Other Character Email Pan Pan/Pans

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Summary

Pan Pan is asked an odd question. Pan Pan tries to answer it the best he can.

Cast (in order of appearance): Pan Pan, Stinkoman, Cheatball, Punk Greggoes, Jaro, 1-Up (Easter Egg/Voice)

Page Title: OptiPilot XZ

Words: 1,084

Transcript

{Cut to a view of the city in the morning. Slowly zoom to Stinkoman HQ. Cool and slow music plays. Cut to Pan Pan in his room, holding a towel.}

PAN PAN: (Why would 1-Up want to sleep in the toilet is a mystery...)

{Pan Pan looks at the table with the OptiPilot XZ.}

PAN PAN: (Hmm... maybe I can check my email to keep my mind off the thought of what just happened in the bathroom...)

{Pan Pan picks up the OptiPilot, which lets out a "bling" as it turns on.}

OPTIPILOT: {robotic voice} Password?

PAN PAN: (I had a password?!?)

OPTIPILOT: {robotic voice} "Baddalang" is correct. Accessing email account.

PAN PAN: (...Okay...)

OPTIPILOT: {robotic voice} You have three emails.

{A holographic screen with the email shoots from the OptiPilot. Cut to the email, which Pan Pan reads. He reads "ApocalypX" as "Apoca-elipses" (translated from "Baddalang-lang").}

{What Pan Pan says is translated into English text on the holographic screen.}

PAN PAN: (Like pans? What the crap is that supposed to mean? Are you asking if I like frying pans? Well, they're fine for cooking, but I'm no cooker.)

{Cut to Pan Pan, wearing a chef's hat, cooking pancakes topped with prawns with a frying pan.}

STINKOMAN: {off-screen} Hey Pan Pan! Hurry up with the pancakes! I'm craving for prawns with bread-like stuff!

PAN PAN: (Wait! Let me try to flip these pancakes!)

{Pan Pan lifts the frying pan and tries to flip the prawn pancakes. However, he ends up throwing the pan (with the prawn pancakes) backwards. A metallic smack and a sizzle are heard offscreen as Pan Pan winces.}

STINKOMAN: {off-screen} AAAH!!! THE REALLY HOT METALLIC PAN JUST HIT ME IN THE EYES!!!

{Cut back to Pan Pan with the OptiPilot.}

PAN PAN: (So to avoid being evicted from the house, I said a stray Chorch came and threw the pan. After all, those pests are still in the house for some reason. Anyway, as a result of the little misaiming, Stinkoman went blind for some time.)

{Cut to Stinkoman with bandaged eyes and a white cane, standing by a tree with Cheatball, who is on a leash.}

STINKOMAN: Okay... Cheatball, as a guide Cheatball, it's your job to make sure I don't trip, or anything like that.

CHEATBALL: {monotone} Cheatball...

STINKOMAN: Hey! Don't give me that sass! You're my slave, I mean, guide Cheatball, so obey me!!!

{Cheatball yawns before disappearing in a cloud of green gas.}

STINKOMAN: Aww, come on! I don't want to use this wimpy stick by myself! Look!

{Stinkoman digs the white cane into the ground and attempts to walk with it. He instead falls and breaks the white cane in half. Stinkoman gets up as two punk Greggoes walk onscreen.}

PUNK GREGGO #1: Lookie here! A blind man who can't go anywhere!

PUNK GREGGO #2: Duh... he's as helpless as that one baby we once kicked into a...

PUNK GREGGO #1: {abruptly} Shut up. Anyway, let's kick him!

{The two punk Greggoes go and kick Stinkoman.}

STINKOMAN: Wah! Are you mystery kickers asking for a challenge? Well, take THIS!!!

{Stinkoman sends out a fury of punches away from the two punk Greggoes, who continue kicking Stinkoman.}

PUNK GREGGO #2: Duh... this is as fun as kicking that one old lady in front of the...

{Cut to Pan Pan with the OptiPilot.}

PAN PAN: (Of course, I might have misinterpreted your little message. You can't just expect me to answer a question that only has two words that don't even make up a sentence! If it is part of a larger question, I assume that "like pans" might be part of a simile. In that case, I think you wanted to ask...)

{Cut to a black screen with the words Pan Pan reads out loud (translated).}

PAN PAN: (Is 1-Up really stupid like pans?)

{Cut back to Pan Pan with the OptiPilot.}

PAN PAN: (If that's so, then you have insulted all of the frying pans worldwide. 1-Up is that dumb. Another type of simile you could've been asking may have been...)

{Cut to a black screen with the words Pan Pan reads out loud (translated). A Jaro jumps onscreen.}

PAN PAN: (Are Jaroes gray like pans?)

{Cut back to Pan Pan with the OptiPilot.}

PAN PAN: (If that's so, then of course they are!) {pause} (But seriously, I can't really know for sure if you just ask me a question like "like pans?" I mean, I might think you asked that question based on my name. If that's so, then do you go and ask Stinkoman, "Like stink?" I guess that would be applicable when Stinkoman was blind temporarily.)

{Cut to Stinkoman (eyes bandaged) walking down a field slowly, hands out in front of him.}

STINKOMAN: Erg... where's the bathroom? I could've sworn it's right across the hallway from the video game room...

{Zoom out to reveal Stinkoman's walking towards the City Dump, which is below the cliff Stinkoman is walking to. Soon, Stinkoman walks off the cliff.}

STINKOMAN: {screaming} AAAH!!! This must be the elevator shaft! WHO KIDNAPPED THE ELEVATOR DOOR?!?

{Cut to Stinkoman falling into a large pile of garbage.}

STINKOMAN: {muffled} Ugh! Now I know which of my senses was enhanced at the expense of my vision! {pause} Those garbage robots have been slacking off...

{Cut back to Pan Pan with the OptiPilot.}

PAN PAN: (It didn't help that he never came in contact with water until he regained his vision. Anyway, continuing on my point, do you also go and ask Cheatball, "Like cheat?" Of course he does! He cheats on his girlfriends on a daily basis.)

{Cut to the Cheatball in a room with a list of names (labeled Round 157) and a pen. He crosses out the name "Betty", which is below 20 other crossed out names and above 29 other names.}

CHEATBALL: Cheat-cheat-cheatball!

{Cheatball floats offscreen. Cut back to Pan Pan with the OptiPilot.}

PAN PAN: (Well, that's all I can do to answer your two-worded question. So don't be disappointed at my answer, or answers. And another thing...)

1-UP: {off-screen} Hey Pan Pan! Jump into the toilet with me! The water's great!

PAN PAN: (On second thought, it turns out that I do like pans. Excuse me. I'll be going to the kitchen before going to the bathroom.)

{Pan Pan bounces off-screen. The OptiPilot shoots out a holographic screen, which says the following.}

Click here to email Pan Pan at flyingpanda529@cocomail.com

Easter Eggs

You will need to look for the Easter Eggs yourself in the Transcript. If you've found all two Easter Eggs, you are allowed to click on the [edit] button. If not, it's advised that you attempt to find the Easter Eggs. If you truly can't find all two, click on the [edit] button.


Fun Facts


Other Character Email Pan Pan

Diet | Pans | Friendship | Amusement Park | Time Travel | Tai Chi | Keyboard | Technology | Pom Pom | Aliens | Movies

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