Other Character Email Saargtsson/stupid people

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Contents

Overview

Saargtsson E-mail 9 - stupid people

Summary - Various idiots come up to/e-mail Saargtsson.

Cast (in order of appearance) - Saargtsson, Fiery-Hot, Chorch, Poorbts, Gaspeau, My Benj, Jaro, Browntant, Gokul

Page Title - By now you should know it's a Fiery 3X6.

Transcript

SAARGTSSON: {singing} E-mail to the left and you e-mail to the right, I always e-mail people, {stopping singing} and the answers... usually... suck...

{He pulls up the e-mail and reads it word-for-word, as you people should know by NOW.}

Dear Saargtsson,
What do you do if someone
stupid like Stinkoman came up to
you?
Flamefully Yours,
Chris Con

SAARGTSSON: Hey, you've e-mailed me before, haven't you? Only last time you were a cooking spray. Did you get, like, re-constructive surgery or something? I hope it didn't cost too much, 'cause you still owe me your biggest, shiny-est power crunch.

{He clears the screen and continues}

SAARGTSSON: What would I do if someone stupid came up to me? Are you kidding? Plenty of people that are stupid have come up to me during the course of my e-mail show and it's millions upon mill-

{Fiery-Hot comes in and whispers something inaudible in Saargtsson's ear}

SAARGTSSON: Ahem. {As he says this, he deletes "millions upon mill-" before he starts typing again} eight other short and yet hilariously awesome e-mails. I mean, there's Chorch, {A photo of Chorch making a telephone call appears on screen, obscuring most of Saargtsson and his computer} and I sent him the biggest static shock through the phone in recorded history. {Another photo of Chorch being zapped while holding the phone appears} In fact, I think he's still being re-programmed by my {he clears his throat, and the photos disappear. On Saargtsson's screen there is no text until he types the following} HIGHLY TRAINED AND PROFESSIONAL AND NEW MEDICAL UNITS IN MY ARMY!!! WHICH I TOTALLY DIDN'T PURCHASE FROM THE LIEKAND AT AN OVERLY INFLATED PRICE... Yeah, I'm thinking of shortening the name of the army.

{Cut to a bunch of Poorbts punching a deactivated Chorch}

POORBT #1: How exactly is this bringing his memory back?

POORBT #2: We're... beating the sense back into him...?

POORBT #3: As long as we get to punch stuff, I don't care why we're doing it.

{Cut back to Saargtsson's computer}

SAARGTSSON: Let's see, who else that's stupid has come up to me... well, there's Gaspeau! {A trading card that looks like it could be used in an actual game with Gaspeau on it appears.} I mean, it's no secret what a shameless, pitiful SL-

{Gaspeau jumps in and cuts Saargtsson off}

GASPEAU: If you would just let me speak on my own behalf, I could prove to you people that I am one of the least slobby people on this Planet K.

SAARGTSSON: Oh, this oughta be a laugh. Why not... lead the way, O Captain my... uh, Slob!

{Cut to outside a different lava lair, that looks kind of like Saargtsson's but the lava is dimmer and the rock is smoother.}

GASPEAU: So, welcome to my domain! As you can see, the rock has been hewn so smoothly that you could rub your face on it, and the lava-

SAARGTSSON: Ah, yes, the LAVA. Just what exactly is this LAVA made out of?

GASPEAU: Well... molten rock, what do you-

SAARGTSSON: {interrupting} AH-HA! I knew it. I rest my case. You are the slobbiest link, good-bye. {He walks off, leaving Gaspeau standing alone for a few moments before the camera cuts back to Saargtsson's computer.}

SAARGTSSON: YA DIRTY 'SLOB!!!' ...Buuuut, anyways, Conman, besides all the stupid people that have come up to me, you would QUAKE WITH FEAR at the stupidly stupidous e-mails that I've gotten...

{Cut to a split screen. On one side is Saargtsson at his computer, and on the other is a My Benj at his computer, called an "Icy 6X3". As either one types, the text appears on both computers.}

MY BENJ: {pronouncing his misspelling correctly} Deer Syaargitzzsone, addiufddojoo0 evARZ DO T4th ithng wheeaer u aeeate Stinyiman1/1oen!1./?

SAARGTSSON: {pronouncing his misspellings literally} To which I can only respond: Suhrhut upaz nda givie ame alllayur pooweerur ckrusshkhs.

