  • Chorch also mentions things Saargtsson did to him:
    • "trying to POUNCE on me" is from prank mail.
    • "giving me the tickling virus" is from TV.
    • "sending me a static shock through the phone" is from stupid people.
    • "subjecting me to Tortan-torture" is from master.
    • "trying to throw me off a cliff" is from history lesson.

Links

Retrieved from "http://fanstuff.hrwiki.org/wiki/Other_Character_Email_Saargtsson/company"