100 Fanfics/Ends
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
Strong Sad stopped to catch his breath. They hadn't chased him, but they didn't need to. He'd have to come back eventually, and he'd got the impression that only Homestar and Strong Bad really thought that using the time cube was a good idea in the first place. But where could he go? He briefly considered going to his creators, but what could they do? Wave a magic wand and make it all better? They didn't even know about Homestar and Strong Bad's... relationship. Strong Sad had more faith than the others that their creators could handle it but... No, asking them for help would be a bad idea. Homeschool had probably got to them too.
Homeschool... Had he ever tried actually talking to Homeschool? Maybe this was just a big misunderstanding. It was unlikely, but at the moment Strong Sad couldn't think of anywhere else to go.
Strong Sad rang the doorbell to Homeschool's apartment once again. This time, Homeschool answered the door.
"Ah, Strong Sad," he said, as though he'd been expecting him. "I suppose you want to know why I've been experimenting on you?"
"Uh, yes," said Strong Sad, taken aback.
"Come in." It was a suggestion, not a command.
Strong Sad followed Homeschool into his office, feeling slightly worried. Homeschool was being surprisingly... honest. What if he planned to tell him everything and then kill him, like on TV? He knew that the hero would always escape that kind of situation, but Strong Sad was an overweight, emotionless cartoon character turned human. He wasn't a hero.
Homeschool sat down at his desk. "Take a seat," he said vaguely.
Strong Sad sat on a nearby chair that he hadn't remembered seeing the last time he was there. He tried to be ready to run, but he was getting tired, and the chair was comfortable.
"Sometimes, I feel like you're the only person from your world that can appreciate what I've done here," said Homeschool. "Except for Pom Pom, of course."
Strong Sad nodded. Pom Pom had a genius intellect to go along with his popularity, good coordination, and wonderful personality. Strong Sad wondered for a second what AntiPom Pom was like.
"And maybe Strong Bad, but he seems to think that using his intelligence would make him a loser."
Strong Sad felt like he should say something, so he said, "I remember that all Strong Bad's report cards said he was smart but never applied himself."
"Was this before July 1996, or afterwards?" said Homeschool, sounding interested.
"Before, I think," said Strong Sad, as he tried to remember. Things from before he'd become a human were so fuzzy.
"Fascinating," said Homeschool. "You remember things from before you were created... It's such a privilege to be able to study this!"
Strong Sad waited.
"Where was I?" said Homeschool. "Oh, yes. Humans. I've been a regular visitor to Homestar Runner dot com since I found my way to this world, back in the year 2000. I noticed that, in contrast to humans, you were funny in everything you did. If you weren't funny, you wouldn't be you."
Strong Sad had never thought of it that way. "If Strong Bad were here, he would've told you that the King of Town was never funny."
"No he wouldn't, but I see your point," said Homeschool. "But the King of Town is much funnier than the average human. He may seem unfunny from your viewpoint, but that's because you're used to such a high level of comedy."
"I guess..." said Strong Sad.
"Until the fiasco with Scott, which I had nothing to do with, whatever The Cheat thinks, I was content to work on my inventions. But once I was back in close contact with you, I started to wonder what you would be like if you had your... funniness removed."
"Didn't you see a problem with that?" said Strong Sad. Was Homeschool really expecting him to be okay with all this?
Homeschool looked thoughtful. "Well... Creating the antiverse required a lot of power, and I couldn't be sure that you'd ever use the TranSpheres again, but overall it didn't seem too difficult."
Strong Sad sighed. "Never mind. So you did create the mirror world?"
"Yes. It wasn't as hard as you think, though it's not a perfect mirror of your own universe," said Homeschool.
Strong Sad nodded. He still wasn't sure why Homeschool was telling him this.
"The antiverse was interesting, but the inhabitants weren't... you, so I decided to try something else. I modified the TranSpheres to, um, nudge your personalities towards drama. Unfortunately, it didn't work out the way I had hoped, but I'm sure I'll be more prepared next time."
Next time. There was going to be a next time.
Homeschool started using a computer on his desk. "I had some successes, of course. Listen to this."