{Cut to another split screen, this time with Saargtsson on the other side at his computer, and a Jaro speaking in a mechanical, poorly-translated voice to a Browntant, and the words appear on his screen as the Jaro says them. Again, the words appear on both screens as both people type.}

JARO: Felicities, Saargtsson. When is the last of the timing in which you have calling the Gaspeau-style slob. Why is you are reason to doing that action.

SAARGTSSON: Well, you got the part about Gaspeau being a slob right. Just for that, I'll just ignore you instead of insult you, and only take three power crunches out of your bank account, which I have just traced through e-mail.

JARO: {To Browntant, who is no longer typing.} Oh noes. All our power crunch are belong to thems.

{The screen split changes one last time, this time with a Gokul slithering all over the keyboard of a "Slimy Lumpa Compy". Once again, the typing is mirrored on both screens.}

GOKUL: dear SAARGTSSON!!!!! i think you're a pretty good looking guy. Have you ever considered doing some modeling?

SAARGTSSON: dear MORON!!!!! i think you're a pretty stupid guy for sending me a Strong Bad E-mail clone. Do you KNOW what I do with SBECs?! {He proncounces it "sbeck"} Ohhh, Fiery-HOOOOOT!!

{The camera zooms out and Fiery-Hot walks into the room.}

FIERY-HOT: Let me guess... another SBEC?

SAARGTSSON: Yup. And you KNOW what I do with SBECs.

{They both nod and Fiery-Hot sprays fire all over the computer until the screen is somehow cleared}

SAARGTSSON: TOOOOOOOOOORCH IT!!!!

FIERY-HOT: {Stops breathing fire} You know, that can't be healthy for your computer.

SAARGTSSON: WHY do you think it's called the FIERY-

FIERY-HOT: {interrupting, annoyed} Stop talking in all caps!

SAARGTSSON: SORR...sorry. Anyways, it's fireproof. Why do you think it's called the Fiery3X6? I just like the idea of literally setting e-mails a-blazin'.

{Fiery-Hot turns to leave and the camera zooms back in to where it normally is.}

SAARGTSSON: There you have it, Christopher Conumbus. A whole lot of stupid people coming up to me, and me doing things to them. As for Stinkoman, you've already seen what I would do to him in the 20X6 game. You guys shouldn't need to ask that question by now. ...Uh, yeah. I don't know how to wrap this one up, so, uh... here comes that paper. {The paper comes down reading "Send Saargtsson an e-mail, and maybe he won't torch you!} We might have to replace that... don't want to be rippin' anyone off...

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "reconstructive surgery" at the beginning of the e-mail to see a picture of a guy with a cooking spray nozzle for a head.
  • Click on ARMY while Saargtsson is typing to see a badge for Saargtsson's new army, which reads "I am a member of Saargtsson's HIGHLY TRAINED AND PROFESSIONAL ARMY WHICH HE TOTALLY DIDN'T BUY FROM THE LIEKAND AT AN OVERLY INFLATED PRICE!"
  • Click on "Christopher Conumbus" to see what happened to Chorch.

{Cut to Pink Clouds One-Bee's, where Chorch is drinking a glass of lemonade. Three Poorbts are still standing around him punching him in various places.}

CHORCH: You know, Saargtsson already replaced my battery. You don't have to punch me anymore!

POORBT #1: Yeah, but now we've got nothing left to punch at.

  • Click on Stinkoman to see a picture of "Stinyman", which is my version of 20X6 The Cheat. HAH, I finally worked him into a cartoon.

Fun Facts

  • The e-mail song is based on a joke from the Faily Oddparents... I think the original song was something about Wanda nagging Cosmo all the time. I love that show...
  • Saargtsson calling Chris Con a "cooking spray" is a joke from the e-mail everyday in which Saargtsson pronounces his name "Crisco".
  • "O Captain, My Slob" is a play on a phrase that I think I heard in Dead Poet's Society. I need to remember stuff better...
  • "You are the slobbiest link, goodbye," is a play on the phrase from the game show "The Weakest Link".
  • "All our power crunch are belong to thems," is a parody of the famous phrase from Zero Wing.
  • This is the first demonstration of what Saargtsson does to SBECs, but if anyone sends him one, it won't be the last... {glares at crowd}

Links

Retrieved from "http://fanstuff.hrwiki.org/wiki/Other_Character_Email_Saargtsson/stupid_people"