100 Fanfics/Sunrise
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
The castle seemed to have the same layout as the King of Town's castle, which gave The Cheat a pretty good idea of where he was. He'd burgled it often enough. The Cheat was just outside what in his world would've been the pantry, when he saw someone coming down the hallway. He ducked behind a barrel and looked out carefully. Was that... Homsar? At least, he looked like Homsar had as a human.
AntiHomsar went into the room, then came out of the room holding something a few seconds later. Then he walked back the way he'd come, without glancing at where The Cheat was hidden. When he was gone, The Cheat came out from behind the barrel and looked inside the room, which looked like a storeroom. There were a lot of dangerous looking things in there. The Cheat pulled what looked to be a laser onto the floor and inspected it. Maybe he could use this on Homeschool...
Something cube shaped caught his eye and he dropped the laser. It looked exactly like the time cube, but that was impossible. The whole point of... half the stuff that had happened was to keep it away from AntiHomestar, The Cheat had thought. The only way he could've got it back was if New Strong Bad had given it to him. The Cheat pulled the object out of its box. It was the time cube. He was sure of it. He was going to kill New Strong Bad.
Strong Sad yawned. He was getting bored, and he was a little concerned about what was going to happen to him if The Cheat got recaptured. His concern increased when Agent Z entered the room. Agent Z glanced at the spot where the Cheat had been and sighed.
"What happened to the other prisoner?" he snapped at Strong Sad.
"What prisoner?" said Strong Sad, hoping The Cheat was okay.
"Playing dumb won't get you anywhere," said Agent Z, as Strong Sad tried to think of a plausible lie. "Tell me how he escaped."
"He just... uh, disappeared," said Strong Sad. "Does that happen a lot in this universe?"
That was not a plausible lie, but it would have to do.
"Never," said Agent Z, inspecting the manacles where The Cheat had been. He picked a hair off it and narrowed his eyes. "This is not a human hair. It looks..." He trailed off and looked confused.
Strong Sad stared at him. "So..." he began.
Agent Z shook his head rapidly and focussed on Strong Sad.
"'s me," he said. "D— The Cheat." He seemed to be stumbling over his words, and his tone was... strange. It reminded Strong Sad of the Flash movies The Cheat used to make.
"What?"
"I u— I used the time cube," said Agent Z carefully.
"You used the time cube to possess Agent Z?" said Strong Sad. "I thought Strong Bad had the time cube."
The Cheat shrugged. "Me too." He reached into his pocket, pulled out a key ring, and starting trying each key one by one with Strong Sad's manacles. He found the right one, and Strong Sad dropped to the floor.
Strong Sad scratched his head vigorously, then inspected his fingernails. "Dandruff." He tried to focus. "You should get out of that body now. Remember what happened to Homestar."
"Okay," said The Cheat. "You na— You know how?"
"Don't you know?"
The Cheat paced the small cell. "Nope."
"We should ask AntiStrong Mad," said Strong Sad, rubbing his head. Some of his hair fell onto the floor. "He seems like he knows what he's talking about."
"No— No way," said The Cheat, folding his arms. "I don't trust that guy."
"What?" said Strong Sad. "Why not?"
The Cheat rolled his eyes. "Strong Mad is a nice guy. So his evil twin has gotta to be an underhanded sneak."
"Like you?"
"Only wa— without my good looks and roguish charms, right?" said The Cheat. His speech was getting more natural, Strong Sad noticed. "Anyways, I have a better idea."
AntiMarzipan glanced up from where she was spreading something The Cheat couldn't identify onto her garden, and beamed.
"Z!" she squealed, hugging The Cheat.
"Uh... Yeah," said The Cheat slowly, pushing her away. He indicated Strong Sad, who was standing behind him wearing handcuffs. "I was just taking this... prisoner, out for a walk, and... I needed to ask you a question."
AntiMarzipan giggled. "Go ahead, Zeeby-jeeby."
"Did An&mdash Did Homestar ever tell you how the time cube worked? It's important."
"Oh, he never bothers me with that silly thing," said AntiMarzipan. "Don't you know all about it anyway, Z?"
"I... uh... I hit my head," said The Cheat. "Did he ever talk about it?"
"Well..." said AntiMarzipan thoughtfully. "Oh! Last week, me and Star were making out, and... Ooh, you should join us sometime, he has such a—"
The Cheat pressed his hands over his ears and said "LALALALALALALA" until AntiMarzipan's mouth stopped moving. Then he remembered that she might have said something important, so he glanced at Strong Sad and mouthed the word "anything?" Strong Sad nodded.