Strong Bad's unmistakable voice came out of the speakers. "I'd want mine to look like a prison tattoo that you carved out yourself with a spoon and some soap. There'd be a rocket launcher, of course, and above that it'd just say, 'Bad Guy.'"
"That was from last October," said Homeschool. "Now, listen to this."
"So I'm the bad guy, I guess." Strong Bad again.
"Wha— that's not what I meant. Where are you going?" That sounded like Homestar, after he'd become a human and lost his speech impediment.
"Don't wanna be in your freakin' way. You wanna put her before me, fine. Don't let me stop you," said Strong Bad. He sounded extremely upset.
Homeschool stopped the recording. "That was after they'd been human for just five days. Can you hear the difference?"
Strong Sad could tell that Homeschool was proud of himself. "Homeschool, he attempted suicide. Your experiment nearly got Strong Bad killed." He remembered something else. "It did get him killed before Homestar changed the timeline."
"Did it?" said Homeschool. "I'm sorry to hear that. But the others seem to be coping."
Strong Sad considered this. Marzipan was angry all the time, The Cheat was extremely paranoid, and he himself would cut his own arm off it meant he'd be able to feel again. Only Homestar, the considerate gentleman, and Coach Z, the wise mentor, seemed to have changed for the better.
"I'm going to erase their memories and send them home soon—" Strong Sad noticed that Homeschool said 'them' instead of 'you' '—but I have a proposition to make. I need a lab assistant. Someone intelligent and who understands my work and what I hope to achieve."
"Me?" said Strong Sad. "You want me to work for you?" That was the other thing villains on TV did when they explained their plans to the hero. They asked the hero to join them. But Homeschool clearly wasn't thinking of himself as a villain. He didn't even seem to think what he was doing was wrong.
"Think about it," said Homeschool. "You'd achieve a lot more here than you would if you went home and had your memories erased. Nobody would push you around and call you a waste of space, either."
"Would I get my emotions back?" said Strong Sad, surprised to find that he was considering it. He cared about Strong Bad, and the rest, but it had been obvious for a long time that Strong Bad didn't care about him. Nobody did, except for maybe Marzipan or Homsar. And sometimes Strong Mad.
"Yes," said Homeschool. "Probably. Once I run some tests to see how your mind was affected, of course."
"What will happen to the others next time?" said Strong Sad. "Will you get their permission to mess with their minds?"
Homeschool gave him a confused look. "Permission? That would ruin the whole experiment!"
"I need to think about this," said Strong Sad, standing up reluctantly. "I'm going h—back."
Homeschool sighed. "I'm sorry about this, Strong Sad. But you can't go back knowing what you know. You'll need to stay here if you want to think about it." He pressed a button on his desk and spoke into the intercom. "Homestar?"
"What?" growled AntiHomestar. "I'm busy."
"I need you to detain someone for me while he makes up his mind," said Homeschool. "Now."
For a couple of seconds, there was no sound but AntiHomestar's heavy breathing.
Then he groaned angrily. "Fine."
Strong Sad sat back down. AntiHomestar was in much better shape than he was, so there was no point in running. Running would just bring pain.
A portal opened and AntiHomestar came into the room. He looked from Homeschool to Strong Sad and back to Homeschool. Strong Sad couldn't take his eyes off him.
"Take him to your dungeon, but don't toture—" AntiHomestar moved quickly. Homeschool made a sort of gurgling noise, then stared down at the knife in his chest.
"Do you know how long it took me to get that set up?!" snapped AntiHomestar, kicking Homeschool off his chair.
Strong Sad ran to Homeschool and checked his pulse. Being stabbed in the heart was generally fatal, he knew. And AntiHomestar had probably stabbed a lot of people in the past, so it was pretty unlikely that he'd missed his heart. Even as he held his wrist, Homeschool's pulse slowed. Strong Sad tried to remember what he should do in this kind of situation. The knife in his chest was slowing the blood loss, he knew that. So he probably shouldn't take it out. Or was having it in there doing even more damage?
"Don't bother trying to save him," said AntiHomestar.
Strong Sad stayed here he was. "Why?"
"Nobody gives me orders," snapped AntiHomestar. "If I'd known the old man'd let his guard down around you, I would've brought you here months ago."
"He's twenty-two," said Strong Sad.
"What?"
