Sounds E-mailesque!/The Nunchuck Gun Caper

From Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Dangeresque explains why come that nunchuck is taped to his gun.

Cast (in order of appearance): Dangeresque, Topsy, Craig

Places: The Smoky Office, Cool Weapons Surplus

Computer: The Uzi-Computa

Date: Sunday, April 4, 2010

Page Title: Dangeresque cheaps out!

Transcript

{Dangeresque walks into his smoky office, shuts the door, and glares at The Uzi-Computa.} DANGERESQUE: So, The Uzi-Computa. We meet again! Did you think I wouldn't find you?

{The Uzi-Computa says nothing. Topsy comes down with a message.}

TOPSY: What are you doing, Dangeresque?

DANGERESQUE: April Fools, Topsy!

TOPSY: Yeah, that, that really wasn't funny.

DANGERESQUE: Oh, shut up. Er, go up. {Topsy does so. Dangeresque sits down at his Computa.} I guess I should see if I've actually gotten any E-mail.

{The Uzi-Computa pops up with a message saying "No new E-mails today, Masteresque!}

DANGERESQUE: Aw, man! And that's not even my name!

{The Uzi-Computa pops up a message saying, 'April Fools!' and then shows the E-mail:}

Dear stoopid
why come that nunchuck is taped to your gun?
Urs
Kyle

DANGERESQUE: {without even reading the E-mail} Okay, there has to be a limit on stupidity. And this is pretty well breakin' it. I'll just see about this! {types in "dontbeastupidschmuck.ordidi"}

Dear Dangeresque,
Why is that awesome nunchuck taped to your awesomer gun?
Yours,
stoopid

DANGERESQUE: Now THERE'S an E-mail worth my time and effort! {clears screen} Well, Stoopid, it all began many years ago. A new store opened up called "Cool Weapons Surplus." It was run by a guy named Craig Gruberman, who later became the villainous Craig who I chucked out an airlock that one time. {Slowly fades into a flashback, showing Craig running the Cool Weapons Surplus store} Oh, good times. Anyway, their number-one, most-expensive, front-of-the-store item was...

{Shows a bright red gun, shaped much like a rocket launcher, with several empty bottles of something behind it.}

DANGERESQUE:...the Grenadine Gun! Capable of shooting up to four bottles of that delightful red liquid at a time! Unfortunately, the cost of that little baby was... {cuts to a scene with Dangeresque talking to Craig inside Cool Weapons Surplus}

DANGERESQUE: FIVE DOLLARS?! You can't really expect me to pay that?!

CRAIG: {angry The Cheat noises}

DANGERESQUE: {voice-over} And all of my attempts at haggling failed.

{Dangeresque pulls out his car phone}

DANGERESQUE: All right, I don't want to have to bean you over the head with this, but I want that Grenadine Gun!

{Craig pulls out the Grenadine Gun and shoots Dangeresque with it four times. Shows Dangeresque lying down, covered in grenadine. He licks some of it off his face.}

DANGERESQUE: Oh, yeah. That is some painfully good stuff. {cut back the to Uzi-Computa} It was obvious that my attempts at """""haggling""""" were going to fail. So, it seemed like I was going to have to get something a little less quality. Their second-best-quality item was...the Crock-pot Launcher! {shows a picture of the Crock Pot Launcher as Dangeresque keeps talking} Regrettably, this was also too expensive. I ended up looking in what Craig calls "the back room."

{cuts to a scene in Cool Weapons Surplus, where Dangeresque is searching through a pile of cardboard boxes labeled "worthless crap only Dangeresque would buy."}

DANGERESQUE: Ugh!

CRAIG: {questioning The Cheat noises}

DANGERESQUE: I can't even find anything in HERE that I can afford!

CRAIG: {the Cheat noises sounding a little like "ta-da!"}

{Craig holds up the nunchuck gun. Dangeresque stands up and looks at it.}

DANGERESQUE: Um...that looks like a worthless piece of crap.

{Craig shows him the price tag, which reads "supra-cheap!"}

DANGERESQUE: Sweet Simone! {grabs the nunchuck gun} This might just be the most glorious piece of weaponry I have EVER seen. I'll take it! And I'll even have enough money left over for a Reesy Cup milkshake!

{Dangeresque buys the gun and the shake, then walks out to the cool car. His car phone rings.}

DANGERESQUE: Brring... brring... Oh, my car phone. {he picks up his car phone} You got Dangeresque. Who this is?

{cuts back to the computer}

DANGERESQUE: Well, Stewie Pidd, I hope that answers your question. Why is there a nunchuck taped to my gun? Because it's cheaper than buying Grenadine. {Topsy comes down}

Easter Eggs

During the scene in the "back room", click on the highest box to see an ad for another weapon. It reads:

THE UZI-BAZOOKA!
Part illegal weapon, part legal weapon, all weapon!
NOT COPYRIGHTED!
(Feel free to use this name for evil robots of your own!)

Fun Facts

• Grenadine[1] is a red syrup used in drinks, especially cocktails.
• The Grenadine Gun is probably a reference to the grenade launcher[2], which is commonly called the "grenade gun."
• Likewise, the Crock Pot Launcher is probably a reference to a rocket launcher.[3]
• The scene in Dangeresque's car comes from Dangeresque 1: Dangeresque, Too?[4] In this film, he says that he "had to swing by Cool Weapons Surplus to buy a new nunchuck gun. And a Reesy Cup Milkshake."