Other Character Email Ice Machine/a boss

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Contents

Synopsis

The Almighty Fridge In: a boss - Saargatsson must be dead!

In fear of a Knuckles(yeah, Knuckles) Sandwich, An Ice Machine resorts to prey on the unsuspecting Saargatsson.

Cast (in order of appearance): An Ice Machine, Joey the Otaku Chorch, Saargatsson, Bluetant Bot(easter egg)

Page Title: FreezyKey!

166(or 107) LINES, DUDETTE! NO EASTER EGGS LINESES INCLUDED, DAWGETTE. SPACES IS INCLUDED?!!

Transcript

{We open up to An Ice Machine checking his email on the FreezyKey and typing in “c://program files/Ice Machine Email V1.5”.}

ICE MACHINE: {rapping} I check it once and then twice, and maybe then I’ll add a bit of Vanilla Ice. With a thirty-six sided dice. And some Chinese rice. Miami Vice. {brings up email}

{reads off “one Stinkoman 20X6 boss” as “a snake” and reads off the “P.S” part as “Disclaimer’s Warning, not really safe for work. I’ll take care of that!”}

ICE MACHINE: {clears screen and starts typing and speaking} Uh, you mean Saargatxors, right? That dreaded snake I fear for sometime after killing off some minions? Whoop-de-icy-doo. {stops typing} JERRY! I mean, JOEY! Get over here! We’re going to kill off a snake!

{Pan out. We see Joey to the left of An Ice Machine.}

JOEY: Really? We’re going to go snake hunting?

ICE MACHINE: Unfortunately, {cough} {whispering} and fortunately for Saargatsson player haters, {cough} {normal voice} yes.

JOEY: WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!

{An Ice Machine spits out an ice cube to shut Joey up. It hits Joey, who falls to the ground.}

JOEY: Woooohooo…!?

ICE MACHINE: Whatever, friend. To the Icecave!

{Batman transition, but with An Ice Machine as the logo. We cut to a gray brick-walled room. There is a set of stairs leading to a higher floor. Snow covers the room’s floor. A Styrofoam cooler is in the middle of the room. It’s open, and Joey is pointlessly looking inside of it.}

JOEY: So, what does {peeks head out of cooler} an ice cooler have to do with us being transported to the Lava Zone, anyways?

ICE MACHINE: {comes down stairs holding a whip} We’ll travel in it, that’s what. Nobody will know we’ve traveled through THAT {faces the cooler-sized hole in the wall} hole in the wall. NOBODY.

JOEY: Oh, I’m not sure if that would really work. You must use alchemy to work it out! Like that Ed guy from…that Ed series.

ICE MACHINE: Yeah, and you possibly think that you can transform a StyroFREEZE Ice Cooler into something better.

{Clock screen wipe. Caption reads off: “THIRTY MINUTES LATER”. An Ice Machine is now in the place of the Styrofoam Cooler. Joey is on top of him, holding An Ice Machine’s whip.}

ICE MACHINE: Aw, come on, do I have to be the idiot for once?

JOEY: Heck no! Hush, puppy! {whips An Ice Machine’s head}

ICE MACHINE: Um, that didn’t hurt…ICE. MuchICE. Can you not whip me as if you were in horse betting?

JOEY: Hush! {whips An Ice Machine’s head again}

ICE MACHINE: …stop it.

JOEY: I said hush! {whip}

ICE MACHINE: Do you want me to freeze you like I did last email, only with the laptop?

JOEY: No.

ICE MACHINE: Then you stop whipping me and we’ll hunt down Sagetguy or whoever he is.

JOEY: Shut up! I’m the driver he-

{The top hatch in An Ice Machine opens and it spews out snow. It freezes Joey to a thin crisp.}

ICE MACHINE: That should shut him up, but for how long? Oh, well, at least this isn’t a soap opera. An Ice Machine, away!