"He's not old. He's the same age as you." As Strong Sad spoke, he realised that he could no longer feel Homeschool's pulse. He let go of his hand.
"Hmph. Whatever." AntiHomestar reached over, pulled his knife out, and wiped it on Homeschool's shirt. Then he started searching through the drawers. Strong Sad was wondering if should leave or something, when AntiHomestar handed him a bicycle bell and said "Here. Use it."
"What it is?" said Strong Sad, inspecting it. It looked like an ordinary bell, but it was hard to tell these days.
"Ring it and find out," said AntiHomestar, watching him closely.
"I'm not su—"
"Ring it!"
Strong Sad concluded that whatever the bell did probably wouldn't be worse than what AntiHomestar would do to him if he refused. He rang it, and suddenly he felt as though he was on fire.
"Ow!" said Strong Sad, but the pain only lasted half a second. He brought up a hand to cradle his head, then stared at it. It was grey, like all the pigment had leaked out. And he was missing a finger. He looked down to confirm what he already knew. An impossibly round light grey body, and dark grey soolnds... he was himself again.
His first, calm, thought was that his toenails needed trimming. Then he saw the blood. "Ugh!"
Strong Sad backed up against the wall, trying to put as much distance between himself and Homeschool's corpse as he could.
"Lightweight," muttered AntiHomestar, snatching the bell from Strong Sad. He rang it, and became an armless whitey again. "Hmm..."
Strong Sad stared at him, trying to think of something to say that would keep his mind off the blood. "I thought you liked being human!"
AntiHomestar snorted. "Liked? I was starting to feel like I was sorry for that pile of trash over there. Being human is nothing but trouble." He got up in Strong Sad's face. "You and I are going to take a walk, and you're going to turn all your little friends back to normal. Especially that lovesick idiot."
"Oh, okay, but won't people see—"
"Let them," interrupted AntiHomestar. "Think of it as adding some excitement to their meaningless lives."
Strong Sad still wanted to get away from Homeschool's body, so he nodded. He picked Homeschool's journal off the desk as they left the room.
It was an embarrassing walk back to the apartment. Practically everybody in the streets stopped what they were doing and stared, and Strong Sad was sure that he heard his name called out a few times. He was glad when he got inside, away from the stares. He hated being stared at. That was one thing that hadn't changed when he'd become a human.
He burst through the door of the apartment. "You guys! Hey, you guys!"
Marzipan looked up first. "Strong Sad? What happened to you?"
"I think maybe that's Strong Glad..." said Homestar, staring at Strong Sad.
"No! I'm just real—" said Strong Sad, then felt AntiHomestar poke him in the back with his knife. He tried to gather his thoughts. "Homeschool Winner is dead!"
"What?" said Coach Z.
Strong Sad took a deep breath. He realised that he'd been avoiding confrontation, but now it was probably time to explain what had been going on.
Explaining took a while. Coach Z and Homestar seemed willing to believe him, but Marzipan and Strong Bad refused to listen until Strong Sad decided to show them Homeschool's journal. But finally everyone was up to speed.
"And this bell is the antidote," Strong Sad finished, holding it out.
Homestar took the bell and stared at it. Strong Bad grabbed Homestar's shoulder.
"You're not actually gonna use that thing, are you?" he said nervously.
Homestar turned and looked at him. "Strong Bad, do you love me?"
"Of course I freakin' love you! Haven't I proven it enough times yet?"
"I just kinda feel like you only love what Homeschool made me into," said Homestar.
"That's not true!" protested Strong Bad. "You're considerate, kind, honest... Everything I'm not. You're a better person than I'll ever be."
"But I've only been that stuff since I came here," said Homestar, furrowing his brow in an effort to remember. "'Cept honest, I guess."
"I just don't want to lose you again!" Strong Bad burst out. "I'm freaking selfish, okay?! Does that make you happy?"
"Uh, not really," said Homestar. He leaned over and kissed Strong Bad on the mouth. "Sorry, Strong Bad. I... I guess I just don't want to live a lie."
He hesitated for a second, then rang the bell.
"No..." Strong Bad whispered.
Homestar blinked. "Ow..." he said. "That felt really weird." He looked around. "Hey Strong Bad, why are you crying?"
