Sounds E-mailesque!/The Black Market Caper
From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki
After being threatened by both The Chief and Mr. Pagliogaglio Larry, Dangeresque must face his worst fear and shut down the black market.
Cast (in order of appearance): Dangeresque, The Chief, Renaldo (mentioned), Dangeresque Too, The Informant (mentioned), The Jibblies Painting
Places: The Smoky Office, Dang-car-esque, The Black Market
Computer: The Uzi-Computa
Date: April 25, 2010
Page Title: Mr. Uzi-Computa Larry will be very pleased...nuts!
Transcript
DANGERESQUE: Uzi-Computa...I am your father!
Subj: Black MarketDear Dageresque
Hey Dangeresque! I was wondering. Do you shop frequently on the black market? If so what do you buy and who runs it.
Chores
Mr. Pagliogaglio Larry
{Reads "Dageresque" as "Dagger Esque", "who runs it." as "and who runs there should be a question mark here", and "Chores" as "What the crap?"}
DANGERESQUE: {surprised} Oh, it's you, Don Larry! Yes, I paid my protection money, sir! No, I would never make fun of your handsome girth, sir! Yes, I will answer your question, sir! {clears screen} Yeah, we got a black market. I go there all the time! It's where I buy some of my coolest gadgets, when I'm not stealing them or getting ripped off at Cool Weapons Surplus for them. I've stopped going kind of recently, though, because the new boss gives me the Jibblies. Quite literally, in fact. Still, it's quite awesome, and I br-
{Dangeresque is interrupted by the phone ringing. He picks it up, and muffled screaming can be heard coming from it.}
DANGERESQUE: Oh, it's The Chief! How are you, sir? {More screaming} Yes, I paid my protection money, sir! No, I would never make fun of your handsome girth, sir! {More screaming} What? Shut down the black market, but sir? {Even louder screaming} Yes, sir, right away sir. Good-bye, sir.
{He puts down the phone and goes back to the computer.}
DANGERESQUE: Unfortunately, The Chief has decided that the Black Market needs to be shut down since it stopped selling bootleg copies of video games. So I guess I'm gonna have to jump!
{He jumps out the window, accompanied by a musical sting. There is a loud thud.}
DANGERESQUE: Ooow! Looks like I'm gonna have to get Renaldo to put a mattress down here!
{Cut to a scene in Dang-car-esque at night. Dangeresque is driving, and Dangeresque Too is riding shotgun, holding a shotgun.}
DANGERESQUE TOO: I hope you know that I'm burning valuable vacation time by coming here instead of guarding the Cool, Cool Factory! Are you sure The Chief asked for both of us?
DANGERESQUE: Of course I'm sure! Have I ever lied to you?
DANGERESQUE TOO: Well, there was that one time in Tahini when you said I had gotten a sunburn all over my body, and then there was the time you said you would let me eat that meatball sammmy, and then there was the time when...
{The car drives out of sight and out of earshot. The scene changes to be in front of a large, sinister building surrounded by a barbed wire fence. Dangeresques One and Too walk up to it, while Dangeresque Too is still talking.}
DANGERESQUE TOO: -fangly fish, and then there was that time when you said the Informant was male, and then there was that time when you promised to say "one billion" instead of "a hundred thousand," and then there was-
DANGERESQUE: Okay, okay, okay. But besides Those three hundred thousand times, have I ever lied to you?
DANGERESQUE TOO: Um...no, I guess not.
DANGERESQUE: Good. Now, this barbed wire fence is a little too close for comfort. So it looks like I'm gonna have to jump!
{Dangeresque tries to jump over the fence, but crashes into it, landing on the ground in a heap, with barbs in several places. AS he lies there, moaning, Dangeresque Too opens the gate and walks through. The scene changes to be inside the building, which is covered in dust and cobwebs. Several items can be seen lying about, indistinguishable in the bad lighting. It is so dark that only the eyes (or rather, the glasses) of the characters can be seen.}
DANGERESQUE: Okay, now we need to shut this place down without alerting the guy who runs it, if possible. Just knock over some boxes, shoot some bullets, and leave.
DANGERESQUE TOO: Why? What's so scary about the Black Market guy? What is he, a demon or something?
{Suddenly, The Jibblies Painting jumps out from behind the Grape Nuts Robot.}
JIBBLIES PAINTING: Come on in heeeeere!
DANGERESQUE: Oh, no! {Looks at the Grape Nuts Robot} Wait, you had one of those for sale? {Looks back at the Painting} Oh, right. Looks like I'm gonna have to Jibblie!
{He collapses, having caught the Jibblies. As usual, he screams the word "Jibblie" over and over. Dangeresque Too steps forward.}
DANGERESQUE TOO: Hey, Roculum.
JIBBLIES PAINTING: Yo.
DANGERESQUE TOO: We're gonna have to shut you down! Now we'll give you a no-second head start if you come quietly.
JIBBLIES PAINTING: You'll never pin anything on me, coooopper!
DANGERESQUE TOO: Oh, yeah? {He sticks a pin saying "I'm Five!" onto the painting's frame} Well, how about now?
JIBBLIES PAINTING: Nooooooooooooo! {He disappears in a puff of orange smoke. Dangeresque gets back up.}
DANGERESQUE: Phew! Thanks for distracting him while I totally did all the work totally actually!
DANGERESQUE TOO: Pfft! Whatever! Now I need to get back to my job, and you're the only one who can drive that piece of crap you call a Getaway Car.
DANGERESQUE: Only if you tell The Chief that I did all the work and deserve a raise!
DANGERESQUE TOO: Fine, whatever.
DANGERESQUE: Awesome! {Turning to face the camera} So you see, Don Larry? The Black Market is a great place for all kinds of shady deals! So, until next time: looks like I'm gonna have to driiiive!
{A musical sting plays and Topsy comes down as Dangeresque and Dangeresque Too walk out.}
Easter Eggs
Click on the Grape Nuts robot to see a scene with Dangeresques One and Too driving into the sunset. After watching the scene for a while, they talk.
DANGERESQUE TOO: Um, Dangeresque? Can you actually see anything with all this sun in your eyes?
DANGERESQUE: Of course...not.
Explanations
- Dangeresque's opening line is a reference to Star Wars[1].
- Dangeresque references The Cool Glasses Caper and The Nunchuck Gun Caper.
- Also, the faint shadow of the Grenadine Gun can be seen in the screenshot.
- When Dangeresque Too says that Dangeresque promised to let him eat that meatball sandwich, he is referring to the events of Dangeresque 1: Dangeresque Too[2]?