"Uh... Thanks," said The Cheat. "You can go back to whatever you were doing now."
"I'm waiting for my baby to marry me!" snapped AntiMarzipan.
"Great," said The Cheat, backing away. "See ya."
They stopped back near AntiHomestar's castle.
"So, what'd she say?" said The Cheat.
"She said something about knocking yourself out," responded Strong Sad, who was staring at the sunrise. There were too many clouds around the sun for it to look really spectacular, and he wondered if it looked the same in his world, or in the real world. "Could you take these cuffs off?"
The Cheat removed the handcuffs, staring at the castle wall. "Wait," he said. "I g— I gotta do something first." He cleared his throat and raised both hands. "JAEOREORB! Track or trort! You say tomater, I zader matermorts!"
"That's not funny," said Strong Sad, folding his arms.
"Is so!" The Cheat laughed. "Okay, down to borsness." He held out something that Strong Sad couldn't see and examined it. "Crap."
"What?"
The Cheat pocketed it. "Nothing. Here goes. I'm gonna miss his The Cheat like hearing..." He ran at the castle wall, knocking himself out. A second later, The Cheat appeared next to Agent Z. "Merrah!" he said, holding out the time cube. Strong Sad put it into the pocket of his hoodie.
"Let's go before he wakes up," said Strong Sad.
The Cheat rummaged through Agent Z's pockets until he found a TranSphere. He rolled it across the ground the way Homestar had, and a portal appeared. Strong Sad hoped that it led to the real world.
It did. They came out in the streets near Alex's apartment. Strong Sad glanced up and noticed that the sunrise looked a lot nicer than it had in the mirror universe. That answered that question. Then he glanced down at The Cheat, who really stood out against all the greyness.
"Let me pick you up," Strong Sad whispered.
The Cheat made a noise that sounded both inquiring and angry.
"You have to pretend you're a stuffed toy or something," explained Strong Sad. "Otherwise the humans will wonder what you are."
The Cheat shrugged, and let Strong Sad pick him up. They had almost made it to the apartment block when a kid approached them.
"Is that a Kick The Cheat doll?" he demanded, poking The Cheat. "You get a Kick The Cheat doll for Christmas?"
"Um... yes," said Strong Sad.
"Mind if I hit it?" Without waiting for an answer, he hit The Cheat on the head. The Cheat yelled, and the kid laughed. "I love those things. I got one for Christmas too! See ya."
The kid left. Strong Sad stared after him, dimly aware of The Cheat yelling at him. The Cheat's yelling took on a more panicked tone, and suddenly Strong Sad was lying on the pavement, with a boy on top of him. Strong Sad was confused until he realised that the boy was The Cheat. He'd turned back into a human.
"Man, that is hard to keep up," said The Cheat, as they both stood up. "What was that guy's problem, anyway?"
Strong Sad shrugged. "Let's get back inside."
They came back to find Homestar and Strong Bad having another intense discussion. The Cheat wondered if the others even knew how Strong Bad had betrayed them.
"I'll undo what he did," Homestar was saying, as he fiddled with a couple of TranSpheres. "I'll make it—"
"Hi guys," interrupted The Cheat. "Wondering what happened to us?"
"Where were you guys?" said Alex. "We were worried about you."
The Cheat pointed at Strong Bad. "I bet he wasn't. I bet he was too busy making out with AntiHomestar to care about what happened to anyone but himself."
"Shut. Up," growled Strong Bad. "I don't need crap about this from you too."
"So it's true! It's like you fall in lust with everything that moves!" said The Cheat.
"I'm gonna fix it, anyway," said Homestar. He kept tapping one of the TranSpheres against his leg. "It'll be like Strong Bad never left. Everything's gonna be okay."
"How?" demanded The Cheat. "It already happened! How are you supposed— Oh for God's sake! You're not gonna use the time cube, are you? After what happened last time?"
"What if I am?" said Homestar defiantly.
"But you can't," said Strong Sad, feeling the pocket he'd put the time cube in.
"Shut up, dumpbreath," muttered The Cheat. He glared at Strong Bad. "Why did you do it?"
"Maybe I didn't want to be Homestar's damsel in distress anymore," growled Strong Bad. "Is that okay with you?"
Homestar sat down next to Strong Bad and put a hand on his knee. "You never were," he said. "That's not why I like you."
"That's not what AntiHomestar said," muttered Strong Bad.
The Cheat stared at him. "You abandoned everyone because AntiHomestar said your boyfriend didn't love you."
Strong Bad started to say something, started to say something else, then settled for mumbling something that sounded like, "At least I came back."