"I'm not freaking crying!" yelled Strong Bad, wiping his face.
"Oh," said Homestar. "It kinda looked like you were crying. 'Cause your face was all wet and stuff. So... who wants a turn with the maaaagic bike... thingy?"
"Give it here, Hamstray," said Coach Z.
"Homestar," said Homestar flatly, giving him the bell.
"Im gonna miss being your mentor again," said Coach Z. "But you're right. We can't live a lie."
"We can't what?" said Homestar, as Coach Z rang the bell.
"Oh jeez," said Coach Z, rubbing his back. "Can I go back to living a lie now?"
Homestar chuckled. "Oh, Coach. You're so funny."
Coach Z handed the bell to Marzipan, who rang it without hesitation.
Homestar sidled over to her. "So... Are we a couple again?" he said, looking over at Strong Bad.
"You'll have to take me out on a few classy dates first, buster," said Marzipan.
"Oh..." said Homestar. "Well, at least I still have Strong Bad!"
"No you don't," said Strong Bad. He stood up. "I'm not changing back."
"Uh... At least I still have Strong-Bad-with-emotional-problems!"
"It's problems!" yelled Strong Bad. "Problems with an r! Why are you so stupid?"
Homestar glared at him. "Well, mister, you just earned yourself a one-way ticket to breaking-up-with-me!"
Strong Bad looked conflicted for a few seconds, then said, "Like I care. I'm going back to AntiHomestar."
"Don't count on it," said AntiHomestar, from the doorway.
Strong Bad turned around and stared at him. "You too? Crap!"
Strong Sad folded his arms. "So I guess you're coming home with us."
"You guessed wrong," said Strong Bad. He gulped. "There... There's plenty more fish in the sea."
"Strong Bad, you can't stay here," said Strong Sad. "You don't even officially exist!"
"Don't you get it? I don't care!" said Strong Bad. "I'll find a real boyfriend— a human boyfriend! Then maybe I'll finally be a normal person."
"I don't think it's very healthy to define yourself in terms of who you're dating, Strong Bad," said Marzipan.
"Stop calling me that!"
"You're Strong Bad whether you like it or not!" said Strong Sad. "You can't run away from who you are."
"What are you, a Disney movie?" said Strong Bad. "Strong Bad was a cartoon character, and I'm real."
Strong Sad swallowed. Then he stamped on Strong Bad's foot, hard.
"Ow! What did you do that for?"
"How could that have hurt if I wasn't real?" said Strong Sad.
"How would I know?" demanded Strong Bad. "Why do you care so much, anyway? I made your life a misery, just like I did with everyone else's."
"Because I'd rather have an abusive brother than a dead brother!" said Strong Sad. "Look, if you stay a human, you'll die. Homeschool's transformation puts a lot of stress on the body."
"You're making that up," said Strong Bad.
"It's true!" said Strong Sad. "When you got your glasses and lost your diamond, you weren't becoming more human. You were falling apart!" He walked over to the place where he'd slept the night before and picked some hair off the ground. "I was losing my hair, and... I think The Cheat was going deaf."
Strong Bad touched the spot on his head where his diamond had been. "You're full of—"
AntiHomestar interrupted. "Not that this isn't compelling viewing, but I'm in a hurry. Strong Bad. You were happy and now you hate yourself. Ring the stupid bell before I ring it for you."
"Yeah, you should," said Homestar. "I miss the old Strong Bad. Oh, sorry, I mean the old, um, the old Audrey."
Alex, who hadn't said anything since Strong Sad had returned, spoke up. "I can't accommodate you guys forever, you know. I have about..." She reached into her pockets. "Thirty dollars left?"
Strong Bad took the bell. "Okay! I'll do it. I just... I don't wanna die. I swear I'm changing right back afterwards." He looked at Alex. "And then I'll get out of your hair."
He rang the bell.
| 100 Fanfics |
|---|
Beginnings | Ends | Outsides | Days | Years | Blue | White | Friends | Enemies | Death | Sunrise | Taste (PG-13) | Shapes | Star | Air | Breakfast | Lunch | Spring | Passing | Rain | Broken | He | Choices | School | Home | Christmas | Writer's Choice 1 |
