Other Character Email Ice Machine/coolness
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Synopsis
The Almighty Fridge In: coolness - Who gets the cool temper?
An Ice Machine takes a statement both ways. Watch out for falling pitfalls! Erm, that was irony to ya.
Cast (in order of appearance): An Ice Machine, Joey the Otaku Chorch, Hunt the Stick, Ol' Bubba
Page Title: Remember, only YOU and YOU ALONE can prevent Sargtsson frs!
173 LINES, DUDETTE! NO EASTER EGGS LINESES INCLUDED, DAWGETTE. SPACES IS INCLUDED?!!
Transcript
{Yeah, I guess you know what happens next. An Ice Machine checks his email by typing in “c://program files/Ice Machine Email V1.5” at the FreezyKey.}
ICE MACHINE: Oh, Email! Don’t freeze me out now! I haven’t been thawed yet! Okay, bad joke. {brings up email}
ICEJECT: you're coolAn Ice Machine,
You're cool.
ICE MACHINE: Oh. {modestly} That’s nice of you.
{Pan out so that we can see Joey approaching An Ice Machine. He holds a cellphone in his hands.}
JOEY: Hey, Mr. An Ice, you’ve got a call from one of Sticklyman’s representatives.
ICE MACHINE: {grabs cellphone} Hello?
???: {British accented} Is this Mr. An Ice Machine?
ICE MACHINE: Yes, and who the heck is this?
HUNT: My name is Hunt the Stick.
ICE MACHINE: Hunt…the…Stick. I’m not gonna comment on that one.
HUNT: And you’ll be sorry you did.
{Split screens so that we can see a stick figure with blue hair and blue eyes talking to An Ice Machine on his cellphone.}
ICE MACHINE: I did?
HUNT: Well, no. Anyways, I hacked into your email program last night.
ICE MACHINE: You WHAT?!
HUNT: {sigh} What part of “hacked into your email” don’t you understand? Respond, please.
ICE MACHINE: Well, um, the unbelief part.
HUNT: Well, believe it or not, I did. Now I read your email about coolness, and I thought you could make money by promoting about how awesome and chilly you are.
ICE MACHINE: So you’re saying that I should go on a rampage and terrorize people?
HUNT: Nonsense! None of the kind!
ICE MACHINE: Well, okay-do-kay-ICE-kay-doo! Let’s go on a rampage tour!
HUNT: “Rampage tour?” Man, I swear, you just keep getting weirder everyday with your ICE and FREEZE and SNOW puns.
ICE MACHINE: Well, shut up, ICE the Schtick.
HUNT: {sigh} Fine. But if you need me, you can always call me at 1-924-Stick-Guy.
ICE MACHINE: I got it covered, friend.
{Split Screen pans back to An Ice Machine, who hangs up on the cellphone. We suddenly give him the EXTREME CLOSE UP treatment as he smiles a cheesy smile. Words appear on screen as some random “You got an item!” Zelda music plays.}
YOU GOT A HUNT THE STICK’S CELLPHONE NUMBER!
NOW YOU ARE ABLE TO CONTACT THE REPRESENTATIVE WHENEVER YOU LIKE!
{Cut back to normal. An Ice Machine starts to check his email again.}
ICE MACHINE: {typing and speaking} And that was for real, my friend. I’m gonna give you…a pizza…right after this. {walks offscreen}
{Cut to a fishing pond in Red Button Ice Land. An anthromorph gree Electric Eel by the name of Ol’ Bubba is, well, fishing in the pond with a yo-yo tied to a metal pole.}
OL’ BUBBA: Ahhhhhhh. Nothin’ like an ol’ fishin’ day in th’ Red But’n Ice Lan’.
{Just then, An Ice Machine marches on screen, doing a little jig.}
OL’ BUBBA: Uh? What you b’ doin’ here? You’re not from ‘round ‘dese parts, are ya?
