Other Character Email Ice Machine/AWAY!!!

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Contents

Synopsis

The Almighty Fridge In: AWAY!!! - the power of an Arcade Console! Perhaps!

As Joey gets a new arcade console, he also gets to check an email in exchange for An Ice Machine playing the console for *gasp* 24 HOURS. You heard me.

Cast (in order of appearance): An Ice Machine, Joey the Otaku Chorch

Page Title: FreezyKey!

123(or 82) LINES, DUDETTE! NO EASTER EGGS LINESES INCLUDED, DAWGETTE. SPACES IS INCLUDED?!!

Transcript

{We open up to inside the DEATHTRAPARLOR. It’s empty, except for An Ice Machine, who is currently sitting on a stool licking An Ice Machine sized cherry popsicle. Just then, the front door bursts open, and snow floods in through the door.}

ICE MACHINE: What the crap?

{Joey, now slightly more green and still burnt up, plows through the snow in the door. Dragging behind him is a retro arcade console.}

ICE MACHINE: {sarcastic} Oh, Joey! Thank goodness you came back! I wonder what’s in that contraption you have!

JOEY: Ice Dude, that’s an 80’s Arcade Console, and Ice Dude, you better apologize for throwing me into the lava. And ignoring me.

ICE MACHINE: P-shaw, well, sah-rry! I just came back here to check my emails. Besides, I would never forget about you in a million years, right, Jerry?

JOEY: Quit calling me that, you stupid traitor.

ICE MACHINE: Fine, but it’s your loss.

JOEY: {straightens Arcade Console in the corner of the wall to the left of the front door} Correction – your loss. You have to play this arcade game for 24 hours straight in exchange for me to checking your email.

ICE MACHINE: Um, isn’t that a bit too rough?

JOEY: No.

ICE MACHINE: Okay, fair enough. The email’s open for ya. {walks over to arcade console}

JOEY: Shut up. {jumps over counter and faces email} Oh, what do we have here?

{reads off “Dr. Qwertyuiop” as “Dr. Quackentrippy OPS”}

JOEY: Hey, look, a pointless email! Maybe I should delete it. But, nah. Let it slide. {clears screen and starts typing and speaking} Hey, Mr. Doctor! Why don’t I cross the road while I staple, uh, {crosses out “staple” and replaces it with “scratch”} your back. I mean your face. That’s more brutal than the electric chair. While you have a donut, let me take a look at your esophagus.

ONE HOUR LATER!!!

JOEY: {said actions} And did you know that pizza is actually retarded? That’s like, a conspiracy!

ICE MACHINE: {off-screen} Jerry! I’m on Level 65. How do you get past the zombie Tissues?

JOEY: Shut up and mind your own business, An Guy! {types and speaks} Doctor, do you happen to have rescheduled my meeting at that time?

EVEN ONE MORE HOUR LATER!!!

JOEY: {said actions} So anyways, 7 8 9. Because the chicken was stapled to the suicide…bomb…mah, that’s not funny.

ICE MACHINE: {off-screen} WOOOOHOOOO! LEVEL 121! AND A HIGH SCORE AS WELL!

THREE HOURS LATER, I GUESS!!!

JOEY: {said actions} And I think to myself, “Hah, that’s a pretty good machete you have there, captain.” He replies, “Heck no I don’t, that’s my wife’s stiletto heels!”

ICE MACHINE: {off-screen} Shut up, you fanboy! I’m trying to concentrICE here!

JOEY: {typing and speaking} Oh, and An Ice Machine is an idiot. Never EVER trust him.

+3 MORE HOURS?!

JOEY: {said actions} …and I fear that my lunch and this email will be lost because of that darned arcade action machine.

ICE MACHINE: {off-screen} Joey, I made it to Level 199, can I stop now?

JOEY: {to An Ice Machine} Not yet! Maybe when you reach Level 789 or something!

ICE MACHINE: {off-screen} Is that the last level?

JOEY: {to An Ice Machine} Uh, yeah!

ICE MACHINE: {off-screen} Okay!

JOEY: {speaking and typing} So where was I? I don’t remember. Do YOU save fifteen percent or more on car insurance by switching to Gex? I mean, Kermit? I mean, Gromit? I mean, Wallace?

3 hours to the power of 3 later…

JOEY: {speaking and typing while drinking a glass of milk} And that’s why Einstein was one of the most German people of our time. {stops typing} Blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blab bleeb beelbity blblblblblblblblblah. {puts empty glass of milk down} I guess I can say this is a new record.

Okay, that’s possibly about it. And SOOOOOOO…

{We cut to An Ice Machine still playing that arcade game. He finally whoops in joy as the arcade console says “GAME OVER, SUCKA.”}

ICE MACHINE: WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I MADE IT TO LEVEL 789!

JOEY: {cut to him at the computer} You’re serious?

ICE MACHINE: …maybe. {abruptly falls on the floor, asleep}

JOEY: Awwww…{whispering}…he’s fast asleep. Or worse…DEAD. {normal voice} Ah, who cares. {speaking and typing} Well, I have to go, Dr. All My Base Are Belong to Emo Fads. It was nice meeting with some non-existant character in an email sent to Deus Ex An Ice Machina. But, well, all good things must come to an end, and that means you, doctor. I’m going to go drag off An Ice Machine to the nearest frozen pond now. {gets up from chair}

{A short, dramatic 8-bit clip of music plays as the words “GAME OVER” are displayed. As the music stops, the email anicemachine@redbuttonspies.com appears.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "frozen pond" to see An Ice Machine trick Joey.

{Joey walks up to An Ice Machine. Suddenly, An Ice Machine jumps up in surprise.}

ICE MACHINE: Ha! I tricked you! You can't throw me in the nearest frozen pond! {grabs arcade console} Unless I get this first!

JOEY: DON'T DO IT! {punches An Ice Machine's legs}

ICE MACHINE: Ow! {drops arcade console on Joey by accident} Whoops.

Fun Facts

Explanations

  • The joke about 7, 8, and 9 and the Level 789 are purely coincidence.

Real-World References

  • "Dr. All My Base Are Belong to Emo Fads" refers to all overused Internet fads, like AYBABTU, for instance.
  • Joey mentions the famous Geico campaign. Remember, you'll save fifteen percent or more on car insurance by switching to Geico.

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