"What the heck is wrong with you?" said The Cheat, seeming not to hear. "AntiHomestar is Homestar's opposite! He's a liar! He probably just said that to get you to go out with him!"
"That does sound pretty stupid, you have to admit," put in Coach Z, from the kitchen.
The Cheat had run out of decent insults already. He wished the old Strong Bad was there. He'd have something cutting, and yet funny, to say to the new Strong Bad.
"Oh, you like him better than me?" said Strong Bad.
"Huh?" said The Cheat, realising that he'd said the thing about wishing the old Strong Bad was there out loud. "Yeah, I do, actually. He was cool like you're pathetic! And that's pretty cool! Why did Homeschool have to mess everything up?"
"Homeschool?" said Strong Bad. "What's he got to do with this?"
"Everything!" said The Cheat. "It's his fault we're all messed up like this!"
"We're all messed up like this because we're people now!" said Strong Bad. "We're not cartoon characters anymore! We're free!"
"What the heck is wrong with being a cartoon character?" demanded The Cheat, who didn't feel very free at the moment. "I liked being a cartoon character! And then Homeschool had to come along and make us all human, and... He got his wish! We're not funny anymore!"
"What are you babbling about?" snapped Strong Bad. "I'm glad I became a human. Now I know how I really am!"
"But this isn't how you are," said Strong Sad quietly.
The Cheat wiped angry tears out of his eyes. "I'm going home."
"Fine with me," said Strong Bad. "I never want to see you again!"
The Cheat snatched one of the TranSpheres out of Homestar's hand, then looked at Strong Sad. "You were almost cool back there." Then he was gone.
"Uh, thanks, I think," said Strong Sad, to the air.
Strong Bad snorted. "Whatever. Come on babe, we'll find a way to get that time cube."
He picked up the TranSphere that The Cheat had left.
"You really can't!" said Strong Sad, forcing a bit of urgency into his voice. "You can't solve all your problems with time travel!"
"Watch us."
Strong Sad sighed. He didn't want to have to tell them this. "You can't use the time cube because I have it." He pulled it out of his pocket to show them that he was telling the truth.
They stared at him, which made him very uncomfortable. Marzipan broke the silence.
"Where did you get that?"
Strong Sad rehearsed a few responses in his head, but they all sounded too unbelievable, and they all took too long to explain. "It's complicated."
"Well hand it over," said Homestar impatiently. "We need it."
Strong Sad shook his head. "No. You might do something in the past that will makes the present even worse."
"...Please?"
"No." Strong Sad checked the readout. "The battery's flat anyway."
Strong Bad suddenly took a swing at him, and Strong Sad almost dropped the time cube. "Hand over the freaking cube!"
Strong Sad put it back into his pocket, shook his head and backed away. At least that aspect of Strong Bad hadn't changed. Even if he could hit harder than before.
He needed to think, something that was always difficult when he was the centre of attention and when Strong Bad was trying to pummel him. So he turned and ran out the door.
The Cheat stood near the portal, looking around. Something was wrong, and he quickly realised what it was. He was still human. He couldn't stay human for the rest of his life. It was a horrible shape. It was good to be taller than one foot and have fingers, but for capers he was much better as a The Cheat because he could hear and... The Cheat suddenly turned back into a The Cheat.
It was like waking up from a nightmare. His head felt clear for the first time in weeks, and his fear, anger and anxiety had almost gone. Not completely gone, but he was suddenly gripped by the feeling that everything was going to be okay. Maybe Strong Bad would never come home, and it still hurt to even consider the possibility, but that wasn't the end of the world. He still had Strong Mad, and the website would manage. Somehow.
He didn't know how long he'd been standing there when he heard a familiar voice.
"THE CHEAT!" said Strong Mad, running to greet him.
"Strong Mad!" said The Cheat.
Strong Mad stopped in front of The Cheat and looked around in confusion.
"STRONG BAD?" he said.
"Strong Bad..." The Cheat hesitated. How was he supposed to explain the change that had come over Strong Bad? He wasn't sure he understood it himself. "Strong Bad needs to stay a little longer."
"AWW..." said Strong Mad, looking dejected.
"Come on, Strong Mad," said The Cheat. "I need to give you your Decemberween presents."
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Beginnings | Ends | Outsides | Days | Years | Blue | White | Friends | Enemies | Death | Sunrise | Taste (PG-13) | Shapes | Star | Air | Breakfast | Lunch | Spring | Passing | Rain | Broken | He | Choices | School | Home | Christmas | Writer's Choice 1 |