{Batman transition again. We then cut to the Lava Zone. An Ice Machine walks on screen on a circular rock platform. Joey is still frozen from last time.}

ICE MACHINE: Hello? This is An Ice Machine! Whoa, this is pretty quiet…{close up of face}…and bubbly…{pan out}…here. I wonder if this is a boss battle or not.

{We hear sounds of something thawing out.}

ICE MACHINE: Jerry, quit thawing out.

{Pan to the top of An Ice Machine. Joey is thawed out.}

JOEY: What, you think I would be preserved for the next 100 years? Heck no!

{All of a sudden, a red blur passes by Joey and knocks him off An Ice Machine and into the lava.}

JOEY: ARGH!!!

ICE MACHINE: {shocked} Joey! …wait, I don’t really care for you. Just kidding. BUT WAIT! DON’T DIE ON ME!

{The red blur passes by again, but this time An Ice Machine dodges it.}

ICE MACHINE: Ha ha, Saargatsson! I cleverly dodged your attack!

SAARGATSSON: {off-screen} Iffff you sssay ssssso…

{We cut to the center of the platform. Saargatsson breaks through the middle and lands.}

SAARGATSSON: Well, well, weeeee meet again. An Icccccccce Machhhhhiiine.

ICE MACHINE: That’s the Almighty Fridge to you! Word to your Favorite Powerup! {DJ turntable scratch}

SAARGATSSON: He he he. You fffffooool. Iiiii beeeeeat you lasssssst time on thhhhissss very platffform.

{A thought bubble appears over Saargatsson’s head. The thought bubble shows him and An Ice Machine on the same platform. Just then, An Ice Machine gets hit by a falling rock, and falls backwards into the lava. The thought bubble dissolves as we go back to Saargatsson and An Ice Machine.}

ICE MACHINE: Well, I won’t let the same thing happen to me, boy! Taste my thin icy breath! {opens mouth and breathes snow out at Saargatsson, which covers him in snow} How was that for ya?

{Silence.}

SAARGATSSON: Verrry clever. But yoooou ffforgot oooone thing…

{Firey-Hot appears over An Ice Machine and ignites its fire above him.}

ICE MACHINE: Okay, I fell for it.

SAARGATSSON: Admit ittttt, Iccccce Mach-fool, you are noooooo matcccchhhhh for me.

ICE MACHINE: But you don’t speak the whole truth, now, do ya? {spits out an ice cube at Saargatsson, who dodges it, and then spits out three ice cubes at him. It hits the snake.}

SAARGATSSON: Ow! Yooooou liiiieddd…

ICE MACHINE: Shut up with your one liners, man. I’m out of here. {crouches and jumps up}

SAARGATSSON: Weeeee ssssshhhalll meeeeeeet aggggaaaaaaiiin…

{Unexpectedly, Saargatsson vanishes.}

SAARGATSSON: What ttthhe?

{Cut back to An Ice Machine and the FreezyKey.}

ICE MACHINE: {typing and saying} So, what have we learned, Josh? Well, we learned that Saget is suspectible to ice. And that you should never mess with Tampo. Because he’s awesome. Seriously. I just know. ...shut up.

{A short, dramatic 8-bit clip of music plays as the words “GAME OVER” are displayed. As the music stops, the email anicemachine@redbuttonspies.com appears.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "...shut up." to see the aftermath of that Otaku Chorch.

{We cut to the lava in Lava Zone. Joey's hand is sticking out. Along comes a Bluetant with tank treads.}

JOEY: Blub blub BLORB!!!

BLUETANT BOT: I can rebuild you, you know. I have the technology! Or so I think.

Fun Facts

Trivia

  • Joey will possibly be changing in the next email.

Inside References

  • An Ice Machine mentioning Joey getting crushed by his laptop dates back to the email you suck.

Real-World References

  • Joey referencing to "Ed" and "Alchemy" and "Ed series" refers to Full Metal Alchemist and Ed, Edd, N' Eddy.
  • The transitions and "Icecave", as you read in the transcript, is referring to the campy 60s' Batman TV Series starring Adam West.

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