Other Character Email Ice Machine/you suck

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Synopsis

The Almighty Fridge In: you suck - The battle between two 20X6 Bosses!

Nebulon says that the almighty fridge suxxors. We'll esé about that!

Cast (in order of appearance): An Ice Machine, Joey the Otaku Chorch

Page Title: Other Character Email Ice Machine presents!

93(or 68) LINES, DUDETTE! NO EASTER EGGS LINESES INCLUDED, DAWGETTE. SPACES IS INCLUDED?!!

Transcript

Somewhere in the depths of Red Button Ice Land...

{We cut to inside an ice cream parlor called “THE AN ICE MACHINE’S ICE CREAM DEATHTRAPARLOR” (as seen on the sign later on). The interior is painted yellow like the Ice Machine, and the seats and floors are painted magenta. The parlor looks 50s retro, with the usual stools and the surrounding couch table type seatings. In one of the stools sits a green Chorch with blue sunglasses. His name is Joey the Otaku Chorch.}

JOEY: I wonder when that An Ice Machine is coming.

{Just then, the An Ice Machine (we’ll call him Ice Machine for short in these emails) walks in on his stubby metal feet, holding two ice cream cones with invisible hands. The ice cream cones hold The Cheat flavored (it’s actually banana sherbet and blackberry) ice cream, one for him and the other for Joey.}

ICE MACHINE: Here you go, Joey!

{Joey grabs his ice cream and proceeds to gnaw it down quickly, when all of a sudden, he is crushed by a falling yellow laptop.}

ICE MACHINE: Sorry about that. You can’t carry stuff without any hands, now, can you?

JOEY: {under laptop, crushed, arm is sticking out} You lie!

{Ice Machine quickly picks up the laptop and sets it on the counter. His The Cheat ice cream is now sticking upside down on top of his head.}

ICE MACHINE: Yeah, well, just eat your friggin’ ice machSCREAM while I check my friggin’ ice machSCREAMAIL. For lack of better title.

{Now we pan to Second Person View in Ice Machine’s view. His yellow laptop opens to reveal a black LCD screen. The keyboard in his laptop is all light blue. As he presses the power button, the logo “FreezyKey LK Ice Mech Edition” appears in the display.}

ICE MACHINE: Ah, my email awaits. {the LCD turns to an MS-DOS prompt. Ice Machine types in “c://program files/Ice Machine Email V1.5”. The following email comes up:}

ICEJECT: you suck

Ice Machine,
Never visit me again. You suck.
From your enemy,

Nebulon

ICE MACHINE: {starts typing and speaking} Nebulon? More like, the n00b-you-one. As seen in this re-enactment of that horrible swordplay movie of long ago:

{Cut to a puppet theater. A plush Nebulon with a green lightsaber badly taped onto its left eye and a plush An Ice Machine with a yellow banana popsicle taped onto its left side are held up.}

ICE MACHINE: {as himself} Nebulon! You were the chosen one!

JOEY: {as Nebulon who drifts away to left side of the screen, or the right side of the theater} You lie to me! I will tell my mommy!

ICE MACHINE: {as himself} …I love you!

JOEY: {as Nebulon, more off-theater} …eww, what?

ICE MACHINE: {as himself} Okay, now I don’t! Go die somewhere, you worthless piece of Robert Ripper!

{Quickly cut back to the email.}

ICE MACHINE: {typing and speaking} Yes, Nebulon, what not me said was very true. Although you can’t really die somewhere. But you can explode in our alternate option…

{Cut to a chalkboard at one side of the parlor. Written on it are the words “EXPLODE SOMEWHERE, THAT IS OPTION 2WO”. Joey comes in from the left, dragging a piece of gasoline slick rope with him. We experience a fast forward effect. Then the chalkboard reads “ONE HOUR AND A SECOND LATER” as we see a pile of dynamite covering the end of the rope. A Nebulon plushie, with the lightsaber still taped, and looking like it’s tied to the stake in the center of the explosives pile, is, well, in the center of the explosives pile. Suddenly, the sticks of dynamite are all lit on fire and burn the Nebulon plushie to a crisp. The rope disintegrate from the incoming flicker of fire from the right under the explosives.}

ICE MACHINE: {off-screen} Joey, you idiot! No, wait. Joey, you idiFREEZE!

JOEY: {off-screen} That’s not really clever, Ice Machina-a-mano.

ICE MACHINE: {off-screen} Your building skills are not really cleverer, Joey Slopper. We were supposed to blow the Crapulon sky high-

{Abrupt explosion, then static. Cut back to the laptop.}

ICE MACHINE: {typing and saying} Nah, that wouldn’t really work. Oooh, I know! …nah. {clears screen} So, in a nutshell, ya n00b, you suck too. You really do. If we can count on you, n00by-doo, I know you suck as a villain. So shut up.

{An Ice Machine gets hit by the flying Nebulon plushie with the taped lightsaber. He falls over.}

ICE MACHINE: {off-screen and muffled} Ow, not my eye!

{A short, dramatic 8-bit clip of music plays as the words “GAME OVER” are displayed. As the music stops, the email anicemachine@redbuttonspies.com appears.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the laptop at the end to see more of the puppet show.

JOEY: {as Nebulon, now has a purple lightsaber taped to its right eye} Luke...I am your father.

{A tape recorder is held up by the Ice Machine. The Ice Machine plushie falls back, hugging a suddenly appearing empty ice cream cone. The play button is pressed.}

DARTH VADER: {from tape recorder, fuzzy quality} NooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

JOEY: {off-screen, whispering} Shut up, Iceman!

Fun Facts

Trivia

  • Getting hit in the eye is one of An Ice Machine's weaknesses, as seen in Stinkoman 20X6.

Real-World References

  • The puppet re-enactment comes from the Battle of Mustafar in Star Wars Ep. III: Revenge of the Sith.
  • "Robert Ripper" is a play on words on the name Robert Ripley.
  • In the end, An Ice Machine refers to the intro theme song of the 70s "Scooby Doo, Where Are You?"
  • The easter egg makes fun of YTMND(contains material not safe for work).

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