ICE MACHINE: Look at me! Look at me! I’m cooler than you can be!
OL’ BUBBA: Oh, ha ha ha ha ha ha. You kids put on sum’ good ‘ol acts.
{Joey comes along, holding cymbals.}
JOEY: One, two, three, four!
{Joey starts clashing his cymbals.}
OL’ BUBBA: Heh heh, this makes it ‘ven fun’uh, ya hear? He he, I ‘member them good ‘ol days when I play’d in ‘dat durned ol’ marchin’ band.
ICE MACHINE: Well, that’s still great! I’m still cool, I’m still cool! I’m still cool! I’m still cool! Yeah, I’m really freezing!
OL’ BUBBA: Then why don’tcha take a dippin’ in ‘dis here poo’?
ICE MACHINE: Well, {stops dancing} I’ve tried that before, so this shouldn’t be a problem.
OL’ BUBBA: Well, too late now, bo’. I’ve claimed ‘dis here poo’ as mahn’, so in your face!
{Silence}
ICE MACHINE: Well, uh, Joey…{whispering}…let’s take this party somewhere else.
JOEY: Okay. But where?
{We cut to Lava Zone. Saargatsson is flying around when all of a sudden he hears cymbal noises. He drops into the lava. We pan to An Ice Machine dancing on a rocky ledge as Joey clashes cymbals once again.}
ICE MACHINE: Ooooh! Ahhh! I’m too cool for ya! I’m really smart! I’m great! I’m weird! I’m probably awesome and I’m probably feared! I’ll beat you up to a bloody pulp, and I’ll possibly go beserk!
JOEY: {acting as backup singer} He’ll possibly go beserk, DONK!
ICE MACHINE: {lands randomly upside-down} Yeah! No, wait…ARGH!!!
{The blur of Saargatsson knocks An Ice Machine backwards into the lava. He automatically sinks upon contact.}
JOEY: AN ICE MACHINE!!!
SAARGATSSON: You willlllll pay fffffor killing meeeeeee offffff lasssttt time…
JOEY: Sugarguy?
SAARGATSSON: DIE!!!
{The blur strikes once again, knocking Joey back into the lava as well.}
JOEY: Not again…
???: Think ‘gain, boys!
SAARGATSSON: Sssssay wha-
{Unexpectedly, Ol’ Bubba jumps onto the scene from above and fishes An Ice Machine out using his Yo-Yo as a gravity-defying hook. He does the same for Joey, but uses him to whack Saargatsson upside the head. Saargatsson approaches Ol’ Bubba, who quickly does said action.}
JOEY: Ow! Thanks, Old Guy!
OL’ BUBBA: Don’ thank me, boy, thank the cool guy.
ICE MACHINE: Aw, you shouldn’t ha- OOF!!!
{The three get knocked back into the lava once again, except for Ol’ Bubba, who is actually knocked back into the lava for the first time.}
OL’ BUBBA: Now I know ‘dat ‘da lava ain’t so dang hot…
{We pan to the ledge once again. Ol’ Bubba’s fishing pole is on it. Saargatsson eyes it carefully.}
SAARGATSSON: Hmmmm…perhapppssss I have ussssssseee of thhhhhissss after alllll…
{A short, dramatic 8-bit clip of music plays as the words “GAME OVER” are displayed. As the music stops, the email anicemachine@redbuttonspies.com appears.}
Easter Eggs
The author has decided not to include easter eggs in this email at this time.
Fun Facts
Trivia
- This is the first An Ice Machine email w/out easter eggs, obviously.
Inside References
- The battle against Saargatsson is reminiscent to a boss.
Real-World References
- The Item segement references to The Legend of Zelda games, where grand music is played when you get an item.
| The Almighty Fridge's Emails |
|---|
|
you suck | a boss | AWAY!!! | coolness | the master | flava | regarding your name | what happen? | PUDDING | subliminal message | pun | My Benj | bomb |
